Chapter Text
“What happened today?” James asked.
He licked at the bite hole he made in the plastic cup. His eyes glared at her hand as Natasha pulled away again. He bit harder, teeth ached in his jaw, and the hole got larger. The pudding was sweet, melting on his tongue, making his mouth water. He squeezed the container as he sucked it out.
Natasha waited. Her attention stayed on him and, although James was more focused on the pudding, he felt the weight of her stare. She wanted him to continue, to hear what he had to say, but he still wanted to finish the pudding before They had the chance to take it away from him. He didn’t know when the next meal would come. He crushed the plastic in his hand, squeezing the remaining pudding out of the hole he made.
He set the pudding cup, crushed and mostly empty, back on the tray. He grabbed the water bottle to finish it, washing down the last of the food still in his teeth. He had lingered on the silence for too long. On a normal day, James would have been punished for less. Natasha made no move to do so, she let him finish.
“I slept. Off and on,” James said. He reached back in his mind to get his memories in order. Today was recent, but it still felt scattered. “They were shooting. Woke me up.”
James placed the empty water bottle on the tray. He was disappointed it was gone, despite the ache in his stomach James missed the food. He reached up to curl his fingers into the front of his shirt, wiping the stickiness onto the fabric. He pushed the tray away from him with his foot, James wanted space from it, for Natasha when she retrieved it.
“Is it unusual to hear shooting?” She asked, not moving for it yet.
“Not so close,” James said. He retreated into the corner, his back pressed against the bed. The metal bars of the frame touched his ribcage. He leaned away from it, just the touch made his bones ache. “They shoot further away.”
He saw Natasha’s head moving up and down. “So the day started with shooting closer than normal.”
“Yeah. Then They came to get me,” James said. He sat in a similar position as he did then, knees up to his chest.
“Who came?” Natasha asked.
James paused, lips slightly pursed. It was an odd turn in the interrogation, she knew. They always knew everything, every answer before he gave it. They asked questions as part of the game. They wanted to confuse him.
“They came to move me,” James said.
He heard Natasha breathe, a little louder. When she spoke, she didn’t sound angry with him. James didn’t think he would be punished yet.
“Did they say anything to you?” She said, pulling for more details.
“They said their name, my name, and that they were taking me home,” James said.
Natasha hummed, her head moved up and down again. “What did that mean to you?”
“It means They were moving me. I thought a different room,” James said. He lifted his shoulders to his ears and then let them drop. “But They said that They came from the States, so I thought it was a dream. It’s always a dream.”
“When the United States comes to get you, it’s always been a dream?” She said, repeating his words back. James nodded before she continued. “So you thought this was a dream too.”
“Yeah, so I tried to wake up,” James said.
“With the gun,” Natasha added.
James nodded again. If he shot himself he would wake up. “They hurt me for it so I knew I was awake. I let Them move me then.”
Natasha was quiet for a moment, letting the silence linger and stretch between them. He answered all of her questions as best as he could, as truthfully as he could remember. If he did it wrong, They would hurt him. Sometimes, even if he did and said everything They wanted, they still hurt him. It was part of the game.
James had nothing else to say in regards to what happened today. It was all he had. He could tell her about the helicopter ride. The people who kept touching him all day, poling him, looking him over. They took his blood in glass tubes and photos with bright flashes. It was an eventful day, to the point where he was overstimulated talking about it.
“When you tried to wake yourself up, did you see what you were shooting at?” She asked.
James hummed, letting out a tired sigh as the questions continued. “Bright. Really fast. Can’t see that good.”
“Well, I imagine you spent a long time somewhere small and dark. We’ll have someone check your vision,” She said.
“Okay.”
“So back to today. You were trying to shoot to wake you up. Was it the noise that wakes you up?” She asked.
James shook his head then, making his temples throb. “No, wanted to shoot myself.”
He heard a tsk before she answered, her tongue against her teeth. “To wake up.”
“Yes,” James said. He was tired of the questions. His mouth snapped shut, teeth clacked. His body turned away slightly.
“Just one more question, James, and then I’ll leave you alone,” she said, holding up a finger. “Do you remember shooting at anyone or anything?”
James sighed. He shook his head. “It was happening really fast. Too much yelling. Grabbing.”
He wrapped his arm around his chest. He was exhausted. If They were going to hurt him, they may as well get it over with. The games would keep going and the wait for the end, punishment or reward, was a torture in and of itself. If it happened now, the wait was over.
“Done?”
“Yes, James. I’m done,” Natasha said. She sounded genuine, calm and gentle. If he was desperate, he would say she was nice. Natasha cleared her throat. “Do you have any questions for me?”
That was not an offer he usually got. It was a reward, a blessing maybe. He could get a few answers for himself. With all of the changes happening around him it would be good to find some stability. Unless this was another trick. Another game.
“Will I be hurt?”
He heard Natasha sigh. “What happened today was a tragedy but it’s already been determined it would be unethical to charge you.”
It was nonsense. James didn’t know what that meant. It didn’t answer his question. Another game. His shoulders tensed.
“Will I be hurt?” He asked again.
“No,” Natasha said simply.
“What will happen?” James asked. His fingers curled into the fabric of the shirt again.
“For now?” Natasha said, followed by a short pause. “You’ll be here for a few days, you’ll get breakfast in the morning and meet a few more doctors before you’re cleared for travel. Then back to the states.”
It still didn’t make sense. This room was too big. They weren’t acting how they usually did. He would rather go back to how it should be, when he knew what to expect. Now everything was different. That was dangerous.
“Can I go back?” James asked.
Natasha was quiet. She breathed in deep, then let it out through his nose. He strained to listen to every sound she made, in case he finally pushed her to anger and punishment.
“James, the people who had you before were bad people. We’re the people who want to take care of you. I won’t hurt you. We won’t lock you up somewhere, we won’t leave you cramped or uncomfortable. You can sleep in the bed. You can open the blinds. You can touch anything in this room,” she said. Natasha kept the same tone. James decided he didn’t mind her being in charge now. For now.
Things might change soon. It has changed a lot so quickly already. It will change again. Everything she told him might prove to be a lie. It might prove to be the truth. Maybe, just maybe, the Americans weren’t a fairy tale. Maybe the dream was real.
He was too tired to keep the conversation going. His head leaned against the wall. It was exhausting. James worked to keep his eyes open, eyelids heavy. This was still when he could ask questions, he might not be hurt for asking.
“Can you go away?” He asked.
He looked at her shape, at the shift in her posture. She made no move to reach across the distance between them. Instead, her head moved up and down in a nod.
“Yes. I can. Thank you for letting me stay this long,” Natasha said. She moved to get to her feet, one hand braced under her. “I’m going to get the tray and leave you alone, okay?”
James’ eyes slid to the food tray, a short distance away, then back to Natasha. “Okay.”
She maintained the space between them. Natasha went around to the tray, not stepping close to shrink the distance. Still, James watched her. A punishment was coming. Now or later, it would come eventually. After retrieving the meal tray, Natasha kept her word and left him alone.