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Dean felt sick to his stomach. There was no way he could actually do this. Nu-uh. He couldn’t possibly do this; there was no way. He might as well stop while he was ahead. Yes, that sounded like a good idea. He shouldn’t go or do anything.
“No. No. I jsut shouldn’t go. This is absurd. Why did I even think that I should do this?” Dean muttered breathlessly. He was sweating and nervously running a hand through his short hair. He swallowed thickly while he continued to pace. “No, forget it. I can’t go. I can’t do this.” Dean sighed anxiously, stopping his pacing and he quickly set his bag down on the ground, turning on his heels. Behind him, Dean could hear someone using a key to open his front door, but he chose to ignore it. Instead, he continued down the hall until he came to the doorway across from his own bedroom.
The door was already open (as it always was), and so was Dean’s, allowing Dean to quietly tiptoe into the room. The room was dark due to the early morning time. However, a small tiger nightlight lit up the corner of the room, so Dean could see; illuminating the crib in front of him.
Where Cas was still sleeping.
Castiel was exactly four months as of yesterday, and continuously growing. Everyday that Castiel was in Dean’s life, the happier Dean became. He couldn’t believe that four months had gone by since the day Castiel was born. Although, Dean was no where near excited or happy today. In fact, Dean was more than a little bit upset.
Today was the first day back to school, since Castiel had been born.
Which means it was the first day anyone would see the kid who had a son at sixteen, after four months. And it would be the first day Dean was awayfrom Castiel for a long time.
Dean was more afraid of that than anything else. How could he leave Cas alone? How could he manage on his own? Dean swallowed a thick lump in his throat at the idea of leaving Castiel for the first time, as he glanced at the slumbering baby. Is this how all parents feel at this time? Dean stared down at his son in silence before gently reach down to pull the baby into his arms.
Castiel wriggled when he was being lifted up and into his father’s arms. His little hands waved and unclenced for a second, before Dean gently shushed the sleeping baby, while holding the baby right up against his chest. Castiel snuffed and let out a small squeak, before snuggling his face into Dean’s chest, falling back asleep quickly. His fingers curled together tightly and fit snugly against Dean. The sixteen-year-old smiled waterly.
“You’re going to be late, on your first day back you idjit.” Dean glanced up for a second and looked over at Bobby, who was standing in the doorway with a soft look on his face. Dean swallowed and could only shake his head.
“I shouldn’t go. I can’t leave him.” Dean whispered quietly. Bobby had moved himself away from the doorway to place a gentle hand on Dean’s shoulder. His own gaze lowered to the sleeping baby.
“You’re going to have to eventually. Like, when he finally starts school.” Bobby murmured in a calm and gentle voice. “Besides, this isn’t forever. You’ll see him as soon as you get home from school.” Bobby clasped Dean’s shoulder tighter. “I know it’s hard son, but you can do it. You need to get yourself an education, for Cas. Do this for him.”
Dean nodded but didn’t move from his spot. His arms remained locked around his son and his feet were firmly planted on the ground. But ever so carefully he nodded and swallowed, before taking a deep breath.
“You’re right. You’re right.” Dean murmured and stroked Castiel’s chubby cheek. “It’s only for a few hours.” Hesitating slightly, Dean finally put Castiel into Bobby’s awaiting arms. The baby squeaked and wriggled a few times before curling into Bobby. Not once did he wake up.
Dean managed a gentle smile.
“I’m proud of you boy. And so is Castiel.” Bobby grinned warmly. Dean nodded and smiled back. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.”
“We’ll be okay.”