Chapter Text
Jay had woken up in a hospital, steady beeping and whirring invading his dreamless sleep (if you could even call it that). A woman’s voice drifted through the air as he stirred, groaning in pain.
There were more voices after that, and when he’d finally come to the first thing he did was throw up. The bright lights and high pitched wailing of various machines disoriented him enough to have him falling over.
He was rather frantic, having woken up someplace unfamiliar, the sterile smell was nothing like the thick stench of oil and blood which he had begun to get used to and it only made him perpetually nauseous. He tried his best not to look like a deer in headlights, but he was pretty sure everyone noticed how on edge he was.
People shuffled in and out of his room, muttering to one another, though they refused to tell him much about his condition, saying something along the lines of ‘you’re not in the best state to be receiving this amount of information’, though he couldn’t exactly be mad about that since he’d been on a couple pain meds and he felt vaguely like he was floating.
Not much later—conveniently when there was no one else in the room—a disheveled Tim (clad in a hospital gown) had slammed through the door, a frenzy of people chasing after him (though they also just sort of let him be). He stood at the doorway for a brief moment, face morphing into hundreds of emotions.
The man had practically jumped him, likely irritating some of their wounds, dissolving into a shaking mess.
“YOu BAStard!” he screeched, violently shaking his shoulders. (The nurse in the doorway looked like she wanted to separate them, but didn’t.)
“Mrr?” He could still hardly get out more than a few words, even as he did they slurred together.
“How dare you! I swear to god everytime I turn around you’re halfway through death’s door!”
Jay’s face fell–well, more of drooped, but that’s besides the point–he blinked at the man before him, “whrt herppened?”
“YOu’re on a goddamn quest for death, that’s what!” His breaths came out in angry huffs, but Jay saw past that to the way his eyes glistened over. “Do you ever stop to think about how I’ll feel if you end up dead?! Do you Jay?!” His voice cracked, “I…I can’t… I wouldn’t be able to do this anymore.” He had drowned out into a whisper, and the trembling grew tenfold.
His own eyes pricked, “sorry.” He murmured softly, pulling Tim into a hug, “I thought it’d be fine.” The slur had more or less dissipated, but he could hardly speak above a hoarse whisper.
“Well it wasn’t.”
“She’s gone, they both are.” He added unhelpfully, “nothing like that’ll ever happen again.”
Tim glared up at him, “don’t lie, I know how you are.”
His mouth opened and closed a few times. He sighed, clamping his eyes shut, “you’re right.”
The man’s expression only soured, “I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again.”
Jay only nodded.
“I mean it.”
Jay knew he meant it, “I know.”
“Good.”
The hospital staff (who were looking on with exasperated expressions) had a hard time separating the two after that, and mostly just gave up, leaving the two of them to sit in one another’s company, snuggled up under the thin blankets. They did grouse about it, but Tim always gave them a look when they tried to get him to leave and they would begrudgingly relent.
Later, Alex poked his head in, hardly sparing them a few words. They didn’t miss the way his eyebrow raised when he saw them, but he only shook his head slightly before disappearing just as ominously as he’d arrived.
The road to recovery was long, and they were constantly told that it was a miracle they hadn’t died three times over; most was fixable, but there were a few things that likely wouldn’t heal right. That was fine with him, so long as they were alive. What bothered him though, was that Tim had far too many sprains and breaks to be running around and attacking him as he had. Jay on the other hand only had just about five too many concussions, there would be some permanent effects, but all in all he was mostly fine and wasn’t at risk for CTE, whatever that meant. (He chose not to think about the fact that his ankle was sprained and still burned ever so slightly).
Either way they were set to be released any day now, and for convenience sake they were put in a room together to avoid any ‘unnecessary emotional distress’, that was the doctor’s excuse at least.
Although they were in one another's company, the silence was paralyzing, and within this silence he was wracked with guilt, the kind that made him wish he could curl up into a ball and wither away (but that would only make it worse)
—-------
Even though they were eventually given a, marginally, clean bill of health they couldn’t quite go back to Jay’s apartment. Apparently it was still a crime scene or something and they had to commandeer it for a while. Jay’s landlady was kind enough to give them another room–not without a shitload of money for breaking his lease–and seemed to be in a good mood. She murmured something along the lines of picking his brain about the ‘crime’ so she could put it on a podcast or something.
Speaking of, the police had interviewed them as soon as they were coherent enough. They’d strung up a story consisting of mostly half-truths, but for the most part they claimed they didn’t remember much (the concussions helped make that believable). Somehow Alex–even though they hadn’t exactly spoken about it–gave more or less the same story, and they were let go. The case was still ongoing though, since they had yet to fine the person who ‘kidnapped’ and nearly killed them.
Officially Tim, Jay, and Alex were all being stalked by ‘someone’ and were subsequently chased down, blackmailed, knocked out, and dragged to the abandoned building where said someone proceded to do whatever fucked up things a psychopath would do; most of which just included having them run around and fight for their lives.
It was close enough to the actual truth, and when the police asked who might’ve been against them Alex had given a very confident and resounding ‘no one’. Tim muttered something about some kid from the mental institution he was in when he was a kid, and Jay had swiftly tied in Marble Hornets and the disappearances of multiple of the members in it. As such, they linked the cases and it became something of a spectacle.
Tim and Alex later hounded him for bringing that up because it brought more questioning, but in the end things turned out fine. Well… except for the fact that they were offered witness protection, at least until they caught the person behind everything. They all denied of course, (mostly because they knew that would never happen, and that they would likely be fine) but the experience was still unnervingly surreal.
It did blow over though (not without taking a month to do so), and even though they were heavily gossipped about they were left alone and were allowed to stay in town (though Jay had a suspicion that was only because their case had brought in a small trickle of wackos and such who found their case ‘interesting’).
Life was almost peaceful, and would be even more so when Jay managed to sort out the growing ache in his heart that throbbed whenever Tim was around (but maybe that was just some lingering side effect).
—-----
“Is it boring?” Jay had asked one day, Tim’s arm was in a sling and one of his legs was in a cast.
“Is what boring?” Tim spoke, mouth full with whatever Jay had made for breakfast that day.
“Not being able to do anything.” He glanced down at his own leg, adorned in a brace, it still ached at best and was a constant reminder of Jessica’s last moments.
Tim laughed, wide grin stretched across his face, “I’ve had enough of exciting for a lifetime, this is like a vacation, especially since I have my own personal chef.” He winked at Jay, who felt his face grow uncomfortably warm.
It didn’t stop him from feeling… uneasy, but he tried to be as upbeat as Tim was. The man was right afterall, if they had eachother then life seemed that much brighter.
He needed to hobble into work after that, and Tim hobbled right after, keeping true to his word. It was a pretty common sight at this point and no one really questioned it anymore.
“You doin’ alright there?” His coworker (who’s name he couldn’t remember for the life of him) asked, question directed towards both Tim and Jay.
“We’re fine.” Tim muttered plainly, ushering Jay to his desk.
The man gave them a quick, pitying look before shrugging, “aight then, but if you need help jus’ holler.”
Jay smiled politely at the man, though it probably looked like he was grimacing.
“You don’t have any obligation to come to work son, I understand what you’re dealing with and know how much taking some time to decompress helps.” His boss (who’s name he also couldn’t remember, curse him) hovered near Jay’s desk. He was a nice middle aged guy who apparently had his sister kidnapped (if he believed the rumours) at some point, and while Jay appreciated the gesture, not working made him feel itchy and restless.
“It’s alright, I need to get out of the house anyway.”
“If that’s what you want son.” He patted a hand on Jay’s shoulder before meandering away.
Tim scowled at the man—and anyone else who approached—like he did everyday, Jay couldn’t exactly say why, but it seemed the pity was getting to him. Honestly, Jay felt the same way, they really didn’t need to ask him every thirty minutes if he was alright; he’s been fine, truly.
—-------
Then when they were out getting lunch, a usually peaceful endeavor, a scruffy kid, probably still in college shuffled up to them, catching them mid-sandwich.
“...Hey I… um, you’re Jay Merrick and Tim Wright, right?”
Before Tim could tell the guy off Jay spoke up, “yeah, that’s us… did you need something?”
“That’s… right I should probably introduce myself-”
Another kid, somehow managing to hide behind this one, suddenly took over the conversation, getting straight to the point. “His name is Vinny, and I’m Evan. We wanted to ask you guys some questions.”
He took another look at the motley pair, they seemed tired, and one of them–Vinny?–was holding a poorly concealed camera behind his back, hands shaking ever so slightly.
Evan, on the other hand, seemed almost perfectly composed, but he kept fiddling with the edges of his jacket.
Tim glared at them, eye twitching ever so slightly (Jay sighed internally because he knew what was about to happen). “We’ve already told this to every other wackjob who’s come asking that we don’t want to star in your stupid podcast, just leave us the hell alone.”
“That’s-” Vinny tried to say something but the other guy–Evan, his name was Evan–interrupted once again.
“We’re not here for any of that, we just want-”
“We’re not going to answer any of your questions, okay? The police report is already public knowledge at this point, so why even bother asking us anything?” It was a clear dismissal, but the kids were rather persistent (he calls them kids, but they likely weren’t too much younger than them).
“If you would just hear us out-” The kid with the hat, Evan, took a step closer to them, agitation showing through each of his actions.
“No.” Tim’s words were final, “there’s nothing for us to say, so just fuck off and leave us alone before I call the cops.” He quickly stood, startling the kid… (what was his name again?) and grabbed Jay by the arm, dragging him out of the establishment.
The door jingled behind them, and Jay tried his best to ignore the stares they were getting.
“God, I hate that. Why does everyone feel the need to treat us like some kind of freak show?!” Tim’s squeezed him arm.
“Hold on, let me go back for the sandwiches,” Jay deflected the question, “it’ll be a waste of eighteen dollars if I don’t.”
Tim looked like he wanted to say something at that, but huffed and (somehow) managed to refrain himself.
“I also need to get your crutches.” He mumbled, rubbing his wrist when Tim finally let go. Honestly he didn’t know how the man had manages to run all the way out here without said crutches, but his tenacity was… charming he supposes. “Just wait in the car, I’ll be right back.”
Tim eyed him almost suspiciously, “you’d better be or I swear to god Jay.”
He winced, “I know, I know.”
The door jingled again as he pushed his way back in, feeling very much awkward and out of place. The two kids were still standing in front of their table, fervently talking (though more like arguing) with one another.
Jay shuffled by them, letting out a soft ‘excuse me’ as he snatched Tim’s crutches and the leftover bits of their lunch from the table.
They parted for him, eyeing him down rather uncomfortably, and (curse Jay and his guilt) Jay, despite himself, turned to face them.
“Look, I’m sorry about all that, but… you have to understand that he… we don’t really want to talk about any of what happened. It’s over and everything is done, and we’re fine. End of story.”
The kid with the hat (E-something) cleared his throat, shifting on his feet, “no, that’s our-” Vinky (was that his name?) coughed and hat kid rolled his eyes, “that’s my bad, I didn’t mean to pry or anything, but we really do need to talk with you guys… or at least one of you.”
Jay sighed, binking harshly, “look, I admire how persistent you are, and honestly I might be able to answer some of your questions, but just… not now.” He paused a moment, picking up a napkin from the table, and swiftly pulling out the pen he kept in his pocket. “Here’s my number. Maybe, maybe we can work something out, but just give it some time, okay? And don’t go giving that to anyone else, or all bets are off, okay?”
One of the kids (god he really can’t remember their names) eagerly took it from him, nodding slightly.
Before any of them could say anything else the jarring honk of his car horn startled them, and Jay cursed under his breath before taking off, muttering a goodbye to the pair.
“What took you so long?” Tim huffed as Jay climbed into the driver’s seat.
“I didn’t take that long, your crutches are just hard to carry.”
“Right.”
It was silent as Jay started up Tim’s car, there was no static like there was in Jay’s car (they both agreed that they didn’t want to hear that), and neither had the will to say anything.
‘Perpetuating.’ A voice, which he ignored, whispered to him.
—-------
Surprisingly it had been Tim who suggested that they go to therapy, and Jay who had thought it was a dumb idea.
“Are you serious? You of all people are against it?” Tim nearly screeched.
They were sitting on the couch on a particularly mundane saturday morning, both still a little groggy. Jay had been draped across the couch, unsurprisingly tired (even though he wasn’t waking up screaming anymore, he still didn’t sleep very well), and not quite coherent enough to greet the world.
Tim had brought him a cup of coffee, set it down and tried to shake the man awake. He wasn’t quite where Jay’s shoulders were and settled for placing a hand on his leg.
Bad idea.
Jay’s eye’s snapped open, and he gasped (like how his mother often did when she woke up), yanking his leg back with such ferocity that Tim stumbled.
It took him a while to calm down, but the lingering burning sensation never left.
“You can’t seriously react like that then expect me to believe you when you say ‘it’s fine’. You sound like an idiot.” Tim rambled on.
Jay didn’t really care if Tim thought he wasn’t okay. What mattered was that he thought he was fine, and he was fine, is fine. Everything is over so there’s no reason for anything to affect him beacuse it’s over. His ankle just hurt a little bit, that’s all, yet Tim refused to believe him. It was like talking to a brick wall.
Tim groaned, “I swear to god Jay this is like talking to a brick wall.”
Jay’s eye twitched ever so slightly, so he was the brick wall? “I don’t get what you’re so worked up about, my ankle is just sore, okay? Why would I even have to go to therapy because of it?”
“Are you kidding? Did you not just see the way you reacted to that? There’s no way your ankle just hurts, you looked like you were about to run for your life.”
“So? You just startled me, there’s nothing weird about that.”
Tim grumbled under his breath, “even if you’re telling the truth, you can’t possibly tell me that everything that happened didn’t affect you at all.”
“Of course it affected me, but it’s over, done with, finito, which means that it shouldn’t affect me anymore, and it isn’t.”
The man’s mouth hung agape, “are you being serious right now?”
“Yes. I don’t understand why you care about this so much.”
“I care about you Jay.”
He turned away, feeling his stomach twist, “you don’t need to care.”
His face softened, and he gave Jay a soft smile. “It doesn’t change the fact that I do, and I can’t just stop caring.”
Jay couldn’t look the man in the eye.
“Look, we can even go together, I know you think you’re fine, but trust me, these things don’t just go away.”
Fuck, he couldn’t say no to the man when he kept looking at him with… with those eyes, and that pleading expression, “I-” His resolve was wavering, big time, “if… if that’s what you want then… if it’ll make you feel better.”
—-------
Their therapist’s name was Laura, and she highly encouraged them to have more sessions. If the look on her face was anything to go by, then maybe Tim had had a point. But if there were going to go again, he refused to do it without the man. Laura clicked her tongue at that, and wrote something down, but let them do what they want.
—-------
They were acclimating to their new way of life rather easily, and even though they had the space to sleep separately they didn’t.
They both woke up at the same time, jolting ever so slightly as they were pushed from their nightmare fueled sleep.
Jay couldn’t quite remember what he dreamt of, but he had the sudden urge to spill everything he’d ever felt to Tim. The darkness made him uneasy, and he his eyes snapped around the room, searching for the man in question.
“Jay?” Tim rasped, startling him. It sounded like the man was calling for him as though he were lost.
“Tim?” His voice trembled just as Tim’s did. He was here, thank god he was here.
“You… you’re here, right?”
“I-yeah, I’m right here… look I think I need to tell you something.”
Tim was silent for a long moment, “why?”
Jay blinked, his determination wavering ever so slightly. He woke with the feeling of spilling his guts to the man, but… what if he didn’t want to hear any of that? What if the moment wasn’t right? “I… no, we should go back to sleep.”
“No… no, Jay, what did you want to say?”
In lieu of a response Jay simply grabbed the man’s face, surveying the way his eyes gleamed in the faint shimmers of moonlight from the window. It was silent for a brief moment, and Jay’s heart ached. He didn’t know exactly when he’d started feeling this way, though it was more like he’d realized what hed been feeling as something a little different than just friendship. It didn’t matter though, he was with Tim now, but just… not quite in the way he wanted to be.
He couldn’t live without at least letting Tim know, as selfish as it was he wanted the man to stay with him and reciprocate what he felt, as unlikely as the idea felt he still needed to try at the very least.
A cold hand on his cheek startled him, drawing his gaze back to Tim.
”I-… can I…” He trailed off.
”Of course.” Tim murmured.
He leaned in, eyes scrunched shut, met halfway by Tim, their mouths crashing together with as much grace as you could expect from them.
Their teeth clacked together, and Jay’s head knocked against the backboard of the bed frame, but he hardly minded, or even noticed.
The kiss was short and chaste, yet filled with something so inexplicable that they could only bask in the charged silence afterward.
“I-” Jay stuttered, face burning with the realization of what they’d just done, “I… what… what does this mean?”
The man laughed, soft with the slight hint of the ebbing sadness from his dream, “You’re a college graduate, can’t you figure it out yourself?”
“I just really don’t want to be wrong and make a fool of myself.”
“Too late.”
“Tim… I-I’d like to…be with you forever.”
“Are you telling me that you love me?”
His face burned scarlet, and his hands suddenly felt clammy, “do… do you want me to love you?”
“I think I should be the one asking you that.”
His chest bubbled with what he could only describe as infallible happiness. “I would like to love you Tim. Can you grant me the honor?”
“Only if I get the same privilege.”
“You…” he broke into a wobbly smile, “really?”
“I already said it, didn’t I.” He shoved Jay lightly, scoffing.
“Thank you.” He murmured.
“What?”
“Ah, nothing, I’m just glad it’s you that I got stuck with in all this.”
“That’s the only good thing to come out of all this.”
Jay could only hum in response.
They fell asleep in each other's arms after that, laying diagonally across the bed with Tim draped over his midsection in the opposite way (they sort of resembled an X).
No matter how unconventional and sudden the confession was Jay was sure he wouldn’t have it any other way; it was inexplicably theirs.
—-------
Laura was a conniving therapist. Somehow she had managed to get him in a session alone. He still doesn’t know exactly how it happened, but he knows that he doesn’t like it.
“Firstly, I think I would like to know why you’re so against all this. You seem to have Mr. Wright’s best interests at heart, and are genuinely concerned for both of your well being. Your mental state is also part of your health. Which is why I find your reluctance so confusing.”
Jay didn’t say anything for a moment. She was surprisingly blunt, which he found was nice; he didn’t want her to dance around anything because that only made things tedious for him, and he wanted to be out of here as soon as possible.
He sighed, finally giving in under her stare, “I just know that I’m fine. Even if I’m not, I don't get how talking about every little thing that’s ever gone wrong in my life is going to help. That would just be complaining.”
“Sometimes talking about things can help you sort through them.”
He looked away, suddenly reminded of all the times he used similar logic on Tim. “Maybe it works for some people, and that’s fine, but I’ve already sorted everything out. Sometimes bad things happen and sometimes it’s my fault, it happened and it’s done with so I don’t need to talk about it anymore. If it were ongoing then maybe, but everything is done.”
She nodded, irritatingly slowly, “and what makes you think that everything is all over?”
“What?” It was as if a chill covered the room. Why would she say something like that? What did it mean?
She frowned, tapping her pen on her notepad. “What I mean to say is that your case isn’t closed yet, but for some reason you think that everything is over and done with which is why you don’t feel the need to talk about it.”
His hackles were still raised, and any trust she had built up with him was cracking, “it is over. I’m home, Tim is fine and it’s never going to happen again.”
“Where is this certainty coming from?”
He glowered, was this lady really a therapist? “Why are you doubting my certainty?”
“Listen, Jay, we can either go back and forth like this, or you can just tell me.”
“Because the ‘people’ who did this are gone.”
“You mean they’re dead?”
He huffed, “no. They’re just gone.”
“You said they. So there’s more than one?”
He tried his best not to jump her where she sat, “so what if there is? They’re gone so it doesn’t matter.”
“Did you kill them?”
He froze, brow furrowing, “what?”
She didn’t answer.
“Are you kidding me? Who the hell do you think you are? No I didn’t fucking kill them. If you hadn’t noticed I barely got out alive because the whole damn place was collapsing, how the fuck would I have even managed to kill those two monsters in that state?” His heart was nearly beating out of his chest. He hadn’t killed her… he just so happened to be there when she died, that was it.
“So the building was collapsing on you? Did you get hurt because of that?”
The abrupt change in topic had him reeling, mind scrambling all over the place. “I-yes, maybe? I don’t remember, okay. I was hardly conscious. Why does any of this matter anyway?!” He began to rise from his chair, wholly weirded out.
“Are you going to run away from this?”
He paused. He wasn’t running, not in the slightest, he was just… “No. I’m not running.” He sat back down.
Laura smiled at him, not the comforting smile she used when Tim was around, but a vindictive smile. “Good. So the building collapsed?”
He nodded, body buzzing with nervous energy.
“This place was far out in the forest. So far in fact, if you were losing consciousness then there is no possible way for you or your companions to have carried you out. Then how are you here? Your captor must’ve brought you out, but… you say that they’re gone. Why deny the evidence?” She leaned in.
“What’s the purpose of these questions? You can’t possibly be a therapist.”
“Answer the question Jay.”
“I… I don’t know. Maybe someone else did.”
“And who else would’ve been there?”
“The guy… with the mask.” Or, to be more precise, Brian.
She frowned, “Who is that? Was he with you?”
“Not always. He wouldn’t stay around for long anyway.” He shook his head. “Again, why the hell is this important?”
“Well, you obviously think it’s important, so that’s why I’m helping you work through all this.”
“And what would you know about what I think?”
“Everything Jay. I know what you’re thinking right now.”
“Just what the hell are you?”
Her head tilted to the side, “I’m you.”
He jumped, thumping his head against the window. “Fuck.” He hissed, bringing his head down to rest on his knees as he cradled the spot where he hit it.
“Good, you’re awake. We’re almost there.” Tim’s muffled voice made it through his ears as his mind cleared.
They were in the car.
‘What was that? A dream?’ Jay absentmindedly chewed on his lip. Was he really stressing out about this that much that he had a dream like that? His stomach churned, nausea slowly building up in his throat.
“Hey,” Tim spared him a quick glance, “are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, just a weird dream.” He wasn’t trying to convince Tim so much as he was trying to cement it into his own brain.
“A dream or a nightmare?”
He sighed, “I don’t know.” As creepy as it was it wasn’t like anything really scary happened.
Tim only hummed, a comforting presence.
—-------
The waiting room was cold, not cold enough for a jacket, but just cold enough to be uncomfortable. Tim was sifting through the magazines on the table, they all seemed pretty boring, so all he could do was simmer in his own nervousness.
He knew, logically, that he was overreacting, and his dream was only a manifestation of all of his worries condensed into something… unnerving. Yet even as he knew, his body still trembled ever so slightly, and a cold sweat had enveloped him like a large blanket.
“Jay Merrick?” The receptionist called out, and he nearly jumped out of his skin, head snapping up as he tried his best not to glare at her.
Tim nodded at him encouragingly, almost having to shove him out of his chair.
He shuffled after the woman who’s name he’d never bothered to learn (or perhaps he simply didn’t remember). She led him to a room almost at the end of a hallway. It was open, large, and had Laura sitting in a chair flipping through a clipboard.
“Hello, Jay, how have you been?” She smiled at him, standing up so she could usher him into a chair.
“Fine, I guess. What about you?”
She peered at him through her glasses in a way that almost reminded him of someone. “I’ve been doing pretty well myself.” She pushed up her glasses and Jay’d brow furrowed.
Did she always have glasses?
Laura laughed, “I have, though I can’t blame you for not noticing, they tend to blend into my face.”
His cheeks grew warm. Had he said that aloud? It wasn’t like he hadn’t noticed the glasses, it was just that… she wasn’t wearing them in his dream, and he didn’t exactly remember her wearing them either. It made him doubt his memories.
“Anyway, I’m glad you decided to have this session with me one on one, afterall, there’s only so much I can do with the two of you stuck at the hip.”
“...Are we really like that?”
“I’m afraid so, but that’s normal for two people in your position. You both went through something horrible together, so it’s natural for you to seek one another out because you both think you understand each other.”
He didn’t know why, but he felt a little relieved to hear that.
“That being said, were the two of you friends before all this happened?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean it was a while ago, but we were friends in college…” His brow scrunched, ‘I think… Tim seems to think we were friends, and my memories back that up, but… I still don’t remember all that much.’
She blinked at him, and he caught a hint of surprise on her face. “You graduated two years ago, yes?”
“Oh… yeah I guess it’s only been two years.” It didn’t feel like it, in fact it felt both like it was another lifetime ago and just a few months ago. “Time sure is weird, huh?” He chuckled awkwardly.
“It does feel that way sometimes. So you and Tim have been together ever since what happened, right?”
His eyes widened, and he couldn’t help but gawk at her, face growing unreasonably hot. “I-I’m sorry?” How did she know?
“Ah, I mean you’ve been living together and sticking side by side.”
He turned away, embarrassed, “Oh, yeah, we have.”
She sighed, “I understand that you both need eachother, especially after what you went through together. Having someone like that to confide in is good for the both of you, but… Jay, if I’m being honest, spending that much time together might not be the best.”
He blinked at her, “what, why?” She just said it was a good thing.
“Do you feel completely safe around him?”
“Of course I do! What the hell is this about?!” He was getting a horrifying sense of deja vu, and his hands were shaking.
“I’m not trying to imply anything, and I could be completely wrong, but Jay… are you… scared of him?”
His mouth opened and closed, “how… how could I be scared of him? He’s saved my life more times than I can count and… and I know for a fact that he cares about me and constantly worries about my health; hell, he’s the whole reason I’m even here in the first place!”
“I understand that. Tim is a good man, but was there any time, any time at all where you might’ve felt even a little bit scared about him, apprehensive even?”
“Why… why are you asking me this?”
“I know just how much he cares about you, and I’m not saying you should be afraid of him, but I can tell that there’s a strain between you two. I’ve tried to figure out what it is, but this is the only thing I’ve been able to come up with that fits. Please Jay, I need to understand what’s going on in your head. If you don’t do that I can’t help you.”
He wanted to scream at her, to tell her he never needed her help in the first place because how dare she say those things about Tim.
He didn’t.
He was silent.
Thinking.
Pondering.
Realizing.
“I-once… no… multiple times, but… not anymore. I could never be scared of him anymore.”
“Can you tell me about that?”
…Could he really? What if Tim got in trouble? He didn’t have the right to spill anything about Tim or that masked man. “No.”
“I understand. Will you tell me how you felt?”
“How I… felt?”
She nodded, solemn look on her face.
“I was disgusted and angry, at first it was at Tim, but… it wasn’t his fault; he even told me everything even though he knew I wouldn’t be happy with him about it. Then I was mad at myself, terrified and frustrated that I even let something like that happen. I could’ve-should’ve noticed sooner. Then I was scared that he was lying, that it was on purpose, but I knew I was just being paranoid.”
“And the other times?”
God damnit this stupid therapist was doing a shit job, squeezing everything out of him and leaving a hollow shell in her wake, like a freshly squeezed lemon.
“I… I didn’t know he could do something like that. I mean, I didn’t even know if he really did do that, but I know how he can be sometimes in dire situations, anyone can be desperate. I’m no exception. He was scared, he fought to live, and he made irrational decisions because he didn’t know what to do.”
“I’m glad that you understand all of this. The fact that you recognize all of this is good, and even though you have worked out all of this Tim might not have. Talk to him; even if these feelings may have passed they still linger. If you tell him how you felt about what he may or may not have done than you can work through both complete ends of the story and understand how he felt during those moments, and he can understand you.”
Jay didn’t know what good any of that would do, but she knew better than him.
“Either way,” she continued, “I apologize for upsetting you. I know the way I went about this was uncouth and I was being insensitive, but if I hadn’t pushed so hard would you have ever said anything?”
His lips pressed into a line, “no.”
“Again, I’m sorry. You don’t need to forgive me, I just want you to know how I feel.”
His gut pinched, “okay.”
That was the end of their session, and he slowly shuffled out of the room as Tim was being ushered in.
Tim looked like he wanted to say something, but Jay beat him to it.
“Watch out for her. I don’t trust her.” He didn’t trust anyone like that. He’s pretty sure therapists didn’t operate like that (though he didn’t have much frame of reference).
“What?”
Jay was already down the hall.
—-------
They didn’t end up going back to Doctor Laura’s office again. They found someone better, Doctor Shawn or something. He was much nicer than Laura, and Jay didn’t have any oddly prophetic dreams about him, nor did he make either of them feel guilty for having sessions together.
Even so, Laura’s words stuck around. ‘Do you feel completely safe around him?’ It was a stupid question really, and he already knew the answer to it, but something about it even being brought up rubbed him the wrong way. What would make her think he was scared of Tim of all people?
They found out later on that Laura had her license taken away, something about manipulating patients and being the cause of a few assault cases as a result.
Apparently she wanted to see how much pushing it took to get someone to become violent towards someone who they claim to be close to. It was sickening, but even more so unnerving was that Jay had a feeling about her and it turned out to be right.
—-------
They were healed, after a long, long time of agonizing waiting they could get rid of all the casts and whatnot that they had to wear (though Jay still kept the brace on sometimes to quell the burning sensation). Tim was really the only one who was affected by this, but it was still a momentous occasion that they planned on celebrating.
And since they were healed that also meant that Alex was healed too. Tim didn’t see how that mattered, but Jay meekly suggested that maybe they get him a small something to congratulate him.
Tim had scoffed, muttering something like “why should we celebrate his body doing what it’s supposed to?” before letting Jay mail the man a gift.
Jay was quite literally running around the kitchen, trying to keep a pot from boiling while also cutting vegetables and also keeping an eye on the oven, and stirring the pot he was using to saute. He was preparing a rather large dinner tonight that consisted of a small cake, some Rice Pilaf, and a pork roast which he’d stuffed with cream cheese, tomatoes, and other such things.
He was pretty proud with the spread he was preparing, and even though his legs were beginning to ache from all of the standing he was doing he was perfectly content.
He’d just turned off the stove, and was about to sit down when the doorbell rang. He paused, frowning.
He creaked the door open, and he was met with a familiar face.
“Oscar?”
The old man smiled at him.
“Do… would you like to come in?”
He shook his head, tapping his cane against the ground. “I’m just visiting, there’s no need.”
“Ah, what brings you here? Actually, how did you even know this is where I live now?”
“I just asked the missus downstairs, and I’m ‘ere because the grapevine told me you’d finally gotten back on your feet.”
He blinked, word really did travel fast here. “It’s not really me who’s gotten better, but I appreciate it.”
Oscar frowned, “you still with that boy?” He tutted, “after all he put you through?”
Jay was struck into silence, “he didn’t put me through anything? Actually I think I dragged him into all this.” He laughed, a little condescendingly because as much as he liked Oscar, the man had a sour personality.
The old man merely stared at him, “fish flow in the same river I s’pose, well, that was all I came here to say. Stay safe in these parts Jay.”
“...Right. You too.” His lips thinned, cordial smile fading as he closed the door.
Something about the encounter rubbed him the wrong way, but that was how he felt about most everything these days.
He smoothed out his apron, which he didn’t realize was balled up in his fists.
Tim came home an hour or so later, clattering through the door.
Jay stopped what he was doing–mainly just pulling things off the stove and cleaning his mess up–and bound off to meet Tim in the entryway.
“Welcome back!” He beamed.
“I don’t think I ever want to go back there. All they did was lecture me.” Tim groaned, hanging his jacket up.
“Well as long as we don’t plan on exploring the woods anytime soon I think you’ll get your wish.”
Tim chortled, and Jay couldn’t help but watch the man’s lips spread into a smile, his own face beginning to mirror Tim’s.
“So what’ve you been up to while I was away?”
Jay’s grin widened, “something special.”
Tim smiled, a soft smile this time, “just for me?”
He nodded.
Tim leaned over, pressing a small kiss on Jay’s cheek, “I’m looking forward to it.”
He couldn’t help the way his face burst into flames and he nearly tripped, “you cheeky little-” He sighed, unable to stop smiling, “I’ll get you back for that.”
“I’m sure you will.”
Jay shoved him into the kitchen afterward, and they had a blissfully pleasant dinner. Jay chose to embrace the fluttering in his stomach that had him feeling like a teenage schoolgirl from a drama (he found he rather liked it now that he knew what it was and what it meant).
—-------
A few days later he found a small pocket knife in the trash, carefully wrapped. When Jay asked about it Tim frowned and said a stranger had given it to him. Jay simply shrugged and left it at that.
—-------
The new routine they settled into was nice, a uniformity Jay hadn’t felt in a long, long time, or it felt that way at least. He still had some unsettling dreams, sure, but whenever he would startle awake Tim would always mumble sweet nothings to him and try to crush him in a bear hug, and when Tim would have nightmares Jay would latch onto the man and give him little forehead kisses until he fell asleep again.
Tim didn’t follow him to work much anymore, but would frequently check up on him throughout the day.
They had also dropped by Tim’s house and former workplace to clear things up so Tim could be cleared to completely move in with Jay. It was simple for the most part, but they did have a rather… interesting conversation with a few of his coworkers.
“WHAT?!” Mandy shrieked, nearly leaping across the counter.
Jay stood awkwardly at Tim’s side, trying his best not to look out of place.
Tim groaned, “this is why I’m telling you last.”
Mandy was hopping around in circles now, light pink braids bobbing up and down. “I knew it, oh my goodness this is amazin’.”
Jay vaguely wondered where all this energy was coming from, especially at eleven in the evening, but, well… he also didn’t want to know the answer to that.
Mandy dashed around the bar, devilish grin on her face as she squished the two of them into a bone-crushing hug.
“Congratulations!” She squealed, uncaring of the few surrounding patrons of the bar. “Gods I never thought I would see the day,” she sighed, releasing them from her hold and wiping an imaginary tear from her eye, “they grow up so fast.”
“Quit it out, you’re making him uncomfortable.” Tim huffed.
Jay silently glared at him, he was not uncomfortable, how dare Tim use him as a scapegoat.
“Right, right.” She paused, looking him up and down, “I didn’t get a good look at ya’ last time, but now that I’m seein’ ya I must admit you two look positively adorable together!”
Jay couldn’t help the flush that crawled up his neck.
“Don’t be weird,”Tim deadpanned, but Jay could see the way his cheeks brightened.
“I’m jus tellin’ the truth, you agree with me, right Jay?” She blinked pleadingly at him.
“I can’t say you’re wrong.”
She spent the next hour or so rambling on and teasing the ever-loving hell out of Tim, only just managing to be stopped by another staff member who dragged her off, muttering a tired sorry.
All in all it was a fun time, and when they arrived back at the apartment they collapsed onto the bed, draped at odd angles across one another.
“God, that was so tiring.” Tim lamented, face buried into the duvet cover.
“But we’re finally finished.”
Tim peered up at him, “finished with what?”
Jay twisted around, face next to Tim’s, “I don’t know.” He smiled, planting a kiss on Tim’s lips, savoring the way Tim blinked in surprise before matching his rythym.
“That’s pretty sneaky, even for you.”
“It’s my revenge, what can I say?”
He raised a brow, “oh yeah, you still remember that?”
“How could I forget? I’ll have you know that was only the first step of my plan.”
“And I don’t suppose you’re willing to tell me your plan?”
He laughed, “you’ll just have to wait and find out.”
“I don’t know if I can stand the anticipation.”
Jay only hummed, eyes drooping ever so slightly. “I love you Tim.”
“Why all of a sudden?”
“I just wanted to tell you so that you remember.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll never forget.”
“Good.”
“I love you too Jay.”
He only smiled, nestling into the man feeling more at home than he ever had in all his life. If every horrible thing that had ever happened to him was to create this moment Jay wouldn’t mind doing it a million times over.
The warmth that enveloped him was comforting, and although it was familiar, Jay found that he still felt his heart race ever so slightly.
Tim’s heart beat in tandem with his, and he melted.
“I want this to be my forever.”
“It will be.” Came the soft reply.
Schadenfreude