Chapter Text
Taerae reached out to silence the ringing of his alarm, except his phone wasn’t lying on his bedside table as usual. Right, he was still in the office, Taerae realised with a sigh, and leaned over to grope around on the floor where it had fallen. It fell quiet, but sound was stirring around him, the telltale yawns and rustle of blankets as people woke up, all resigned to their fate of an early morning meeting.
Someone didn’t feel like getting up though, evident from the pair of arms that tightened around Taerae’s waist as he made to sit up.
Junhyeon let out a whine, burying his face in the back of Taerae’s sweatshirt to avoid the sunlight streaming through the gaps in the curtains.
“Time to get up,” Taerae said gently, turning halfway to peer back at him.
“Five more minutes…” Junhyeon grumbled.
“You’ll get scolded again,” Taerae warned, though he couldn’t suppress a yawn of his own. “Come on, at least let me go.”
That seemed to pull him out of his daze, and Junhyeon’s arms fell away in an instant, moving to rub the sleep out of his eyes.
Taerae faced him properly, lips curling up at the sight of his hair, mussed and sticking straight up along the side from how he’d been sleeping. He reached out to smooth it down.
“Hyung,” Junhyeon flinched, but coughed and continued, his morning voice a deep rumble. “You should go and wash up first. I’ll get up soon, I swear.”
Taerae shrugged and agreed, getting up to stretch. All in all, five hours of pretty good sleep was a blessing in these stressful times, and judging by how worse for wear his coworkers looked, he considered himself lucky.
They all migrated to the meeting room half an hour later in various states of tiredness, ready to run through their progress and the backlog of tasks they still had left to finish. Junhyeon took the seat next to Taerae, careful as he sat not to spill the fresh cup of coffee he was carrying.
Taerae scooted his chair closer as the rest of their team gathered around the table, many nursing their own beverage of choice to get through a far too early morning.
“It’s getting cold, isn’t it?” Taerae tugged his sweater sleeves down to cover his hands. It was the picture of a crisp autumn morning and the sky was grey, the rising sun still hidden behind dark clouds. For all their fancy offices, the heating was never on. Taerae wanted nothing more than to go back to bed, his actual bed, and to burrow under his covers to hibernate.
“Here, hold this.” Junhyeon offered.
He held out his cup to share the warmth with him, but Taerae leaned forward, guiding Junhyeon's hands with his own to lift it to his lips. He’d never been a fan of the bitter taste of coffee, but at least it made him feel more awake.
“Yuck,” Taerae said. “I don’t know how you drink this stuff black.”
Junhyeon made a weird sort of squawking sound, and all eyes swivelled to him.
“Hyung! You- you can’t just steal my coffee like that.” Junhyeon pulled it back, taking Taerae’s source of warmth with it. “I would’ve made you some if you asked.”
“I don’t really want it, I just need a hand warmer.”
Junhyeon looked down at the cup like it had personally offended him before he slid it back over to Taerae.
“Fine, you can have it.”
The meeting started before Taerae could protest.
That strange interaction was quickly forgotten in the whirl of discussions to be had and reviews to be done, and before he knew it, it was already noon. Taerae’s stomach rumbled its discontent as he stretched out his aching limbs, looking over from his desk to the one beside him.
Junhyeon was absorbed in his work, a furrow in his brows as he stared at his screen. He pursed his lips when he was concentrating hard, like a pouting duck. The thought made Taerae smile, and he waited until he seemed to have relaxed a little to ask him if he wanted to get lunch.
“Hey, do you want to-”
Junhyeon started when Taerae tapped on his shoulder, whipping round to face him. He blinked at him from way too close before his gaze darted down, realising their noses were almost touching at this distance. Taerae pulled away, wheeling his desk chair back to put some more distance between them.
“... get lunch?”
“Ah, it’s okay.” Junhyeon replied, “I’ve still got to finish this part, so you can go ahead and eat without me.”
Taerae nodded, feeling awkward. He stood up quickly.
“I can get you something if you’d like,” Taerae offered, hoping he sounded casual.
“Thanks hyung, but I’m not hungry. I’ll eat later.”
It was unusual for Junhyeon to go without asking for a midday pick-me-up, but Taerae shrugged it off and went to lunch without him. He did tend to get pretty serious when deadlines rolled around - that was one of the things he’d always admired about him, how dedicated he was to his work. The duality between his usual goofy self and a focused Junhyeon had certainly left an impact on Taerae.
As he stood there in line at the cafeteria, hazy memories of the previous night came rushing back. They’d woken up cuddling that morning but nothing felt as mortifying as the realisation that he’d practically asked for Junhyeon’s hand in marriage last night. They were both affectionate people, skinship between them was normal. But Taerae had said he looked like a chihuahua? He asked to move in with him? He’d exposed his secret domestic fantasies about them?
Taerae groaned, and the canteen lady serving him looked alarmed.
“Are you alright?” She asked kindly, albeit a bit bewildered.
“No I’m not,” Taerae answered. “Thank you for the food.”
~~~
When Taerae returned, Junhyeon was still busy at his desk, this time hunched over and scribbling something furiously on a notepad. Taerae could barely catch a glance of what seemed to be a flowchart of sorts and several crossed out lines before Junhyeon was slapping a hand over it.
“Oh, you’re back! I was just finishing up actually,” Junhyeon said. “Good luck with your work, I’ll see you later!” With that, he got up, taking his notepad with him. Taerae could only call out his reply after his retreating back as he left.
Their friendship had survived years, there was no way one sleepy conversation could get in the way of their easy dynamic. However Junhyeon was absorbed over the next two days, headphones on as he coded so that Taerae hardly dared disturb him, or working through something on paper with a single-minded focus.
Taerae was never particularly good at hiding his feelings. He wore his heart on his sleeve, never afraid to cry at a sad movie or hold back his reactions. He felt his emotions too deeply to conceal, no matter how hard he tried, so when he realised he liked Junhyeon, it had been overwhelming at first.
He’d become hyper aware of his every action, wondering whether there was a deeper meaning behind his easy smiles and casual touches, if he stayed behind to help him out with his work because he wanted any excuse to spend more time with him as well, if there was a note of affection to his tone when he called Taerae’s name that didn’t exist for anyone else.
Over time, he learned to accept that Junhyeon was just like that.
When they were still interns and Taerae had made a careless commit which had cost the company, Junhyeon had shouldered the blame with him and eased his worries, but he also encouraged their more quiet colleagues to speak up about their ideas. He brought Taerae his favourite snacks, but he’d also offer to get lunch for the others. They had a catalogue’s worth of their own inside jokes, but there was hardly a person in the office that Junhyeon couldn’t get along with.
Junhyeon was loveable by nature, there was nothing else to it. Taerae had no right to say anything, not when he offered to walk their female coworkers home on late nights, or when he spent his time patiently teaching their newest intern, ruffling their hair fondly as they made progress. So he kept quiet, waiting for it to die down. It did, in a way, because his crush settled silently into love, and he could look over at him and keep his affection contained.
Anyway, they were best friends, a fact that Junhyeon was always proud to declare or hold over his head when he wanted something. The timing was never right to say anything, not when things between them were so good as they were. Taerae couldn’t help but feel special when Junhyeon’s attention was on him, like there were moments and sides of himself reserved just for him, but he knew it wasn’t in the way he’d been hoping. He’d had years to get used to it, loving Junhyeon, because he didn’t know how not to.
Taerae wasn’t a coward per se, and sometimes it felt like he couldn’t get more obvious, but he never pushed it. He poured his heart into serenading Junhyeon at karaoke with the sappiest ballads he knew, and Junhyeon would respond by cheering and raucously waving a tambourine. He treated him to coffee from his favourite cafe because Junhyeon said it was miles better than the instant stuff from their coffee machine. He’d even dragged himself out of bed at an ungodly hour to hike up Bukhansan with him on New Years, his legs that were accustomed to desk work aching all the way up the mountain. They’d watched the first sunrise together, and in between stealing glimpses of him from the corner of his eye, Taerae had resolved to finally confess his feelings.
It was almost winter, but he still had yet to say anything. It felt like he’d been tiptoeing the line between them, sometimes emboldened by alcohol or a burst of fondness, sometimes subdued by doubts.
Maybe it was time to be honest. He’d already asked for a lot, foolishly lost in daydreams about sharing a home and a pet, what was one more embarrassing confession? He just hoped Junhyeon could still treat him the same.
~~~
It was only once they were finished with their project that Junhyeon seemed to return to his usual self. Their whole team was crowded around one computer to release the finalised product, erupting into cheers as it went online.
“We’re finally free!” Junhyeon let out a cry of triumph, pulling Taerae in for a hug.
Taerae reciprocated with a smile, relief and exhaustion washing over him now that the burden of work was finally lifted.
“Alright, it’s time to celebrate! Drinks are on me,” their manager declared to a chorus of cheers.
He’d already seen enough of his coworkers’ faces this past week to last a lifetime, but per tradition Taerae let himself be dragged into an awkward group hug and along to their regular barbeque place for a celebratory company dinner.
Junhyeon took his place besides him, pouring out glasses of soju and chatting all the while, like he was releasing all of the energy pent up from days of nothing but sitting at his desk. Usually he would be more than happy to join in, but today Taerae just watched him, taking quiet sips between bites of his food.
Company dinners tended to drag on, and he didn’t feel young enough anymore to keep up. Their intern was getting egged on to drink more, the latest victim to their drinking games. Taerae had been in his position too, on a night years ago that he could still remember like it was yesterday.
Knowing Taerae’s tolerance wasn’t great, Junhyeon had stepped in to be his black knight, directing everyone’s attention to himself as he downed shot after shot, holding his empty glass above his head in boast after each one. Obviously, he’d ended up shit-faced that night, and Taerae had been the one to haul him into a taxi home.
Watching Junhyeon almost fall out of the car door, Taerae hadn’t been able to leave him alone, and they’d hobbled their way up to Junhyeon’s apartment block.
“Why do you look so grumpy?” Junhyeon had asked as they were waiting for the elevator.
“I’m not grumpy,” Taerae replied honestly, nudging him through the doors.
Taerae pushed the button for the 7th floor and Junhyeon pressed a finger into his cheek, peering at him intently.
“There it is.” He said seriously, like he’d found his keys on the side of Taerae’s face.
The elevator doors clicked shut as Taerae stood there frozen, brain struggling to catch up like he was the inebriated one.
“Your dimple disappeared.” Junhyeon explained, words slurring. “I got used to seeing it when you smile. But now you’re grumpy so it’s gone.”
He pulled his hand back, the other arm still heavy across Taerae’s shoulders as he held him upright in the dingy lift, the smell of alcohol lingering in the air between them.
“You should smile again. It’s pretty.” He continued, unaware of the way Taerae’s heart stuttered in his chest at his words.
“Actually… this is a secret, so you can’t tell anyone, okay?” Junhyeon whispered conspiratorially, leaning close with a finger now hovering over his lips. “You know how everyone says Gyubin is the most handsome guy in the office?” Taerae pulled back as far as he could with a nod, feeling the few drinks he’d had sitting heavily in his stomach. “Well, I think it’s you.”
A dumb smile spread across Junhyeon’s lips, and Taerae was on the verge of combusting or doing something stupid, and he wasn’t sure which would be worse.
“I mean, Gyubin looks cool from a distance, but when you get to know him, it totally changes. But with you, it’s like-”
“There’s our floor!” Taerae interjected, having never felt as grateful as he did when the doors slid open.
He didn’t give him any more room to talk as he brought Junhyeon over to his apartment, fussing over the process of getting him a glass of water and to a soft surface before he knocked out, movements sluggish and far too clingy to be good for Taerae’s health.
He managed to extract himself from Junhyeon’s grasp and find a blanket for him, draping it over his sleeping form on the couch. He’d gotten up to leave, but Junhyeon had caught his wrist, looking up at him with bleary eyes.
“Hyung,” he mumbled, half asleep.
Taerae didn’t let him finish, bolting out of the room and not stopping until he was back in that godforsaken elevator, breathing heavy and thoughts a mess.
After that, it had taken him a while to get used to being around Junhyeon again. It took longer still to get used to the idea of loving him, but at least now he had a name for the feeling he got when he looked at him.
If sober Junhyeon was affectionate, a drunk Junhyeon was a menace. Taerae learned to watch both of their glasses to avoid another dangerous situation, but luckily, Junhyeon wasn’t drinking much tonight.
“Hey,” Junhyeon called, leaning close so he could be heard over the music and the ruckus across the table. Taerae tried not to shudder at the sensation of his breath ghosting across his earlobe. “Wanna get out of here?”
Taerae nodded and grabbed his jacket, waving his goodbyes to the others. As they stepped outside, Taerae regretted not having another few shots. It was more than just the cold making his hands tremble as he thought about what he promised himself he would say. He shoved his hands into his pockets when Junhyeon nudged him.
“You seemed tired,” he noted. “It’s about time we actually slept in our own beds, huh.”
Taerae hummed his agreement, his mind elsewhere.
Winter was just around the corner and the days were turning shorter and cooler. Taerae shrunk back into the collar of his fleece jacket and peered over at Junhyeon who was dressed far too lightly for the weather. The tip of his nose and the tops of his ears were dusted red as he walked next to him, hands tucked into the pockets of his varsity jacket.
They walked in relative silence for a while, sobering up in the chilly air. They took the train in opposite directions but they always headed to the same station, the route familiar even on nights they were both beyond tipsy. Their steps were more leisurely today, in no rush despite their fatigue.
Taerae slowed to a stop in the middle of the road on a sloping residential lane, watching Junhyeon under the yellow glow of the streetlights until he noticed he wasn’t beside him and turned around. The rush of cars was distant background noise, and it was just the two of them in the quiet of the night.
“I need to tell you something.” Taerae blurted out.
Junhyeon walked back to him. Due to the incline of the road, Junhyeon was shorter than him now, and Taerae could see the way his eyes reflected the light, like stars in his dark irises.
“Actually, I have something to say too. But you go first, what is it?” Junhyeon asked patiently.
He’d had years to think of them, but now he couldn’t find the right words to say. Loving Junhyeon had become as ordinary as soju and fried chicken after long work days, as easy as their conversations felt, but somehow Taerae had never pictured the day he would admit it. Before he could back out, Taerae braced himself and said it.
“I’m in love with you.”
Taerae watched Junhyeon’s expression change with a quiet sense of dread. Junhyeon’s eyes widened, mouth opening around empty syllables, before his face fell.
“Wait,” Junhyeon said eventually. “No.”
“...No?”
“You shouldn't have said that.” Junhyeon was frowning now.
Well ouch, that's not quite how Taerae was expecting to get rejected. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to think of a way to brush it off. He was drunk off of two shots and not thinking straight, it was a joke, a stupid trend he was following with no people or cameras around to witness it.
“I had it all planned and booked and everything.” Junhyeon said before Taerae could get a word out. “We were going to go to the aquarium and I was going to confess under the archway with the sharks and it was going to be perfect. Shit, okay, I didn't hear anything, and you're gonna pretend to be surprised on Sunday, okay?'
“Wait, what?” It was Taerae’s turn to be stunned. “You were going to do what?'
"Nothing, nothing at all."
"Did you just say- Do you like me?" He asked, heart racing.
"No- I mean yes, but no. You're not supposed to know yet." He hissed, like Taerae was the only one not on board with some prank he was clearly masterminding. Junhyeon cleared his throat. "By the way, are you free on Sunday? "
"You're ridiculous." Taerae sighed, feeling the nerves drain away into relief. Trust Junhyeon to give him a heart attack and reassurance all in one breath. "And what if I wasn't?"
"You can't not be free, I already booked the tickets!"
"Then answer me. Do you like me too?"
Junhyeon turned away from him stubbornly. “That's a secret."
“Kum Junhyeon.” Taerae said, trying to be stern but probably sounding frantic instead. “Tell me properly.”
“I will! I’ll tell you on Sunday. Coex aquarium, 2pm sharp. You’ll come right?”
“I just confessed that I’m in love with you and you’re really not going to say anything? Answer me properly before I- you know I cry easily!”
Junhyeon captured his face in his hands in a panic, doing his best to reassure him in case Taerae’s glassy eyes threatened to spill.
“I just really wanted to be the one to confess first.” He breathed, brushing a thumb across Taerae’s cheek. “I wanted it to be really romantic, you know? I’m sorry, that was dumb of me. Don’t cry.”
Taerae looked up at him, blinking away the embarrassing start of his tears. Junhyeon’s hands were warm on his cold cheeks, and his gaze was equally warm, tilting his head to look at him carefully. Junhyeon’s casual skinship had always been decidedly friendly, but now Taerae felt precious under his touch, like something special.
"I've waited five years for this, you can't leave me hanging anymore." Taerae breathed, voice barely a whisper.
“Five years?”
“Yeah.” He ducked his head in embarrassment, “I can’t believe I’ve been in love with your dumb ass for so long either.” When Taerae cast a glance up Junhyeon was beaming, the red of his ears now high on his cheeks too. Junhyeon pulled him in for a hug, always warm where Taerae was cold, and he melted in his embrace.
“I only figured it out two days ago.” Junhyeon admitted, sheepish. “But you really…for five years? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Taerae pulled back to glare up at him. “You were the one who called us best friends forever. And you’re the one who tried to set me up on a blind date with your college friend. And did I mention how you-”
“Okay, so I was a bit dense.” The definition of an understatement, but Junhyeon looked guilty and Taerae couldn’t bring himself to get mad. “Sorry for being so slow.”
“I want to hear you say it too.” Taerae declared. “Then I’ll forgive you.”
“But I wanted to say it on our first date.”
“You’re really going to make me wait?”
Junhyeon scrunched his nose at him, looking torn.
“Yes.”
Taerae pouted, feeling foolish but too happy to care.
“I can’t believe you’d be so mean. Maybe I will take back what I said.”
Junhyeon trapped him in his arms when Taerae made to step back, an imploring look in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, surely knowing Taerae was weak to that sincere tone of his. “I still want to do things properly on Sunday. But let me make it up to you?”
Junhyeon leaned forward, achingly slow. His eyes flickered up, a silent question, but Taerae’s eyelids fluttered shut and that was all the answer he needed to close the distance between them. It was a fleeting peck, far too short for Taerae’s liking, but Junhyeon was fidgeting on the spot when he drew back, blush spreading up his neck.
“Wait a little longer for me.” He murmured, before he turned around and pulled Taerae along to head home.
~~~
(They go to the aquarium and Taerae has to bite his lip to suppress a grin when Junhyeon pulls out his notepad and stumbles his way through the speech he'd prepared.
Taerae moves in as soon as his apartment lease is up and they adopt a puppy, so it seems like the holiday will have to wait.)