Work Text:
***
“But we fight…
for every second we get
to spend with each other.”
-Riley, The last of Us: Left Behind
***
Buck
Loud music filled every corner of the car… making the seats hum and the steering wheel vibrate. Something rattled inside the glove compartment… a metallic buzzing… like a key ring, its keys clinking together with the vibrations of the music. The setting sun settled over the car’s interior like a golden cloak, making Buck sing along even louder.
A day off.
Beautiful weather.
Good music.
And a lonely mountain road.
Buck and the road.
The road and Buck.
On his way home.
The song ended. Silence… that little pause… because one song had ended and the next hadn’t started yet… just the faint hum still lingering in his ears… the vibration in Buck’s steering wheel… a tremor pulsing harder and harder, insistent beneath his hands… a rumble rising from deep within the road kicked up dust… made it hover and dance above the ground in the sunlight. The road groaned and gave way with a terrible crack.
“What the…?” Buck stared at the road ahead of him in disbelief. The metallic buzzing grew louder… his steering wheel bucked wildly in his hands, and the road split open in front of him, giving way with a deep rumble and disappearing.
The next song kicked in… louder than Buck remembered, its melody filling the car again. The shriek of his locked-up brakes blended with the inviting rhythm of Three Little Birds and carried Buck’s thoughts to a white-sand beach lined with palm trees… waves rolling ashore in a gentle surf… azure blue water merging with the golden sunset on the horizon.
A song.
Light.
Carefree.
Bob Marley’s voice… blending with the groaning of the breaking road, its carefree melody turning the ugly scene into something bizarre.
🎵don’t worry about a thing,
Buck’s brakes screamed,… yanking his thoughts back to reality. Back to locked tires sliding uncontrollably across the road, sending the car straight toward that ugly hole in the pavement. An abyss threatening to swallow everything, spreading more cracks like spiderwebs across the asphalt with a terrible crack.
🎵 ’cause every little thing gonna be all right.
The car tipped over the edge… groaning as it swayed… and hung there for the briefest fraction of a second. A heartbeat in which Buck hoped it was over… that, as always, he’d cheated death… but with a terrible crack, the edge gave way beneath him, and his car tipped over the edge with a deep sigh and disappeared.
🎵singin’: “don’t worry about a thing,
The first impact was brutal… stopping the car after a sixteen-foot drop, deploying the airbag, and crumpling the hood as easily as a sheet of paper. The metal screamed under the sudden pressure, tearing apart with a loud shriek and shoving the engine block toward Buck with a deep growl.
🎵’cause every little thing gonna be all right!”
The windshield gave way with a loud bang… exploding into thousands of tiny shards of glass that swirled through the cabin like razor-sharp snowflakes, painting thin red lines across Buck’s arms and face.
🎵rise up this mornin’,
The car struck another obstacle,… twisting with a deep groan… rolling onto its side… and sending itself tumbling over. The side mirrors went flying through the air and disappeared into the sunset.
🎵Smiled with the risin’ sun
Unconsciousness tugged at his awareness, blurring everything around him before spitting him back out just as the steering wheel crushed the air from his lungs and his ribs gave way with a sickening crack.
🎵three little birds Pitch by my doorstep
How many times had he already rolled over?
Three times?
More?
Up and down barely meant anything anymore.
The images in front of him tore apart… disjointed… jumping… tearing metal… a car tire spinning wildly away… hitting the ground… bouncing again… hitting the ground… another rotation, and then coming to a groaning stop.
🎵singin’ sweet songs
The pain was overwhelming. Blood dripped from his mouth in long strands, and his eyelids fluttered, fighting against unconsciousness. Buck’s trembling fingers fumbled for his phone. Found its familiar shape in his pocket, slid shakily over it, then fell limply to his side.
🎵Of melodies pure and true Saying’, (this is my message to you)
Coolant dripped onto the hot engine and hissed into a white cloud of steam. Every now and then, a few small rocks or chunks of earth still rolled down the edge of the sinkhole. But the noise had fallen silent. The world kept breathing. Birds landed on the newly formed landscape, hopping curiously over the broken earth and pulling earthworms from the ground…
🎵singin’: “don’t worry ’bout a thing,
A crow landed on the road… eyed the enormous hole in the pavement that had swallowed an entire car with obvious displeasure, then flew away with a disgruntled caw.
Silence settled over the barely traveled road… silence, except for Bob Marley’s quiet singing, echoing up from the depths of the sinkhole.
🎵’cause every little thing gonna be all right.”
🎵singin’: “don’t worry (don’t worry)
🎵”bout a thing, ’cause every little thing gonna be all right!”
***
Eddie
Quintana slowly backed the ladder truck into the bay at Station 1-18, parking it with practiced ease. Once the truck came to a stop, Eddie sighed, opened the door, and climbed out, exhausted. They were only halfway through their shift, and they already had a string of bizarre calls behind them. A kid had covered his hands in superglue and tried to climb the outside of his junior high school like Spider-Man… There’d been a reported shark attack at the Santa Monica Pier, only for the supposed shark to turn out to be an inflatable pool toy for kids… A family had gotten into an argument with the attendant at a movie theater concession stand because their Coke was too warm and their popcorn bag was only half full… And at a dog show, one of the contestants had accidentally entered his cat instead, causing absolute chaos in the venue… Their last call had been for reports of suspicious smoke at a diner, which turned out to be coming from a few forgotten slices of bacon on the grill.
It felt strange not having Buck beside him… and it was unusual for him to take a day off. Buck loved his job and rarely took one.
Chimney rolled his shoulders, glanced at his phone, and scrolled through a few news alerts. “There’s been a landslide on Lake Hollywood Drive. It may have been triggered by a possible sinkhole higher up the mountain. No accidents have been reported in connection with it. Thankfully, that stretch doesn’t get much traffic. The road’s closed, so we’re gonna go check it out…”
The alarm blared overhead, cutting Chimney off mid-sentence.
“Station 1-18… Ladder 1-18, Ambulance 1-18. Respond to Harry Bridges Boulevard and Fries Avenue, Wilmington. Report of a possible jumper on an industrial loading tower. LAPD and Port Police requested.”
Eddie’s stomach twisted, nausea spreading through him.
A possible jumper.
What could drive people to such desperation that they believed this was the only way out?!
Their previous call had ended just minutes ago, and Eddie hadn’t even had time to strip off his turnout gear. He grabbed his helmet and jumped back into the truck.
Gravel crunched beneath the ladder truck’s tires. The sirens were off, and red and white lights flashed silently from the roof. Both vehicles came to a stop, and the crew of the 118 climbed out and gathered in front of the ladder truck.
“We have an ID on the potential jumper. Her name is Lindsay Howards. Fiveteen years old. Her mother, Megan, is already on her way here… Eddie, Ravi, harness up and head to the top. The upper level runs all the way around the loading tower, so split up. Eddie, distract her and try to calm her down. Ravi, work your way in from the other side so you can intervene quickly if necessary… Hen, Harry, get the air cushion ready. Rosen, Quintana, assist Hen and Harry.”
Fiveteen years old!
What could drive a fiveteen-year-old girl to climb to the top of a loading tower just to throw herself to her death?
She had her whole life ahead of her…
Eddie stepped onto the upper level and slowly approached Lindsay. Her long, light-blond hair hung like a veil around her face. She turned, startled by the sound of his footsteps.
“Don’t come any closer, or I’ll jump.” Her voice cracked as she edged closer to the railing.
Eddie raised his hands to calm her and stopped. “Hey, Lindsay. I’m Eddie. I…” The ringing of his phone made him flinch. He quickly reached into his pocket and silenced it.
Damn it.
Lindsay flinched. “What was that?”
“Sorry… that…” Eddie’s heart clenched. “It was just my phone… I forgot to turn it off. But…”
Lindsay let out a small, desperate sound. “Nobody sees me… Nobody listens to me…”
“Hey, no…” His phone kept buzzing in his pocket. Whoever was calling wasn’t giving up. Eddie tried to tune out the vibration against his thigh as he slowly moved closer to her. “I see you, Lindsay.”
“That’s your job,” she said, wiping the tears from her face. “You think I don’t know that?”
Buzz… pause… buzz.
Pause.
Nothing.
Eddie took another cautious step forward.
“Stop! I told you to stay where you are.”
Eddie raised his hands again and stopped. “You’re in control here… If you want me to stay right here, I will. How about we talk for a little while?”
Lindsay watched him warily before nodding. “There was this boy… Luke… I really thought he liked me… but it was all just a bet… and now he calls me a slut… Everybody hates me and laughs at me. They say I’m stuck-up and selfish and easy… but I’m not!” The young girl wrapped her arms tightly around herself. “Nobody talks to me… They yell awful things at me when I walk by… I don’t want this anymore!” Tears streamed down Lindsay’s face.
“I know you’re hurting, Lindsay.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw Ravi move into position just behind Lindsay, slightly to one side. Ravi gave him a quick nod.
“You can get help.”
Lindsay hesitated, about to say something, when Ravi deftly secured a rescue harness around her and tightened it. The blond girl cried out in alarm, briefly struggling against Ravi’s hold before finally breaking down in tears.
Eddie’s phone had started vibrating again, and the thought of it made his heart clench with anxiety.
Something was wrong…
Eddie drew a deep breath, pushed the uneasy feeling aside, and tried to focus on the call.
***
Buck
Darkness.
Pitch-black… perfect… complete.
Breathe.
Silence.
Peace.
The darkness invited Buck to stay with her… to hide deep inside her, to escape the chaos surrounding his body… to escape the pain… to rest from it all… to be free.
Breathe.
Buck was tired…
Exhausted…
And here… in the dark… in the silence, there was finally a place filled with peace… so warm that the thought of staying here felt wonderful… letting go… resting…
Breathe.
But… being alone?!
Here?
Without Eddie?!
BREATHE!!
God… Eddie… He’d forgotten Eddie… Chris… Maddie… no… he couldn’t hide here…
Buck sucked in a ragged breath.
Pain exploded in his chest, making him groan in agony.
Okay.
Slowly.
Focus.
Breathe in.
Come on, Buckley.
Breathing was no longer a natural reflex of his body. It had become something deliberate… something painful… something that stopped halfway because his lungs seized up, and pain shot through his body like lightning.
The darkness gently tapped him on the shoulder, promising him salvation… no pain… just darkness.
Buck and the darkness.
The darkness and Buck.
Breathe… and for God’s sake, open your eyes.
Buck’s eyelids fluttered, barely managing to open, as if the weight of the world hung from them. He drew in a stuttering breath… carefully… trying to find the point where his lungs refused to work any further and the pain drove all thought from his mind.
Thought!
He had to use his head.
He had to think…
He had to get help.
Eddie.
The A-shift was on duty… His family was on duty… he had to call Eddie… Eddie would know what to do… Eddie had a solution for everything… Eddie had the Silver Star…
The scratchiness in his throat grew worse… more insistent… oh, hell… don’t cough… th-that… h-his lungs wouldn’t…
The urge to cough shoved Buck’s desperate attempt to hold it back aside… made him suck in air too quickly, too deeply, sending a red mist spraying into the air.
Damn it.
Buck cried out in pain… His lungs begged for relief, but that damn coughing wouldn’t stop, spattering red dots throughout the interior of the car.
Blood.
Buck let out a bitter laugh… Why not… an injured lung would be the perfect finishing touch to this goddamn accident…
He needed help.
With trembling fingers, he reached for his phone again… managed to get hold of it this time.
Breathe.
Eyes open.
Don’t fall asleep.
Don’t become part of the darkness.
His awareness blurred… stretched apart and painfully, slowly pulled itself back together. Finally, he could make out his contacts… and blindly tapped the most recently used one.
Exhausted, he closed his eyes… and waited…
Eddie would answer the call any second now… his voice would be in this car any second now… any second…
“Hi, you’ve reached Eddie Diaz. I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message. I’ll call you back.”
Damn it.
Buck drew in a groaning breath. “H-hey, Ed-die… uh… um… I-I…” He could barely form a coherent thought. “I-I th-think I’ll… c-call you l-later…” Buck tried to catch his breath again.
He ended the call. Waited, then dialed the number again.
Voicemail.
He hung up. Waited. Called again.
Come on, Eddie.
Voicemail. He hung up and tried again… straight to voicemail.
Come on, Eddie.
Buck’s breath caught in his lungs, and the world seemed to warp around him.
Damn it.
Get it together, Buckley.
His fingers slid across the screen again, finding Eddie’s number.
Voicemail.
This time, it took Buck considerably longer to find the strength and concentration to speak.
“Uh… Ed… I… I’m n-not feeling s-so g-good… I… p-please, Ed… c-call me b-back… ’kay?”
Another bloody fingerprint ended the call.
Come on, Buckley. Think…
With trembling fingers, he opened the Maps app and felt a wave of relief when he spotted the little blue dot showing his location.
Buck squinted… swiped the map display upward… and stared at the buttons beneath it… his mind locking up…
Share Location.
Mark Location.
Report a Problem.
Why the hell had he opened this app… why… what… the phone blurred before his eyes, and he felt gravity pulling at his body… making his muscles go limp…
Stop.
Stay awake.
Focus.
Buck stared at the screen… he’d opened the app for a reason… he… he wanted to send his location!
Right.
He wiped his bloody hands on his pant leg. Tapped Share Location, then opened the 1-18 group chat (no participants online).
Just rest for a moment.
A short break before…
Tired.
The Send button blurred… Buck blinked… and when he opened his eyes again, the darkness had already wrapped itself around him once more.
No.
No, this wasn’t right.
He didn’t want to be here.
Breathe.
He…
He felt the phone slipping from his hand…
No! No-no-no!
Eyes open!
He forced his eyes open, clutched the phone, gasping for breath, and hit Send.
Breathe slowly.
Stay awake.
Don’t fall asleep, Buckley!
He blindly felt his way across the screen… tapped the last recently used contact and started the call.
***
Eddie
Eddie slid the empty stretcher back into the ambulance and checked that it was securely locked into the floor.
A few quick movements were all it took to get the ambulance back in order. Then he set about disinfecting the stretcher. His thoughts were still with the young girl whose despair had grown so overwhelming that, for a moment, she’d forgotten how beautiful life could be. Eddie put away the disinfectant and checked that Hen was still talking with a few doctors, trying to calm Lindsay’s mother.
With a sigh, Eddie tossed the used paper towels into a small trash can, climbed out of the ambulance, and joined Chimney, who was waiting for Hen alongside Ravi and Harry. His phone started vibrating at the exact same moment as everyone else’s, and the calls he’d received during the rescue came rushing back to him. He reached for his phone just as he heard Chimney’s irritated voice.
“It’s just Buckley reminding us he’s got the day off while we’re stuck working.”
Chimney held up his phone, showing them Buck’s shared location, then his eyebrows drew together as he studied it.
“What’s he doing on Lake Hollywood Drive?”
Eddie’s lungs tightened painfully, and panic crept into his bones.
“That doesn’t make any sense. Lake Hollywood Drive‘s been closed for almost two hours because of a landslide and a possible sinkhole.”
He hurriedly unlocked his phone and froze.
Four missed calls… all from Buck…
Eddie felt dizzy and gasped for air.
No-no-no-no…
Something was wrong…
Eddie pulled up his voicemail and drew a shaky breath.
“He left me two voicemails.”
“That doesn’t necessarily mean something’s happened to him.” Hen suddenly appeared beside him, resting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. Her voice was calm and reassuring, but deep concern lay hidden in her eyes.
“You need to listen to those voicemails.” Ravi gestured toward Eddie’s phone.
Ravi was right. None of this was normal. Buck never shared his location… and he hated leaving voicemails… The fact that he’d left two meant he was in serious trouble. Eddie’s thoughts raced… He was just about to play the first voicemail when several different ringtones drew irritated looks from hospital staff who were still trying to calm Lindsay’s mother.
Eddie’s, Hen’s, Chimney’s, Ravi’s, and Harry’s phones all sprang to life at once, announcing an incoming group call from Buck.
Chimney gave Eddie an encouraging smile. “See? He’s fine.”
Chim grinned at Eddie, put the call on speaker, and held his phone out toward the middle of the group.
“You scared the hell out of us, Buckley,” he barked in an exaggeratedly stern voice before laughing.
The silence on the other end was awful.
Chimney went pale in an instant.
“Buck?!”
Eddie yanked his own phone to his ear and joined the call.
“Buck?” His voice broke with fear.
Silence, and then… finally… a faint, rattling breath… far too labored… and far too short, as though the air got stuck halfway in.
***
Buck
Blood ran in long trails down his hand… trickling along his fingers and gathering into tiny droplets at his fingertips. They hung there for a moment, until they grew too heavy to defy gravity and fell onto his phone in sticky drops.
“You need to breathe, kid.”
Oh, how he’d missed Bobby’s voice. He struggled to gather his thoughts.
“Come on, Buck. Breathe.”
“It h-hurts.”
“I know, kid.” Bobby gave him a worried smile. “But if you don’t breathe, you’re gonna die.”
“Everybody dies eventually.” Buck pressed his lips tightly together.
He was tired.
So tired.
What was so wrong with just…
“You scared the hell out of us, Buckley.”
Chimney’s voice made Buck flinch.
Where the hell had Chimney’s voice come from?!
“Breathe, Buck!” Bobby’s voice pleaded with him from somewhere inside his head.
Okay…
Buck dreaded the stabbing pain that came with every breath.
“Breathe, Buck.” Bobby’s voice was low in his ear. “You’re dying.”
“Buck?”
Chimney’s voice sounded… somehow horrified… scared… Buck’s thoughts throbbed painfully in his head… hadn’t Chim just been mad at him?!
“Breathe, kid.”
“Buck?”
Eddie?!
Eddie… finally.
Air!
His whole body screamed for it.
Buck’s eyes flew open, and he dragged air into his lungs… his chest rising too fast… too sharply… and the pain beneath his ribs sent black spots dancing across his vision.
He tried again… this time carefully… not so forcefully… not so desperately… but the air seemed to catch halfway to his lungs.
Damn it.
Panic closed around his throat.
“Stay calm.” Bobby sat in the badly twisted passenger seat, watching him closely. “You’ve got serious head injuries, and the crash damaged your lungs. Air has built up between your lung and your chest wall. Try to keep your breathing slow and shallow.”
Buck nodded… closed his eyes and focused on his breathing.
“Keep your eyes open… you’ll drift off otherwise.” Bobby leaned through the shattered driver’s-side window.
How had Bobby gotten out of the wrecked car so quickly? Buck stared at him, confused.
“Buck.”
Why was Eddie’s voice coming from the center console?
“Come on! Talk to me!”
How was he supposed to talk when he could barely breathe?
When he couldn’t get a single coherent thought together.
Focus, Buckley. “Ed-” His throat felt like he’d swallowed shards of glass.
“Yeah, I’m here. What happened?”
“Ca-ar…”
Air.
He had to breathe.
“Ro-ad w-as gone.” His eyes slipped shut again, and he struggled for every breath.
“You gotta hang on, you hear me?”
“Don’t talk so much, kid.” Bobby leaned forward from the back seat. “Your lung is getting worse. You’re not gonna be able to breathe much longer.”
“I… don’t… wan-na di-ie, Bob-by.”
“You’re indestructible.” Bobby looked at him with pride. “You hear those sirens? They’re almost here.” Bobby hesitated. “Buck? There’s a lot of rubble on top of your car, and it’s dark. They won’t find you unless you help them.”
Red and white lights cut through the darkness and came to a stop somewhere above the sinkhole. A moment later, beams from flashlights swept through the night.
“BUCK!”
Eddie!
Where was Bobby?
His thoughts spun, and the world tilted.
“Bob-”
Breathe.
Buck’s lungs screamed with pain and seized up.
Damn it.
Air.
At the edge of his awareness, he heard Eddie’s voice desperately calling for him. His eyelids fluttered… but he couldn’t keep them open, and they slipped shut.
You HAVE to get their attention.
One last clear thought before unconsciousness pulled him under and the rise and fall of his chest grew weaker and weaker.
***
Eddie
Hen’s worried gaze cut straight through him, burrowing under his skin and into his mind. His face pale, he stared down at his hands and the phone resting in them. He was shaking… The trembling had started sometime after he’d seen Buck’s name on the screen… It had worked its way into his muscles and hadn’t let up since. The few words Buck had managed to whisper into the phone painted terrifying scenarios in Eddie’s mind, and Buck’s rattling, labored breathing had become the soundtrack to those images. The paramedic in Eddie tried to assess each breath… and what he realized made nausea churn through his body. Breaths far too short to give Buck the oxygen he needed… cutting off abruptly, as if pain or something else was keeping air from reaching his lungs. But what was even worse… were the pauses… the endless stretches of silence between breaths, and how each breath that followed sounded weaker and more exhausted than the last.
The ambulance sped through the night. Red and white lights flashed from the roof, and the siren announced an emergency Eddie wasn’t ready for. The golden hour had given way to a moonless night.
“I… don’t… wan-na di-ie, Bob-by.”
Die.
The one word that should never be used in connection with Buck…
“He’s hallucinating.” Hen’s flat voice made Eddie flinch. He looked up, confused.
“He’s hallucinating,” Hen repeated. “He’s talking to Bobby.”
Damn it.
Why hadn’t he noticed?
“He can barely breathe anymore.” Eddie’s voice was raw, scraping against his throat.
A drop landed on Eddie’s screen… then another…
What the…
He searched for the source, confused, until he realized they were his own tears, welling up without his permission.
“We’ll find him in time.” Hen glanced at Eddie before steering around the barricade blocking access to Lake Hollywood Drive.
Eddie pulled up Buck’s location and watched as they got closer and closer to the blue dot on the map. “He should be just around the next bend.”
Hen nodded, slowed the ambulance, and carefully eased around the bend. Suddenly, her eyes widened in alarm, and she slammed on the brakes.
The stretch of road ahead of them was gone.
Eddie drew a shaky breath, grabbed his flashlight, and jumped out of the ambulance.
“BUCK.” The stillness of the night seemed to swallow Eddie’s voice whole. Somewhere in the darkness, a lone common poorwill answered with an angry call before flying off, still scolding. Eddie swept his flashlight into the abyss, but all he could make out was dirt and rubble.
“BUCK!”
Nothing…
“BUCK.”
Eddie’s thoughts raced.
“BUCK! CAN YOU HEAR ME?”
Chimney adjusted his helmet, stared into the sinkhole, and swept his flashlight along the edges. The entire stretch of road had collapsed, leaving no way to get the emergency vehicles around it.
“Rosen. Smith. Knox. Get to the other side and search along the road… Every bush, every tree, every rock. EVERYTHING!” Chimney pointed to the right, toward the steep mountainside.
“Perez. Shore. Cabell. Search downhill. Maybe he went off the road.” Chimney hesitated. “There’s a chance he slid into the Hollywood Reservoir. Make sure he’s not in there. Move!”
“Ravi. Harry. Get ready to rappel.”
Eddie stared at Chimney, incredulous. “What about me? I’m going down too!”
“Wait for my order,” Chimney snapped, pushing Eddie back. “We don’t even know if he’s down there.”
“Where the hell else would he be?” Eddie growled.
“Let the others do their jobs and step back.” Chimney shoved Eddie aside again. “Molloy. Quintana. Dier… you’re handling the belay for Ravi and Harry.”
Eddie stepped in front of Chimney, furious. “I’m going down too.”
“You’re staying here. That’s an order!” Chimney held Eddie’s gaze, his expression firm, then reached for his radio. “This is Captain Howard Han with Station 118. Requesting additional units to help search for a crash victim at 2600 Lake Hollywood Drive, Beachwood Canyon.” Then he turned back to Eddie, took a breath, and spoke in a calm voice. “We don’t even know if he’s actually down there. And if he is, it won’t be a pretty sight.” Chimney rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re too emotionally involved. Too close.”
Eddie clenched his jaw, shifting tensely from one foot to the other.
“I understand, Eddie.” Chimney rested a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look. “If Maddie were down there, I’d want to get to her too. But I wouldn’t be any help. I’d be acting on emotion and probably get in the way of the rescue.” Chimney nodded toward Hen. “Ho to Hen and wait until they find him… then it’ll be your turn to do everything you can to get him through this… But I need you both focused and ready to work.”
“Chim…” Eddie’s voice broke.
“Buck deserves to have my two best paramedics taking care of him, making sure he gets the best medical care possible… and that’s only going to happen if you two have everything ready and are standing by up here.”
Everything Chimney said made sense.
He was right about all of it.
So why did it feel so wrong?
Ravi and Harry were a good team… not as good as Buck and him, but they were good.
Eddie moved back to the edge of the broken road. “COME ON, BUCK. CAN YOU HEAR ME?” He was just about to turn away when a long, continuous blast of a car horn echoed up from the depths of the sinkhole.
Buck!
The universe seemed to split open around Eddie, and before he even realized it, his feet were carrying him forward. His body was already taking him toward Buck while his mind struggled to process Chimney’s words.
“Eddie.”
Hen?
Damn it. Focus.
He had to get to Buck…
Had to help him…
“EDDIE!”
Hen again…
Louder this time. More insistent.
He looked around, disoriented… trying to find something in the chaos to help him get his bearings… trying to get the trembling in his legs under control and figure out why he was suddenly standing beside the ladder truck, already wearing a rappel harness.
“Look at me, Eddie.” Hen rested a hand on his upper arm. “Let’s get the ambulance ready.”
“I have to get to him.” The words came out in a whisper, barely slipping past his lips between heartbeats.
“I know.” Hen’s voice was soft. “But Buck needs you up here.”
Eddie nodded.
It wasn’t so much agreement as acknowledgment.
“What if he…” His voice sounded rough, scraped raw.
“You know Buck.” Hen smiled, though worry filled her eyes. “He’s got his own ideas about what fate has in store for him…”
Eddie swallowed hard and nodded.
“I’m scared, Hen.”
“I know, Eddie.”
The radio crackled to life.
“Firefighter Panikkar here. We’re at the vehicle. Patient’s pinned and unresponsive. We need the spreaders and cutters.”
“Is he alive?” Eddie’s fingers trembled as he let go of the radio.
“Pulse is thready, barely palpable. The engine block’s shifted. His chest is badly crushed against the steering wheel. I can’t see if his chest is rising, the wheel’s blocking my view, and it’s too dark down here. He’s still pinned. Suspect multiple rib fractures… possible pneumothorax, maybe a tension pneumothorax, given the nature of the crash. Possible head injuries, too.” Ravi was breathing hard. “Get a backboard down here. Now. We’re getting him out and bringing him up.”
Hen’s eyes stayed on Eddie, full of concern. He could feel her watching every muscle tense, every little twitch. He knew she was trying to gauge how he was holding up… wondering if she should call Chim and ask him to pull Eddie off the call. And, if he was being honest, he’d probably be thinking the same thing if he saw himself like this.
Eddie took a shaky breath. “I’m okay, Hen.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
“Are you sure?” Even in the darkness, he could see the worry in her eyes. “I need to know I can count on you once Buck’s up here.”
“I can do this.”
For a moment, he actually believed it. He was sure he could keep his feelings buried behind the professional mask he wore as a paramedic. But the second he finally got a look at Buck… at his limp body strapped to the backboard… he wasn’t so sure anymore.
He was far too still… far too quiet…
Buck wasn’t supposed to be still…
Buck was never motionless…
Buck was supposed to be full of energy…
But the body they were carrying up was battered… broken… wrecked…
Too much blood and not enough Buck.
“Get him in the ambulance. Move!” Chimney raced around the ambulance and jumped into the driver’s seat. The sirens started blaring, and the ambulance pulled away. Eddie couldn’t even remember climbing inside.
Buck looked nothing like the tall, fit guy who’d been out rock climbing on a cliff somewhere near Malibu that morning… and sent Eddie pictures afterward.
He’d looked so happy in those pictures… so unmistakably Buck…
And now?
Now he was lying right in front of Eddie… his curls matted with blood, some of it still wet, other patches dried stiff. Eddie’s eyes moved over Buck’s body, taking in the countless scrapes and bruises… before settling on Hen as she leaned over him, checking his breathing… assessing his level of consciousness… calculating his GCS, then clipping a pulse ox onto his finger.
Buck’s heart rate and oxygen saturation appeared on the monitor, and a shrill alarm went off. The sound finally dragged Eddie’s attention where it needed to be.
“GCS of 7. O2 sat’s at 85 percent. Heart rate’s 130. He’s not getting enough oxygen.” Hen fitted the bag-valve mask over Buck’s face and started ventilating him.
“Skin’s pale, cool, and clammy. Blood pressure’s 80/50.” Eddie’s hands went straight to the compartment where they kept the IV catheters. He got the line in with steady hands and started the fluids, then cut Buck’s shirt open… and gasped…
The left side of Buck’s chest was dark blue, almost black, and the way his chest moved sent a wave of nausea through Eddie.
“Hen…” His voice came out hollow and weak.
“I need a closer look.” Worry edged her voice. “Eddie, take over the bag. Keep an eye on his vitals and call out any changes.”
Eddie nodded without a word, took over the bagging, and kept his eyes on Buck’s chest. It wasn’t rising evenly. Every breath was far too shallow and ineffective.
“O2 sat’s dropping to 83 percent.”
Hen nodded and placed her stethoscope against Buck’s chest. “I can barely hear breath sounds on the left. How are his vitals?”
“Peripheral pulse is barely palpable… Heart rate’s 140. He’s tachycardic and hemodynamically unstable… His heart’s responding to the lack of oxygen.”
Eddie tried to block out the alarms as Buck’s O2 sat kept falling and his heart rate kept climbing.
“He’s crashing.”
Too close…
He was way too close…
He was no help…
“His O2 sat’s still dropping.”
***
Hen
Fate could’ve knocked on someone else’s door for a change… but instead, it kept showing up at Buck’s door, over and over again. Smiling at him. Holding out its hand and pulling him along.
Tension pneumothorax.
Air collecting where it didn’t belong, building pressure that compressed the lung and kept it from expanding properly.
Damn it, Buck…! What was that about fate knocking on someone else’s door for a change?! Maybe he should just keep his own door locked.
Hen’s hands moved carefully over Buck’s chest. The bruising, the dark blue discoloration, the skin stretched taut… it all gave her some idea of just how bad the crash had been and how much force his body had taken. The ambulance was filled with noise… a symphony of alarms and warning signals, constantly reminding her just how critical his condition was.
Hen closed her eyes.
She needed a moment to breathe.
To steady herself.
She’d treated tension pneumothoraces before. She knew the procedure, knew exactly what to do. But this was Buck lying in front of her.
She needed that one breath… just long enough to steady her hands and get her thoughts in order. Then she positioned the decompression needle between Buck’s ribs… only to watch his body go rigid beneath her hands the next instant, his arms and legs jerking uncontrollably in a rhythmic pattern.
“He’s seizing.” Eddie’s voice was thick with shock, disbelief, and desperation.
Come on, Buck.
COME ON.
“Heart rate’s climbing to 150. O2 sat’s down to 81%. BP’s dropping to 70/40. He’s crashing, Hen!”
“Keep bagging him. I’ll get the needle in as soon as I can do it safely.”
“Hen! He’s crashing! BP’s still dropping. O2 sat’s at 80%. Heart rate remain high.”
Buck’s body was still jerking…
Okay… come on, Hen.
You’ve got this.
Wait until his body relaxes for a second.
“HEN!” Eddie forced her name through clenched teeth. “His numbers are still dropping!”
The ambulance tore through the streets of Los Angeles, the ladder truck following close behind like a big brother making sure the little one made it safely. Red and white lights flashed across their roofs, reflecting in the windows as the sirens ripped through the silence of the night, their wails echoing back at them.
Los Angeles was asleep, or at least most of it… Some people were still out in bars… others were heading home after a long shift… yeah… Maybe a few were even on their way to work out at one of the city’s countless gyms…
But Hen took a deep breath, focused on the insertion site, and placed the decompression needle.
Buck’s body didn’t immediately register that his lung could expand again…
Actually, it didn’t seem to register it at all.
He jerked… once… then again… and then went still.
Far too still.
The kind of stillness that sent an icy chill crawling down your spine… as if Death had passed by, breathed his icy breath over you, and then laid one bony finger on Buck’s heart.
The sounds around her faded away, and her head seemed to fill with cotton. She could see Eddie shouting something, shifting into position beside her… Buck was intubated… when had that happened?… The ventilator was setting the rhythm now, pushing air into his lungs… and Eddie was showing his heart how to beat.
The shrill, mournful tone of the monitor sound throughout the ambulance, his heart has stopped working properly he is in a full cardiac arrest. Eddie gasped for breath as he worked through the chest compressions.
“No, Buck, you’re not doing this! You hear me? No!” His voice cracked. “I’m not letting this happen. I won’t let you. You’re not sneaking off on me now…”
“I’m taking over.” Hen leaned over Buck and began chest compressions.
“No pulse. He’s still in cardiac arrest.” Eddie was still struggling to catch his breath. “His oxygen saturation and blood pressure are unreadable. Give him 1 milligram of epi.”
***
Eddie
All he needed right now was a Time-Turner. That golden pendant Professor McGonagall had given Hermione Granger so she could travel back in time. A few hours… that was all he needed. It would be enough to stop Buck from driving home on that damn road… especially since it wasn’t even the most direct route home. But Buck loved getting out of the city, away from the hustle and the perpetually packed streets of L.A. He loved cranking up the music until it filled the car. Loved watching the scenery fly by and feeling as though freedom itself was carrying him along… Maybe it was a remnant of his old life, when he’d spent a few years drifting from place to place… always following the road… new places… new people… new jobs… with Hershey shrinking in his rearview mirror. But no place, no person, no job had ever been enough to make him stay. Not until he’d made it to Los Angeles. At the 118, that restless soul had finally found somewhere he belonged, somewhere that gave him what he’d spent his whole life searching for: a family.
Eddie had been searching, too.
Not so much for a place, but for himself.
At first, he’d tried to be the boy the church and his parents wanted him to be… the boy his classmates expected him to be. He’d watched girls… flirted with them… and eventually met Shannon. He’d been grateful to have a best friend who helped him wear the mask that had been put on him from the day he was born into a strict Catholic family, a mask he’d never learned how to live without. Until he’d forgotten there was something on his skin that had never belonged there.
Some realizations hit you like a thunderclap. They come crashing down on you, burying you beneath a flood of information. Others come quietly, almost gently, as though they’ve been waiting deep inside you all along, waiting for you to find the courage to recognize them and put them into words.
Eddie’s realization had been itching beneath his skin for almost nine years. At first, it had been a faint tingling… then a wild flutter in his heart. And time and time again, he’d told himself he was wrong. That the feeling couldn’t be right because he wasn’t like that… because he was the way he was supposed to be… at least, according to his parents.
And now it might be too late… because the person who meant everything to him might never open his eyes again.
Eddie focused on the rhythm of the chest compressions. Ignored the broken ribs beneath his hands. Ignored the screaming alarms and prayed that Buck wouldn’t leave him… not now, when the mask had finally fallen away and he’d finally realized what Buck really meant to him…
“Ventricular fibrillation. We need to shock him.” Hen leaned over Buck and pressed the defibrillator paddles against his chest. “Clear?”
“Clear,” Eddie confirmed, stepping back.
Buck’s body jerked with the shock, then fell limp against the stretcher again. There was still no organized heart rhythm. The lines on the monitor continued to jump chaotically up and down.
“Again…” Hen repositioned the paddles. “Ready?”
“Ready.”
Come on, Buck.
His body arched with the next shock, then dropped back onto the stretcher.
“Come on, Buck… Come on.” Eddie clenched his jaw and stared at the monitor.
No more ventricular fibrillation.
No spike… just a flat line seared into Eddie’s mind… until a soft, almost timid beep sounded and the line made its first tentative jump upward.
Once.
Twice.
Still a little unsteady, as though it were trying to find its rhythm… but the spike was there.
Buck was back.
Eddie gasped.
“We’ve got an organized rhythm. Check his pulse.” Hen’s hands trembled with relief.
Eddie pressed his fingers against Buck and felt the faintest flutter. “We’ve got a pulse.” His gaze dropped to Buck’s face. “You’re back.”
The doors flew open, letting in a rush of cool air. Buck was wheeled into the harsh hospital lights and swallowed up by the glare.
He’s alive.
Eddie’s mind was still reeling.
His legs trembling, he climbed out of the ambulance just in time to catch the end of Hen’s handoff.
“One important thing: He has a known allergy to naproxen. He also has a history of oxycodone dependence, so please keep that in mind when managing his pain.”
The doctors nodded, and a nurse jotted something down. Then a door opened, and Buck disappeared inside.
“They’re taking him straight to the OR.” Chim suddenly appeared beside him. “Maddie should be here any minute.” His gaze swept over Eddie, taking in his appearance. “You desperately need a shower. You’re off for the rest of the shift. Go home, get cleaned up, and then meet us back here.”
“I’m staying,” Eddie said, his voice worn out.
“Don’t be an idiot, Diaz.” Chimney gave him a stern look. “Buck’s going to be in surgery for a few hours, and by the time he gets out, you should at least look halfway human.” His voice softened. “Maddie will be here any minute. If there’s any news, she’ll call you. Go home. We’ll meet back here.”
The shower felt good. The warm water washed over him, carrying away at least some of his worries. By the time he finally got back to the hospital, the sun was just coming up over the building, its morning light ushering in a new day.
Eddie sighed, picked up the two cappuccinos he’d bought on the way, and headed for the family waiting room, where Maddie was waiting.
“Hey.” He handed her one of the cups. “Any news?”
“The doctor was just here. Buck made it through surgery. They’re keeping him sedated so his body and brain can recover from everything he’s been through.”
Eddie could feel Maddie watching him. “You can go see him in a minute.”
“Me?” Eddie flinched. “B-but you’re his sister.”
A gentle smile tugged at Maddie’s lips. “And you’re his emergency contact.”
“What? Since when?”
“Mmm.” Maddie pressed her lips together. “I’m guessing since you named him as Chris’s guardian in your will.”
“He told you about that?”
“Of course… He’s my little brother.” She smiled.
Eddie lifted his head, unsure whether he should say anything more. His chest tightened, making it hard to breathe.
“I was really scared for Buck today… I… I’m always scared for him, really. I hate it when he runs into burning buildings and I’m not there to look out for him.” Eddie swallowed. “When I’m around him, it’s like… everything feels brighter… like… like life suddenly gets easier… like I could finally be free. I feel good when I’m with him.”
“He loves you, too, Eddie.”
Eddie gasped for air and swallowed hard. He struggled to find the right words when the door suddenly opened and a young doctor stepped inside.
“Edmundo Diaz?” She looked at him questioningly.
Eddie nodded.
“Please come with me. Your partner isn’t awake yet, but we’re very pleased with how his vital signs look. You can see him now.”
She led him into a small room.
“Mr. Buckley will remain sedated for the next few days to give his organs, heart, and brain time to recover. He’ll stay on a ventilator to take some of the strain off his body. If you have any questions, our staff is available around the clock. But for now, go sit with your partner. Talk to him. Touch him. It’ll do him good.”
Eddie nodded and sank into the chair beside Buck’s bed. He hesitated for a moment before taking Buck’s hand and gently stroking the back of it.
“I’m here, Buck…” He traced another small circle over the back of Buck’s hand. “I’m here, and I’ll always be here for you.”
Then he lifted Buck’s hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of it.