Chapter Text
Adam closed his eyes, breathing in Ronan's scent as he tried to calm himself down. His heart was still racing in his chest, his mind a discombobulated mess of thoughts trying to make sense of what had just happened. Ronan was wrapped around him, his hands rubbing soothing circles of Adam's back.
"Adam?" Ronan asked, pulling away.
"Yeah?"
"Come on, you're fucking bleeding. We need to bandage your forehead."
"Okay", was all he said.
Ronan nodded and held his hands out. Adam slid his hands into Ronan's, noticing the swelling on his knuckle. He made a mental note to grab ice from the freezer afterwards. He sat on the basin counter in the bathroom while Ronan rummaged around the cabinets until he found cotton balls and antiseptic.
Adam closed his eyes, the antiseptic burning where it hit the cut. Leon had pushed him rather violently and Adam had ended up with his forehead crashing into the table. Ronan was calm and gentle while he cleaned while Adam stayed still, allowing Ronan to do his work.
"It's stopped bleeding, which is good. I've put on a bandage but we should see a doctor, just in case", Ronan said as he kept the first aid away.
Adam felt himself smile a little. "Okay. Thank you."
"What the fuck are you smiling at?" Ronan snapped.
"Nothing. You really like me, don't you?"
Ronan instantly blushed. "Stupid fucking question."
He leaned forward and cupped Adam's face, touching their foreheads together. Adam lightly touched his cheek.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do", Ronan whispered. Adam hummed in response.
Ronan took his time and slowly wrapped himself around Adam, inhaling loudly as he nuzzled into Adam's hair. Adam splayed his hands on his back, Ronan's nose tickling him awkwardly. He laughed out loud when Ronan sneezed, probably because of Adam's hair. Ronan didn't retort, instead just breathed Adam in.
Adam rested his cheek on Ronan's shoulder and somehow, a tear dropped from his eye. He quickly wiped it away and nuzzled his face in Ronan's neck.
"It just-", Ronan broke off, he breathed. He wrapped his hands tighter around Adam's waist.
"I know", Adam whispered into his ear.
They didn't move for a long time.
Adam ordered lunch and shooed Ronan off to change while he grabbed a towel and dropped a few ice cubes onto it before he tied it up. Ronan came out of the bathroom in a tee-shirt that definitely belonged to Adam and sweatpants and plopped backwards on the bed.
"Give me your hand", Adam said as he sat beside him.
Ronan groaned, eyes closed but complied and rested his hand on Adam's thigh. Adam gently dabbed the ice cubes on Ronan's hand which was red and swollen. Ronan hissed in pain and Adam stopped before Ronan hummed again to let him continue.
By the time the towel had begun to drip water, the lunch had arrived and Ronan was asleep, snoring softly with his face half hidden under the pillow. Adam cleaned up before he gently nudged Ronan awake, laying a hand on his cheek.
"Hey", he mumbled. "Lunch is here."
Ronan grumbled something incoherent but got up, rubbing his eyes. He sleepily leaned forward into Adam's embrace again, mumbling something as he wrapped his arms lazily around Adam's waist. Adam couldn't help but smile. He ran his fingers slowly through Ronan's buzzcut. Ronan mumbled something again.
"What?" Adam asked.
"'m gonna miss you", Ronan said, a little louder. Adam smiled sadly at him.
"Yeah. I know." Ronan exhaled loudly. "Did you really have to punch him twice?"
"I would have punched him more if Declan wouldn't have intervened."
"Why?"
"Shut the fuck up, Parrish", Ronan snapped. Adam blinked at him. "Just because you're all independent and Mr. I don't need anybody and shit doesn't not mean at times you will need and want help. And I would punch anybody who dares to lay a hand on you."
"You're so dramatic”, Adam said with a small laugh.
"I don't lie."
"I know", Adam said softly, hand lost in Ronan's buzzcut.
They ate lunch in relative silence on the balcony with their plates on their lap. Adam stabbed his fork in the ravioli while Ronan absentmindedly twirled his in his carbonara.
"Ronan?" Ronan looked up at him. "Is something wrong?"
"No", Ronan replied, looking away.
Adam nodded but he was not at all convinced but didn't press. Ronan ate some more before he got up and left, leaving Adam alone on the balcony. Adam finished eating, mind distracted by Ronan and cleaned up before he went back to the bedroom. Ronan was lying on the bed, his back facing Adam and face hidden from view. Adam shut the bedroom door before he slid into the bed beside Ronan. He lay a hand on his shoulder.
"Ronan?"
"I'm sleeping. Fuck off", Ronan grumbled, his voice cracking.
"If you're going to push me away, don't start now", Adam snapped. "It's too late to do that." He pressed his fingers gently into the skin between Ronan’s shoulder blades to emphasize his point.
"Shut the fuck up, Parrish", came his reply.
"Look at me, Lynch", Adam said a little louder.
A moment of quietness passed. With a loud sigh, Ronan slowly turned around. His eyes were closed but his cheeks were flushed a red. Adam leaned forward and cupped his face, gliding his thumbs across Ronan's eyebrows. Ronan relaxed a little, exhaling loudly. His eyes remained closed. Adam bent down, touching his forehead against Ronan's.
"Tomorrow, you'll go back", Adam began. "And I won't be there with you over in New York. But I don't want you to forget that I'm going to be here. When you want to come back, I'll still be here. But today, I'm with you and you're with me. Don't let me feel the absence of you from now itself. Let me feel it when you are away and not under my hands. That way, missing you will be easier."
"I'll go away", Ronan whispered. "But that doesn't mean I'll love you any less."
Adam stilled, his heart aching in his ribs. Ronan loved him. How funny yet beautiful of a truth it was. Of Ronan falling in love with him. Ronan slowly opened his eyes, icy blue shining brightly. Adam looked down at him. The blue of his eyes, the red rimming it, the curve of his eyelashes casting light shadows on his cheeks.
"I don't know if I do", Adam answered honestly. "But when I will, I'll love you with everything I have even if I have nothing."
Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam's back and pulled him closer. Adam let out a huff of a laugh as he was pressed against Ronan's chest. He felt Ronan press his lips on his hair. He exhaled.
"Okay", Ronan whispered in his hair.
"Okay", Adam replied and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.
Adam woke up still cocooned in Ronan's arms and under a sea of blankets. He wrapped his arms around Ronan's waist and snuggled closer. Ronan hummed sleepily and exhaled noisily. Adam breathed him in. He smelled like moss, expensive perfume and Ronan. Adam would never forget it.
He suddenly realised that he was technically not supposed to be here and that Ronan was supposed to be in New York with Declan. Adam pulled himself away from Ronan, which made him grunt in sleep. Adam cupped Ronan's face.
"Ronan?"
Ronan grunted again, melting under his hands before he blinked his eyes open. Adam smiled despite the fear that Declan might stomp into the room any moment demanding to know why Ronan was here and not in New York.
"Ronan."
"Stop annoying me Parrish and go the fuck to sleep", Ronan grumbled.
"Weren't you supposed to be at Declan's by now?" Adam asked.
"I told him that I'll be home by tonight. It's fine", Ronan mumbled sleepily.
"Are you sure?" Ronan glared in response.
"Shut the fuck up", Ronan snapped.
He caught Adam's hands under his own and pulled Adam close. Adam felt a blush creep up into his cheeks. Ronan pressed his lips against Adam's temple.
"Stop thinking and go to sleep."
Adam went back to sleep.
When he woke up again, Ronan was gone.
Beside the bed on the table, a post-it was stuck to the wall and Adam picked it and read it. It was scribbled in Ronan's messy handwriting.
Tired of the hotel breakfast. I want avocado toast. Be back soon.
- Ronan x
Adam smiled and pocketed the post-it. It was a good steal. By the time he had freshened up and was properly awake, Ronan was not back. Adam thought it would be a good idea to start gathering his stuff and clothes up. He found his bag, the sole tattered belonging he had entered this place with and unzipped it. The apartment keys, his wallet and other things were still present inside it, not a thing out of place. Adam zipped it close and kept it aside before he began collecting his new belongings.
The clothes came in their own boxes and cloth hangers and covers and all that and Adam had meticulously folded and hung up each and every one of them in their respective places.
Halfway through his folding and packing, he heard the door unlock before Ronan entered, glowing. Adam smiled without even meaning to. Ronan eyed him before he gazed around the room and sighed. He kept the paper bags, presumably of his avocado toast aside before he sat down beside Adam near the foot of the bed.
"Hi", Adam said.
"Hey fucker."
"You're so romantic", Adam replied drily. Ronan rolled his eyes. "I heard about the deal with Seondeok. I thought it was very nice of you. It was good."
"It felt good", Ronan said as he began to pick out the breakfast from the bags. "Who told you?"
"Henry texted last night while you were asleep. He is quite happy."
"Okay."
"Are you still jealous?" Adam asked, teasing. Ronan glared before kissing him squarely on the mouth. Adam laughed.
"You should shut the fuck up, Parrish", Ronan said, sliding a thumb across Adam's bottom lip. Adam laughed harder. "Finish packing because I'm fucking hungry."
"Help me then", Adam grumbled and handed him a few clothes. Ronan stuck his tongue out at him like a petulant child before he began folding the clothes.
It was a small stack of cloth hangers all zipped up and boxes taped up by the time Adam and Ronan were done. It scared Adam considering he already had little space in the apartment he and Blue shared. It would be okay. It was a problem for another day.
"I'm sorry", Ronan said in the middle of breakfast.
"Why?" Adam asked, wiping his hand with a tissue paper.
"For Leon", Ronan said in a mumble, looking away. Adam knocked their shoulders together.
"He's an asshole. I've dealt with enough assholes in my life. I will probably have to deal with them again."
"Adam-" Ronan retorted but Adam continued to speak.
"And I'm strong enough to get through. I escaped the trailer and my father, I can get through anything." Ronan instantly caught his hand. "You don't have to worry about me."
"Don't tell me what to do."
"I'm being honest, Ronan. I'll be okay. I'll call you or Gansey or Blue or Henry whenever I feel like."
"I'm gonna hold on to that." Adam nodded, smiling. "I'll miss you."
"Don't miss me for too long. I'm pretty sure your Prince Charming is out there somewhere." Ronan glared at him but Adam noticed his ears turning pink.
"God Parrish, shut up and eat your goddamn breakfast."
"You know it's true. In some other universe, you are mine."
Ronan looked away. Adam sighed and continued to eat his breakfast. No matter how much it hurt to say it, Adam had to say whatever he had. It was the truth and the reality of it all. Adam helped Ronan pack everything before he took a long bath in the luxurious bathtub, one last time. He changed into a simple white shirt (he was pretty sure it was Ronan's) and jeans and slipped into his boots. Ronan appeared in the bedroom, dressed up in a tee-shirt, leather jacket and ripped jeans which made Adam think about unholy sins. Ronan hopped on the bed beside him.
"You have my number. Call me anytime", Ronan said.
"I will."
Adam gave Ronan's hand a gentle squeeze before he got up, Ronan behind him. He grabbed a few boxes and began to walk out. He heard Ronan say "you forgot your fucking ugly bag, Parrish" from behind and smiled. He stood by the door, Ronan in front of him. He was too foolish, his heart was too full, he was hurting too much and he wanted it too much. So much that he felt his own vision blur. He shut his eyes tightly and exhaled shakily.
"Stay", Ronan whispered, touching their foreheads together, eyes closed and breath fanning over Adam's cheeks. "Stay not because I'm saying but because you want to."
Adam's heart shattered in his chest. He grazed his nose against Ronan's cheek, slowly before he spoke in a low mumble.
"You know I can't, Ronan."
With that, he opened his eyes. Ronan's face was cast in stone, not a single emotion on display. He nodded at Adam with a small smile. He opened the door for Adam. Adam walked out, leaving him behind.
"Adam?"
Adam turned around.
"I don't think there's any universe where you aren't mine."
Adam said nothing, all his words stuck in his throat. Ronan simply nodded at him with a smile.
"Goodbye, Adam."
Adam left. Oh how he thought it would be easy.
Six months later .
Adam plopped down on the bed, utterly tired. The plastic covering of his new mattress made a loud crunching noise. He had officially moved into his apartment in the university dorms. It wasn't big per se, but it was enough. And there was a lot of sunlight dancing inside his room. It was more than enough. There were boxes of clothes, books and stationery, more clothes and other things.
It was a corner end room, which meant Adam had extra windows to his room which was a good bonus. There was a bed with a super comfortable mattress and soft pillows. A sleek desk on which Adam's new plant lay (courtesy of Blue) and a chair with it. The bookshelf was empty but would get filled as soon as Adam unpacked. It was all falling into place piece by piece. Blue had left a while ago as she herself had classes but she had been here all through it. Adam got up as he heard his phone ringing and Henry's name flashed on the screen. Adam picked up.
"Hey."
"Adam Parrish, love of my life", Henry began. "How is moving day coming along?" Adam chuckled.
"Tiring. Very tiring."
"Awww. I wish I could be there."
"How's England?"
"Boring. Same old shit."
"Stop complai-" Adam said but was interrupted as somebody knocked on the door. "Hold on, somebody's at the door."
"Of course."
And when he opened the door, there stood none other than Henry Cheng. Adam laughed, making Henry smile widely.
"Sometimes, you flee England to see your friend", Henry said into the phone before he pocketed it. He wrapped Adam in a tight hug. "Missed you, Parrish." Adam ached with happiness as he hugged Henry back.
"So much that you escaped England."
"You gotta do what you gotta do."
"God Henry, you are something else."
"I have a charm", Henry said dramatically.
"I have no doubts."
"Okay we need to unpack your things", Henry said after they pulled away, looking into the apartment around and making a face. "But first, we need lunch, baby."
"Whatever you say", Adam said with a smile.
"Let's go then."
Adam nodded, grabbed his jacket and room key and walked behind Henry after he locked the door.
"How was England?"
"Like I said, boring. But the food was good. Ten on ten. How's Ronan?" Adam huffed.
"You couldn't wait?" Henry pouted and flicked Adam’s forehead gently.
"Of course not, honey. These are important matters."
"He's fine I guess. We don't talk as often as I would've liked. But then again, he barely uses his phone. So it's okay."
"Do you not call?"
"Of course I do sometimes. Things have been busy."
"You're getting defensive which means you're diverting", Henry said drily. "You're not calling because-?" Adam took a breath.
"Because it hurts too much. It hurts too much whenever I dial his number which I remember on the tip of my tongue. It hurts too much when I can hear his voice and all I think about is how far away he is. It hurts too much when I remember that he isn't supposed to be mine. And why do I hurt over something that's not mine in the first place?"
"Because sometimes you don't know what you want is already yours, Parrish."
Adam stared at him, utterly shocked. Henry shrugged and continued to walk. Adam stared at his back before he remembered that he was supposed to walk with Henry. He quickly caught up to him.
"Henry. What?"
"What?"
"What did you just say?"
"I don't know man. You told me once that there's no universe where you're not Ronan's. So then why leave this one out? Who cares where you are or where he is? You're together in universes that don't even exist so why be apart in the one that does?"
"Fuck", Adam swore softly. "Oh god", he mumbled, swaying a little, his head dizzy. Henry held him.
"Are you having a panic attack? Parrish, come on."
"I'm not. I'm okay."
"Okay we need to get back to the room", Henry said, looping his arm around Adam's elbow. Adam nodded, his heart hammering in his chest and he was actually scared it might hammer out of it.
Henry fished out the keys from Adam's jacket and opened the door, making Adam sit down and handing him a bottle of water.
"Henry, give me my phone."
"Okay woah, let's not make any rash decisions here."
"Henry. Phone", Adam said a little harshly.
"Never mind. Here you go", Henry said, handing him his phone.
Adam unlocked his phone, his screensaver flashing in front of him. It was a picture of two pairs of Doc Marten boots and sunflowers in Adam's hands. He had taken it the day he had gotten the real Doc Martens, which had made Ronan smile with so much glee that Adam hadn't stopped smiling himself. Adam dialled Ronan's number without thinking twice, having the number by heart by default.
"Parrish?" Ronan's voice answered. Wildfires burned inside Adam's chest.
"Have me", Adam said. "Have me in this universe so that you have me in all the universes you can think about. Have me before I get tired of loving you", he added in a rush and hung up the call before Ronan could respond.
He stared at the phone in his hands, the screensaver shining brightly. He closed his eyes and breathed. He felt Henry wrap an arm around his shoulder. Adam leaned into his touch.
"Come on, let's get lunch", Adam said, wiping his eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah Henry, I'm sure. And I'm hungry. Complain about England while we eat trashy food."
Henry laughed and they got up to grab food. They took a nice, long walk and grabbed trashy takeout food and sat in the park till the evening. Henry had rented a room nearby for the night before he had to fly back to New York the next morning. They got a cab and Adam dropped Henry at the hotel.
"See you tomorrow?"
"Breakfast", Adam answered with a smile.
"It's a date", Henry said, grinning.
"Get out Henry", Adam said, laughing a little.
The cab driver continued to drive towards the university dorms. Adam paid them, thanking them as he shut off the door and walked towards the gate, only to be met by none other than Gansey himself. Heart hammering in his chest, Adam walked closer. Gansey smiled although his eyebrows were etched in worry. He hugged Adam warmly.
"Good to see you Parrish."
"What are you doing here Gansey?" Adam asked.
"I think you and I both know."
Adam ran.
When he reached the end of the hall, panting for breath, none other than Ronan Lynch sat there, leaning against the door of Adam's room. Adam's heart paced in his chest. His stride became faster, the need, the want to get closer to Ronan intensifying with every step. Ronan looked up and his eyes widened before he hastily stood up, only to catch Adam in his arms. Within seconds, Adam's cheeks were pressed against Ronan's chest, and he breathed in his scent. Home .
"You stupid motherfucker", Ronan snapped, voice muffled in the crook of Adam's neck.
"I love you, I love you, I love you", Adam said and kept on saying it.
He was in love.