Chapter Text
Day One, August 25th, 2O13.
"I pledge alligance, to the flag, of the United States of America, and to the Republic, of which it stands-"
"Gah!"
Tony Stark sat straight up in bed, heart pounding out of his chest and his mind still repeating the pledge (damned middle school nightmares).
He slid his hand down his chest and over the cool metal of the arc reactor, comforted slightly by the blue light spilling between his fingers. He scooted around under the sheets and planned to burrow into them for at least-eh, about an hour or so before Bruce woke him up-but he was so rudely interupted by JARVIS, chiming in "Sir, Director Fury and the rest of the Avengers are requesting your presence on the first floor living room."
Voice muffled from him being underneath a pillow, he responded, "Director Fury? Is the world burning down?"
"Not that I can tell, sir. He says it's a surprise."
"What kind of a surprise? It's not my birthday," Tony grumbled, only curiosity and the tempting promise of coffee in the kitchen carrying him out of his room. Blearily rubbing at his sleep crusted eyes and combing through his hair with his fingers, he shuffled down a few flights of stairs and down into the spacious living room.
There, he saw possibly the strangest thing he'd ever witnessed in his tower (coming from a man who had seen the Cap completely hammered and also Nick Fury in a tutu and boa feathers): a small toddler.
"Why is there a child in my living room," Tony asked aloud, looking up at the ceiling in mock wonder. "A child, also known as a tiny terror on legs, a filthy carrier of disease, and also, a complete fucking disaster?"
Darcy, who actually looked kind of adorable in her shirt he was positive he'd seem Loki wear before and plaid pj pants, was sitting on the floor holding said child, cuddled him to her a little closer and covered his tiny ears, glaring up at Tony. "Language, idiot. Peter doesn't need to start swearing at the age of three."
"Peter?" he questioned, taking a seat on the carpet. The kid (Peter, apparently) looked over at him with huge brown eyes, and Tony tried really, really hard not to smile.
"Peeetaaah!" yelled a very hyperactive Clint, bursting into the room, leaping over the side of the couch, and placing a small silver object in front of him.
The kid blinked approximately twice and burst into loud, hysterical sobs.
Okay, so maybe the Avengers weren't the best with children, Tony thought, still marveling over the fact that there was one in his house. But where the hell is Fury? He glanced over the room quickly, seeing Bruce sitting on the couch (staring at him, like usual) next to Steve (also staring, also quite usual) and Natasha perched on the corner next to to them, making actual cooing noises.
"What in the world did you do?" said Ms. Pepper Potts, striding into the room with a look of shock on her pretty face. "I was gone for literally five minutes to get him some graham crackers and-oh, good morning, Tony." She smiled sweetly at him, and he did his best to not grimace at her, despite the screaming.
"Hey," he tried once, staring at Peter hopefully. "Hey. Peter." He snapped his fingers at him once, a wave of satisfaction washing over him when the kid sucked in a hiccuping breath and looked his way.
Tony dug around in his sweatpants pockets and took out one of the plastic toy soldiers Steve liked to leave in his pockets, simply to annoy him (and break the washer, much to Pepper's dismay.)
"You like this?" he placed the toy onto the carpet and pushed it toward him, aware of the way the room had gone completely silent. "Here, it's all yours. Steve has plenty."
In the corner of his eye he saw Bruce's eyebrow raise and Steve stiffen slightly, but he didn't look up at them, just smirked.
Peter grabbed at the little thing, the tears on his rosy little cheeks already dry. "He likes my toy better then yours," Tony taunted, sitting back and watching the boy play. "Suck it, Birdman."
Clint, who was pouting next to Natasha, harrumphed and crossed his arms a little bit tighter. "But they're babies," he whined, "they're supposed to like shiny objects."
Ignoring Clint's opinions on baby toys, he looked around again, noticed Darcy's shirt (to which he winked at, and she gave him the Darcy Death Stare, as Jane had named it) and then noticed the three large absences.
"Where are Thor, Furry, and Loki?" he asked, hoping Nick was somewhere close just so he could hear his new nickname.
"Loki excused himself shortly after Director Fury arrived, and there was an emergency on Asgard," Natasha said, shrugging slightly. "Loki was muttering something about 'beasts' and 'ankle biters,' I've got no idea where he went."
Unable to hide the smirk on his face, he turned toward Darcy, who rolled her eyes and sighed at him. "I am not Loki's keeper," she snapped irritably, glaring again at Tony. "But I do know he likes that café down on 24th," she muttered shyly, tucking her head into her chest. Tony smiled triumphantly and winked at Nat over Darcy's head, who was already phoning the café since Loki never, ever answered his phone. Not even if Tony set it to a One Direction ringtone. Come to think of it, he realized, that's probably why he ignored it. Note to self: change Loki's ringtone.
"Hey, don't chew on that!" Tony said, flailing his hands slightly at the sight of an army man sticking half out of Peter's mouth. "Stop it!"
"For gods sakes, Tony," Pepper grumbled, sweeping Peter up into her arms and removing the plastic toy from his mouth in one smooth movement. "A little bit of saliva isn't going to kill you-yes, Bruce, it's a figure of speech, get over it," she said, stopping the scientist in his tracks as he tried to protest that statement.
"It almost killed Peter," remarked a voice, and six heads swiveled toward the stairs. On the second to last step, Nick Fury stood tall, holding the largest assortment of baby supplies Tony had ever seen in his lifetime (which most definitely wasn't a lot, but whatever).
"He choked on his own spit?" Tony asked incredulously, staring up at the kid, who was happily yanking on Pepper's earring.
"No, Mr. Stark," Fury said, giving him a long stare as he set the overflowing boxes down. "Mr. Parker got bit by a spider. A very special spider. A-" he glanced over at Bruce, who motioned for him to continue on. "A genetically engineered spider," he continued, and Bruce turned a little green, staring at the munchkin with complete sympathy. "And now, he's got some very interesting abilities and no home. So guess what, motherfuckers?"
Everybody glared at him but didn't say a word, because trying to get Nick Fury to stop saying his favorite word was like taking away Thor's conditioner: it never happened.
"We get-actually, you all get-to keep him."
Tony raised a finger into the air, eyes wide with disbelief. "Um, no, I have a problem with this arrangement, and also, this is my building, thank you very much."
At which Pepper decided to place the baby down on his neck, and he nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise.
"Fuck-holy-yeah, hi," he said slightly sternly, sliding him down from his shoulders and cradling him in his arms. His hazel eyes sparkled with intelligence as he giggled and yanked on Tony's beard. "Papa," he said in his little baby voice, and a little crack appeared in his heart. It got even bigger when Peter grabbed for the toy solider and shoved it at Tony's face, grinning gleefully.
"Stop it," he muttered darkly, shooing the tiny hands away from his face. "Stop. I can't start to like you, or I'll get all soft like Captain Apple Pie over there."
At the mention of Captain, Peter's eyes got even larger as he reached out for him.
Steve locked eyes with Tony and got all adorably blushy, sinking even further into the couch.
"Here," Bruce said, holding out his hands and nudging Steve in the side with his elbow. "Since somebody's being shy today."
Steve's eyes darkened as Tony passed the squirmy child over to Bruce, watching as he happily grabbed for Bruce's glasses and set them crookedly on his small button nose. "Don't be mean, Tony," Pepper said quietly, laying a hand down on his shoulder. "We're all.. Adjusting."
Adjusting. Ha. How many times had he heard that?
Nightmares after Afghanistan? Adjusting.
Chest pains with the new arc reactor design? Adjusting.
Uncontrollable jealousy seeing Loki and Darcy (of all people!) together on a actual date? Oh, he was just adjusting to his new life here.
Yeah, bullshit.
He stares at all the silent people around him, his "family", and wonders if the newest (un)official member can help them all finally adjust.