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Now there were some terrible seeds on the planet that was the home of the little prince; and these were the seeds of the baobab. The soil of that planet was infested with them. A baobab is something you will never, never be able to get rid of if you attend to it too late. It spreads over the entire planet. It bores clear through it with its roots. And if the planet is too small, and the baobabs are too many, they split it in pieces . . .
A large chunk of Levi's job as corporal involved him dealing with people who were, while tactically efficient, prone to being walking human disasters off the battlefield. It seems that it was his lot in life to deal with people who could not stop themselves from putting their feet in their mouths. Metaphorically speaking of course. Well, for the most part.
But most times Levi is the one who doesn’t know when to shut up when he should, the filter connecting his brain and his mouth near non-existent.
In his defense, when he woke up this morning he hadn’t expected to run his trap down a road that lead to an emotional breakdown. It isn’t his fault that Jaeger still isn’t able to figure out when he is being serious and when he is teasing. Often this inability to read his tone led to hilarity in the form of the determined boy making an ass out of himself.
A grand time was usually had by all who witnessed the titan-shifter’s struggle.
Today was not one of those times.
It had started out as normal a day as could be expected in his particular branch of the scouting legion; the only peculiarity being that Levi himself had drawn the proverbial short straw and was stuck drilling the cadets in advanced maneuvering. It was a fate worse than death he was sure. They were moody and confrontational with each other, often to the point where blows were exchanged, but they refused to leave each other’s sides. It left him often wondering how the hell these little thugs had graduated at all.
Instead of dealing with whatever hormonal teenage bullshit drama they were going through, Levi made them run laps until they dropped.
To his left Eren stood fidgeting uncomfortably. “Any particular reason you're squirming like you’re going to piss yourself? Unless you are than; ew.” Levi comments dryly, eyes never leaving the cadets who were angrily jogging around the compound: some racing, some barely keeping up.
“I don’t have to. To pee. I don’t have to. Sir.” The brunet stumbles to answer, which makes Levi want to equal parts laugh and slap a hand against his face in frustration. He doesn’t course, but the desire is still there. “Corporal, sir, don’t you think it’s a bit unfair for me to be standing here with you while the others run?”
It’s a fair enough question and if he had his way Jaeger would be running right alongside them. Out of all of the new recruits he had to be most fit, have the most stamina reserves. Levi was a big fan of good old fashioned run until your feet fall off training to hone such a skill. But orders were orders, even if they were completely stupid. The kid wasn’t glass; he wasn’t going to break from sweating a bit too much.
He tells Eren none of this: instead answering: “I have to keep an eye on you. Can’t have you barreling through the countryside all willy-nily just because you’re tired. Why? Do you want to run laps until you pass out? Am I that bad of company?”
Eren’s answer is nervous as if he can’t tell if the question is rhetorical or not. It is, but he answers anyway. Idiot. “That’s not it at all!” he hurriedly assures as if Levi’s feelings are going to be hurt. “I enjoy Corporal’s company very much!” The short man doesn’t think he will ever understand this kid, which is probably for the best. He’s making him turn into quite the chatterbox as of late.
Levi pauses in his thoughts of whether this is a good thing or not, to encourage the precious gifts that have been left under his wing as they run past. “Oi, Braus, are you seriously going to eat that? You found it on the ground; put it down you uncultured swine. Kirschtein, Braun! Less spewing stupid shit and more running. Arlert, are you even trying? No, don’t help him Ackerman; he’s perfectly capable on his own, he doesn’t need you to hold his hand. And if I see that finger pointed in my direction one more time Springer I’m going to rip it off and feed it to you. Or maybe to Braus since she’s so desperate.”
With a miniscule sigh, the corporal looks at Eren, expression dripping with annoyance. “It’s like watching after toddlers. No, that’s too insulting to toddlers. Like a barrel of monkeys. Stupid monkeys; the kind that fling their own shit around.”
His charge tries not to laugh, but a snort escapes his pale lips. This makes Levi pleased in ways he doesn’t have the time, or the desire, to figure out right now or ever. Besides, his attention is stolen by one of the new recruits, the freakishly tall Fubar boy, tripping on his own feet and bringing down a fair amount of the others with him. A tan girl with freckles threatens to rip his dick off for being so useless and against his better judgment Levi is vaguely impressed by her colorful insults.
Eren cringes in sympathy and Levi rolls his eyes. They are beyond helping. “Are any of your friends not complete idiots Eren?”
It is a rhetorical question; like any one of the many he throws around, he doesn’t expect an answer. Eren considers it with a strange look on his face. Levi can pinpoint the exact moment his features transform into something akin to sorrow, but not quite. “I— my friend; Marco. I think you’d have liked him sir.”
The name doesn’t ring any bells; he can’t remember a Marco on his list of fresh meat greenhorns. “He join the Military Police with your little blonde friend? What a waste.”
In the peripheral of his vision he notices Eren clenches his fist into the white fabric of his pants, almost tight enough to draw blood.
Oh.
Oh.
He’d really stuck his foot in his mouth with this one.
“No, he died. In Trost.” The words are short and clipped and Levi doesn’t like the way it makes Eren’s voice sound, it wasn’t anything like the usual nerve-racking tones that he had grudgingly come to associate and like in the titan shifter.
“When did you find out?” He hadn’t been glued to the kid’s side the last few days; he’d been busy training his squad for their mission to protect him. Levi had chocked the queer mood Eren, all of them really, was in today to them being teenagers with hormones raging all over the place and what not, not grief. If they had been silently mourning a fallen comrade, a childhood friend, than he had been going about this all wrong.
“Just yesterday sir.”
‘Shit.’
“Them too?”
“They found out three days ago. Jean found him.”
Levi audibly sighs to mask his internal cringe, making Eren jump.
Despite what others thought of him Levi was not a needlessly cruel man; he, more than anyone maybe, knew the ways a loss could affect ones performance. It was a wound like any other and if left alone and untreated it would fester becoming a problem down the line. Inadvertently he made a bunch of grieving teenagers beat each other to holy hell and then had them run laps for nearly an hour because they were off their game.
Losing comrades was a common occurrence in their field of work, but the 104th was a special case. No other unit had ever had a trial by fire quite like them. Already these greenhorns had seen more action and death than many veterans.
Levi feels like pond scum and it makes his skin crawl.
“No wonder you all are shit today.”
To that Eren says nothing, but his expression is lost and his eyes are swimming as if he's lost in his own guilt.
“Tell me about him.” Levi voices evenly, almost bored. Eren’s head snaps up as if it were a gunshot though. He isn’t sure if he’s heard correctly and the older man wonders what is more surprising to him, the fact that he’d asked or the idea that he cared. It shouldn’t bother him; he has no reason to think Levi anything other than his superior, someone who would use lethal force if necessary. It shouldn’t piss him off but it does.
“About Marco?”
“No about your teddy bear collection. Of course about him.”
“…..” The brunet starts squirming again which does nothing to improve the corporal’s quickly souring mood. The smaller man claps down a hand on his shoulder with fine-tuned swiftness. The touch steadies the boy as much as it reassures him, which is to say, not very much.
Kids these days. “That was an order Jaeger.”
He can almost see the cogs turning behind his green eyes, grasping for something to latch on to, something to say about his departed friend. “…..He had to pee all the time. I mean all the time; it would get him in trouble with the instructors because he would always try to hold it in and squirm.”
That is not the poetic memory he had expected at all. Levi shouldn’t be surprised; as passionate and determined as Eren was he was not particularly a smooth talker or an articulate orator. It would be annoying if it wasn’t endearing. “Your friend is dead and that’s what you remember about him? That he had to piss all the time?”
The fifteen year old tries to stop the look of annoyance and self-consciousness that is starting to crawl on his face. He is unsuccessful; Levi can read him like a book. “Well we were talking about it…”
In the distance the 104th, what was left of them at least, ran tightly clumped together. To Levi it appeared that they were unwilling to separate even for the exercise, as if they may fade away if not in each other’s sights for too long. It was probably an unconscious action on most of their parts. “What else?”
“With all due respect, why are you asking this of me sir? You didn’t know him. You don’t care that he’s gone.” The words are harsh but he knows that isn’t the intention behind his question.
Levi had never met Marco Bodt, never even heard of him, let alone carried particularly that he was dead. His death went right along with the collective ache of nameless and faceless brothers in arms that died giving humanity another chance. It was an ache that never went away, never got better, but wasn't particularly debilitating.
What the Lance Corporal did care about was the fact that the boy had been important enough to those under his command to make them ineffective.
“Have you ever heard of Baobabs Eren?” He asks abruptly. Levi doesn’t wait for him to answer: his look of utter confusion is answer enough. “Of course you haven’t, you’re from Maria. Lucky brat, they’re not a problem there like they are in the other walls. Baobabs are these big ass trees, fucking huge, that burrow so deep that they mess up the foundation of buildings, suck all the water out of the ground and are generally a huge fucking pain in the ass.”
Eren doesn’t look particularly enlightened, but he scoots to stand closer to him as if proximity will make his meaning clearer. Levi allows it.
“Back when I was a brat myself, Wall Rose and Sina had this big issue with them because they would grow near the wall and fuck up parts of it. It was a nightmare to deal with: these trees are nearly impossible to get rid of once they sprout. The problem was that no one could figure out how to deal with them; it was impossible to tell which trees were just regular trees and which were baobabs until it was too late. Are you catching on to my meaning or is all of this too damn sophisticated of a metaphor for your little primate brain?”
“I’m afraid not, perhaps if the metaphor were a little less, uh, creative? Sir.”
“Tsk cheeky brat.” The shorter man was spoiling him, letting him get away which such attitude, but he’d rather have a cheeky Eren than a morose one. “The point I am trying to make and you are failing to get is that grief is like the baobabs. When it’s buried below the surface you have no idea what kind of harm it can cause when it finally does come out. It can destroy a man before he even realizes its eating him alive. Better to give the painful effort to dig it up now when it’s still manageable, than to let it hinder you in the future.”
“That was very poetic sir.”
“No it’s just common sense.”
Eren thinks about this for many minutes. This is easily the longest exchange they have had outside of training and it’s leaving Levi antsy and jittery. For what he is unsure, it’s probably not a good sign.
When Eren speaks again it’s in a quiet voice, as if it was hard to push the memory to the surface, but he was willing to do it if corporal has asked it of him. Levi rewards this obedience with a nod of encouragement.
“—Marco was awkwardly clumsy when he wasn’t in his 3DGear. He was older than most of us by a year so he was goofy and lanky. Somehow he got stuck with a bottom bunk and he’d hit his head getting out of bed every morning. He’d drop spoons at dinner, bend down to get it and smack his big forehead on the bench. Stupid stuff like that.”
“The mark of greatness clearly.”
“He was late for everything. It wasn’t because he wasn’t prompt, but he wouldn’t leave the barrack or the field until he made sure that all of us made it out first. He didn’t like anyone to be alone or left behind. Marco had three siblings, two brothers and a sister, all younger than him.”
The memories are tough to drag out, but the exchange itself is easy. Levi still resents having to babysit him and his friends, but not as much as he should. This banter is a small price to pay if it eased the mind of humanity’s hope. It didn’t cost Levi much to ask these things, to give him an outlet, to care. Not really. “Did his mother have time for anything other than spitting out brats?”
Eren, dense as usual, does not pick up on his sarcasm. The shorter man hopes that with increased exposure to him Eren will figure out that his jokes, as deadpan as they may be, are hilarious and should go appreciated. “I don’t know, we weren’t particularly close. He was Jean’s—“ he struggles to find the correct word. “Well, he was Jean’s. That’s it.”
Sweet Rose, this web kept getting more and more tangled. Levi is glad he skipped over basic training when he enlisted and wonders just what it is that made the 104th so weirdly incestuous. “Kirschtein really? Never saw that one coming. Bad choice of words, forget I said that.”
Eren flushes and his face nearly makes the corporal nearly crack a smile. “I was in the bunk across from them. I’ve— I’ve seen some things. Horrible things sir.” Eren cringes and Levi actually snorts.
“Once they snuck out of the barrack in the middle of the night and Connie caught them—I’m told that Marco had even more freckles on his ass than on his face.”
“Too much information Jaeger.”
“Trust me I know.”
There is a moment of silence between them and Levi is acutely aware of how close they are standing, almost as if they are sharing secrets, like a bevy of girls. But Eren is getting lost in his thoughts again and just when Levi is about to push him out of his reverie, literally, he speaks up. The tone is solemn, nothing like the almost jovial one from a moment prior. “Marco made people better, it was just the way he was, just by being himself. Jean is still a horsed face asshole, but he was much worse before Marco decided to be his friend and knocked so sense into him. I—I never had older brothers, but I think Marco was what it must have been like to have them.”
Here comes the emotional breakdown. Levi thinks he can handle it and steels himself for whatever anger Eren has about his friend’s passing. It was the most likely route given the boy’s penchant for anger induced outbursts.
“He graduated 7th in our class, and probably could have graduated higher if he didn’t make sure we all did well. He wanted to join the military police because he thought that there was no higher honor than serving the king.” Eren’s face scrunches up unattractively as he fights the emotion that is creeping up over him. It is an expression that Levi has seen on him before and associates with directionless anger and shame.
“Keep going.”
“Do I have to?” Eren wants to punch something that much he can tell, but instead he pounds his fist against his own thigh. It would probably bruise if he didn’t have freakish healing.
“Unless you want this to bottle up and bite you in the ass later, than yes. Keep talking.”
The brunet grinds his teeth but doesn’t disobey the order. “He snuck into the girl’s dorm and drew all over Ymir's face because she locked Connie into a supply closet once.” Ymir. That name sounds familiar to Levi, but he can’t quite place why.
“We were all scared shitless, but he didn’t even blink when she threatened to destroy him when she woke up. I don’t know if he’s brave or stupid.”
“Probably both.”
Eren begins to positively vibrate with emotion. “He hated oatmeal. Hated it with a passion. But he loved to look at the stars. No one got why, but he could watch them for hours….” It looks as if it is a struggle to spit each and every word out. It’s not pleasant to watch him suffering, but it must be done. Cauterize the wound if you will.
“Go on.”
Eren covers his eyes with one arm and uses his other hand to clench at his thigh straps, probably to stop him from punching himself again. “M-Mikasa had a crush on him when we first enlisted. She’d kill me it she knew I said that.”
“And?”
“A-And he was allergic to bees. Marco used to have long hair before Jean fucked it up trying to trim it, and we all thought he’d be a squad leader if he joined the scouts with us and it’s not fair that he’s gone. It’s not fair- It’s-Not. Fair."
And then Eren can’t talk anymore.
Levi’s eye twitches.
The kid was crying. Not ‘I’m so angry that I’m leaking from my eyes’ crying, but actual crying. Levi doesn’t do tears, it was gross first of all and it messy with snot and other fluids. He is not the comforting type of man. Shit, he really should have seen this coming.
“Ah. You’re crying.” He says ineffectively. “Should I go get a girl or something? They’re good with crying people right? I’m sure you could cry all over Petra and she wouldn’t mind too much. Might piss Auruo off, you getting to hang all over her when he doesn't have the balls to do the same.”
Eren manages to shake his head no.
“Do you want me to flag down your friends?”
A violent shake of the head no.
“Do you want your sis-”
And extremely violent shake of the head no.
‘Well, fuck I’m out of ideas.’ He thinks mildly. He had expected an angry outburst, he could handle that: just let the boy come at him a few times before he tired himself out and then he’d beat some sense into him about letting his friend’s death fuel his desire to kill all the titans. He was unprepared for crying.
Levi really doesn’t know why he keeps expecting Jaeger to become easy to predict, because it clearly wasn’t going to happen. On the battlefield the he’d listen to orders and follow logic. In his everyday life, not so much.
He can’t just leave him there; making a mess out of himself. Well, he could, but as a leader he was supposed to ‘be sensitive to his subordinates feelings when at all possible’ Erwin’s stupid words, not his.
Levi isn’t paid enough for this job.
“Do you need a hug Jaeger?”
A soft nod no.
The corporal sighs audibly and in a testament to the extremes he is willing to go to make sure humanity’s hope is able to carry on for a another day he moves to stand in front of his charge. With a sure grip he pulls Eren’s arm away from his teary eyes and settles it at his side. “Do you want a hug Jaeger?”
Eren’s eyes are full of emotion, too much emotion for a soldier Levi thinks, and unsure he nods his head yes, but doesn’t move to initiate the contact. ‘Apparently I have to do everything.’
The hold is stiff and it is uncomfortable for both parties involved. The corporal is not an expert on hugs, he’d gotten very few growing up and gave out even less, but he was sure that this was about as shitty a hug as they came.
“You better make the most of this hug Jaeger because you’re not likely to get another one in the near future, if ever. So if you want to stand there doing your best impression of a wall than—“ And all at once the boy is everywhere, clinging to him like white on rice; plastered from thigh to chest. It is a desperate thing.
It reminds him that Eren, for all his abilities and vows of titracide, is just past the cusp of childhood. Usually such a thought makes him want to go wash his hands because children, teenagers especially, are gross and covered in boogers and ‘fluids’. Now, not so much.
Levi lets him clutch at his back he can wash the uniform, lets him bend down and cry into the juncture of his shoulder and neck he can shower later, lets him hold on so tight that their bones knock together he’s gotten bruises in far less pleasant ways. He lets him take what he wants; the closeness, the solidness of him, the comfort of being near something that is alive.
He lets Eren do what he would never let another do because Eren is different, so very very different from a regular soldier. Levi raises one hand to rest on his neck and slowly rubs circles into the titan-shifter's sensitive nape. Predictably enough the action causes him to go rigid before he melts even further into the embrace putting all his weight into Levi’s hands.
Eren’s lucky that he has the strength of a man twice his height or they’d be sprawled on the dirt, hell no, from the weight of them both.
“Oi, don’t get too comfortable brat.” There is no conviction in his voice and he hates himself for it. Something tells him that by allowing this one breach of soldier/officer conduct he’s just opened the floodgates for more. Levi will deal with that when the issue undoubtedly arises later. Eren mumbles something against his neck and it is moist and soft enough to make his toes curl.
Oh.
Oh.
‘Nope, not going down that particular road today.’
Instead Levi lightly, by his standards at least, cuffs him on the back of the head. His hair is soft. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you it was rude to mumble? How barbaric.”
“Does it ever get easier Levi? Sir?” This is the first time he has ever called him by his name and he honestly doesn’t know how to feel about it other than annoyed that this fifteen year old keeps throwing him for a loop. He hopes the trend won’t keep up, but knowing his luck as of late, it will.
Levi answers honestly because the last thing Eren needs is for someone to lie to him. “No Eren. It doesn’t.” A soldier’s life was harsh, violent and short. And for the survivors, it’s even worse. Sometimes death was a luxury. The 104th had gotten a crash course in the reality of the world they lived in sooner rather than later.
It would only be downhill from here. It has to get worse before it gets better. Eren is right, it isn’t fair.
“For what it’s worth your friend sounds like he’s wasn’t a complete idiot like the rest of you. You were right to think I’d appreciate the single competent soldier out the lot.”
Eren laughs into his neck, it’s weak but it’s better than crying. Levi lets go of the boys nape and goes limp, signaling his desire to be let go but Eren’s hold tightens for a moment longer. Levi swears he feel him sniff him. ‘Are you shitting me? Someone’s not hanging out with Mike anymore.’ He thinks with a pinched cheek expression. The urge to knee him in the gut is strong, but he restrains.
The taller brunet lets go and wipes the remaining tears with the back of his hand. He smiles sheepishly at him. “Thank you Corporal, talking about it made it a bit easier to bear. I think Marco would have liked you as well.”
Levi nods, glad that the touchy feely moment was over, and turns his back hoping to hide the nearly pleasant expression that threatens to bloom on his face. That won’t do at all; this kid was going to think him soft at this rate. “Of course he would, I’m delightful.” He begins to walk down the hill to where the new cadets would be running past.
“……Sir?”
“That was a joke. You are without a doubt the densest human I have ever dealt with. I sincerely wonder how you even remember to breathe and walk at the same time. Speaking of which I think your friends have run enough for one day, I’m tired of watching them stumble around like half dead deer. It’s pathetic.” It’s a lie, they could probably stand to run until sunset, but today has been strange to say the least and all Levi wants is to be rid of brats and their emotional baggage.
“I’ll try to remember that corporal has a sense of humor in the future sir!”
Levi hears him run to catch up with him and notices immediately that he stands much closer than he would have before ‘the hug’. He smiles knowingly and shots him pleased looks as if he has seen through his excuse. Maybe he has. It’s irritating, but he says nothing about it for now.
‘It’s been a strange fucking day.’ Levi thinks as he waves the cadets to come to a rest. And somehow he thinks that this is only the first of a series of fucking strange days that seemed to come with Eren.
Levi is, of course, correct in this assumption.