Chapter Text
A few days pass and nothing special happens, it’s still hard to fall asleep at night but the old routine of going to school was a welcoming comfort. The study sessions with Shou are also becoming one with the regular routine. Then, one day just the tiniest thing makes a difference.
The first step Ritsu takes inside the house he notices it. He hears voices from the kitchen in the hallway. Nothing weird about that, his parents are usually home at this time. But the thing is about the tone of their voices.
Ritsu tiptoes all the way up to the kitchen doorway, where a faint smell of something frying comes from. His mother is sitting by the table with their old family laptop infront of her, and his father stands behind her. Something is sizzling on the stove.
Dad scratches the back of his skull before he leans over Mom's shoulder. “What about that one then?” He points towards the screen.
“Oh, Ritsu, you’re home early!” his mother exclaims, and Ritsu is caught.
“It’s the usual time,” he says, eyeing them.
“Well would you look at that.” His father checks his wrist watch, and Mom shuts the laptop close. “It seems like time just flies over our heads then, are you hungry?”
“Not really.” Ritsu hoists the bag up higher on his shoulder. “What are you guys doing?”
“Oh, nothing important. Just bills,” Dad says, sending him a smile.
Ritsu stares at him. “...Are bills not important?”
“What your father meant to say, is that it’s nothing for you kids to worry about, just boring adult stuff. And bills are part of that,” Mom says jokingly, nudging Dad’s side. “How was school?”
“Okay.” Ritsu says, answering both questions. They clearly don't want to talk about it, so he won’t bother with it then. He can clearly guess though.
“Is brother home?” he asks instead.
“I think he was going to be late, something about a library visit, but he'll be home before dinner,” his mother says, nudging Dad's side again. “Dear, your experiment.”
“Oh right!” his father promptly turns around hurries to the stove, flipping something in it, making the sizzling intensify once again.
Ritsu nods to his mother and heads towards his room. He hears them talk about the weather until he’s beyond range. Closing the door behind him he just stands there for a minute. Not thinking about anything really. Just feeling strangely numb.
Eventually he snaps out of it, there was nothing productive about that anyway. They could do whatever they wanted, Ritsu didn’t need to know everything. If only it didn’t affect himself that is. He sighs. Fine, he was annoyed by it. If they weren't so obviously hiding stuff he would ignore it, but they weren’t exactly subtle about it.
They’re probably still searching for a new house, or something around it. What else would they be so avoidant about telling yet?
So they want to move. He doesn’t, and has to talk to them about it. But what about his regular hospital visits? Even though they were getting less and less, he needed a guardian there with him. And the doctor had clearly said that going back to the ordinary and routine is important to feel relaxed, and a safe environment could also help with the memory recovery. A move is stressful either way that he has to do sometimes soon, and nothing that comes with it is familiar.
Ritsu ruffles his hair. The room feels stuffy.
He opens the glass slider and the cool air streams in. He closes his eyes and takes a breath. A breeze brushes past him, and something with it tickles his nostrils. A step outside and a look around he doesn’t find anything, until he looks down.
There, on the balcony floor, lies a bump.
A glowing cigarette bump.
Ritsu gasps which just makes it all worse. It stings, it’s the same smell.
The slider shuts with such force that the glass rattles, with or without power Ritsu doesn’t know. All he knows is just that all the air in his lungs is suddenly gone. He backs away as sweat breaks out on his body, a cold and hot flash at the same time, making him shiver.
He comes to an abrupt stop as his back thumps against something hard. Panting, he looks around at what but all he can see is just a tunnel, his vision blackened around the edges. The head movement only makes the room spin more and he has to sit down, or rather he slumps down whenever he likes it or not, his legs not cooperating, feeling boneless.
“Breathe, just breathe,” Ritsu rasps between his knees. He’s inside. He’s home. He’s… safe.
Or is he really? Does it really matter whenever he’s in here or out there on the street?
It really doesn't.
If Shimazaki had kidnapped the Prime Minister out of a press conference, indoors, with multiple people and security guards around, then his own circumstances are nothing in comparison.
He’s not safe, he has never been.
Shimazaki can pop in whenever he wants. He can be anywhere right now.
He just was here.
What kind of delusion had he told himself this whole time?
A chuckle bubbles up Ritsu's throat that's making his whole body shake. He gets onto his knees, rubbing his sweaty palms against his thighs while the stuttering giggling just made it harder to breathe. He feels like he’s going insane, but he can’t stop his mind from spiraling. Nothing can.
How long is it going to be until they catch him? Am I going to be like this until then? But what if they never catch him? Am I going to be like this forever then?
Ritsu shakes his head before he grabs a handful of hair, stopping the motion. The pull is killing his scalp, but he doesn’t care.
He is tired of feeling like this. Tired of feeling scared. Feeling guilty. The fear. Just so goddamn tired. It was like a never-ending nightmare he can’t wake up from. There is nothing he can do. He can’t go out looking for him, he would just get his ass kicked again or worse. Going to school pretending everything was normal again just left a bad taste in his mouth, like the throw up is always ready in the back of his throat. But he can’t just sit in here all day doing nothing. He just feels so… helpless.
No. Rather useless.
Burning tears wells up in his eyes, making the room a blurry mess. Ritsu hunch over and thumps his forehead against the floor.
“Pull yourself together!” he hisses through clenched teeth. The tears fall off his eyelashes as he blinks hard, making dark spots on the floorboard.
It was unfair. So goddamn unfair.
He hadn’t done anything wrong. A stupid mistake perhaps, but did he really deserve all this? Honestly, it was all that fucking guy's fault.
Heat slowly blossomed in his chest, spreading out through his limbs, up his face making him feel flushed. His heart thunders inside his chest.
Shimazaki had come here. Why? Just to terrorize him? Mock him? Just because he could do it? There was nothing else out of Ritsu he could get. He’d already taken something from him. Leaving a gaping hole somewhere inside him he didn’t know what to do with or how to address.
Ritsu had really thought he was gonna die that day.
Nobody knew where he was. He thought he could think out a way, but he hadn’t been strong enough, smart enough. He had been totally at the guy's mercy.
But never again, he was gonna make sure of that.
Wrapping his arms around his body, Ritsu focuses on filling his lungs with air, holding it for a few seconds, before he lets it out with a shuddering breath. In… and out... Again and again until the jackhammering under his ribs had slowed down a notch.
His fingers tremble around the tight grip on his arms, and he clenches harder to still them. Get command over them, even though it hurts and would probably leave marks.
But if that was what he had to endure to fix this, he would do it.
He wants control of his life back.
Ritsu slowly uncurls from the floor and straightens his back from the uncomfortable position. He lets go of his hold and wipes his face, it was definitely puffy and red, but that would go away soon. A headache radiates behind his eyes, and he sighs.
Even though his thoughts and breathing calmed down, the heat in his chest doesn’t leave. It keeps his body warm and vibrating. But it was a good kind of burn, not the kind that would whip around in his stomach, making him nauseous. No, this was much more tolerable.
This, he could work with.
Ritsu closes his eyes and silences his mind. The heat inside him is gathered and cooled down, pushed together but not losing its intensity. Rather than a big blue star, it’s small and red, dense and cold to the touch on the surface. He tucks his red star away inside him where it’s needed the most, filling that hole temporarily.
All the nerves in his body freeze up, and it is such a relief for a moment that Ritsu forgets how to breathe and he fades away.
When he opens his eyes again, with no sense of how much time has passed, Ritsu feels a sort of calm has settled down in his bones. A silent fury.
He is gonna make him pay, one way or another. He is going to be ready. For anything.
“Dinner is ready!” his father shouts from downstairs.
Ritsu blinks and looks around his room, everything is clear and in crisp focus again. He wipes again at his face and sniffles, then pats down his hair and clothes. He takes a last deep breath and stands up, or tries to but his legs are asleep. Marvelous.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” Ritsu shouts back. Shaking his head, a silly grin spreads on his lips.
God, the irony.
Ritsu stretches out his legs and huffs. Leaning against the wall he feels the rush out blood course through his whole body again. He listens to the ticking from his clock on the bedside table. Everything else in the room has gone quiet.
Everything, even his thoughts.
He looks down on his hands. They’ve stopped trembling.
A while later, Ritsu comes down the staircase, every step sending pins and needles in his legs. Plates are already on the table which Shigeo is sitting by, their father trying to get Mom to sit down too by shushing her away from the kitchen counter.
“Come on, it will be fine, I can handle it,” Dad says and drags out her chair for her.
“Like you handled our wedding cake? I don’t want to scrape the floor clean again while on an empty stomach,” she says but still sits down.
“It was one slice, and I was nervous, okay? Who wouldn’t be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.” Dad nuzzles his nose into her hair before walking back to the stove with a smile.
“Who am I? Show White?” she grumbles, brushing her hair off her shoulder, but a deep flush still forms on her cheeks.
A groan wants to slip out Ritsu’s mouth but he holds it, he suffices with just rolling his eyes. Shigeo only looks mildly awkward, shifting around on his chair.
“Great, everybody is here,” Dad says when he sees Ritsu sitting down next to his brother. “So let me present the new Kageyama Friday tradition: baked tonkatsu!” He sets down the big plate of fried pork cutlets. Some are a bit burned on the thin slices but they still look pretty good.
Ritsu takes the jug on the table and fills his glass full of water. His father and mother keep bickering about whether it’s going to be a tradition or not, and it seems like Mom is winning.
“Are you okay, Ritsu?” Shigeo says softly.
“Hm?” Ritsu turns to him, not expecting the full on stare he’s met with.
“Your aura… it’s… I don’t know.”
Ritsu put on a smile. “I’m not sure what you mean either.”
Shigeo scratches his cheek, uncertain. “I haven't sensed it in a while, thought you were doing some kind of training with Suzuki-kun again. Is this part of the training too?” His brother glances around him like there’s an invisible fly that only he can see, which makes Ritsu’s eyebrows twitch.
“Yeah. You could say that,” he simply answers.
“Dig in boys! Before it gets cold,” their father says with a proud grin. With his chopsticks Ritsu fills his plate with food, ignoring the small side-glances his brother gives him.
Nothing was wrong though. It’s even better than before, actually. Why was Shigeo so perceptive now when he’s never been like that before? It was unusual, and a bit annoying right now. Ritsu could handle this himself, thank you very much. He’d even found a solution to one of his problems, the tar in his stomach feels almost gone and there was that new brimming power in his chest. He feels like he could take on anyone right now.
“Ow.” Shigeo's small whine snaps Ritsu out of it.
“What the––”
Ritsu hears something resembling a stone falling onto porcelain.
“‘Get cold’, honey it’s stone frozen!”
“What is going on here?” says his father.
“Shige?”
Shigeo doesn’t answer, he just keeps on staring at Ritsu. Soon his parents turn to him too.
But Ritsu only has his eyes on the kitchen around him.
The air has tiny glimmering ice crystals flying around, the surfaces of the table and the food is covered with a layer of frost.
“Huh,” Ritsu says, the puff of air coming out as condensation. Shit.
“What am I going to do?”
Up on the school rooftop, Ritsu paces around the big open area. There’s no wind today, the air is completely still and light gray clouds fill the whole sky. To some eyes it would seem like a boring day, but to Ritsu’s he usually thinks it is calming and serene but right now it didn’t help. Only moving around helps with thinking, which he certainly needs right now.
“What's there to do?” Shou says, leaning on the chain-link fence. “It’s a new ability, we should actually be celebrating.”
Ritsu pauses and hesitates with his words. “I never really had another ability…”
“Exactly! All the more reason why to do something fun! So what’d you wanna do?”
Ritsu shakes his head. “No, firstly: when I am going to have time to practice this, I can’t even use my powers normally. Secondly: I didn’t even mean to get it, so it feels like it doesn’t even count.”
“It does count, so tell me.”
“About what part?”
“How’d you get it? There’s always a reason behind it.”
“Nothing special happened. I was at home, in my room. I don’t know, I got annoyed,” Ritsu says, walking over to the corner, staring out at everything and nothing at the same time. The town’s colors match with the sky today, dull and muted.
“Annoyed?” Shou sounds disbelieving. “I know in experience it takes more than getting a bit annoyed to develop new powers.”
Yeah, Ritsu knew Shou knew. Being around that place, for who knows how long, one must’ve witnessed some experiments, some things, normal people or espers, shouldn't have to see. Shou was trying to open him up. Come on Ritsu, be more honest.
“I might have thought a certain someone was messing with me, okay? A lot of emotions happened, etcetera etcetera, I got it under control, but then this happened. Happy?”
Great try, smartass, you’ll get it next time. Ritsu bites his lip. He didn’t need to use such a cold tone, but this was still out of his comfort zone. As someone somewhere once said for the first time, emotions are hard. Also growing up in a household where emotions were mostly restricted under a long time further enhanced that, he’d come to realize gradually with how often he messed these things up.
It’s still quiet behind him, and for a moment Ritsu almost thinks he’s alone on the rooftop.
“You could’ve called me.”
Ritsu closes his eyes and sighs. “What difference would that have made?”
“I don’t know, I just... I don’t know…” Ritsu hears hair ruffling. “Making sure you’re okay. I could’ve talked you through it or something, that usually helps.”
“And how do you know that?”
“You got one ability, I got three, other than the usual telekinesis. I can actually do the math there myself,” the boy behind him chuckles dryly. “But what did you mean that you can’t use it normally?”
Ritsu opens his eyes again as he notices it. Shou’s good at that, the subject changing, but Ritsu is starting to see a pattern. One day he’s going to be the one asking questions and nothing is going to slip past him. But okay, back to this, because he actually got a theory he’s been grumbling on.
“I’ve, uh, had some problems with it. For a while. Everytime I use my powers I feel sick.”
“Tired or overwhelmed, I know and heard about. But sick? That’s a new one.”
“Yeah, and I think I’ve maybe... associated my powers too closely with the emotion that awakened it, if that makes sense? If that is even possible.”
“Our power’s are connected to our emotions. Your brother is a prime example of it. Once he goes all,” Shou does a stiff pose and flutters his clothes around with his powers for a second before he falls back to the fence again, “you know? It’s usually fueled with one emotion, and you can practically feel it yourself, it’s that strong. So it doesn’t sound entirely unlikely.”
Ritsu starts pacing around again and Shou’s sharp gaze follows him. “There must be a way to fix it, and figure out my new ability too in the process,” he mutters. “Maybe I should ask Hanazawa about it, he has pyrokinesis after all. Even though it’s the complete opposite he might have some tips.”
“Hah?!” Shou pushes himself off the metalfence so it rattles. “Why him? I’m right here aren’t I?”
Ritsu stops and turns around to him, crossing his arms. “Do you know anything about ice powers?”
“Cryokinesis, in fact,” Shou says proudly, hands on his hips. “So yes, I do. Well, I know the name of it, never actually met anyone with it before but as long as it's a work of psychic power, I can think of something."
“So what if I tried them out now?”
“I’m ready if you are.” Shou smiles and holds his hands out to him.
Ritsu blinks, looking up-and-down from his face and hands. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I need to touch you and the powers, that way I can sense what it is and what I can do with it.”
“Can’t I just, send it your way?” However he now does that. Ritsu's swallows, his mouth suddenly devoid of saliva. Even though they were holding hands just a few days ago, but that situation had called for it.
“And accidentally freeze me to an ice block like your dinner yesterday? No thanks. It only needs to be a little, like a small push. I promise you can’t hurt me, Ritsu.”
If I can’t hurt you, why can’t I send it your way. No, Ritsu wasn’t going to argue more. Shou seems to know what he is doing.
So Ritsu takes a few steps towards him and Shou meets him halfway with a confident smirk on that tells of his own conviction, and Ritsu reaches forward. When their hands clasps each other everything feels okay again, normal, like the world isn't collapsing. Shou’s hands are warm and calloused, soft in some places. It just feels right. Like that night they talked for hours on end about their future, always coming up with something new they wanted to do. Like it didn’t have an end.
Ritsu feels himself blush and tries to push it down, now is not the time to dream. He clears his throat, glancing up at Shou who is looking at their joined hands like it’s a miracle. Gosh, he’s so cute, he just wants to––
Ritsu blinks a few times to clear his mushy thoughts.
“The power.”
“Hm?” Shou looks up and meet his eyes, stark blue behind a curtain of ginger.
“I should,” Ritsu stammers out, “do… the power, right?”
“Oh, yeah,” Shou nods and his smile turns a bit sheepish. “The power. Yepp. Go on. I can take it.”
Ritsu takes a deep shuddering breath and concentrates, closing his eyes and relaxes. Then he pulls forward a shine from his cold red star that rests in his chest and leads it through his arms to his hands.
Shou hisses and Ritsu jolts and pulls away.
“Whoa.” Shou stiffly clenches and unclenches his red hands infront of him, his eyes big with fascination. “Never felt that before, not even in winter. Lemme try that again.” He grabs after his hands but Ritsu steps away before they touch again and shakes his head with a heavy heart.
“No, it hurts you.” His powers always hurt. Nothing new there. He should have know better, this was pointless.
“And that’s why I want to feel it again, to work around it. I need to learn the gist of it before I can manipulate it like any other psychic power.”
Ritsu still holds his hands close to his chest, frowning. Shou takes a careful step forward, his smile now much more gentle and encouraging on Ritsu's behalf.
“Trust me, Ritsu. I want to be able to be near you in battle, don’t you?”
His eyes snap to him, fueled with new determination. “I do.”
“Then can I hold your hands again?” he tries to say suave but only comes out as teasingly childish.
Ritsu rolls his eyes but he mulls it over for a bit and comes to a decision. “You only get thirty seconds, then I want a full analysis. And you pull away if it hurts too much, you have to promise me that.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
Ritsu sighs and levels him with a stare, then he folds his hands out and Shou immediately grabs them eagerly. Shou falls into full concentration and his aura visible shimmers around him, he's waiting patiently now that they’re touching again. Ritsu bites his lip, then tests nudges at his powers again and trinkle some of it out. Shou's grip around his hands tightens for a second but then slackens and Ritsu starts counting the seconds down with a stone in his stomach. He feverishly observes Shou’s face in the meantime, but it barely shows any emotions as whatever process he’s dealing with is happening inside his brain and body. The only thing changing is his aura as the colorful prisms around him twitch and jerk, like lagging frames in a video game.
The cold power emanating from Ritsu’s hands has been coating Shou’s hands but is gradually lifted and is now floating right above his instead, not touching skin.
Shou lets out a huge breath of condensation, the white smoke humid and thick, and he looks up at Ritsu with a smile.
“Done. See? Like oil meeting water.”
It had barely been half the time.
“How are you able to do that?” Ritsu says astonished and Shou picks up on the impressed tone and his chests puffs up.
“With a lot of practice and incredibly much free time.” Shou smile grows into a bright grin, and the adorable cockyness is back again.
And Ritsu can’t help it, his growing crush for him is literally crushing his heart right now. Shou’s so awesome, Ritsu knew that before but now it’s unquestionable. The proof is right in front of him, cheeky and happy from his praise. Ritsu tears his eyes away, face burning with the force of the sun.
“So… how was it?” he croaks out. “What can I do with it?”
“Uh, well,” Shoes sound like he fell off track. “Yeah um, first of all, it doesn't feel like you would think a normal ice power would be. Rather it’s so cold it burns.”
“Like liquid nitrogen?”
“Yeah! That would be the closest to describing it, I guess. But I haven’t been putting my hand in a jar of liquid nitro willingly so I can’t say for certain.”
Cute, cute, funny, cute. Ristu's heart is pounding hard and loud. Shit, make him keep talking or he might hear it.
He nods attentively, still unable to face him. “Mhm, and?”
“And there is potential to be used in both close combat and range, I believe. Like with pyrokinesis, the next step would be how to learn to shoot some stuff away. And I also think you have the predisposition to choose what form your ice can take, like deciding when it should freeze and melt really quickly.”
“Oh.” He is actually really relieved to hear that. “That will probably come in handy. Good to know.”
“Yeah, it is. You should be proud of yourself, Ritsu.”
A thumb brushes over Ritsu’s knuckles and his heart skips a beat. God, help him. They’re still holding hands.
“Cool,” Ritsu says dumbly and tries to hide his flaming face even more into his shoulder.
“Yeah, cool,” Shou chuckles breathlessly. “Literally.”
Ritsu snorts and his cheeks aches from how wide his smile becomes just as a distant bell chimes.
“Class?” Shou asks, his voice high.
“Sure, let’s go.”
Even with that said, both of them stand still for a moment more, and at the same time they both release the warm and sweaty hold. Ritsu hurriedly goes to his bag and fumbles with the zipper he’d never even opened before picking the bag up. Shou stands by the door, rubbing the back of his flushed neck, cheeks just as pink, and puts his tingling hand on his thumping chest.