Chapter Text
April 14th, 2011 – After School
Saki had been in school that morning, so Yosuke had allowed himself to relax a little and pay attention during classes that day, for once. By the time the final bell rang, Yosuke had compiled more notes that day than he had in the entirety of his academic career. It was…a little fun once he figured out the best way to write down information without missing what the teacher was saying. He filtered out most of what King Moron had said, but he noted the question Sofue-san had asked Yu. It felt like common knowledge, yet…
What is the year before 1 A.D.?
1 B.C.
And once the material stuck, he began to add his own conclusions in the margins. It was a little messy, so he’d have to refine his formatting. Maybe colored pens—
Oh, hell no, what was he thinking? It was just notes. Doesn’t need to be pretty. He shouldn’t want it to be pretty. Maybe the fog was making him ill again.
He was amid this dilemma as Chie decided to bring up the Midnight Channel from last night. It looked like Yukiko had already departed to go help at the inn.
“Did you guys see…it…last night?”
He and Yu shared a glance, and then both nodded.
“We did. It was a guy,” Yosuke elaborated. “Which leaves me with a question. Chie, did you see an interview last night? One with Saki-senpai’s brother?”
“The interview—?”
“Yosuke!”
She didn’t have time to answer beyond that because Saki burst into the classroom as if a demon was chasing her. The students still loitering around looked on with bewilderment, then began whispering amongst themselves, effectively kicking off the rumor mill once again. Saki was already the talk of the town because of the interview that had aired last night and the rumors circulating her part-time job at Junes. Ones that said she was ashamed of her family, or she had met an older gentleman and was saving up to elope. But…hadn’t the latter started because Namatame had warned her that she’d be the next victim and people had seen them together? What was the story this time if Naoki was on the Midnight Channel last night?
“Yosuke, have you seen Naoki at all?!” Saki looked desperate. She hardly ever referred to him so seriously. “He was called in this morning—But he was supposed to come back to school—He’s not here. Mom says he’s not home. His friends haven’t seen him—”
“Whoa, Senpai—” Yosuke jumped from his seat as she rushed over to his desk. He placed his hands on her forearms, a light touch, but it could grow firm in an instant if he needed to steady her. “What are you talking about? Where was Naoki called?”
The murmuring around them increased.
Oh, are they together? The Prince of Junes and the Shopping District Traitor? Sounds like a perfect match. Ruining this town together.
Isn’t her brother the one who found the body? She was on TV, though. Was she lying for the fame? Expected. She’d use anyone to be popular…What an awful daughter and sister.
Yosuke was about to bark at them to shut up when Saki responded.
“Questioning—They called him into questioning! But they said they were done—I don’t…”
She was inconsolable. This was not the strong senpai he knew who always kept it together when the rest of the town was bearing down on her. No, this was the eldest sibling, the responsible daughter, who was crumbling at the possibility of losing her everything. This was Saki’s love.
“You’re staying with Detective Dojima, right?” He looked to Yu. “Can you call him?” Yosuke reasoned to himself it would be better than calling the station when the person taking emergency calls would likely dismiss them since it had been only a few hours and they didn’t know the general phone number. Yes, Dojima-san was their best bet.
Yu flipped open his phone and dialed without hesitation. As expected, he took orders well. Yosuke wasn’t going to unpack that right now.
“Excuse me, Uncle…” Yu’s voice took on a different quality when he spoke to adults. Curter, to the point, though undeniably respectful. He didn’t bother with casual speech like Yosuke may’ve accidentally used without conscious effort. “One of my friends is missing. …Yes, I understand, but…” Yu took a breath as it sounded like Dojima blew him off.
“Hey, you got this,” Yosuke pressed. Where was that confident boy that he’d seen on the first day of class? “Tell him Saki-senpai is here.”
“Uncle, please listen.” There was a stronger edge to his voice then. The other end of the line went silent. “I’m here with his sister, Konishi-san. …Yes, that Konishi. She’s upset, sir. I don’t mean to be rude. Can you please confirm if Naoki has been seen by anyone at the station? He found the body and with the murderer not found…”
The line was quiet again for a long moment. Too long, Yosuke would say, before he caught something that sounded like “Okay, one second”. Saki shook within his grip, over and over again whispering to herself: They have to have him.
Yu swallowed. “Thanks, Uncle.” He shut his phone with a shake of his head.
Saki gasped, dropping to her knees on the floor. “He’s next. He’s next. He’s next.”
Yosuke crouched down beside her. “He’s next? What makes you think that?” She wasn’t a member of the Investigation Team, and she hadn’t been with them in the TV. They hadn’t discussed their findings with her.
“The announcer was on the TV. She died. Naoki was on the TV. He’ll d….die.”
“On the TV…?” He looked up at Yu and Chie, nodding. That confirmed their thoughts, didn’t it? It was Naoki on the TV. In all cases aside from the first, the hazy image appeared and then there was a TV special of sorts starring the victim’s Shadow. But in Saki’s case…when she’d died, she hadn’t gotten that far. It had seemed as if she’d been killed right away.
“The Midnight Channel. The rumor. It’s not about soulmates.”
He was silent. She’d figured it out just like that, but he could think on that later. They needed to get into the TV World and quickly. Yosuke had planned for this possibility, though that didn’t mean he’d wanted to have to do it.
“We’ll find him.” Yosuke pushed to his feet, hauling Saki up with him. If she kept cowering like that on the floor, people were going to keep talking. Maybe they’d still talk, regardless; he just didn’t want to leave her like that.
As he grabbed his bag, stepped around her, and made his way to the door, Yosuke didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop following them.
--
They arrived at the Junes Electronics Department in record time. Only then did Saki seem to process where they were, looking around quizzically. Then in her fear and anxiety, her expression turned irritated.
“Why the hell are we at Junes?!” she snapped. “My brother wouldn’t be caught dead here!”
Then the phrasing she’d chosen clicked and Saki let out something like a whimper. Yeah…how morbidly funny that was, that in a way it could be partially true, before that world spit out his body on some telephone pole or TV antenna. He had to a suppress a dark, uncomfortable laugh.
“Well…” Yosuke began, looking to Yu for the next move. He’d gotten far with a rather loose plan, but he hadn’t really accounted for Saki tagging along. He’d wanted to shake her off their tail or leave her behind like they had with Chie. Except, Yosuke hadn’t grabbed a rope this time and he wasn’t about to waste 3000 yen.
Yu very helpfully stuck his hand in the TV.
“What? Huh? What?”
Yosuke let himself laugh this time. “Geez, partner. I think you broke her.”
He looked like the cat that ate the canary, as much as Yu could, as he concisely explained.
“We think he might be in here.”
Yu withdrew his hand as Saki stepped up to give it a try, but nothing happened. Yosuke suspected that without specifically being chosen beforehand, it was impossible to enter the TV on your own until you’d gotten a Persona. He’d have said entering the TV was enough if Chie hadn’t neglected to join them once the rope had snapped. Or she’d been scared? He didn’t recall the reasoning.
What had explained Mitsuo, then? Had he been granted the potential?
All thoughts for a later date.
“Er, may I?” Yu quietly asked. At Saki’s nod, he gently guided her hand to the TV. With him there, the surface rippled, and she was able to put her hand through.
“How is this possible?” she frowned, sticking her hand even further.
“We don’t know,” Yosuke explained. He stepped up next to her. “But we’re headed in. It’s dangerous in there, so…”
“You expect me to wait here?”
“No.” It wasn’t a lie. Yosuke folded his arms. “He’s your little brother. I know we can’t keep you back.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Yosuke?” Chie interceded. In the past when he’d suggested something she didn’t think was a good idea, she tended to look to Yu to refute him and lay down the final decision. She didn’t this time. Yosuke didn’t like it.
His attention went to Yu, which he seemed to notice only belatedly and flatly looked from him to Saki to the TV. There was a ponderous silence, then, “We’ll look out for her.” Another few seconds pass. “Or…she’ll keep us from doing something stupid.”
“Word up, partner.” Yosuke smiled.
Chie didn’t seem so sure, her shoulders hiking up toward her ears. He hadn’t seen her like that since…the hospital.
“You’re all going?” Her eyes were on her shoes. “I don’t…I’m scared…”
Yosuke opened his mouth to speak as Yu did.
“You don’t have to.”
Look at him, finally starting to take charge. If that’s the case, then maybe Yosuke could finally step back and go back to being the ideas man. Discussing things with Yu and letting him make the final decisions, taking none of the personal responsibility if things went wrong…
That would be the life.
Alas, there was shit to be done.
“I’ll stay here in case…in case you guys don’t come back,” she finally said, taking several hasty steps away from the TV and plopping right down on the floor. Something about this hadn’t felt right. Hadn’t she wanted to go in the last timeline? What was with the change of heart?
No, no. She’d advised them against it. It hadn’t been about her at all.
Yosuke eyed her. He supposed the difference this time was that they were heading in before another body had been found. After Saki’s death, Chie and Yu had been somewhat entertaining him, mostly trying to keep him from doing something stupid. He could tell. This time, there was a real fear there. He’d forced them to make the connections early, think on it…Not to mention, Teddie had told them about Shadows.
“Okay, we’re counting on you.” He offered a reassuring smile before turning back to the TV. “Let’s go. We gotta get Naoki out of there.”
--
As soon as they entered the TV, Yosuke knew something was wrong. Instead of the fog doing nothing as it had yesterday, Yosuke’s skull felt as if it were about to split in two. It sent him toppling forward on the landing rather than how he’d easily broken the fall prior. Yu was at his side in an instant, hearing his cry.
“What’s wrong?”
“My head—My head—” Yosuke clutched at it, trembling on the floor of the backlot. His voice came out as a shrill whine. He tasted bile at the back of his throat, and it took everything to not vomit then and there. Tears welled in his eyes.
Distantly, he heard a voice ask, “What the hell is that?! A monster?!”
“Quick! Get these glasses on!”
A pair of familiar orange glasses was forced onto his face just as the pain started to ebb and become manageable. With gentle hands on one arm and soft hands on the other, Yosuke was lifted to his feet. When they asked if he was okay now, he didn’t have it in him to say the glasses hadn’t done anything.
With his vision clear, he took a second to note Teddie had given Saki a round pair of glasses, two even circles with beige frames. Given how thin the frames were, the rainbow stripe along the side was difficult to see. He could make out Teddie’s familiar form as well. Those tears finally fell, rolling down his face. He reached under his glasses to wipe them away.
“Why’d you guys come back? You better not be up to something!” Teddie looked ready to pounce, but…
“Would you have really given us these if you believed that?” Yosuke rubbed at the bridge of his nose, then pressed his thumb and pointer finger against each side. Having a migraine here was going to blow. “Look, we’re looking for someone who we think was thrown in here. Will you help us or not? You said you could smell if people were in here.”
“Yes, but—that’s a one-way door! How are you going to get out?”
“You’re gonna let us out after, dumbass…” It was said with more heat than he intended. Thankfully, it seemed to be lost on the bear.
“I mean if I wasn’t here…”
“Then I guess we’d be stuck. But we’re not.” Yosuke folded his arms. “Can you smell anyone here? This is really important.”
Saki grabbed Teddie by one of his buttons, looming over him. “Better take a good whiff! If you don’t find my brother, I’m holding you responsible!” Her brows pinched together, rich brown eyes burning with a fire he hadn’t seen before.
He’d never seen that attitude from Saki before. Her voice sounded more like the echoes of her Shadow in the Twisted Shopping District.
Her threats had done the trick. Before long, Teddie was leading them in the familiar direction of where Saki’s part of the TV World had been.
--
The streets of the Twisted Shopping District appeared before them in little time. It had looked just as Saki’s place had which made Yosuke wonder: did a proper dungeon begin to take shape after the victim had been in the TV World for too long, or were the Investigation Team special cases? Was it because they’d had the “potential”? Did that mean Nanako had the potential? Or Namatame? Well, they hadn’t faced a Shadow “Nanako”, but her words had been felt throughout Heaven.
God, all this was so confusing! Why couldn’t anyone give him a straight answer?
“This looks like the Shopping District,” Saki said, then pointed at the distorted Konishi Liquor Store. “And there’s my family’s store. But the sky is all weird.”
“Does that mean Naoki-kun is in here?” Yosuke asked just to ask. Who else would have this sort of dungeon?
“Huh? Oh no, they’re here! We have to go!”
There wasn’t much time for questions, though, as Yosuke knew what was coming the second that they stepped up to the red-and-black portal-like entrance. He immediately put himself between Saki and the door. Blob-like shadows appeared on its two-colored surface, dropping onto the ground, and forming into Hableries.
Saki gasped behind him. “What are those?!”
“Maybe those monsters? Shadows? Teddie was talking about them yesterday.”
The Shadows drew closer just as Yu started glowing. Yosuke couldn’t keep the wicked smile off his face at watching his partner awaken to his power for the second time. He even let out a whoop as Yu whispered, “Per…so…na,” crushed his tarot card in his hand, and Izanagi appeared behind him in a burst of light. The Hableries were finished off in short order with swift bolts of lightning and the golf club Yosuke had brought for him to use.
Yosuke didn’t reach for his own Persona. Not yet. This was Yu’s moment to shine.
“That was so freaking cool, dude!” He cheered as Izanagi dispersed and Yu looked around bewildered, in a trance of sorts. All that had been a lot to take in the first time. “You think you can do that again? It may come in handy if there are more of these things up ahead!”
“I’ll say!” Teddie was practically buzzing with excitement. “That was some amazing power! To think you had that within you all along.” Then, the bear seemed to realize something: Yu was the one with the power to bring people to this place. Which was right, technically, except Yosuke now had that power, too, as the Magician.
All Yu did was nod. Teddie continued excitedly, turning to him and Saki and asking them their thoughts on “Sensei”. He noted how the bear used his name, though this time it’d been at his request, and referred to Saki as…Saki-sama. Seems she’d really made an impression on him. She didn’t seem too amused with the nickname, though, and asked him to not be so formal.
Give Teddie an inch and he’ll take a mile. Saki was dubbed Saki-chan.
Yosuke suggested they push on at that point. If there were Shadows here, Naoki could be in danger.
Upon entering the replica of the Konishi Liquor Store, Yosuke was struck with the notion that something was very off. Just like the first time, the place had a more oppressive aura than the outside world. It was set up just like Saki’s place in this world had been the first time with a counter and boxes strewn about. There was liquor on display. Except, instead of the cut-up photo of Yosuke, Saki, and their coworkers, there was a rather cute white rabbit charm that, upon closer inspection, was missing an eye and stuffing was spilling out of a hole in its side. Compared to the photo, the wear seemed accidental.
While Yu hung back at the entrance, keeping watch, Saki stepped forward, picking the critter up by the looped string. “This is my brother’s. A friend made it for him when he was little. He used to take it with him everywhere, but he dropped it, and a dog ran away with it.” She gave a sigh. “Once we got it back, he started keeping it at home. The friend who made it was going through a rough time, so he never gathered the courage to ask him to fix it.”
She set the stuffed charm down, moving instead to…a bag of creampuffs that sat on the other end of the counter. “Creampuffs…?”
“Nee-chan is always so busy…”
Saki’s head snapped up. “Naoki?” She looked around wildly. “Naoki, where are you?”
“I almost never see her anymore. She says she’s working part-time at Junes, but I’m not so sure…”
Saki turned as if the voice had sounded behind her. Yosuke saw her brows pinch together. He took a breath and stepped across the room to her, about to tell her not to take those words to heart when Naoki’s voice continued.
“She must be sleeping around. She’s always with that Hanamura guy. Got him wrapped around her finger, doesn’t she? The neighbors were right. She’s probably using him and saving money on the side to get out of here and leave me behind.”
Yosuke gaped, looking from Saki to the ceiling and back again. “Hey, it’s not like that—Don’t listen.”
“Y’know…I’ve always wanted to tell her…”
Saki sucked in a breath.
“She’s kind of a gold-digging whore.”
She staggered backward, further into the liquor store. Yosuke made a grab for her arm to keep her close and therefore safe, but she was just out of reach. Saki shook her head, beginning to tremble, muttering something a lot like that’s not true.
“Pretty sad, isn’t it?”
No.
Not her.
“That poor, poor boy. He’s sort of right, isn’t he?” A being with the exact likeness of Saki, save for yellow eyes and an exaggeratedly severe expression. “You’ve been using sweet ‘Hana-chan’ this entire time. Having him around keeps people off your back. He’s so willing to be your valiant white knight.” The Shadow spared a laugh. “Or maybe more like an over-excited puppy. So enthusiastic and full of affection, you could probably tell him to roll over for you and he would.”
As expected, Saki denied it. “That’s…that’s not true! Who are you to say that?”
“Of course, it’s true! After all, I’m you!”
“Saki-senpai, don’t say it!” Yosuke put himself between the Shadow and Saki. In a way, it was proving that thing’s words true. “You have to—”
“Ah, ah, ah! No spoilers!”
A chill ran down Yosuke’s spine. Instinctively, his mind reached for Susanoo, willing his tarot card to appear, but all Yosuke was met with was the headache that had nearly taken him out before.
His own Shadow just smiled wickedly at him.
“Thinking it’s your turn to be the hero?”
He slumped to the ground, just barely catching himself with one hand while the other remained pressed to one of his ears. From somewhere behind him, Teddie exclaimed, “Two Yosukes and Saki-chans? …No, they smell like Shadows! This is beary, beary bad!”
“Don’t be so stupid. You may be a little special this time, but that wasn’t enough. Admit it, you don’t even know what you’re doing. Save the girl, then what? Get your dick sucked? You’d get a reward befitting a hero? Oh, or maybe they’d make you the leader! Wouldn’t that be nice? Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”
His Shadow couldn’t have been speaking much louder than normal volume, but each word bashed against his skull like a sledgehammer. It was too loud. His senses became quickly overloaded by the everything around him.
“You…I already know you’re me…” He ground out. With great effort he moved his headphones from his neck, his fingers shaking so much that he wouldn’t have managed it if Yu hadn’t appeared at his side and nestled them in place. Fingers fumbled for the play button on his MP3 which had blessedly already been set to his battle playlist before they’d even set foot into this place. He offered Yu a nod in thanks. “So, what’s the holdup, Jiraiya? Or are you Susanoo?”
But when he looked up, his Shadow had wrapped itself around Saki’s in an intimate embrace, arms around its waist, edging lower. Shadow Saki pressed its head against his Shadow’s chest, looking the picture of absolutely taken with it.
His Shadow laughed. “Both. Neither. Either way, use your damn head. The holdup…is you. You just can’t make up your mind…” It looked down at Saki’s Shadow, pushing it back and guiding its chin upwards to press a kiss to its lips. It regarded her with such lust it made Yosuke sick. “Girls.” It set that lecherous gaze on Yu. “Or boys.” And then it was back to him, the Shadow’s face twisting in a fucked-up representation of Yosuke’s typical smirk. “Lead or follow. Save him, save her. Wouldn’t it be easier just to let them both die? You know your mommy will still comfort you as you cry over it like a fucking child. If she even survives until March.”
He swallowed. Yosuke knew the right answer. The right answer would be to lay down and take it. Accept that these doubts were part of him and move on, be the coward he always was and take the tactical retreat when he could. But—
“Shut up! Don’t talk about Hana-chan like that!” Saki interrupted his thoughts. He struggled to look behind himself at her from where he was on the ground, finding that she’d stepped in front of him.
“Aw. Are you done cowering, little hare?” Saki’s Shadow spoke up. “Can’t let the manager’s son die! What will happen to you, then? Junes will eat you alive! How typical of you to only step in when your way of life is on the line…”
Whatever resolve Saki had gathered in seeing his Shadow mouth off dwindled down into nothing. “No, stop talking like that. I don’t think those things. I…You’re not me!”
Dark energy began to swell around them. There was nothing he could do to stop it.
“Fine, fine. I’ll give that to you. I’m not you. Not anymore…I’m my own entity now!” Her Shadow pressed a lingering kiss to his before shoving it away. “Go on now. Be a good boy for me.”
“Am I ever not?” His Shadow chuckled. It stepped forward with its arms spread wide. “Ladies and gentlemen, your attention up here! Without further ado, my lady will be taking the stage!”
The darkness that had coalesced surged upwards then outwards behind his Shadow and, within it, Saki’s shifted and morphed. A burst of white light took its place. From where its legs had been sprouted the tail of a long and winding, white-scaled serpent as wide as a redwood. Above it formed the body of a porcelain doll in an approximation of a flowing black kimono adorned with deep-red flames. It wielded two gigantic axes.
He scrambled to push himself to his feet and then—
Yosuke blacked out.
April 14th, 2011 – After School (Saki)
She watched Yosuke go limp, horror rising within her. She went rigid with fear.
This whole situation was wrong. Not just the fact that another world existed in the backside of the TV. Saki had gotten used to that. If kami existed everywhere and in everything, why couldn’t something like this be real? No…it was the other her and the other Yosuke.
Why were they entangled with each other like lovers? Why was his other self saying those weird things? What was with all this talk about kami and folklore heroes? That thing was no kami, no hero. It was a monster. So why had he referred to it like that?
Narukami checked Yosuke’s pulse and seemed to relax when he found his heart beating. That was another thing. What was going on with Yosuke and the transfer student? That other Yosuke…It had suggested he was some… “deviant”, as her parents would say, and Saki would disagree. There was nothing wrong with being like that.
Really, she was more hung up on the suggestion that there was something between them when Saki had made it clear on many occasions that they were merely friends. Or maybe “coworkers” was a more accurate descriptor. She had an affection for him, like one would have for a little brother, but the difference was here: she had a real little brother who she adored more than anything. Yosuke could never compare to that. He’d just been a guy who was following her around…like a puppy. She’d acknowledge the other her was correct there.
That was until that day on the Samegawa. That was until a few hours ago when she’d run to him in a panic. Maybe he was a better person than she’d given him credit for.
There was no time to ruminate on it further. Narukami shoved her out of the way as a colossal axe nearly cleaved her head off. A fissure formed in the floor where the monster had struck. Then, that weird bear was dragging her back. Yosuke had already been carried off to the side.
“You must stay over here! It’s not safe for you! You don’t have power like Sensei.”
So, I’m powerless? That’s it?
“We have to do something, Teddie…” She was done being the hardworking daughter who took everyone’s shit and didn’t fight back. She was done being the one who had to be protected.
Narukami tried again and again to strike the monster with lightning and physical attacks, and all it did was tire him out. They didn’t have any effect on that monster.
Enough!
Saki pushed forward, brushing past Teddie when he moved to stop her. He gave with little resistance as if he were merely full of air. Narukami turned to her in mild surprise, opening his mouth to seemingly will her to stand down.
“Thanks for the help, Naru-chan, but you don’t need to fight anymore.” Saki took a deep breath, and shouted, “Hey, you!”
The other her froze mid-attack, it’s painted on eyes and innocent smile at odds with the violence it had been carrying out.
“I understand now. You’re me. You’re the parts of me I don’t want to look in the eye. Please, stop this fighting…It’s not what you want, is it? You just want me to acknowledge that you’re here—” She placed a hand on her chest. “—within me.”
She took another step forward.
“I’m sorry for not accepting you sooner.”
She did rely on Yosuke too much as the one who always ran in in the nick of time to save her. It was annoying, but it was also nice. And there was a part of her that believed she could get anything she wanted out of him. He was a bit of a pushover and had always been so enthusiastic when it came to helping her, though she’d never pressed it.
Yeah. It was horribly exaggerated and twisted…but those were her true feelings, at their core.
The monster – Hadn’t Teddie called it a Shadow? – began to turn translucent, glowing with a blue light. A card – A tarot card from the looks of it – bearing the likeness of figure hanging from a rope by its foot appeared in front of her. Then, it settled within her chest and the Shadow faded.
April 14th, 2011 – After School (Yosuke)
Yosuke took in only bits and pieces of the fight as he slipped in and out of consciousness from the pain. By the time it had dulled enough, his eyes cracked open and took in an entirely new scene. Saki, bathed in blue light, the translucent form of a Persona floating behind her.
Unlike most Personas, hers remained stationary behind her as if patiently waiting or completely innocent and removed from the squabbles of mortals. She had a porcelain mask fitted on her face, concealing pale skin. The “face” was entirely painted on, its “eyes” winged with red, and its lips stained a matching hue, all features of a fair maiden. Hair matching Saki’s in color was done up in two ponytails, affixed high on her head and appearing like floppy rabbit ears that trailed down to its waist.
Instead of the long, white-scaled serpent tale that her Shadow had, her Persona wore a black furisode kimono beneath a vibrant red hakama. The kimono’s sleeves depicted flames of a deep red to red to pinkish red as if she were burning alive from cursed fire. Her feet were sandaled as was proper.
He pushed himself to his feet just as Saki willed her card to appear before her again, crushed it, and called her Persona.
“Yagamihime!”
The sight of it...It pulled at Yosuke’s heartstrings. Maybe it was the lingering effects of his headache, but he felt his eyes well up and—Yu turned his way, so he immediately scrubbed at his face. He stepped over to Yosuke brows furrowed.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Um, yeah, I think so. Just feeling a little powerless.”
His Shadow took that moment to appear from off to the side with a slow clap. Gods help him, he could not stand that guy. Was this how the others felt dealing with him at his most dramatic?
“Gotta say! That was quite the show!” Yosuke wanted to punch that smirk off that asshole’s face. “Too bad you can’t seem to keep up, huh? The senpai you were so sweet on and the new guy you want to impress are already leagues ahead of you, having to pull you from danger. Even that bear has done more than you.”
He pulled the monkey wrenches he’d brought from the waistband of his pants. The cool feel of the tools beneath his fingers brought him enough comfort to, well, not start duking it out with a Shadow who wasn’t attacking but wasn’t giving up either.
“And I accept that!” he shouted back. “What more do you want from me? I’ve got issues! I know!” He kept taking charge, but he didn’t want the responsibility of being leader because he knew if everything fell apart, he wasn’t mature enough to handle it without breaking down or playing the blame game. And then there were his romantic feelings…It would be easier to be with a girl, even if he knew he’d be so much happier with Yu.
And he couldn’t hide away, either, and let Naoki or Saki die, as much as he wanted someone else to play hero after the year he’d had. Only he had known how to save them. Only he had all the answers.
If only the “him” from a year ago could see him now. Yosuke had entered this world seeking an adventure, full of grief, and not opposed to coming out of it a hero. As much as he’d wanted to lead the team, it had become quickly apparent to him that the best way for him to blend in among them was to let Yu take the reins. He was the most unique and capable one, after all. Multiple Personas at his disposal, the cool and calm composure to back it up.
Later, Yosuke’s initial notions of him would be disproven and he’d find him to merely be a lonely boy who’d been forced to lock away his true feelings to appeal to strict parents, but the lie had been enough for Yosuke at the time. Narukami Yu was the leading man and Hanamura Yosuke was content to be his second. To do the dirty work if needed, to even kill for him if he must.
Thinking back—Were those feelings ever normal? Yu had been his first true friend, then he’d been his first true…love. He’d been special to Yosuke.
“Not good enough.”
What?
He felt the weight of Yu’s hand on his shoulder.
“I know what you’re thinking. It’s not good en—”
Driven forward by the same rage that had filled him that night at the hospital, Yosuke dropped the wrenches and made a grab for his Shadow’s throat. His fingers closed around its neck, and he began to squeeze as they fell to the ground, Yosuke straddling it.
“How’s that not good enough?!” His voice came out closer to a growl. “I know I’m a loser! I’ve accepted that, but I’m doing my best! I know you’re a part of me!”
His Shadow gave a wheezing laugh.
“Knowing…isn’t enough.” It struggled to speak so much that its voice came out just loud enough for him to hear. Yosuke held back the urge to squeeze tighter. “You gotta change. Otherwise…You won’t catch the killer. You’ll…fail them. Again. Maybe they’ll see what an angry dog you are and put you down instead. Throw you in the TV…like you almost threw in Namatame.”
Its hands settled on Yosuke’s, trying to push him away, the instinct for self-preservation taking over.
“You’re wrong,” he whispered. “I won’t fail this time. I’ll save all of them. I’ll save Yu.”
The Shadow’s eyes softened, more umber in the lighting than yellow. It relaxed its grip.
“Promise…?”
What a strange thing to say. But this Shadow had been behaving weirdly the whole time.
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
With a small smile and what appeared to be its last breath, its hands fell away, and it began to fade. Not like Saki’s Shadow had in vibrant blue light. More like it was becoming more and more transparent with each second, until Yosuke felt only the ground beneath him.
When Yosuke’s headache cleared and he could feel Susanoo within him once more, he realized.
That had never been his Shadow at all.