Work Text:
Ena threw her phone.
It hit the wall with a sharp crack before bouncing onto the floor, the screen flashing once before going dark.
Her chest was rising and falling too quickly, her hands shaking with an anger that had long stopped feeling like anger and moreso started feeling like something much uglier.
She stared at the phone for a moment, then turned away from it with a frustrated noise and looked back toward her desk.
"I have to draw…" The words came out strained—desperate, even—and the sound of her own voice seemed to make the insides her chest twist tighter.
She looked at the tablet sitting on her desk, at the half-finished drawing she'd been staring at for far too long, at the paints lined up beside it and the brushes she'd spent so much time and money taking care of.
Her eyes moved over the sketchbooks stacked nearby, their pages filled with things she'd poured herself into over countless hours.
"But—there's no point in me drawing either. Because no one looks forward to seeing my art."
She hated how true they felt when she said them aloud. Saying it out loud… that basically made it real, huh?
What's the point…
There was a horrible emptiness in her chest—she'd finally admitted something she'd been trying desperately not to think. Her shoulders trembled as she stared at the mess on her desk, and for a moment she wondered why she'd even bothered trying so hard in the first place.
It was all worthless, after all.
"Then... I'll just never draw again."
Her hand swept across the desk.
Her tablet struck the floor with a heavy thud, and the sound seemed to snap whatever restraint she had left.
Ena grabbed the paints next, shoving them off the desk one after another.
Bottles rolled beneath her bed. Brushes scattered across the carpet. A container of pencils tipped over, sending them skittering in every direction. One of her sketchbooks landed open on the floor, a half-finished illustration staring back at her from the page, and the sight only made her angrier.
"These paints, this tablet... I don't need any of them!" she shouted, grabbing another sketchbook and throwing it across the room. It hit the wall and fell onto the carpet beside the others.
She grabbed another one before she could think better of it and threw that one too. "I don't need any of this!!"
She didn't care where anything landed. She just wanted the room to stop looking like hers.
If she wasn't going to draw anymore, then what was the point of having any of it?
Another crash. Then another.
She didn't hear the footsteps. She only noticed when the door opened—and even then, she barely turned around.
"Hey, you've been really loud for a while now. What are you even doing—" Akito's voice cut off abruptly.
Ena froze. She could feel him staring.
What right did he have to stare at her when she was at her weakest, most vulnerable state? It made her blood boil. The thought of Akito, looking down at her.
"...What's up with your room?" he asked after a moment, sounding concerned (it disgusted her).
He stepped farther inside, his eyes moving over the scattered supplies and overturned containers. "It's a total mess." (he was looking down on her.)
"Shut up." Ena didn't turn around as she bent to pick up one of the fallen paintbrushes, only to throw it back onto the floor. "Leave me alone… I'm throwing all this trash out later anyways."
Akito took another step into the room. "You don't have to be so loud if you're just—"
He stopped again, and Ena knew exactly what he'd noticed from the way his voice changed. "Wait, aren't these your art supplies? You're throwing them away? Are you really okay with this?" Akito asked, glancing down at the tablet on the floor before looking back at her. "Aren't these important to you?"
"...This has nothing to do with you, Akito." Ena's voice was low, but the warning underneath it was obvious.
"You're not gonna regret it?"
Ena's hands curled into fists. "Shut up."
Akito hesitated, but he didn't leave. "If this is about what Dad—"
"SHUT UP!" Ena spun around so quickly that the room seemed to tilt. Her face was wet, though she hadn't even realized she'd started crying. "Didn't I just say that this has nothing to do with you?!"
Akito barely had time to react.
Her hand moved before she could stop it, nails hitting and scratching against his cheek.
Akito stumbled backward with a startled noise, one hand immediately flying up to his face. For a second he just stood there, blinking as his brain hadn't quite caught up with what had happened. Then he slowly pulled his fingers away.
There was blood on them.
Ena stared at the fresh scratch on her brother's face. The droplet on blood slowly dripping down his cheek.
For one horrible moment, everything went completely quiet. She could see the thin red lines across Akito's cheek, could see the way he was staring at the blood on his fingertips, and the anger she'd been drowning in suddenly felt very far away.
But shame and fear were immediately swallowed by another surge of panic.
"Get out!" she shouted, walking toward the door. "Stop worrying about me!"
"Wait, Ena—!" Akito reached toward her, but she was already grabbing the doorknob.
She slammed the door in his face.
"Just leave me alone!" she shouted, pressing both hands against the door.
"Stop saying shit like 'it's important' and 'you're gonna regret it'! I don't wanna hear any of that crap!"
Nothing came from the other side.
Ena's breathing was so loud that she could barely hear anything else. She kept her palms against the door—waiting for Akito to argue with her, waiting for him to try to talk her out of it, waiting for him to do exactly what she had expected him to do. He didn't.
"Just leave me alone...!" she whispered, and the anger finally collapsed out from underneath her.
Her knees gave out.
Ena slid down the door until she was sitting on the floor, her back still pressed against it. She pulled her knees up against her chest and buried her face in them, breathing hard as the adrenaline slowly drained away.
Her whole body felt exhausted now, as if she'd somehow managed to burn through every bit of energy she had in the span of a few minutes.
The room was silent. Except it wasn't completely silent.
The walls in this house weren't particularly thick. She could still hear things happening outside, only muffled enough that she could hear when she listened carefully.
At first there was nothing but the sound of something in front her room. Akito, presumably.
Then more footsteps came up the stairs, and a moment later she heard a startled little shriek.
"Akito!" Minori exclaimed. "Your cheek is bleeding—!!"
Ena's head lifted slightly.
"Damn, I didn't notice," Akito replied dryly.
She could picture him standing there with that stupid expression he made whenever he was trying to convince someone that something wasn't a big deal. She could picture Minori staring at the cut with wide eyes, freaking out.
Then came the sound of a door opening—the room beside hers.
"What happened?" Nene asked.
There was silence.
Ena stared at the floor.
She couldn't quite make out what Akito or Minori said—heck, maybe they didn't even say anything—but after a moment Nene made a quiet, understanding sound.
"I'll go get my first aid kit!" Minori announced, apparently deciding that was the most important thing to do.
"Oi, 'm not wearing your cutesy banda—" Akito started, but Minori's footsteps were already hurrying away down the hallway.
The door to the room across from hers opened and shut.
Ena picked at one of her fingernails absentmindedly. Her eyes remained fixed on the scattered mess around her, but her attention was completely outside the room now. She listened to the muffled voices through the wall, trying to make out what they were saying.
Then she heard Akito hiss. Hissed in pain, her brain unhelpfully supplied.
"...You okay?" Nene asked.
"Yeah." Akito sounded annoyed more than anything else. "Doesn't really bother me, it happens every time with her. But... anytime she does that, feels like we gotta check."
"Mm… sorry I didn't go and check. You ran upstairs, right?"
"Oi, not your fault,"
There was another pause.
The door across her room opened again
"Got them!" Minori announced. "Come here, Akito."
"I don't wanna—"
"You need to clean the wound!"
"I can do it myself, I literally can."
"Akito!!"
"I'm fine!"
"Hmph— Nene, help me out here...!"
"Got it."
"OI—!"
Eventually, the voices became too muffled for her to make out properly.
…
She couldn't stand staying in here though. Surrounded by her failure and the fruits of her frustration, it was getting more unbearable the more she thought about it. She needed to be somewhere completely alone. Somewhere where she didn't need to think anymore.
Ena stood up shakily, grabbing her phone and scrolling to a certain song. Composing the Future.
Ena appeared back inside her room. Her still very much messy and absolutely trashed room. She didn't have the motivation to pick up after herself yet, though.
She looked at her hands again.
...My nails are too long.
She found the nail clippers and sat down on the edge of her bed, trimming them down as far as she physically could. She clipped one, then another, then went back over them when she decided they weren't short enough.
By the time she was finished, the tips of her fingers felt a little raw.
Ena ran her thumb over one of them and winced. "Good," she muttered bitterly. At least she couldn't scratch anyone again.
She stared at her hands for another moment, then slowly looked around her room. Still didn't have the energy to deal with any of it.
Instead, she stood and walked toward the door. Her hand hovered over the doorknob for a few seconds before she finally reached for it.
When she opened the door, the hallway was empty. Ena looked to the left, then to the right.
Nobody.
She was about to close the door again when something caught her eye. A small box was sitting right infront of her door. She crouched down and picked it up.
Inside was a single slice of cheesecake.
Her favorite.
Ena stared at it for a few seconds, her expression slowly softening despite herself. There was a sticky note hastily slapped onto the topside of the box, and she carefully pulled it off to read properly.
She recognized the handwriting immediately.
sorry for going in without asking earlier. minoris gonna be out until later and im gonna be out until past midnight, but if you need any of us, nenes in her room and you can call us or momoi-san
–akito
Her eyes lingered on the last line.
If you need any of us.
Her gaze dropped to her fingertips. They were still a little red around the edges from trimming her nails so aggressively, and for some reason that made her think of the blood she'd seen on Akito's fingers earlier.
He hadn't blamed her. He'd even actually told Nene that it was partly his fault for coming in without asking.
Even after she'd screamed at him.
Even after she'd hurt him.
Even after she'd told him to leave her alone.
He'd still left her something as an apology. What did he even need to apologize for?
"Idiot…" she whispered.
She carried it into her room, carefully closing the door behind.
I'm definitely going to do something for them later…
That was something for tomorrow-morning-Ena to think about though.