Chapter Text
Monday 7:04AM
New Directions
Quinn Monroe
> petition for Berry to change my username
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> What's wrong with it?
> You don't want to be compared to one of the most photographed and undeniably gorgeous women in history?
Santana Winehouse
> wanky
Quinn Monroe
> and you expect me to believe that was your intention?
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> Yes? Because it is?
Quinn Monroe
> you're such a liar
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> ????
Quinn Monroe
> just change it
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> fine Kennedy or Spencer?
Quinn Monroe
> Spencer? as in...?
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> As in Princess Diana Spencer the most photographed women in history after Marilyn Monroe's death.
Quinn Monroe
> the princess known for getting divorced causing a huge scandal and then dying?
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> After which she was widely known as the Queen of Hearts!
Quinn Monroe
> whatever I'll be Kennedy
> not one of the ones who got a lobotomy or hanged themselves or whatever
> nevermind
> all of these suck I'm almost impressed
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> You are the one making this way more difficult than it needs to be. They're all stellar options!
Quinn Monroe
> I know your game
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> Oh my Barbara! You're relentless!
Quinn Monroe
> thank you
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> You are impossible to pin down.
Santana Winehouse
> wanky
10:35AM
Tina Perry
> i want my user changed 2
Mercedes Aretha Franklin
> i want arties name changed
Artie Wonder
> girl whats wrong w it
Mercedes Aretha Franklin
> ur white ass uses enough aave u dont need to be encouraged
> n u just called him that bc they both disabled
Artie Wonder
> ah hell nah
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> Usernames are final.
Santana Winehouse
> where was that energy w juno?
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> I was extending an olive branch!
Santana Winehouse
> wanky
Finn Presley
> i lick my nam
Sam Bieber
> same
Noah Garfunkel
> yup
Brittany Spears
> 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Kurt Elton John
> like a solid 7.5/10 could be worse could be better
Santana Winehouse
> embarrassing of u trouty mouth
Sam Bieber
> how? da beebz is da man
Santana Winehouse
> my ovaries just shrivelled up
Sam Bieber
> :(
Magic Mike
> idk how to feel abt my name.....
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> I'm not coming onto you. Channing Tatum's dancing in that movie was just incredible much like yours.
> Everyone should get over themselves. These usernames are genius. AND I'm the Captain.
> *Co-Captain.
Santana Winehouse
> u get over urself hobbit
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> How could you possibly have a problem? Amy Winehouse is your icon.
Santana Winehouse
> obviously. just gotta take all the chances to deflate ur massive ego (and nose)
Rachel Barbara Streisand
> UGH! You're all incorrigible!
Finn Presley
> in a what?
Sam Bieber
> insect?
Brittany Spears
> in tubbingtons tummy
Sam Bieber
> oh :/
Monday 12:15PM
bsantana5ever created snixx revolution
bsantana5ever added 12 members
bsantana5ever changed 13 names
the true cheerio captain
> bow down bitches
teen pregnancy
> who are you trying to fool with that name?
argyle hobbit
> See! My names were thoughtful and kind! Look at how much worse it could've been!
the true cheerio captain
> mine r also thoughtful
argyle hobbit
> And evil!
window smasher
> mines kinda funny
lady hummel
> realllll lmaoooo
michelin man
> i like rachs beter :(
four eyed incel
> now i gotta ask myself whats worse... blind or glasses?
the true cheerio captain
> dont forget the unfuckable incel part
four eyed incel
> nahhhhhh thats foul shawty
unicorn
> dont b mennn it not tru <3
four eyed incel
> <3
window smasher
> at least we not pretending artie black in here lmao
argyle hobbit
> Unbelievable!
mindless boner
> my names awesome
trouty mouth
> i agree w finn
the true cheerio captain
> bc ur tasteless
teen pregnancy
> mine's just so predictable it's lame
the true cheerio captain
> woulda gone deadbeat but then howd i tell u apart from puck?
teen pregnancy
> do you want a rematch?
unicorn
> plzzzz no volenze
lady hummel
> 🍿
window smasher
> 🍿
unicorn
> dont wori im sitng on san
> [sent an image]
window smasher
> aw
lady hummel
> adorbs
four eyed incel
> such good friends :)
true cheerio captain
> shut ur mouth
> get off me britt
unicorn
> no ur gona bet q up
teen pregnancy
> well I'd beat HER up
true cheerio captain
> pls ur an oversized crybaby
teen pregnancy
> I know YOU'RE not saying that
> and I'm undersized
true cheerio captain
> are u?
> britt ppl r looking get off
unicorn
> stop beng men 2 each other
true cheerio captain
> abort ur insults stretch marks
teen pregnancy
> you started it and are continuing it
unicorn
> kissssss n mack up
true cheerio captain
> BRITT
mindless boner
> BOING
four eyed incel
> oh shiiiiii
12:42PM
bsantana5ever & quinn!stays!winning PM
S
> FUKC YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU THIS IS UR FAULT
Q
> it's YOURS you can't keep your mouth SHUT
> make Brittany shut up right now
S
> don't talk abt her like that
> why don't YOU
Q
> she's YOUR whatever
> and i'm the straight one here
S
> BITCH I AM STRAIGHT
> unlike u
> found narnia yet
Q
> you don't even believe yourself i'm the straightest person ever
S
> bahahaahah keep telling yourself that
Q
> oh so you are?
S
> straighter then u
Q
> be serious
S
> i am
Q
> right...
> just shove her off you or something
12:45PM
snixx revolution
unicorn
> sexting @teen pregnancy @the true cheerio captain?
teen pregnancy
> WHAT
> EW NO
mindless boner
> imma nut
teen pregnancy
> okay that's it
> brittany get off santana and stop saying gay crap
> or I'll make you do 500 laps
unicorn
> aw man :( opay :(
lady hummel
> things were just getting juicy :(
mindless boner
> yehahahahh
lady hummel
> ew not like that
true cheerio captain
> literally nothing happened
teen pregnancy
> right not everything's gay
true cheerio captain
> fax
teen pregnancy
> if you think about it nothing's really gay
window smasher
> girl what
lady hummel
> well i certainly i am
true cheerio captain
> omg learn to take a fucking joke
12:51PM
bsantana5ever & quinn!stays!winning PM
S
> ur losing them dumbass
Q
> some of us are brand new to the gay allegations
S
> oh ur really not
Q
> ?
1:25PM
BRRIITITITTTT & quinn!stays!winning PM
B
> do u lick s?
Q
> ...do you mean like?
B
> no
Q
> HUH
> NO on all fronts
> I can't even stand her
B
> hmm
> lay?
Q
> what
> what are you even saying?
B
> sex?
Q
> WHAT
> what is with you today?
> do I have gay written on my forehead or something?
> I'm not having sex with you OMG
B
> santana?
Q
> no this is Quinn
> no wonder you're saying gay stuff to me
B
> ughhhhhh just aswner yes or no
Q
> I don't know what you're even saying
B
> SANTANA SEX?
Q
> I already told you this is Quinn
> stop saying sex
> actually just stop texting me
> or I'll make you run 10k
1:36PM
fuckerman created freedom orgy
fuckerman added 12 members
fuckerman gave admin to 12 members
fuckerman
> FREEDOMMMMM 🦅🦅🦅🦅
> im bored who wanna play fuck marry kill
bsantana5ever changed 13 names
unicorn
> meeeee
> @teenage pregnancy
teenage pregnancy changed 2 names
real cheerios captain
> yes?
argyle hobbit
> Class is still in session!
argyle hobbit changed their name
sandbags changed 2 names
teenage pregnancy
> me n britt have a free period
mindless boner
> math is boring as shit
unicorn
> santana sam me
> @teenage pregnancy
teenage pregnancy changed their name to real cheerios captain
mindless boner
> wait how abt me? i wanna ask next
fuckerman changed real cheerios captain to #1 milf
#1 milf changed their name to real cheerios captain
real cheerios captain
> everyone stop changing my name
true cheerios captain changed real cheerios captain to teenage pregnancy
teenage pregnancy changed 2 names
sandbags changed 2 names
teenage pregnancy changed 2 names
sandbags changed 2 names
unicorn
> aanser q :(
teenage pregnancy
> fine IDK...
teenage pregnancy changed 2 names
real cheerios captain
> obviously kill Santana
> marry Sam
> and I guess that leaves
sandbags
> KYS
sandbags changed 2 names
teenage pregnancy
> STOP IT
teenage pregnancy changed 2 names
unicorn
> so u were leing wen u sad u wuldnt sex me?
mindless boner
> my body cant take this
lady hummel
> oh hello
sandbags
> WHAT KYS KYS KYS KYS
sandbags changed 2 names
teenage pregnancy
> BRITTANY S PIERCE WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM OMG
unicorn
> y do u get lady lips :(
trouty mouth
> ud marry me awwww :3
mindless boner
> @teenage pregnancy me santana brittany? no shame in saying orgy ;)
teenage pregnancy
> massacre
> seriously what is wrong with everyone today?
> kurt is today some gay day I don't know about?
lady hummel changed their name to kurt VERSACE 💜
kurt VERSACE 💜
> every day is a gay day. to me <3
teenage pregnancy
> well! every day is a STRAIGHT day to ME
kurt VERSACE 💜
> oh! thats not!
window smasher
> damn not the homophobia </3
Star
> Who's being homophobic?!
kurt VERSACE 💜
> quinn :(
trouty mouth
> WOAH
> idk if i wanna marry u anymore :(
mindless boner
> not my baby mama </3
Star
> THAT'S HORRIBLE!
michelin man
> messed up man
teenage pregnancy
> OH so now you all remember I'm STRAIGHT?
> this day is a nightmare
> I'm going to walk off a bridge
Star
> Quinn, as much as this relapse into bullying is disturbing you don't need to do that. The true way forward is to open your eyes once more and accept those who are different from you. There is still time to renounce your homophobia!
teenage pregnancy
> you sound like a woke pastor
window smasher
> "woke"
> yeah okay here come the slurs
teenage pregnancy
> OMG
> gay people are fine
> are you happy now?
Star
> GASP YES I AM! I couldn't deal with the guilt of wanting to be friends with a homophobe!
true cheerios captain
> fine?
> like damn shawty u fine?
> u big gay flirt
kurt VERSACE 💜
> let the pride flag fly
trouty mouth
> oh damn maybe we cant get married
teenage pregnancy
> OMG I'm not gay
> Santana is just an asshole like ALWAYS
true cheerios captain
> and they hated jesus for telling the truth 2
teenage pregnancy
> you're not even Christian
> and it's not the truth
true cheerios captain
> ok prove it
> fuck marry kill.....
> coach sylvester n terri shoe n april rhodes
teenage pregnancy
> how does this prove I'm straight?
true cheerios captain
> ur sounding v gay fabGAY
teenage pregnancy
> OMG fine
> marry coach
> IDK
true cheerios captain
> WOW ur thinking abt marrying a woman
teenage pregnancy
> the options are ALL women
> and coach is hardly a woman she's a champion
true cheerios captain
> YOU HAVE A BIG GAY CRUSH ON COACH
teenage pregnancy
> WHAT
> I DO NOT
window smasher
> damn u have terrible taste
teenage pregnancy
> I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON SUE OMG
kurt VERSACE 💜
> "sue" ok hunny....
> or maybe ur being homophobic again......
Star
> WHOM
teenage pregnancy
> OMG
> i am not GAY or HOMOPHOBIC
> i am normal
kurt VERSACE 💜
> so being gay isnt normal?
true cheerios captain
> damn thats messed up
window smasher
> the second u moved out u became a stranger </3
teenage pregnancy
> I'm going to hit my head
> repeatedly
> I hate everyone
true cheerios captain
> so big gay marriage w coach
> who r u gay fucking?
mindless boner
> moans
teenage pregnancy
> NO ONE
true cheerios captain
> well u dont seem to be jumping to kill anyone
> maybe u want a big gay crazy drunk threesome
teenage pregnancy
> oh i want to kill someone alright
true cheerios captain
> april rhodes or terri shue
teenage pregnancy
> IDK they're both fun
window smasher
> ????
> didnt terri blackmail u and try to steal ur baby?
kurt VERSACE 💜
> and april rhodes got me drunk!
teenage pregnancy
> god forbid women do anything
> girl bosses
> they should teach a class I'd go
true cheerios captain
> well damn i was joking abt the 3some but looks like ur not
> wanky
teenage pregnancy
> SHUT UP
> I just mean I don't wanna kill either of them
true cheerios captain
> so.... ud rather fuck em?
teenage pregnancy
> NO
true cheerios captain
> well those r the options dumbass
teenage pregnancy
> whatever it's a dumb game it doesn't matter
> I have better things to do
> I'm trying to study
true cheerios captain
> more like studying the LADIESSSSS
teenage pregnancy
> the bible actually
true cheerios captain
> bc u need to repress ur hot gay fantasies
teenage pregnancy
> you're the one calling gay stuff hot
> projecting much?
true cheerios captain
> kill april rhodes or terri shue?
teenage pregnancy
> OMG I told you I'm not playing any more
true cheerios captain
> getting too hot under ur papal collar?
teenage pregnancy
> fine IDK kill april rhodes
true cheerios captain
> and fuck terri shue NASTY
teenage pregnancy
> EW NO
> ugh
> god you're so
> you know what
true cheerios captain
> ooooohhhh im shakinggggg
teenage pregnancy deleted this group chat
1:48PM
snixx revolution
mindless boner
> woahhhh wtf baby mama
teenage pregnancy
> stop calling me that you ugly idiotic micropenis manchild
mindless boner
> damn friendly fire
true cheerios captain
> someones getting too GAY
> cant take the heat?
teenage pregnancy
> just seriously shut up
> I'm not in the mood
> you're like genuinely annoying me now
true cheerios captain
> whatever juno
1:50PM
bsantana5ever & quinn!stays!winning PM
S
> yo?
Q
> leave me alone
S
> mkay
> unfuck u or wtv
Q
> yeah ok
> stops having homicidal thoughts about you
S
> bitch
Q
> whore
S
> why can't it always be this easy?
Q
> with me? or?
S
> nah w britt
Q
> oh
> she's a very confusing person
S
> yeah...
> did she say she tried to have sex with you?
Q
> I don't even know
S
> it just pissed me off like...
> she doesn't want to cheat w me?
> but she does w u?
> like wtf?
Q
> um
> well I'm not really sure what was going on there
> IDK I didn't really want it to come up
> but I really can't say for sure what happened
> her texts are like really confusing
S
> ur in free period w her right?
Q
> yes....
S
> ask her abt it
Q
> I really don't want to
> you know how much I hate talking about that stuff
S
> all u have to do is ask what she was talking abt
Q
> but then she's going to talk about it
> to my FACE
S
> ur such a repressed loser
Q
> so are you
> that's why it's easy
> not talking is our thing
S
> slapping is 2
> so dont make me
Q
> I'll make u do suicides
S
> ill tell coach u wanna marry her
> shes already obsessed w u
Q
> don't say it like that!
> she is not
> don't you dare
S
> then get asking
Q
> die
> fine
Q
> OMG OMGOMG IM GONING TO JUMP OFF A BIRDGE
S
> what did she say?
Q
> B was trying to see if....
S
> if what
Q
> u and me
S
> what
Q
> like
> ughhhhh
> sex
S
> what r u talking abt
Q
> SHE THINKS WE'RE DOING IT
> and by it
S
> SHE THINKS WERE FUCKING?
Q
> CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS NOW?
S
> no
> what did u say?
Q
> IDK NOTHING
S
> nothing?
> and she just let u?
Q
> WELL I RAN
S
> loser
> how did she ask?
> like how did she seem?
Q
> IDK
S
> PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER FABRAY
> FOCUS GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME
Q
> I DON'T WANT TO PLAY
> I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS
S
> TOO BAD
Q
> I'M GOING TO BE SICK
> THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT
> YOU KEPT CALLING ME GAY
> and I'm not
> I'm not
> I'm really straight
> I had a baby
> I already messed everything up
> I can't
S
> yeah okay fine ur straight
Q
> I am!
> like actually
S
> OMG
> yes quinn fabray you are totally the straightest girl in the entire universe
> there is no one straighter than you
> now tell me did she seem jealous
Q
> this is just a total misunderstanding
S
> yes yes yes 100%
> is she jealous?
Q
> I think so...
S
> YESSSSS OHHHH I AM SOOOO IN
> we should start linking pinkies
Q
> is that a euphemism?
> NO
> do NOT tell me
> I'm not doing that
S
> OMG
> u stupid bible humper
Q
> WOAH I don't hump anything
> stop talking about that
S
> literally u are
> how did u ever get knocked up?
> r u serious getting scared at the word sex?
Q
> I am if you're propositioning me
S
> im not
> i mean just hold pinkies
> nothing else
> dont want u to have a heart attack jesus
Q
> but you're trying to make B think we really are.....
> that's so embarrassing
S
> ur not top of my list either baby brain
Q
> I'm on your list?
> TAKE ME OFF IT WTF
S
> OMGGGG I GET IT UR SO HOLY AND IM SOOOOO GROSS
Q
> well now you're making me feel bad
S
> good
Q
> you're like
> very
> ungross
S
> so link pinkies w me
Q
> nothing else?
S
> nothing else
Q
> ok but if other ppl start talking...
S
> bitch like i want that either
Q
> fair
> fine deal
S
> YESSSS
Q
> just when you guys make up...
> please don't...
> yk
> in my bed
S
> fine no more sleepovers at ur house
Q
> ugh
> I'll bring ear plugs