Work Text:
Grace was gone.
It was inevitable, after all death comes for all things living. Life and death were just two sides of the same coin. Despite everything the Eridian’s had done to extend Grace’s life, they weren’t capable of making him immortal. With the long lifespan the Eridians had and all their knowledge and medical advancements, even immortality was beyond their reach.
Even stars experience death.
And yet, Simon knew deep down that it would not find him. At least, not again. AT-5 had changed him in unimaginable ways. As Grace had slowly aged with graying hair and wrinkles throughout the years on Erid, Simon looked like he had aged no more than a few years. The Eridian’s couldn’t claim it was because of their assistance. After all, if it had been due to their help then surely Grace would have had similar results.
But that was not the case.
Any tests that had been done to figure out Simon’s lack of aging came back with inconclusive results. The only hypotheses that they had were something to do with how Simon was transported from one universe to another or a result of his mutations. Though he never said it, Simon believed it had to do with his encounter with the mysterious eye entity on the blood moon. After all, that entity was a God that supposedly was responsible for the Quiet Rapture.
Simon leaned his forehead against his knees and pulled Grace’s cardigan against his shoulders. He blinked away a few tears that threatened to fall before closing his eyes. The sound of the waves lapping at the shore was soothing.
If he strained his ears enough, he could still hear the thrum of mourning from the Eridian’s. Even as faint as it was by the water’s edge, Simon swore he could still make out Rocky in particular. Perhaps that wasn’t so surprising considering Rocky was the one leading the thrum since he had known Grace the longest.
A day before the thrum was set to start, Adrian had explained the Eridian custom to him. The one that was closest to the deceased the longest would begin the thrum. Typically, that would be their mate, but there were times when that duty fell to a family member or close friend. Grace’s passing was one of those times as due to the demands of the thrum, Simon would be unable to meet its demands.
It was frustrating.
Rocky had even stated that he wouldn’t let the thrum happen without Simon’s blessing as Grace’s mate. The pain in Rocky’s trill of words was obvious and that alone held so much meaning. Especially considering he knew just how much the mourning thrum meant after Adrian’s explanation.
There had been no hesitation in his blessing to Rocky. How could he say no to something that would honor the memory of Grace? Especially with how welcoming the Eridian’s, Rocky and Adrian excluded, had been to offer up space on their planet for them to live. With his blessing, Rocky had promised him that he would ensure to make his thrum loud enough for the both of them.
Rocky was certainly holding up his promise.
Taking a deep breath, Simon raised his head from his knees, tilting his head back slightly as he opened his eyes. The ceiling of the bio-dome slowly shifted from mimicking a sunset to the night sky, showing the stars that surrounded Erid.
The same stars that Grace helped save.
The same stars that they would gaze at together.
The same stars that Grace would never look at again.
Simon tore his gaze away from the night sky, focusing his gaze on the waves hitting the shore. For the time, the stars brought a strange sense of discomfort. Standing up, Simon started to make his way back to the home he once shared with Grace.
Even with how cozy the house had been throughout their time on Erid, any warmth that it held had vanished with Grace’s passing. There had already been a few nights Simon had wandered into the greenhouse to sleep. It certainly wasn’t one of his best decisions, but it had allowed him to at least get a few hours of sleep. Adrian had given him an earful when they had discovered that.
Upon reaching the house, his hand lingered on the door handle. Every cell in his body screaming at him to turn around. It would be so easy to just turn around and head to the greenhouse. Just at that thought, he could already hear Adrian’s disappointed tone. Taking a few deep breaths, Simon pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing the door behind him.
The silence was practically deafening, ringing faintly in his ears. The walls of the house blocked out the sound of the thrum. At least when he was in the greenhouse he could still hear the thrum.
Everything still looked the same, but at the same time the colors seemed duller. A pit of emptiness weighing down his heart. The last he had felt like this was when his mother had passed away, leaving him in Eden at the mercy of Father. There had been no funeral. Her death had been praised as her body was buried beneath the last tree. Mourning her was something he had to do in private. Grieving publicly was a sin and a disgrace to the final act of service to the last tree according to what Father had preached.
Taking another deep breath, he shook that thought from his head and stepped further into the home. He was thankful that the Eridians mourned so publicly. It was comforting to know he didn’t have to hide his tears for Grace. That it was okay for him to grieve the loss of the man that he loved.
Simon paused as he noticed the laptop he and Grace had shared set up on the coffee table in front of the couch. The only Eridian that would dare to enter the house right now would be Adrian. Which was confirmed by the note that was placed on the keyboard on the laptop. He was thankful for how blunt Adrian was when leaving notes. It was also making a bit more sense as to why Adrian was so insistent that he come back to the house.
Whatever it was that Adrian wanted him to watch had already been queued up. The title of the video was rather simple, Dear Simon, and it gave nothing away for what it may contain. All the note from Adrian said was to press play. Taking a seat on the couch, Simon did just that, clicking on the mousepad to start the video.
“It’s been a while since I did this, but I think it should be recording now… Oh! Yup, the red light’s on.” Simon sucked in a shaky breath as Grace’s muttered voice drifted from the video. The image was blurry at first before it focused into clarity as Grace entered the frame of the video. He shuffled on screen for a moment before sitting down and looking directly at the camera, a soft smile on his lips and a sadness behind his eyes.
“Dear Simon,”
Simon clicked the mousepad, pausing the video before Grace could continue speaking. From his appearance this was something that Grace had clearly filmed years ago. The glasses on his face were the ones Rocky had made out of xenonite after his original glasses had been broken accidentally. His hair was a faded blond mixed with varying streaks of white. There were the beginnings of a couple of wrinkles near his eyes and the corners of his mouth. Even as Grace aged, he still remained beautiful to Simon.
Pressing play on the video, Grace continued to speak.
“If you’re watching this, then that means I’ve passed away. Adrian is the only one that knows I’m doing this. Rocky would just yell and say that he won’t let me die before his life span is up. You’d probably say this isn’t necessary, but it is because I say so and because I love you. You have lost so much in your past, that’s one of the reasons I’ve done so much and will try to do so much for you before I’m gone.”
Grace shifted in his seat, pausing for a moment and adjusting his glasses.
“I know Rocky is still working with a couple scientists to see if there is anything more they can do to extend my life span any further than they probably already have, but I don’t think they’ll manage that. And don’t blame yourself for me dying just because your mutations don’t contain a cure for death. Adrian will be there to support him and I know I probably don’t have to ask this of you, but please look after them both, especially Rocky. I know they’ll both look after you as well.”
“I’m not sure when I am going to die, hopefully not for a long while, but I wanted to make this video for you as a kind of record, I guess, just something that will maybe, hopefully bring you some comfort. I love you Simon. Me dying was inevitable and not your fault just because some eye God on that blood moon decided to grant your wish to live by making you basically immortal. I still don’t really know if I believe in an afterlife, but if there is one you can be certain that I’m gonna give that eye God and the eel too an absolute earful on your behalf for everything that happened on AT-5! Oh and that Father of Eden as well for what he put you and your mom through!”
That earned a small chuckle from Simon. He could honestly picture it, Grace going all ‘staggering waste of carbon’ on Father, the eel and the eye God. When he had stumbled across the UNESCO conference video, Grace had been so embarrassed until Simon had called him hot for that response.
“Speaking of your mom, I’d tell her all about you. I’d like to think that she and I will get along really well from what you’ve told me about her. I bet she’ll have some cute baby Simon stories to tell me too.” Grace said softly as he fiddled with the zipper on his cardigan.
Simon hastily wiped away the tears from his eyes. If that eye God truly did curse him with immortality then he would never be able to see his mom or Grace again. Life was cruel to take away the two people he loved, but just the thought of them meeting each other in the afterlife was more than enough.
He had been convinced early on into knowing Grace that his mother would have loved him. There would hardly be any words that Simon would’ve used to convince her to give her blessing for their union. Simon was convinced the two of them would have talked science for hours. Grace would ask her a thousand questions about botany and listened intensely as she answered each and every one of his questions.
Grace lapsed into silence on screen for a few moments, as if he knew that Simon would need it. That had been something rather nice Simon had found as they grew older, sometimes Grace just knew what he needed and vice versa. There were times when they misinterpreted what the other needed, but those were few and far between thankfully.
“I’m sorry that I’m leaving you. I’m sorry that despite all the medical advancements that we’ve made with the Eridians, I’m still going to die. It’s weird, talking about myself in the past tense right now even though at this moment I’m still alive and hopefully will be for a while, but for you watching this I’m already dead. You can probably tell I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Honestly, I kinda debated about making this, I was just about to chicken out of making it, but then I saw you out the window resting by the tree and well here we are.”
“I honestly didn’t think I would ever find someone to love the way I love you or who would truly love me. You are so wonderful and I’m so lucky that I got to be in your life and you in mine. So, it’s okay, you can be sad that I’m gone, not that you need my permission to grieve for me, but don’t feel bad about being sad. And try not to feel guilty when you’re feeling happy about something no matter how soon it is from my passing. Maybe this is me being selfish, but I do hope that you can be happy without me, that you will still live your life.”
Grace stood up from his seat and made his way over to the camera. It was clear from the video that he picked up the camera, only his face now in view. His eyes were watery from holding back tears, a sad smile on his lips.
“I love you so very much Simon.”
The video stopped and the screen faded to black, a clear indicator that Grace had ended the recording. This time Simon let the tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away. He was glad that Grace had decided to record that video, if only just so that he could hear his voice. Adrian, as always, had been right to push him to return back to the house. For the first time since Grace passed away, the house seemed to regain a small portion of the warmth it had lost.