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Miyuki misses Sawamura. He knows he made Sawamura angry at him, and to be honest, he thought it was for the best. If it’s the only way he could make him move on from his feelings towards him, then so be it. But a long time has passed, and his feeling of longing for that loud-mouthed kouhai of his is only getting stronger. And he doesn’t even know why he misses him. He should be thankful for the peace and quiet he gets now that Sawamura’s not following him around, but the boy’s presence already grew on him. And he can’t help but miss him.
He sees Sawamura everywhere, and every time, he’d have to remind himself not to tease the boy. And then he’ll see him smile, but he knows that isn’t a real smile. He feels guilty, but he doesn’t show it. He wants to say sorry to him. He wants to just accept him, and accept his feelings. He wants to just throw away everything he believed in, and accept the fact that he likes him.
Wait…
‘Do I like him?’ he thought to himself.
He tried to remember everything that has happened between them through the years. It’s true, sometimes their friends, especially Kuramochi, would tease them for being too close and inseparable. He’d brush it off, but most of the time he’d do something that would make Kuramochi cringe and look away so he’d stop teasing them. One time, back in high school, Miyuki and Sawamura were in the rooftop, it was windy that day and Sawamura just suddenly placed his head on Miyuki’s lap and dozed off. ”What are you doing, Sawamura?” he asked. “I’m sleeping, so shut up.” Sawamura replied. “Don’t use my lap as a pillow.” He said, even though he didn’t really do anything to stop the guy from doing so. Sawamura didn’t answer then, so he could only guess he already fell asleep. That time, he couldn’t help himself but stare at the sleeping face of his kouhai. ‘I didn’t know he has such long eyelashes. So cute.’ He thought. He just kept on staring at him, until he heard a laugh, which is surely from Kuramochi. “Hyahaha! So this is why you two keep on coming here, huh? So you could be lovey-dovey with each other? Hyahahaha!” Kuramochi teased. Normally, Miyuki wouldn’t say or do anything back, but this time he just smirked and said, “Of course, we do need some alone time sometimes, you know?” then after that, he placed a small peck on Sawamura’s lips, which earned him a very disgusted groan from Kuramochi.
“Ugh, don’t you do that in front of me, ever again or I swear I’ll kill you.”
“Hahaha! Well then, by all means, please don’t disturb us again next time.” Miyuki replied.
“You shit, I’m only here ‘cause the teacher was looking for you.”
“Why?” he asked.
“How should I know? Now get your ass up, and go to the faculty already. I’m going back to the classroom.”
Before he could say anything back, Kuramochi already disappeared behind the door. That was a memory he will never forget. At that time, he just thought it was funny, especially since Kuramochi’s reactions are always the best, but now that he think of it. Why did he do that? Under normal circumstances, if it wasn’t Sawamura who’s using his lap then, would he also kiss them? He’s pretty sure he won’t. So why did he do that? His thoughts were broken off when he heard a voice from behind him, making him flinch.
“Oi, you’re creeping me out, if you want to talk to him, just go do it.” Kuramochi said to him.
“What?” he asked.
Kuramochi sighed. “You know, it’s really irritating, how you had to hurt Sawamura like that, when you, yourself, obviously like him too. Why don’t you just go confess to him already and stop torturing yourselves?”
“What are you saying?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Are you really that much of an idiot? Don’t tell me, you haven’t figured out your feelings for him yet?”
When Miyuki didn’t answer, he just sighed. “You really are stupid, huh? You know what, here,” he fished out a piece of paper and handed it to Miyuki, “Go here. And go sort out your feelings while watching Sawamura have a date with someone else.”
“What? What do you mean? Date?”
“I’m sure you know Mei. Narumiya Mei?”
“What about him?”
“He asked Sawamura out on a date. And Sawamura agreed.”
“Really?”
“Well, you sound surprised.”
“I didn’t know Mei swings that way.” He explained.
“Now you know.”
“Should I really go there? I mean, isn’t it good? Sawamura might already be moving on from me. He deserves someone better. If that someone is Mei, then why not give him a chance?”
“You have a point, but are you sure you’re willing to just let Sawamura go?”
When Kuramochi was answered by silence, he just scoffed. “That’s what I thought, now go. Don’t make me drag you out of this room.”
He wasn’t sure why he actually went to the place, but he’s glad he did. He’s sitting a safe distance away from Sawamura and Mei’s table, close enough to be able to see what they’re doing but is also a bit hidden so the two won’t spot him. ‘This is so stupid, but I guess this is the only way to figure things out for now.’ He thought. He watched the two, and for so long, he hasn’t seen that bright smile from Sawamura’s face, but now… it’s there. He can’t help but feel a sharp pain in his chest. He always thought he’d only see that smile when Sawamura’s with him, but now. He’s smiling at Mei when he’s supposed to be smiling at him. He’s having a date with Mei when he’s supposed to be having that date with him.
His heart keeps on throbbing in pain. It feels like it’s being pounced on by a hammer, shattering it into pieces. ‘So this is what it feels like to be jealous? I guess I really am in love with that idiot.’ he thought. He let out a soft chuckle. ‘And this is what it feels like to see the person you love be with someone else.’ He knows he doesn’t want to let go of Sawamura, but if Sawamura could be happier with someone else, then what can he do? If he can be much more happier with Mei, then maybe… Maybe, he could step aside.