Work Text:
"Flash, I can hear it from here"
Flash looked up across the conference table. Lantern was finishing a report at the other end.
He cracked a face splitting smile “It's good isn't it? "
"Not anymore," he gave Flash a leveled look. "You've been listening to that for a whole week. You're giving the entire team a headache."
"But it's sooo good. Just imagine if it actually happens." he says biting his lip.
"I'd rather not." said Lantern, massaging his temples.
"You should listen to it Lantern, it'll make you smile." Flash zipped over, offering an earbud.
"Yeah, because a song about dicks is going to make me so happy. Stop listening to it and do some work."
"Come on, you'll love it" Flash insisted, waving the earbud in front of Lantern's face.
Lantern ignored him, looking down at his paper work. "Get these files to J'onn"
"Only if you listen first."
"No."
"But Lante-"
"NOW !"
With a pout Flash pulled out his other earbud. He gave Lantern a childish glare before he was out the door.
Lantern let out a relieved sigh. He loved Flash, but sometimes the speedster could get on his nerves. And the song wasn't the only thing driving Lantern crazy.
For the past few month's, the only thing on Flash's mind was Batman. "Bat's this, Bat's that. OH MY GOD, BAT'S JUST -!".
Batman's head must be filled with hot air, or most likely lead. How could he not notice the gaze of a completly stalkerish fanboy? Lantern couldn't even fathom how Batman could be so oblivious to Flash's extremely obvious crush. Flash made coffee for him, in a HEART shaped mug! What else did he need to get it through his thick bat infested skull?
Lantern leaned back in his chair groaning. He really needed to do something. It was getting out of hand. Flash nearly got himself killed in battle last week because he got a glimpse of Batman's kevlar clad ass.
Though it was annoying, the past weeks had also been filled with entertainment for Lantern. Seeing his friend mess up was funny, especially when that blush came into the equation.
Flash had broken into Wayne Manor to get Batman's attention. Lantern remembered perfectly well when Flash had said Batman would be head over heels for him when he showed Batman how capable he was. Because obviously "Batman's going to fall for me after I outsmart his fortified security system.
It obviously didnt work.
Flash's stalking had taken a step up after that. Seeing Batman in a bathrobe had something to do with it.
Whenever Batman was in the Tower's training room, Flash was at the control screens ogling his man crush. He didn't go to get a first hand look because the last time he was in the training room he started drooling. Too busy staring at the sweaty body in front of him, he didn't notice the owner looking right at him. "Flash, get something to eat, your drooling". And that was the last time Flash decided to go near Batman and his "super hot, super sexy, could set you on fire, body".
Sighing, Lantern reached over and grabbed Flash's phone, putting in the earbuds. Flash downloaded the song a week ago and had already listened the shit out of it.
He pressed play. He had to admit that the song was pretty catchy, anything Katy Perry made was.
And that's when it hit him. Going on youtube Lantern got the link for the song, and from Flash's phone sent it to the friendly neighborhood creepster, making sure to put a ton of heart emoji's as a follow-up.
The grin on Lantern's face grew, 'That's definitely getting the message across '
————————————————
Batman was in the cave when he heard a soft 'ding'.
'Flash.'
Batman looked down at his phone. Flash's texts had been getting weirder and recently he had been acting stranger.
Of course Batman was curious about what had made Flash forget to eat, but right now he was still busy making sure the redhead would never break into his home again. Especially when the only thing covering him was a thin layer of silk.
Opening the text he rolled his eyes, finding a link with an atrocious number of red hearts.
'Definitely Wally'
He sighed and leaned back into his chair. Now was a good a time as any. If he didn't take a break, soon enough Alfred would be dragging him out.
Batman connected the phone to his cowls audio set and pressed the link.
Raising an eyebrow at the name of the video, he pressed play.
And for the next 3 minutes and 50 seconds, Batman sat speechless listening to the song he knew he would never get out of his head.
————————————————-
The next day Batman tried to corner Flash. He needed answers. And if he understood the message clearly, which he knew he did, he had some intense bed warming to do.
But Flash would bolt in the opposite direction whenever he was near the Dark Knight. This was normal, it had been happening since Flash's drooling episode, but now it was irritating.
After 35 failed attempts, Batman knew he needed help.
————————————————
'Three days !!!'
Thats how long ago Lantern sent the text. He didn't think the worlds greatest detective could be so useless.
'What is wrong with them!'
Lantern had watched Batman and Flash play enough cat and mouse to make him want to scream. He was considering ramming both of them into a closet.
He started formulating a plan, getting up and turning around.
Superman and Flash had been talking for the past five minutes, and it seemed like useless chit chat until Lantern sees Batman making his way towards them.
'Interesting...' Lantern watches with a small grin forming
He watches as Batman approaches. The moment Flash looks like he's about to run, Superman grabs hold of his arms, pinning them to his sides before spinning him around to face Batman.
'Well, looks like Batman's not useless after all.'
Batman could've almost laughed from how scared Flash looked. 'Serves him right' he thought with a smirk (that others obviously couldn't notice).
He was so happy he could dance, but Batman doesn't dance. So instead he stalked towards his prey.
Finally reaching them, Batman looked straight at Flash and said "Stay", knowing it would have the desired effect.
Superman flew off when getting the planned nod. He didn't know what was happening, but he new enough. He could still hear the obnoxious song in his head.
Now it was Batman and Flash in the middle of the Tower floor, all by themselves, expect Lantern in the adjacent room and Superman watching like a worried parent.
"Flash, I want you to listen to something you sent me"
Looking a little uncomfortable and a whole lot of awkward, Flash started to fidget "Something I sent you?"
"Yes"
"Sure Bat's, but I didn't send you anyth-"
"Put these on." Batman interrupted him, handing Flash a small headset.
As expected, talking to Batman had the hypothesized effect. He was so sweaty he was sure Batman could feel the heat from his body. 'Maybe I can blame it on my metabolism, or my powers. Yeah, I can blame it on my powers. So believble.'
"Bat's, seriously I di-"
He froze.
"I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock"
'WHAT'. His eyes went wide.
"I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock"
'OH MY GOD'. His jaw fell open.
"Word on the street, you got somethin' to show me, me
Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery, ee
I'm intrigued, for a peek, heard it's fascinating
Come on baby let me see
What you're hiding underneath"
He whipped his head up and stared at the taller man. 'OH MY GOD!'
"Words are mislead
Such a tease
Wanna see the show-ow
In 3-D, a movie
Heard it's beautiful
Be the judge
And my girls gonna take a vote
Come on baby let me see
What you're hidi-"
Flash yanked off the headset, stuttering "W...why are you making me listen to this ?!"
"Because you sent it me," Batman said looking at Flash's crimson cheeks. "And you can not deny it either, I've checked your phone and internet history. This is the most played song on both."
"First of all why are you going through my phone and second, why does it matter if I listen to it ?! It's none of your business!" Flash felt his whole body going hot. What else had Batman seen? 'Did he see my Batman albums!'. Flash, panicked, 'Oh my god I named one of them bootylicious!'
"It is my business because you sent it to me"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you, I didn't send you anything!" Batman didnt look convinced.
"Then who did?"
"I-I don't know, it was probably a mistake."
"Three days ago, at exactly 2:45 in the afternoon, in the conference room right across from us, it wasn't a mistake."
'But I didn't...'. Flash tried to remember what he was doing then. "Afternoon, afternoon, what was I......" Flash's eyes widened. "LANTERN!!!!!"
Whipping around, Flash was ready to go and beat Lantern into oblivion. All his embarrassment disappeared. Before he could take even one step, a hand fell on his shoulder. His slightly cooled down body gained heat so fast he thought he was going to melt. All his anger melted away and the only thing he could think of was 'I want more'.
Pulling his shoulder away, Flash turned back towards the older man. "It was Lantern. Lantern did this. D-dont worry Bats, don't worry I'll handle him. It won't happen again. You can forget about it and go back to doing whatever you do. Brooding, creeping, glaring, you know, normal bat stuff". He backed away with a red face and a stiff smile. He had to get away from Batman before his brain melted.
"But don't you want to see it ?"
"What?" Flash stopped in his tracks, eyes widening, hoping Batman was talking about what he thought he was talking about. This was a dream and nightmare at the same time.
"My peacock, don't you want to see it?" He asked with a hint of amusement in his vioce.
"I-wha-your-"
"Yes or no" Batman said, stepping closer.
Flash could feel his pulse jump with excitement. But he couldn't take the risk. This could be some joke. 'Would he joke like that?'. No, Batman doesnt have a sence of humour, everyone knew that. Still he steadied himself and said no.
Or at least he tried to. But all he could do was stare at Batman.
"Because based on all of the shirtless pictures of me on your phone, I thought you would." Now it was a complete shit eating grin.
All brain function returned at that moment. "You saw those !!! I'm so sorry, you just looked so good I couldn't resist. Y-you can understand, can't you? So yeah I want to see it. I imagine it all day long bu-but....". He stuttered, trying not to die of embarrassment.
He paused.
"Wait, WAIT, why am I apologizing?! You went through my phone and checked all my internet history. And why my pictures, they had nothing to do with the song! This is an invasion of privacy!"
Batman watched the speedster huff and puff, a clear attempt to cover up embarrassment. All he did was stand there, grin getting bigger.
He pouted as he met Batman's white eyes."Don't give me that smug look. You can't blame me !!! You're like a Greek god, anyone would want to look !!!"
And just like that Flash had his hand over his mouth, stopping himself from making a bigger fool of himself. 'Oh my god I want to crawl into a hole and die'
"I'll take that as a yes" Batman's grin got wider. Flash would be scared, becuase seriously it looked like a maniacal smile, if he wasnt as horny and a prepubescent teen.
Batman moved forward, taking Flash and throwing him over his shoulder, making his whole face erupt into a dark crimson.
"Bats! Put me down! Supes is watching!" He covered his face woth his hands. "This is so embarrassing! Come on, where are we even going?!"
"My quarters."
"Why?!" Flash demanded as a door slid open, showing Wonder Woman and J'onn.
"Because I would also like to see your peacock."
Flash felt his face heat up even more. "I- ..you- ....what?..- Oh lord."
As they turned in the direction of the tower quarters, they heard J'onn say "Finally" before Wonder Woman turned and yelled "Use protection!"