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He was so close. Too close. She could feel his hot breath on her skin, his voice ripping through her ear drum. It hurt. A jolt of pain with every of his movements. Her glance fell on the table where Kady had been hiding under. She was gone.
And then everything just went numb. All around her was gray. It no longer hurt. She could still feel him move, but she couldn't feel the pain. But it didn't matter anymore. She could hear his voice, but wasn't able to understand what he was saying. She was just lying there, waiting for it to be over.
Dark spots covered the pillow Julia had just bolted up from as if stung by an adder. It took her a few moments to understand that it had been her own tears which had dampened the fabric. The images of her dream were still clinging to her, grasping at her to pull her back under. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them; she could feel how her breath started to pick up. Tears were still running down her cheeks, but her eyes refused to focus on anything in the dark room around her, her mind still too clouded from her dream.
Suddenly she felt a hand touch her upper arm and she flinched. A voice was then carried to her ears and she relaxed under the touch. Kady was crouching on the mattress next to her.
“Hey... Hey. Julia. It was just a nightmare. He is not here. He can't hurt you.”
It took Julia a moment to register Kady's words, but all she was able to respond was a tired nod.
Kady kneeled next to her, her warm hand still on her arm, her thumb gently stroking across her bare skin. “Julia. This.. this can't go on like this. You haven't sleep through an entire night ever since-”
Julia interrupted her, before she could finish the sentence. “No it's.. It's fine.” Her own voice sounded wrong, foreign in her ears, as if it didn't belong to her, but a stranger forcing the words out of her mouth.
“No, it's not fine!” Kady's voice was full of rage, the anger seemed to bubble up inside her, but she continued softer, almost begging. “Please. Let me help.”
Julia didn't answer, she couldn't. Instead she allowed herself to take in the appearance of the woman next to her. Light from the hallway falling through the still opened door through which Kady had entered. Her hair was wild and she had dark circles from lack of sleep around the eyes. Julia figured she looked about the same, her own eyes puffy from crying though.
Julia had the bad nightmares that kept her up at night, but Kady didn't get much sleep either. They were currently holding up in the run-down apartment, that Kady used for her stays in the city and Kady had insisted that Julia took the only bed. Kady spent the nights on a much too short couch that looked like it had seen better days.
Neither of the girls had been able to keep staying in Julia's apartment after what had happened and not that Julia would admit it to anybody, but she was scared of being alone and had accepted Kady's invite that she could stay at her place in a heartbeat.
Julia tried to close her eyes again, but immediately the images of Reynard and the nightmares that made her relive what he had done to her over and over again were back. Kady's hand on her arm was the only thing keeping her anchored to reality.
“I..” She tried to speak, but then her stomach twisted and all she was able to do was to lean over the edge of the bed and vomit on the floor.
While she threw up what had been her dinner, she felt Kady move on the bed. Then two hands started to hold up her hair, picking up single strands that were sticking to her sweaty skin. And then one of Kady's hands was drawing circles on her back, the other one still in her hair.
More tears were now streaming down her face, but she wasn't sure if they were still from the nightmare or from the vomiting.
When all she was able to do is gag but nothing was coming up, Julia leaned back, dry heaving from time to time. The weariness was now creeping back, pulling strong.
Kady was looking at her with a concerned expression, before the girl got up and grabbed some paper towels from the kitchen.
Handing Julia a piece of kitchen paper, Kady crouched down and started to attend to the mess that was now on her floor.
“I'm sorry.” Julia stomach twisted weirdly as she spoke and wiped her mouth.
“It's fine.” Kady looked up from the floor and gave her a kind smile that made the pain in her bones hurt a little less for a moment.
With the bundle of dirty paper towels Kady left the room again, only to return with a bucket and a sponge a moment later.
After wiping over the spot a few times she placed the bucket there. “In case you feel sick again.”
The girl then walked a few steps over to the window to open it.
As the cold winter air swept into the room Julia felt like she could breathe more easily with every breath. Yet something was still pressing on her chest, a painful sting ripping through her every time she inhaled.
“Sleep.” Kady ordered from across the room. “I am not going anywhere.”
Julia was too tired to object. She let her head fall back on her pillow again, but didn't take her eyes off of Kady, who was now standing with her back towards her, staring out of the window.
She desperately tried to keep her eyes open, knowing that his piercing yellow eyes would return to haunt her when she closed hers. But when a wave of tiredness swept over her she hadn't the strength to fight it and fell back into a suffocating darkness.
The next day, Julia and Kady were sitting on the ground in front of the couch in the living room of Kady's apartment. Papers and books scattered all around them. They spend most of their time researching like this, looking for way to find Reynard again.
Julia's attention was brought from the book about locator-spells to Kady as the girl let out a deep sign while she was looking through a pile of yellowed pages.
Something about the expression on her face made Julia think back to the day she had come back from Fillory, when Kady had found her again.
The Beast had teleported them into some sort of old warehouse, rusty pipes everywhere and pieces of metal laying on the ground. It hadn't been hard to have him agree to make a deal with her. He would help her find and kill Reynard, while she would not kill him with the Leo Blade she still had.
After making the deal with him, Julia went back to apartment, having nowhere else to go. She planned on grabbing a few of her things and then search for a place to stay for a while, but when she had arrived in front of her apartment the door had been open, the lock damaged. Carefully she entered the room, only to find Kady sitting on her couch, cursing and desperately running her hands through her hair. When she closed the door behind her, the noise had made Kady lift her head and look in Julia's direction. As the girl recognized her she jumped up from the couch and ran towards her. The closer she had gotten, the more Julia could see that she looked just as messed up as she did. Her eyes puffy from crying, the girl started to try to apologize, tripping over her own words.
“I am so sorry for running... for not coming back sooner. I thought he... he had killed you like... like the others. But... but when I came back... everything was gone. The bodies.. the blood... You. Everything had been cleaned and your furniture back where it belongs.. But you were gone and... I don't know why I ran.. And.. I.. ” Kady's fist were clenched, her knuckles white and her nails drawing blood.
Julia interrupted her. She could feel the guilt that Kady was carrying, the regret so thick in her voice. “Stop apologizing. If you hadn't run.. he would have killed you or.. raped you too.”
“But I should have-”
“It wouldn't have mattered.” Julia shook her head.
“But-”
“No!” Julia almost yelled and took a deep breath before she continued more calmly. “What happened.. happened. I just.. I want to.. No, I need to find him. So I can kill him.”
After a short moment of silent thinking Kady spoke up again. “How are you planning on doing that?”
“With this.” Julia pulled the Leo blade out of the pocket of her coat.
Kady stepped forward, her hand reaching for the knife, but Julia quickly put it back in her pocket. “I wouldn't touch it if I were you. It would burn your skin and hurt you.”
“But not you?”
“No. What Reynard did.. changed me.”
“What is it?” Kady pointed at Julia's pocket.
“It's called the Leo blade. We got it in Fillory. It can rip through the fabric of magic itself. The others tried to kill the Beast with it.”
“Got it in Fillory? Tried to kill the Beast? What? What happened?”
And then Julia told Kady how she and Quentin went to Fillory, following Jane into the phone booth, how they went after the Beast, but how when they tried to kill him, she didn't kill him, instead she took the knife and made him strike a deal with her.”
After a long moment of silence Kady asked the question that Julia had feared she would ask: “What about the others? “
Julia felt guilty for leaving them there. But she needed to use this opportunity. “I think that.. the blonde one and the other physical kids are.. dead. And Penny he.. he took his hands.” Kady's worried expression twisted and Julia could see the pain behind her eyes. She hurried to continue. “But he and Quentin were alive, when we left.”
“You just left them there?”
“I needed that to find a way to.. find Reynard. And I knew that the Beast is strong enough to help.” Julia knew how desperate she sounded. “I made a deal with him. He is gonna help me find him so I can kill him with the knife. The other were gone, there was nothing I could have done for them and Q and Penny.. they could have managed to escape while we were gone.”
Kady looked torn, as if the guilt she was feeling for running, the pain about the others probably being dead and Penny losing his hands and the anger for Julia for leaving them, as if all of those feelings were gonna tear her insides apart. But then her face lost some of the hardness and tension. “Okay. So you have a way to kill him. How to we find him?”
“What?” Julia didn't trust her ears enough to accept that Kady had used the word 'we'.
Kady stood up straight and looked at Julia. Her voice was calm and determined as she spoke. “You want to kill a god, right? I am in.”
“Julia?” Kady's voice interrupted her thoughts and brought her back to reality.
“Huh?” She turned her attention towards her, but needed a few seconds to grasp what Kady told her.
“I gotta go. I have to do.. something. I'll try to be back as soon as possible. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call.”
Julia only nodded, watched Kady as she left the apartment and pulled the door shut behind her and turned her attention back to the book in her lap.
Kady returned a few hours later, when it was already late at night and pitch-black outside. Julia was still sitting on the ground, the chaos of books and papers around her worse than before.
Kady let herself fall down on the ground next to Julia after pushing a few things around to create some space for her. “How did research go?”
Julia only groaned while shaking her head.
“That bad, huh?”
“It's just frustrating.. to spend so much time researching only to find.. nothing.”
Kady nodded and started to pile up some of the stuff lying around them.
“How did the thing go you had to do?” Julia asked, while flipping through a few pages of the book she was currently holding.
“Good, I think.. I hope.”
“Not a cryptic answer at all.” Julia looked up and raised one eyebrow at Kady. ”Are you going to tell me where you went or not?”
“Yes. I went to see an old friend, who I had asked to look for a sleeping spell that would help you with your nightmares and who texted me that they had found something this morning.”
Julia's eyes widened in surprise. “An old friend?”
Kady’s face wore a torn expression, before she admitted: “Marina.”
“You shouldn't have gone to her. It's not that bad.” Julia hesitated for a moment. “What as her price?”
“I have to help her with a heist she is planning.”
“You shouldn't have gone to her.”
“I had to do something.” Kady raised a voice a bit and Julia could feel the guilt Kady was still feeling in the sound of her voice.
She let out a sign, closed the book she had been reading and placed it aside. “Okay. How does it work?”
“What?”
“The spell... How does it work?”
About half an hour later, Julia was standing in a symbol they had drawn with chalk on the floor. The symbol was a thick horizontal line on which Julia was standing on and from which a few thin lines of different length started to run in vertical direction towards where Kady was standing.
“Are you sure you want to try this? We don't know how the spell will be affected by you being.. altered... god-powered. And Marina said that messing with dreams and sleep is a dangerous thing.” Kady scratched her head with one hand while she was holding in a piece of chalk in her other hand.
“Yes. You said the spell is supposed to suppress bad memories for a few hours and make good one’s stay, right? I mean.. it can't get any worse.”
“Alright.” Kady still didn't look very convinced and didn't move until Julia nodded at her again.
The girl placed the piece of chalk in the palm of her left hand while her right one hovered over it, mumbled lines flowing out of her mouth. She then crouched to the ground and used the piece of chalk to connect the thin vertical lines with each other by drawing another horizontal line over them. While placing the chalk next to the symbol on the ground she stood up straight again and gently pressed her index- and middle-fingers against Julia's temples while continuing to mumble the spell. As the last word left Kady's mouth a jolt of electricity ran through Julia's body. For one moment she felt completely renewed, before suddenly her eyelids became heavy and she felt so tired that she lost her balance, but two strong hands caught her and held her steady before she could fall.
“Everything okay? How do you feel?” Kady was still holding her up and watched her with a worried expression.
“Better. I think... Just really tired.” Julia had trouble standing up right and Kady had to help her walk towards her bed.
As soon as her head hit the pillow and she pulled the blanket over her she mumbled a quiet: „Let’s hope this works.”. She fell so fast asleep that the last thing she heard was the sound of Kady walking out of the room.
At first everything around her was pitch black, then suddenly as if someone had pulled away a thick curtain light started to cut through the darkness so bright that Julia had to close her eyes.
The next thing Julia saw when she opened her eyes again was Brakebills. She stood in front of the main building for one moment, then she found herself inside, walking through the halls. She passed doors that lead to what looked like class rooms with chairs, desks and magical equipment standing around everywhere.
Then she noticed the people walking around her. Students, teachers. Sometimes she recognized a face, but they soon disappeared in the crowd again. The scenery changed again and she found herself walking through the quad. People to both sides of the pathway she stood on were practicing magic, levitating objects, colorful swirls of spells being thrown between people by using fingercasting.
In the next moment Quentin was walking next to her and Eliot and Margo where jumping around them. Both bubbling over with words and explanations about the world around them and Julia realized that she didn't recall how she now knew their names. Quentin's eyes were flashing with curiosity and excitement at every new impossible thing they saw and Julia hoped she looked just as excited.
Margo and Eliot then showed them the buildings where the students lived after they had been categorized. The physical kids cottage was still as impressive as the first time she had seen it when the incident with Q and the spelling curse had happened, but somehow it felt different this time. Standing in their main room left her feeling more like she was home and not like she was invading a foreign house. She felt as if she had been in this room before, more than once. She felt like she knew every inch of it, she saw herself sitting on the couch, squished between Q and Eliot, both boys a drink in their hands and she couldn't help but notice the laugher that escaped her lips.
The next morning Julia woke up and felt more refreshed and well rested than she had in years.
On her way to the kitchen, walking barefoot through the hallway, Julia could see Kady still asleep on the couch in the living room. She tried her best not to wake the girl, seeing as she was probably getting her first night of sleeping through for week just like Julia.
After cursing the coffee machine for being so noisy Julia disappeared in the bedroom again, a mug of hot coffee in her hand she crawled back to bed and started to flip through the next book on the bedside table.
That was how Kady found her hours later. Surrounded by books, the half empty cup of coffee long cold. The sleep was still in her eyes and her wild and messy as Kady walked in, taking deep breaths of the coffee she held in her hand.
“How did you sleep? Did it work?” Julia couldn't help but notice the raspy tone in her voice.
She tried the first smile in days, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. “I think the spell worked, pretty well. I had no nightmares whatsoever.”
“Good.” Kady smiled in her mug.
Before Kady shuffled back out of the room, she made a quick hand gesture and the coffee in the mug standing next to Julia on the blanket started to steam again.
“Thanks.” Julia carefully took a sip before looking for the paragraph in the book she had just started, before Kady had walked in.
It became their routine at night. Kady performed the spell, Julia would feel the spark emitted from Kady's fingertips on her temple run through her body and not five minutes later Julia fell back into a world that was full of Brakebills and magic. She dreamt about herself attending the classes there, learning about magic, finding friends. She knew their names now. Alice, Margo, Eliot, Penny. Sometimes she dreamt of people she didn't recognize, but she knew their names. She saw herself going to parties and sitting with people chatting, drinking, laughing. The people she only knew as Quentin's friends felt like they were her friends too. Sometimes of them showed up in her dreams and she knew everything about them. Other times they just walked by her without giving her a second look and all she knew if anything was their name and nothing more.
Sometimes Kady showed up her dreams. They would sit somewhere, closer than in real life. Julia felt how Kady whispered something in her ear, but she couldn't make out her words. The tickling of her warm breath on her outer ear combined with whatever Kady had said made this Dream-Julia smirk and suddenly Kady's piercing eyes were so close, that Julia felt like she had just seen them for the first time.
In the real world the girls tried locator-spells to find Reynard, Kady even broke into Brakebills with the key Julia still had from Richard to look for something that might help them, a book, a spell, just something. They spent too much time in libraries with too many books that didn't help. They tired other safehouses of hedge witches and on desperate afternoons they even used google in the faint hope of stumbling across a spell that worked.
With every night that passed Kady would show up more often in her dreams, in moments that Julia had to admit were too intimate to be just called friendly.
After a day of chasing down another vampire Julia had a dream that wasn't skipping between different scenes as much as all the dreams before.
Julia found herself standing on what looked like a big chess field. Different colored squares with symbols written all over them. She then noticed the other people standing around her. Somehow they were just flashing silhouettes, switching between people Julia knew like Alice or Margo only to change into someone Julia had never seen before. It almost looked like the shape couldn't decide who it wanted to be. Only Kady always seemed to be there, standing to her left, a small smile on her lips.
A silhouette to their right threw the dice with twelve sides and casted a spell depending on where it landed and the people on the stands around them roared with applause.
When it was Kady's turn, Julia couldn't help but stare. The girl always looked so graceful when she casted a spell. The concentration was written all over her face as she quickly moved her hands and fingers while mumbling silent words. As soon as the square changed Kady ripped her attention from the square in front of her and turned to Julia. A grin on her face she winked at her before stepping on the field she had just taken. Julia could feel herself smiling back and a feeling started to grow in her chest. It took her a moment to recognize it. Pride.
Then it was her own turn and she watched how her hands through the cube and then started to cast a spell she didn't know, but then the square changed into a puddle of water and she stepped in it without a second thought.
The scenery changed and she found herself at the physical kids cottage, they won the game. Everybody around her was celebrating, drinks in every hand and music booming from the speakers.
Suddenly Kady was next to her only to pull her into her arms. “You were great.” Her voice was soft and only loud enough for Julia to hear her words over the music. While letting Julia go Kady placed a quick peck on Julia's cheek and turned around to the people around them. One arm still around Julia, the other one holding a drink up in the air. Kady took in a deep breath before she started to yell: “Hey, everybody listen up!! Let's drink to my girl who easily won the game for us today by kicking the asses of those flower power losers.”
My girl. The words echoed in Julia's head and she felt her heart swell. A blush crept on her face and suddenly she didn't notice the other people in the room anymore who were raising their drinks in her direction. All she saw was Kady and how the girl took a sip from her drink. As Kady turned back to her, she noticed that Julia was looking at her and gave her a smirk. “To you, my love.”
The day after her dream Julia and Kady were sitting on her couch again, books scattered around them like usual, their legs buried underneath papers, empty coffee mugs, a half-empty scotch bottle and an overflowing ashtray in between.
The game from her dream was still bugging her. “Hey Kady?”, Julia asked carefully.
“Yes?” The girl didn't look up from the paragraph she was just reading, holding a pen to the corner of her mouth.
“At Brakebills, did you by any chance have a game where you had to like roll a silver cube and then like cast spells to win the field the die had stopped on?”
“Yes, Welters. Why?”
“So it is a real game?”
That made Kady finally look up. “Yes, how do you know about it though?”
“I don't know. Must have read about it somewhere, I guess.”
Kady just mumbled in agreement and turned back to the paper in her hand.
Julia was still stunned though. She wasn't quite sure how she could have dreamt about something she didn't know existed. Now she was curious if details from other dreams she had had in the past were true as well. She had always just thought that the places and the names from the people in her dreams were something her brain had made up. But now she wasn't so sure anymore.
The next night Julia dreamt of another party at the physical kids cottage.
Music was flowing out of speakers all around the room, making people move to its beat. Julia knew the music was there she just couldn't tell what song it was. The sound glasses clinking together and laugher was carried to her ears as she felt herself start to move and a drink was shoved in her hand as Eliot appeared next to her, followed by Margo and Q.
Soon she was dancing squished between Eliot and Margo, occasionally taking a sip from her drink while she allowed her eyes to glance through the room. In a corner she saw a blonde girl reading a book. Alice. The name came too slow and Julia realized she didn't know the girl. Not this Alice at least.
The feeling of two warm arms being wrapped around her waist made her look away from Alice and Julia noticed that Kady was behind her, holding her close. She heard herself let out a giggle as their bodies moved together to the rhythm.
After a few songs, Kady released her from the grip she had around her only to take her hand in hers and led her away under the protest of Eliot, Margo and Q.
A mischievous smirk on Kady's face, Julia put her drink down on a random shelf they passed as she was being pulled out of the room and into a bathroom. Kady closed the door by pressing Julia against it and the next thing she could feel was Kady's body flushed against her, her lips moved again the sensitive skin on her jaw and neck.
One leg between her's Kady was supporting herself with one hand against the door while the other had slipped underneath Julia's shirt, exploring her warm skin.
To her surprise Julia didn't feel trapped, she could feel her heart beat out of her chest, but not out of fear or panic. It was excitement and nervousness. Her own hand's gripped into the fabric of Kady's shirt and a groan left her mouth caused by Kady gently nibbling at her skin with her teeth. A laugher from Kady made her breath tickle on her skin.
The loud noise of someone knocking at the door made them jump apart. But Kady only grinned as she looked at the startled Julia. Only when Julia thought that Kady couldn't get any sexier the girl ran her hand through her hair and smirked. With a raw voice she whispered: “Let's continue this somewhere more private.”.
She then took ahold of Julia's hand once again and led her out of the room.
The next moment Julia found herself back in her bed. Her breath was going fast and Julia wasn't sure if it was because she had just woken up abruptly or still from the dream. The images were still in her mind, confusing her and while Julia started at the ceiling she wasn't ready to admit that she just had some sort of sex dream about Kady. Eventhough it didn't even feel like a dream, more like a memory. She could still feel it in her bones. How the wooden door had felt against her back, the music booming her ears, Kady's hand on her skin and her lips against her neck.
A few days later they had been attacked while looking for another one of Reynard servants and Julia had fired a battle spell against one of the men trying to kill them.
When Kady had asked her where she knew that spell from Julia realized that Kady had taught her how to do it. Just not this Kady, a Kady from her dreams.
Being not quite sure how to explain that Julia had still been looking for the right words when a new wave of gnomes had tried to attack. The thought was forgotten for the moment when Kady grabbed her hand and the two girls ran for their lives.
But Julia couldn't forget the fact that the spell from her dream had worked and she tried a few other spells she had watched herself or someone else do in her dreams and to her surprise they all seemed to work.
This made her start to think even more about the things that she dreamt about, things she couldn't have known.
More than once she caught herself asking the real Kady about something that she knew from a Kady in her dreams and making it more and more complicated to keep the dreams hidden from her.
One time they were walking through some old sewer when she tripped over a vodka bottle and couldn't stop herself from mumbling the name of the Brakebills south teacher as she read the name of the vodka and was brought back to a dream where she had been in Antarctica with the others. Julia had hoped that Kady hadn't heard what she had said, but the girl had then asked her how she could know that name and it was clearly visible that she didn't buy Julia's: “I don't remember.”.
In addition to knowledge she gained from her dreams about spells and other people, her dreams made her feel more and more conflicted. Julia had hoped that the one dream about Kady kissing her against a bathroom door had been an isolated incident, but that thought was soon destroyed. On the contrary, her dreams involving Kady were only getting more and more intimate.
The dream she had about herself giving Kady a lap dance had made her bolt up from her pillow, but even awake she could still feel the touch of Kady's hands wandering all over her body and how it felt to be in the girl's lap, grinding down on her.
Yet it was the first time that she and Kady kissed in her dreams that knock the wind out of Julia.
They were standing underneath a big oak tree on the quad, Julia watched out of the corner out of her eyes as Kady was trying to casually lean against the bark while they were looking at the sky. Their conversation about different star constellations had died down a few moments ago and Julia could feel the tension in the air. She was nervous being alone with Kady in this dream and she could feel the other girl being uneasy as well. Just as she tried to continue the conversation somehow Kady moved suddenly and cupped her cheeks with both hands only to pull her close and press her lips against Julia's. The moment Kady's lips moved against hers, flashes of other kisses ran through Julia's mind. Sometimes Kady leaned in first, sometimes Julia. Other times one of them ran or pushed the other away and she could feel her heart ache and break.
Julia always thought of herself as a smart woman but it took her embarrassingly long to figure out what was really happening with her dreams. She had to dream about the moments when she found out that there were more timelines than the one they were currently in to realize that her dreams weren't just dreams, but memories from other time lines.
The day on which Marina claimed the favor Kady owed her Julia had to perform the spell on herself seeing as the other girl was out all night stealing something for the top bitch of New York.
Julia wasn't quite sure if something had gone wrong or if the spell was only supposed to be executed on other people but that night she didn't sleep well. It weren't the nightmares of Reynard haunting her that night, instead she remembered all of the times she and the others had died in the other time lines.
She dreamt of Kady lying on the floor of a class room. The beast was there, standing threatening in front of a window. From the hundreds of dead moths lying everywhere Kady had fought well, just not good enough. Julia could feel herself crouching over Kady, the pool of blood that was forming next to Kady was warm and sticky between Julia's fingers as she searched Kady for any injuries. A cough from Kady made her look away from her body and at her face. A small and weak smile appeared on her lips as she breathed out: “Show him hell.” before Kady coughed one more time, her eyes losing focus and her head sunk to the side. A pain so brutal and demanding Julia had never felt before made anger bubble up inside her and she managed to land a few shots on the Beast until she suddenly couldn't breathe anymore. She slumped to the ground, crawling back to Kady and the last thing she saw was the small that was still playing around the corners of the lips of the dead girl in front of her before everything went black for a moment.
After that scene her dream only contained more scenes of them fighting, arguing and dying. She saw Kady handing in the air while the beast snapped her neck, lying on the ground spitting blood, being thrown out of windows and of roofs and being crushed by falling things. She could feel herself scream and aching in pain whenever she watched the girl die and heard Kady's screams piercing her eardrums when she was the one to die first.
A scream still ringing in her ears Julia sat up in her bed and realized quickly that it had been her own to wake her up from her nightmare. And like in the past Kady was there next to her the next second, a warm hand on her arm. “What happened? Did you have a nightmare again? I am so sorry I was gone so long... Didn't you do the spell?”
The concerned words of the girl next to her broke Julia. Tears started to roll down her cheeks and she felt how panic took over her body as her chest tightened and her breathing became fast and shallow. “We died.. Q said.. we die.. in every one.”, she only managed to press out as she pulled her knees close and wrapped her arms around them.
“We die in everyone? What are you talking about?” Kady was now crouching in front of her, her hands on her cheeks while she wiped away her tears, looking at her full of concern. “Jules, you just had a bad dream. It was just a dream.”
“No!“ Julia placed one of her hands over Kady's which was still cupping her cheek, trying to find comfort in the touch. “It was.. not just.. a dream.. We die.. in every single.. timeline.” she breathed out between sobs, but this only made Kady look more confused.
Then a sentence that Q had said to her when he had told her about the different timelines for the first time and her last bit of strength left her. “I was supposed to be there. With everyone else. With you.”
The weight of her realizations and thoughts threated to crush her and when she saw through her tears how Kady moved towards her she allowed herself to slump into Kady's open arms and cried until she was so tired that she fell asleep.
The next morning when Julia woke up, the first thing she noticed was the warm body pressed against her side. An arm was wrapped around her shoulders as her own arm was lying over a waist.
“Morning.” Kady's raspy voice made the last bit of sleep disappear and she realized that it was Kady who she was nestled against. With the realization calmness washed over her and instead of moving out of their embrace Julia only pulled Kady closer. And much to her relief Kady didn't stop her. Instead she wrapped her free arm around Julia as well and ruffled through her hair.
“You know I should explain some things.”
“Probably.”
Julia allowed herself to take in a deep breath and a whiff of Kady’s scent crept into her nose. She couldn't help but think that she smelled just like in her dreams.
Pulling herself together she escaped from Kady's embrace and sat up only enough to turn and face Kady again who was still leaning against her pillow, a tired smile on her face while her hair stood wild in every direction. Julia couldn't stop the thought that she liked to see Kady waking up in her bed more often.
But for the moment she had to try to explain everything that happened with the dreams and the time-loops to Kady hoping that she didn't sound like a complete maniac. And so Julia told her everything. About Jane Chatwin and her different time lines. The fact that she was the thing they changed this time. And that she was pretty sure that she had seen the other timelines in her dreams and that she knew about life in Brakebills, about Welters, the physical kids cottage and other details. Though she left out some details concerning their relationship. When she confessed that though normally her dreams were good, happy memories of their lives, the dream from last night had been all the terrible moments when they had died, when the Beast had finally caught up to them and killed everyone.
As she finished her explanation she waited for Kady to react. She expected from Kady to not believe her and think she was crazy, that she was just lying.
But when Kady took her hand and her face turned into an understanding, gently expression Julia felt herself relax. “You were all alone with all those, what I think must be very confusing, memories for so long. Why didn't you tell me?”
“I didn't think you would believe me.”, Julia confessed honestly.
“Well, I believe you. You are not alone with this anymore.” Kady smiled that soft smile that always managed to melt her heart in the memories she had dreamed about and now she felt herself feel the same in this reality. “I am sorry about your nightmare last night. I wish I could have been here to perform the spell. But me being with Marina brought one good thing... I think I found a way to finally find Reynard again.”
Reynard was lying dead in an alleyway, the knife still sticking out of his chest.
Julia was kneeling on the ground a few feet from his body, while Kady was lying next to her. Both girls were covered in cuts and bruises. Julia was pretty sure she had broken her ankle and the girl next to her was holding her hand over a big gash on her upper arm while clenching the other hand in front of her chest, the entire palm of it covered in blisters. Kady had to hold the knife at one point which had burned her hand until Julia had finally been able to ram it into Reynard’s upper body.
As the god's dead body fell to the ground the last bit of strength the girls had had left and they had slumped together.
Julia had thought that watching the life drain from Reynard's yellow eyes would have been more satisfying, but all she found herself caring about in this moment was the injured girl next to her.
Ringing in her ears were the words of their argument they had had just before they went to kill Reynard. Julia had insisted on going alone, repeating how she couldn't watch Kady die anymore. But all Kady had to say to that was that there was no way in hell she would let Julia do this alone and even though she might not remembered watching Julia die, she wasn't about to find out how it felt to loose Julia.
Kady's hand on her shoulder ripped her away from her thoughts. The girl stood next to her and helped her get up. “We should go. That was enough noise to wake up the entire neighborhood.”
With Kady's arm wrapped around her middle Julia hopped over to Reynard's body and pulled the knife out of his chest. “We might need this again.”
When they got back to her apartment, Kady fixed Julia's ankle easily with a quick spell casting after confession that tiny Kady had been a wild child and had needed a lot of fixing in broken bones and that she had become quite good at this.
Deal with a cut caused by magic from a god was apparently more complicated than just saying a quick magic spell and the gash on Kady's arm and the blisters on her hand needed to heal with time.
That was how Julia found herself next to Kady on her couch, cleaning and bandaging Kady's arm while both girls iced different parts of their body.
On the way home Julia had seen their reflection in a shopwindow and besides the fast that they both looked very roughed up she noticed that she wore a pretty colorful black eye.
“Jules?” Kady looked at her, a bag of frozen pea pressed against her jaw. “I have a question.”
“Yes?” Julia didn't look up from the bandage she was currently wrapping around the palm of Kady's hand.
“What else happened in those time lines? Besides death? How was our life there? Were we still friends?”
“I am not sure I saw all of the time loops. But in the one’s I did see.. we were friends.. yes.” The word tasted weird in her mouth, Julia wasn't quite sure if what they had been in those other realities could be described just with the word 'friends'.
Julia had hoped that Kady didn't notice her hesitant answer, but apparently the girl seemed to register every little thing. “Why the pause?”
For a moment Julia was torn between telling Kady the truth and lying, but one look into the awaiting face of the girl was enough to make her decide. “Well, because sometimes we were more. Much more than friends if I am honest.”
For the first time Kady looked genuinely surprised and if Julia could trust her eyes a faint blush was creeping on the cheeks of the girl next to her.
Under the confused expression Julia started to feel uncomfortable and tried to joke it off. “Apparently in the other time-loops we couldn't stop jumping each other's bones.”
But that only made Kady jump up from the couch and walked towards the window.
Julia felt bad and stood up as well, taking a step in Kady's direction she stopped her movement and stayed next to the couch. “Sorry. That was weird.”
“No..” Kady's voice was quiet and she could barely understand what she was saying, but then the girl turned around and continued with more determination in her words. “It's not weird.. I think. I am just kind of jealous of the me's in the other time lines.”
Julia's mouth went dry as she finally comprehended the weight of what Kady was saying.
Her voice was barely a whisper as Kady spoke up again. “Jealous cause they got to do this all the time.” And with one movement Kady was in front of her and so close. Her lips were hovering over hers and all Julia could hear were their breaths. Kady seemed like she was waiting for a sign from Julia telling her to stop, but in the next moment and Julia wasn't sure who had moved first the last bit of space between them was closed as their lips were crashing into each other. Immediately Kady's arms were wrapped around her waist and she allowed herself to melt in her arms.
Her hands wandered in Kady's neck trying to deepen the kiss and she couldn't help but feel that kissing Kady felt so familiar and yet completely new.
The memories of their other first kisses were still flashing in front of her eyes as they separated when their lungs were aching for air. “Well who gets to say that they have kissed the same person for the first time in different timelines before.”
Gently Julia stroke a strand of hair that had come loose back behind Kady's ear and as she saw how she leaned into the touch she couldn't help but smile and pull her into a kiss again.
Julia's forehead resting again Kady's she barely heard what the girl was whispering, but the words made her feel at ease, as if she had just give her the reason why it was all worth it. “I am not mad that I had to die 39 times, if that made possible for me to be here with you in this moment.”