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Most of the Free Marcher Wardens were men, Bethany had quickly discovered. She didn't know if it was because men more easily survived the Joining, they were more suited to the cold lifestyle, or if they were simply more willing to join an order for a vague promise of glory. Regardless it made her feel alone. In the past she'd always had her sister and mother around. She didn't want to be there. She wanted to go home.
Stroud was kind to her; as kind as he was to any of the Wardens. 'You're as good as any man here,' he'd said to her. He'd finished with 'don't take any shit from them'. But it wasn't as easy as that. Her parents, her sister, and her brother had all pounded into her head that she had to stay unnoticed. Stay quiet and unremarkable. Duck your head. Run away from men who could be templars. A natural wry attitude had always been under the surface, but Bethany had to shove it so far down that she didn't even recognize it as herself when it came out. It was just the life of an apostate. And she couldn't even resent how she had to act because she wasn't just risking herself. She'd risk her siblings and her parents; the ones that were in danger because of her because they loved her. So she'd smile and be quiet unless she had something cheerful to add.
That wasn't how Velanna acted at all.
Yes, in the time before the Ferelden Wardens came, Bethany had met other women in their ranks. They weren’t exactly abnormal. But none of them were like Velanna. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
There had been a small group of them—reinforcements, sent to their headquarters in the Free Marches. That was the reason she'd been told at least. The only living Howe, a name even she knew, leading them confidently. A dark-haired man named Eric who used to be a knight from Redcliffe before half of them were slaughtered. A dwarf warrior caste who'd been dying of the Taint like her. Following up behind them had been Velanna. Head held high, eyes burning with angry energy as they darted around, and a staff of wood swinging proudly from her fingers.
Bethany had made the mistake of saying a few sarcastic words in Nathaniel's direction. 'What a wonderful order I've been forced to join. Looks like they'll let any sort of trash join them.' She'd forgotten any hint of manners, but she was angry at the idea of him. After all his father had been the cause of much of the pain in Ferelden. Even if she no longer lived there, Ferelden was still her homeland. She'd felt the need to defend it.
Then she was shoved against the nearest wall. So fast she'd barely had time to breathe before she was staring into furious green eyes. “What are you--”
“Watch your tongue, shemlen.” Velanna had snarled before the Howe—Nathaniel, had wrapped his hands around her shoulders and tugged back. The elf had whipped her head to look at him and gave a glare that could melt flesh from bone. “Do not give me that look! Defend yourself! This child has no right to speak of you like that!” Bethany had tried to wiggle away, to fade into the background. But Velanna's grip on her arm just tightened and she was strong for a skinny, elvhen mage. She was pretty sure Merrill had never displayed that sort of physical strength. “Apologize.” She demanded as the glare returned to Bethany. The other Wardens were beginning to circle them, to watch or break up the fight she wasn't sure. “Apologize.”
“I'm sorry, ser.” She ducked her head appropriately. Noticing a change in Velanna's eyes but she was released, and that's all Bethany cared about.
Nathaniel peeled the elvhen woman away while nodding apologetically to Bethany. She heard him murmur softly as he began to lead her away, “We can't take you anywhere, can we.” But Velanna had just let him direct her, silently eying Bethany owlishly.
Afterward the knight, Eric, told her that Velanna had a temper, a wicked tongue, and a lack of that little voice that told someone to behave civilly. And that it was far better to simply avoid speaking to her. But her mother always raised her to be civil. She found the elf later; sitting outside and enjoying the fresh air with a journal. Even alone she looked angry.
“Excuse me.”
Velanna's head snapped up to stare accusingly before she realized who it was. Then it was followed by a dismissive snort as she returned to her journal.
“I want to apologize for earlier,” She continued anyway. Despite the fact Velanna was being the epitome of rude. “I was out of lin--”
“Shut up.” Velanna had stated but it sounded more like 'I don't care'. It wasn't as angry as their first exchange. But it was scornful. Which just infuriated Bethany further. And she'd thought Fenris was hostile. It was like Fenris and Merrill had a love child but doubled the rude hostility in place of any of Merrill's endearing qualities. Here she was trying to apologize for speaking cruelly. She was trying to remove any tension or fighting! But this elf didn't even care. Stomping forward with her lips pressed together. Even her bloody sister hadn't been this mean and she'd forced her to join the Wardens!
“I was just trying to--”
“Apologize. Yes, I know.” She snapped her journal shut as Bethany got closer. “It doesn't matter. Apology accepted. . . or whatever you shems say.”
Brown eyes blinked and her face twisted in puzzlement. It clearly mattered if she was using such an angry tone. “But you. . .”
“Just don't ever insult Nathaniel in front of me if you value your pretty hair.” With a huff she was on her feet and walking away. Leaving Bethany standing there wondering what in the Maker's name was going on, if the apology was actually accepted, and if she should be concerned that she'd been threatened. But she was definitely going to mention it in her letter to sister.
~~~
Bethany didn't really talk to her again for a few days. She was busy training with the other Wardens. Filled her days with that and patrols, writing a letter to her family. And despite the fact she had apparently been 'forgiven' all she got from Velanna were sharp comments in her general direction and that owlish look. Did she have something on her face constantly? Was it because she was human? Because Velanna seemed to want to light every human there on fire.
She was on the way to post her letter to her mother. It wasn't as filled with the truth as the ones to her sister. Didn't want to worry mother with the disgustingly brutal life, or the nightmares that kept her awake. All because her sister made her go into the Deep Roads. Bethany brooded over that for a majority of the walk. How if she'd stayed with mother she could still be home. How her miserable fate didn't even get to be because she was a mage, it had been because of greed.
That was when she saw Nathaniel and Velanna standing in front of his room. Velanna had her arms crossed tight and she wouldn't look at him. Bethany had never seen someone look so haughty and self-confident while avoiding eye contact.
“I don't think I'm asking all that much.” And Bethany ducked back around the corner so she could continue to listen. Really, she could only imagine how Velanna would react to someone ease-dropping on her. Pain and fire came to mind.
“It's none of your business.” At least she wasn't the only one Velanna used that tone with.
“I'm acting Commander in Mahariel's place, so you're technically under my command. I don't want people under my command needlessly fighting with the others. She's new to the Wardens, couldn't you be a little more gentle?”
“She needs to learn to stand her own ground. And all she does is sit around and sulk. Oh 'boo hoo I was forced into the Wardens because I was dying, how dare the Joining save my life'. She's what, ten? It's ridiculous.”
“Velanna. . . .”
Bethany stomped away before she heard the rest of their conversation. What had she ever done to Velanna?! She wasn't sulking! And if she was she had a right to! This wasn't a life she asked for! Maker help her she'd rather be in the Circle! Before she rounded the cornered she halted. No. She was not going to just let this woman verbally abuse her at every turn nor was she allowed to mock her. They were finishing this. Whirling around only to see Velanna standing there, apparently heading in the same direction.
When she caught sight of Bethany her lips turned down into a half sneer before turning around to go the other way.
“Wait!” Velanna ignored her and kept walking until Bethany, without thinking, raised her hand and yanked her back with force magic.
The green of Velanna's eye legitimately looked red. She looked all the role of a predator as she stalked forward with a new fury behind her face. Bethany reacted on instinct and brought up her hands, magic wrapped around her fingers as an arcane shield shimmered in the air in front of her. Velanna's gait didn't falter at all and she just kept coming. Velanna waved her arm in a sharp motion and Bethany felt the shield fall and her mana was stuck. Before she could think about how to stop the angry, charging elf she was grabbed by the front of her robes and yanked closer.
“. . . Dispel magic,” Bethany squeaked. “You. . . cast it. . . flawlessly.” Did the Dalish teach that?
That, shockingly, didn't seem to appease her. “Do not do that again. By Fen'harel's ass what do you want.” It wasn't phrased like a question so Bethany didn't answer it.
“What did I do to you?” Bethany demanded, angry at such unnecessary mistreatment. Especially from another mage. Knocking Velanna's grip away roughly. “It's not like I'm a templar, why do you hate me?”
Velanna gave her that look again! Like she was a cat with two heads that spoke!
“And why do you look at me like that?!”
The fury on her face relaxed a little, though her lips were still pinched together like she'd eaten something sour. There were four long seconds before she finally spoke. “You remind me of my sister.”
Bethany blinked. That hadn't been what she'd expected. “You have a sister?” Was the only question she could get out.
It earned a listless shrug. “A little older than you, yes.” She crossed her arms in the same manner she had in front of Nathaniel. “Just as irritating. Always apologizing, and trying to look nice and demure.” Eyes shifting to Bethany's face. “She pulled it off better though. And she didn't sit around sulking and whining.”
“Maker's breath! Were you this mean to her too?!”
An eyebrow quirked up slightly. “Yes.”
“Oh what a surprise, where is she now? Hiding from you in your clan?”
She exhaled a snort, eyes drifting up to the ceiling. “She's with the darkspawn. Now is that all you pulled me over here for? Because I'm too 'mean' to you?”
Darkspawn? Judging from Velanna's face it was pretty obvious that wasn't a topic she was allowed to bring back up. Here she was, almost about to feel sorry for the rabid bitch when she mocks her again about her feelings. “I. . . think that it's. . . unwise for Wardens to be fighting amongst themselves.” That just got another snort. “. . . I'm not sulking you know.”
“So 'this isn't really a life', 'I didn't ask to be here', 'it's all just a slow painful death isn't it' that's not all whining?”
“Better than being a relentless bitch! I had a home and family and I miss it all! I actually didn't ask for this! Oh, I hope the... the...” What was it that Merrill would say. “Dread Wolf takes you!” Velanna's eyebrows went up in surprise and Bethany felt a minor victory there.
They just stared at each other until Velanna said, “So you do have a backbone, maybe you should use it more often.” And she exhaled a huff as though she was surprised. “And your force spells are an. . . impressive magic.” Turning around and walking away, “But your arcane shield needs a lot of work.”
When she was gone Bethany realized that Velanna barely answered a single demand. She wasn't any closer to figuring out what she had done. Though, she was beginning to suspect she really hadn't done anything and that Velanna was simply. . . peevish. And she supposed when she thought about it. . . there were worse fates than being snapped at by Velanna, Like being hunted by templars in Kirkwall or Ferelden.
~~~
Nobody told her how pointless it was to be a Grey Warden when there wasn't a Blight. There were barely any darkspawn on the surface. So they just sat around, dying slowly and planning Deep Road expeditions. People just sneered at them. Their own members were vulgar and rude to each other.
So more sparring with others. Bruises in horrible places. Watching men guzzle ale. You know, pleasant things.
And she was so bored and miserable and wanted a clean dress to wear again and. . . and. . . That was Velanna's book! The one she was always writing in. Left in the common room? Bethany picked it up. The leather was really nice. Plants were carved into the front.
Vindictive ideas popped up. She thought about burning it, pouring wine into it, hiding an itching power within its pages. Or maybe something more harmless like reading it. The temptation was really overwhelming for a bit before she thought about what her mother would say.
“Ugh.” Picking it up. Velanna was just lucky she was the one who found it. She wandered around until she found her, and Nathaniel, outside. He was sparring with her, using a sword against a metal staff that wasn't hers.
“Left, right, I see those hands glowing no magic—oh.” He noticed Bethany first, and got knocked on the hip with the staff. “Ow!”
“You're the one that said never take your eyes off your opponent.” Velanna stretched out her arm as she glanced over at Bethany, and frowned.
He took the metal staff. “I'm going to go. . . inside for a moment. Maybe find us some lunch.” Some rogue, Bethany totally heard him whisper. “Be nice to her.”
Velanna rolled her eyes and sighed. Not bothering to turn to look at her, just bending forward and stretching. “What do you want now, Bethany.”
“Alright you harpy, I found your bloody book a little gratitude would be nice.”
Lips twitched to the side, “Oh? Well. Thank you.” She sat down and bent forward to stretch more. When she saw Bethany wasn't walking away she added. “That was decent of you.”
“Yeah, decent. I'll give it back if you stop being so wretched to me?” Velanna's eye rolled up to look at her cynically. “. . . It was worth a shot.” Sitting down next to her.
“So who told you about the Dread Wolf?”
“I knew a Dalish back in Kirkwall, it's how she always insulted people.” As much as Merrill could insult someone.
Silence fell between them. Bethany sitting there awkwardly as she kept stretching. Nathaniel probably wasn't going to come back for a while.
“I'm. . . sorry.”
“Don't apologize for something you're not sorry for. If you don't feel it then don't say it.”
“B-”
“No buts.” Velanna's face turned to steel. “I am extremely hostile to you, it would be pathetic if you did not react hostile back. Do not apologize for what actions you take. Or--”
Bethany cut her off with a snort. Just like Stroud. “Or the men won't respect me, I got that speech already.” Lifting her knees up for her chin to rest against.
“Who cares what the men think. Do it so you can respect yourself.”
Bethany turned her head against her legs; staring at Velanna and noted how even then she just stared at the sky with doubtless eyes. “Do you respect yourself, Velanna?”
“More than anyone else here.”
They talked about Ferelden until Nathaniel came back.
~~~
After their last meeting Velanna was still just as sharp with her. But they began to have actual conversations, Velanna showed her a trick for if someone knocked her staff away. And she talked to Nathaniel more too. He was charming and witty, and told her a lot of what happened recently in Ferelden. Sometimes they'd patrol together. Sometimes the three of them would chat outside, him making arrows, Velanna writing in her little book, and Bethany writing to her family. It was nice. It was like being in Kirkwall with everyone again.
The patrols were almost always nothing. Their job wasn't because darkspawn were on the surface. They were there for the Deep Roads, looking for something. Nothing Bethany was included on and neither Nathaniel nor Velanna would tell her anything about it. But an occasional hurlock would climb out and attack civilians. Like that particular day. The ones who'd been Wardens longer felt them first. A much larger group. They'd made it there before the entire group of refugees was slaughtered.
Bethany realized she'd never actually seen Velanna fight seriously before. Like in everything else she did it was an angry energy.
From the beginning she was impressed. Merrill had almost always used her entropy spells, Anders was pretty content with healing most of the time. Velanna used everything at her disposal to wreak as much havoc as possible in the least amount of time. Fire, and stone, and roots, and lightning would rain. She'd wrap their enemies in spiritual prisons and dark mental sleeps for their allies to slice through. Where she'd learned so much Bethany was eager to know.
A darkspawn's blade snapped through the string of Nathaniel's bow; forcing him backwards to fumble for his own sword. Bethany raised her staff to force the enemies away from him but before that roots burst from the ground—They wrapped around the genlock alpha and ripped it apart. Tainted blood and flesh flying everywhere.
She'd nudged her shoulder against Bethany's as the remaining horde began to retreat “Halt them all.” There was no question of if Bethany could do it or not. No coddling, or hiding. Just a confident statement to do it.
So Bethany raised her staff and brought it back down with a shout, the ground around them shook from the impact. All the remaining darkspawn were crushed to the ground with pained shrieks. Next to her Velanna brought up both arms with her staff. The skies themselves seemed to darken as flames rained down on the darkspawn. Brought down by Bethany and obliterated by Velanna. The only sounds as the cries stopped was the crackling of flesh and groans from the survivors.
Bethany inhaled a gasp to catch her breath, staff pressed against her knees as she bent over a little. She glanced up at Velanna, watched her still face as she wiped some sweat from her brow. Feeling the stare she looked at Bethany. “Adequate.”
No praise. No thanks. Not even a 'well done'. Just an adequate. Bethany started to laugh, having to cover her mouth to try and restrain the sound. When she looked again Velanna was looking at her like she'd gone mad. Shaking her head as they both went to see how Nathaniel was.
“You're hurt,” Velanna knelt by Nathaniel who seemed sadder about his bow than the bleeding wound on his arm. “Show me.”
“Oh no,” He inched backwards on his arse towards Bethany. “Your healing always burns, you have absolutely no talent for it. Bethany, help.” Velanna stood and sharply kicked him. “Andraste's-” She yanked his bow from him. “Give that back.” Just rolling her eyes Bethany knelt onto the ground to heal his arm, she wasn't as good as Anders but she still knew a few tricks.
Something suddenly occurred to Bethany. They were both very solitary people, but always spent their time together. After the amount of time they've been in the Free Marches, and with her, she wondered why she hadn't noticed before. And their first meeting suddenly made much more sense—“Are you two together?” Velanna straightened so abruptly a grin broke out across Bethany's face. “You are.”
Nathaniel just laughed weakly on the ground. “Why would I be with a shem with such a large nose and no common sense,” Velanna kicked him once more before stalking off to investigate the damage to the others.
“The shem with the large nose wants his bow back!” He called after her before chuckling again to himself. “I thought you already knew, to be frank.”
“Stop moving,” Bethnay scolded. The slash slowly knitting together. “Must have the patience of the Maker himself to be with her.”
“Do I not deserve a knighthood,” He mused back dryly before grinning at her. “She likes you, you know. That's why she's as cutting as she is. Don't know why, but she's always sharpest with the ones she likes most.”
“I know,” Bethany was surprised to find herself say.
“Bethany,” Velanna called out. “Come here.”
Wondering what it could be she walked over quickly. “Hm?” The elf stood next to a few from the group they'd saved.
Green eyes darted from the two shemlens to Bethany, raising her hand to point at Bethany. “I don't care about the thanks of shems or your gods, mewl at her for all I care.”
The older woman grabbed Bethany's hands. “Oh bless you child, you saved us. Maker knew what he was doing when he gave you to us.”
“Like Andraste's divine justice itself when you stopped those 'spawn,” The man added.
“Our boys have their lives now because of you. Maker keep you in his thoughts, messere.”
Bethany offered a smile back. “That's. . .” Eying Velanna. “What the Wardens do. But you're very welcome.”
“Ma, pa! Come on!” A boy called out as the survivors began to gather their belongings and leave the area. Nothing appealing about hanging around darkspawn corpses. The woman hugged Bethany before her husband helped her away.
“Foolish shems,” Velanna mused with no heat. Bethany grinned at her. Subtly was never Velanna's strong suit. It was disgustingly obvious what that was all about. She was still holding Nathaniel's bow as she looked off in the distance. “Mahariel once told me that sometimes she wished she'd never left her clan. But that when she saw the faces of the people she'd helped because of the Wardens, that she could look at the horizon proud. We gained a slow, lingering death from the Taint. Nightmares, we'll probably never have kids. Had to leave everything we love. But, as stupid as it is, we do good. As long as we're here, might as well do it right and be proud about it. So. . . Bethany, If you feel like your life's wasted why don't you remember those stupid shems' thanks. Then. . . we can find pride. . . on the horizon, Fen'harel's ass it sounded better when she said it I have no talent for these kinds of talks.”
“Yeah. . .” For some reason Bethany couldn't stop smiling as she slipped closer to Velanna. “You just did something nice for me.”
“No I didn't!” Came the instant retort. “Stop looking at me so!”
“Yes you did! 'I don't care about the thanks of shems' right! Hah! You like me!” Before Velanna could snap something Bethany's hands snaked out and she snatched away Nathaniel's bow. Laughing as she ran back. “Nate! I got your bow back! Now save me before she eats me!” She didn't think about Kirkwall at all that day.
~~~
“Apostates.” A former templar snorted in their common room. The fire crackled and Bethany looked up from her wine. “That's gonna be the downfall of the Wardens, listen to me.” There was only two in their current active legion. Her and Velanna. All the others were former Circle mages. Nathaniel and Velanna were sitting on the other side of the room; he was reading, and she was mending an old shirt that looked suspiciously like it belonged to the man next to her. Neither were paying any attention to the templar.
“Oy, Gavin, why don't you shut it,” Eric snapped.
“Why should I? They're a danger to all of us! Watch 'em get possessed. Do you know what a possessed mage can do? They'd wipe us all out in an hour.” He turned towards her. “That one over there doesn't even want to be here, you know. Whines about how she misses her family. Sulks around. Know what unhappy mages do? The Ferelden's Circle, that's what happens. Should just have let her die from the Taint.”
Bethany bit down on her tongue and turned away from him in her chair. Drunk bastard.
“Dalish are some of the worst too.” There was a splash as he spilled his ale. “Their freaky leaders probably teach them all sorts of blood magic. They're all wild animals, feral, should be put down. Bloody knife-eared mages.”
Glancing over at the two again. Velanna had stopped the sewing and was promising retribution with the needle she was holding. Nathaniel was still reading, but looking closer she saw his hand gripping her knee tight. She supposed after that last incident where Velanna sent a fireball into another Warden's face he was trying to keep control of the situation.
“I know what I need to do. A knife in the dark while they sleep.” He brought his cup across his neck to illustrate his point.” A sleeping mage can't cast spells. Should purge the Wardens of them.”
Stalking over Bethany tapped him on the shoulder, when he turned she smashed a bottle of wine into his face. With a closed fist she forced him onto the ground with magic, watching him claw around.
“I'm sorry, I thought I heard you threatening my friend and me.” Putting even more strength into the force she pressed him with. Her voice sweet as honey. “Murder in the night like a coward, I thought that's what I heard.”
His eyes bugged out in anger and fear as he stared up at her. “You crazy b-”
“And you know what, maybe I'm not bursting out of my bodice happy to be here. But I'm sure as the Maker proud that I am. I'm not complaining, you're the one whining about things you can't control. We're heroes and it's people like you that give us a bad name, not apostates like me. So badmouth me, or my friend, again and I'll show you what I can do to you in a minute without magic. Now. Apologize.”
“I'm sorry, messere! A thousand apologies!”
She backed up and released the force on him. Looking around at the other staring at her with big eyes. Velanna was too. Nathaniel was already lugging Gavin up. “I think you've had too much to drink, Gavin, let's go get some air.” Half dragging the larger man out. And Bethany was rather sure that was the direction of the balcony, not the way out.
Sighing she walked out of the room, the silence that followed her eaten up by loud noise about her actions. Great. Like she wasn't isolated enough. Footsteps were behind her. Sighing again, louder, she turned around to see Velanna. “I didn't need your defense you know,” The elf stated sharply, but there was a hint of hesitance that made Bethany snort.
Sticking her head up Bethany crossed her arms. “I didn't do it for you. I did it for me. That arse deserved it. And if he thinks he can talk about me like that he's got another thing coming.”
Velanna's lips twitched. “You called me your friend.”
“Mm, I did didn't I. Let's go watch Nate toss him off the balcony.”
For the first time since they'd met Velanna really smiled at her, and for the first time since she'd gotten there Bethany was home.