Chapter Text
~~~
2:43 pm
Water boy: I randomly bumped into this kid I once knew at this school I blew up and bros hair is a literal MUSHROOM
Water boy: like I’ve seen his parents before during an orientation and they both got the straightest flattest hair I’ve ever seen
Water boy: So where’d this guy get his nuclear mushroom ahh hair??
Witch: Who knows 🤷🏻
Witch: That’s hilarious tho
Furry: Ok but like… the school you blew up??
Water boy: Yeah
Water boy: Annabeth was there
Water boy: Well actually there were these monsters there
Water boy: I forgot what they were called
Water boy: OH WAIT The Canadians!!
Furry: 🤨😔😒
Sock snatcher: What???
Water boy: Hey don’t blame me Annabeth told me that
The Queen: Look it was easier for your brain to handle (and there was no time for explanations)
Water boy: 😞
Witch: Lmao
Furry: Oh that’s why he called it that
Furry: I’m still offended
The Queen: Sorry Frank 🤷♀️
Water boy: Tbh I keep forgetting you’re from Canada
Furry: Yeah I get that a lot 😔
~~~
7:12 pm
Sunshine: Tell me why I just heard someone from the Hephaestus table say “gimme all your money or I’ll make you bald”
Material girl: Now that’s a threat if I ever heard one
Sunshine: Leo?
Bad Boy McShizzle: No clue
Bad Boy McShizzle: I didn’t eat today
Material girl: what???
Bad Boy McShizzle: Wait crap
Material girl: LEONARDO PAIN IN MY ASS VALDEZ THIS IS LITERALLY THE TWELFTH TIME THIS WEEK YOU SKIPPED MEALS
Bad Boy McShizzle: w-what why were you counting?!?!?
Material girl: That’s it
Material girl: @phonecharger
Bad Boy McShizzle: Wait
Material girl: @phonecharger
Bad Boy McShizzle: Wait please no
Phone charger: Huh what’s up
Bad Boy McShizzle: Nothing
Bad Boy McShizzle: Pipers being mean :(
Material girl: DONT LISTEN TO HIM JASON
Material girl: SCROLL UP
Bad Boy McShizzle: No!
Phone charger: Leo……
Material girl: Get his ass
Witch: Ah I see Jason almost curb stomped a poor Demeter kid in his way
I steal food: Rest In Peace Leo
I steal food: Wait is Leonardo his actual name?
Material girl: Idk lol I just used the first one that came to mind
I steal food: Guess I have a new mission
~~~
2:41 pm
Ghost king: Someone help solace
Phone charger: Why
Ghost king: He was just told spoilers for some show he was watching and apparently a character he liked dies (think it was some beach mystery show or smth?)
Witch: RIP Will I understand his pain. Just wanted that episode of the show ur talking abt the other day
Ghost king: He looks so shell shocked
Ghost king: [photo of Will standing on a steep hill, staring forlornly at the beach, looking like his life has ended]
lord of the wild: Why’s he standing like that 😭😭
Valid immortal: His EXPRESSION 😭 he looks so anguished
Valid immortal: Bro is drowning in an indescribable emptiness
Material girl: Crying 😭😭 that’s so real
RARA: You did not just reference Hunter x Hunter here
Valid immortal: Yes I did
Material girl: Bros whole clan was killed by the phantom troupe ✋😔
Phone charger: Oh boy here we go again
Phone charger: Please take this to your separate chat I can’t keep googling what these mean
Bad Boy McShizzle: Ok but like why was he told spoilers? Did he wrong someone?
Ghost king: I have no idea. A Hermes kid just ran up to him, spat out like thirty sentences spoiling everything and then just left
Phone charger: Stolls?
Sock snatcher: Nah idk
I steal food: Yeah but that could have been Jule. She does things like that sometimes
Ghost king: Well if it was tell her to apologize
Ghost king: Will isn’t responding to me and it’s kinda freaking me out
Bad Boy McShizzle: The way will is actually so invested that he’s crushed to bits from this is crazy
Ghost king: Someone help please
Witch: I’ll be there to snap him out of it
Ghost king: Thanks (I hope he’ll be sane)
Witch: 😁
~~~
4:06 pm
I steal food: You ever think about the fact that if time was stopped we would probably never know?
Witch: WHAT?!?!
RARA: tbh if u wouldn't even know, then it doesn't matter all that much
Witch: WDYM IT DOESNT MATTER 😭
Sock snatcher: But somebody could've time traveled and we wouldn't necessarily know. Something even more terrible could've happened in our timeline and we wouldn't know. There SO MANT THINGS WE DONT KNOW 😭
RARA: ok, but since we wouldn't know that it was a result of time travel, we would simply handle the situation and move on.
RARA: So it may affect us, but since we wouldn't be aware of the time shenanigans, it won't matter more than any other situation.
I steal food: I suppose so…
Sock snatcher: I’ll still be contemplating this at night
Witch: Guys help I cannot find my sticky notes 😔
RARA: Sad but idk how to help you
Witch: Honestly I’m staring to wonder if I accidentally used them all up while I was unconscious or something
Witch: Like where’d they go???
Valid immortal: Lmao who knows
Valid immortal: Good luck finding them tho
Witch: It sounds like you hid them
Valid immortal: I did NOT
Witch: 🤨
Valid immortal: 😤
~~~
3:21 am
Material girl: Every time. A butter flies. Someone's depression. Has died
Bad Boy McShizzle: Amen sistahs 😜💅😻🧈
Phone charger: So inspiring
Furry: What
Furry: It’s literally three am
Furry: Please sleep
Material girl: Why are YOU awake? 🤨
Furry: My phone woke me up
Phone charger: Touché
Phone charger: I’ll try to get them to sleep
Furry: thanks bro
Bad Boy McShizzle: That’s straight white boy language
Furry: …
Phone charger: I’m on it good night Frank
Furry: yeah good night
Furry: this gc will be silenced for as long as I can keep it 😔
Phone charger: good idea
~~~
12:56 pm
Sunshine: Tungsten being W on the periodic table is so misleading and horrible.
Original horse lover!: Same as sodium being Na and potassium being K
Ghost king: Real
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : I remember the struggle of trying to find the elements in like eighth grade or something
Sunshine: Tis a cruel cruel world we live in
Water boy: No because I swear back then it used to take me like eight whole minutes just trying to find ONE element
Sunshine: I almost cried
Original horse lover!: for real me too :(
Sunshine: petition to ban science
Original horse lover!: signed
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : signed
Ghost king: signed
Water boy: signed
Bad Boy McShizzle: not signed 😔
Sunshine: too bad majority wins 🤷♂️
~~~
10:12 am
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : The stolls are getting on my last nerve
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : Travis just stupidly spilled his drink
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : [picture of Travis dramatically pointing and yelling at a concerningly large puddle of what appears to be apple juice on the floor as Connor and several Hermes kids cackle in the background]
Sunshine: Lester moment
Gay poet: WHAT
FedEx Delivery Man: LMAOOOOO
FedEx Delivery Man: you kids are absolute GOLD
Gay poet: wait this is so unfair
Sunshine: well what are you gonna do about it?
Gay poet: ……
Gay poet: nothing I GUESS
Sunshine: that’s what I thought
~~~
8:54 am
Sunshine: Because I dressed rather decent last week, I'll be going back to dressing like a hobo this week
Witch: Realllllll
Ghost king: Idk I think you always look nice
Sunshine: Thank you!! <3
Water boy: Bro is blushingggggg
Material girl: They both are 🤭
Material girl: My gosh this is reminding me of YESTERDAY
Bad Boy McShizzle: STOP PIPER
Phone charger: Piper please
Material girl: Nah imma do my own thing
Bad Boy McShizzle: …
Witch: Tea?
Material girl: OK SO
Material girl: yesterday I was hanging out with ma besties the repressed gays. You know how it is
Valid immortal: Yeah yeah go on
Material girl: And we’re in bunker nine and Leo is doing SOMETHING probably like college professor scientific level quantum things I’ll never be able to understand
Bad Boy McShizzle: It… was not that
Material girl: Whatever
Material girl: Anyways he pulls his head out of some dusty musty crusty drawer and he’s covered in grease and dust bunnies and gods know what else
The Queen: And???? I’m getting invested
Phone charger: Please have some mercy for my dignity
Material girl: Ok ok so I’m laughing and good naturedly making fun of him as best friends do and Jason straight up (but not very straight iykwim) says “you look really cute”
Witch: WHAT
Material girl: IKR I WAS FLABBERGASTED
Valid immortal: WHAT THEN
Water boy: YEAH I WANNA KNOW
Bad Boy McShizzle: PLEASE STOP
Material girl: ok and then GET THIS. Leo fricking BUSTS INTO FLAMES. Like HEAD to TOE. Drops his tools and he’s blushing crazy like a middle school girl
Sunshine: LEO?!????
Water boy: FR I DISNT KNOW HE COULD GET FLUSTERED
Material girl: and Jason’s sitting there barely realizing what came out of his mouth as he tries to put out Leo’s disaster fire
Material girl: And you can SEE when his words finally reached his own brain
Material girl: Lol I’m best friends with two dumbasses
Sunshine: Fr 😭😭🙏
Material girl: So the fire gets put out and Jason is fumbling the entire alphabet out as Leo is staring open mouthed
Material girl: And IM just sitting there like “bruh these gay people. So dramatic and for what? It was ONE compliment?!”
Witch: So real Queen 💅
Bad Boy McShizzle: Shut up Piper, didn’t you turn Rachel’s hair red when that one girl hit on you just LAST WEEK
Material girl: STFU
Water boy: RACHELS HAIR RED LMFAOO
Witch: ASKAHAKSGSJ WHAT
Material girl: moVING ON
Material girl: so I guess they forgot I was there or smth cause they started getting real suspiciously close
Material girl: Leo says “did you just call me CUTE?!”
Material girl: And Jason looks like his soul had just been sold to hades right in front of him
Material girl: Leo literally had to snap in his face to get his attention, my boy was panicking enough to cause inflation or something
Valid immortal: This is so funny istg
Bad Boy McShizzle: Atp I’m done 😞
Phone charger: Yeah there isn’t a way to stop Piper
Material girl: Ofc <3
Material girl: Speeding though this, we’ll just say that they sorted their crap out after I stood up and dramatically told them both that they liked each other and to get over it because i was tired of hearing Leo wax poetry abt Jason’s eyes or whatever
Bad Boy McShizzle: WHICH WAS UNCALLED FOR BY THE WAY
Material girl: ;)
Material girl: Lol so idk what happened after that cause I left speedy quick obviously not gonna try to scar myself forever
Material girl: Aaaand they later sent me a photo of them smiling idiotically saying THANKS 🙏
Material girl: The End
Witch: 👏👏👏
Water boy: Amazing
Sunshine: Well, homosexuality has gotten another one
The Queen: Congrats you two
Bad Boy McShizzle: Thanks
Phone charger: Yeah thanks you guys
Bad Boy McShizzle: Piper you’re on thin ice 😐😔😒
Material girl: ☹️
~~~
2:17 pm
Witch: MY STICKY NOTES WERE IN MY BELT BAG THE WHOLE TIME I ACTUALLY HATE MYSELF
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : Tf is a belt bag??
Witch: ?? Like the little bag you wear as a belt?
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : A fkn fanny pack?
Witch: A what?
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : Oh my gosh look it up
Witch: Ok I guess yeah but imo belt bag sounds better
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : Who even says belt bag
Witch: I do
Witch: Cause that’s what they’re called
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : Oh whatever
Sock snatcher: the girls are fightingggggg
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : …
Sock snatcher: my bad
~~~
5:19 pm
The Queen: I hate my brother sometimes because he's so intentionally annoying and never listens to anything I say.
The Queen: Like my words just go through one ear and it doesn't even come out the other ear. He knows exactly what I said, he just chooses to ignore it.
Sock snatcher: LMAOOOOO NOT THE IN ONE EAR AND CHOSEN IGNORANCE 😭😭
The Queen: I swear it’s some twisted gift
I steal food: hate is a strong word annabeth
The Queen: … fine I strongly dislike
Sock snatcher: 👏👏
Sock snatcher: The natural sibling instinct
The Queen: Makes me want to pound a rock into their skull sometimes
I steal food: Cain core
The Queen: That… actually made me laugh out loud
The Queen: Now my siblings wanna know what was funny
I steal food: What can I say? Just a natural comedian here
~~~
2:34 pm
Material girl: That’s it guys. I’m asking my mom to sell me to one direction
Witch: Y/N?????
Phone charger: What? What does that mean
Witch: *sigh*
The Queen: Clearly you’ve never had to wake up, put your hair in a messy bun and stare at your blue orbs in the mirror as you ponder whether your life has any meaning at all
RARA: Canon event for every teenaged girl
Phone charger: Ok but what happened for you to say that?!?!
Witch: Lmao imagining Aphrodite just going along with this to be funny
LOVE EACH OTHER ❤️ : That would be quite funny but I would never sell you my dear
Material girl: I know mom <3
LOVE EACH OTHER ❤️ : <3
The Queen: Aw that’s cute
RARA: I didn’t know you had a good relationship with your mom?
Material girl: We’re working on it :)
LOVE EACH OTHER ❤️ : Yes, I love you Piper
Material girl: Thanks :)
Phone charger: Ok nice, are we getting the story for the one direction thing yet?
Material girl: Huh?
Material girl: Oh yeah lol so it’s because SOMEONE bumped into me and I dropped my seashell collection and my favorite one broke :/
Phone charger: And….that’s why you’re quitting the demigod life???
Material girl: Yeah
Material girl: It was Percy who bumped into me
Water boy: IM SORRY I ALREADY SAID THIS 😭😭
Material girl: You’re Telling me that PERCY JACKSON 🤦♀️ the best swordsman in the history of Demigods… just clumsily bumped into me just like that??
Material girl: And your weird ass luck hit me too because I ended up landing on the soft grass but my one favorite Favorite seashell landed on the concrete and smashed into a million bajillion pieces
Water boy: It was more like 7 pieces
Material girl: NOT THE POINT
Water boy: I mean… yeah??
Material girl: …
Material girl: See?! This is why I’m leaving
Water boy: Ok ok fine
Water boy: Do you want me to go to the ocean and find you something pretty?
Material girl: …hmm let me think about it (YES DO IT I NEED MY COMFORT SEA SHELLS)
Water boy: Take your time (fine, fine)
Bad Boy McShizzle: 🔥🔥
~~~
8:12 pm
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : Wait do you guys want to see the text that Merlyn sent me from school?
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : She sounded angry
I steal food: YES WHAT WAS IT
Sock snatcher: SHES ALWAYS PASSIVELY ANGRY AND I WANNA SEE
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : [screenshot of a text from Merlyn saying: Guys geometry is my biggest unbeatable opp but my history teacher is my biggest BEATABLE opp (physically too 😔😒 he looks like a bowling ball) I have burning rage in my heart against fake ass teachers who scare their students/force their opinions on them/make things more complicating then they have to be and he fits in ALL of the categories. You WILL see me on the news one day.]
Witch: CRYINGGGGGG
Original horse lover!: she’s iconic
RARA: Love how she freely admits that geometry has her beat
Water boy: Geometry had me beat when I learned it too
Witch: I still avoid it in dread to this day
Furry: Lowkey same lol
The Queen: Ok but her teacher sounds horrible ngl
Phone charger: Real, I wanna help her beat him up
The Queen: Let’s do it
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪: She says she’d gladly team up with you
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪: oh gods she texted me a snippet of a whole ass essay of a letter she’s writing about him
The Queen: is she flaming him?
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪: if he read it, he’d never recover
Phone charger: excellent
~~~
5:38 pm
Valid immortal: I gotta say I am lowkey craving mac and cheese rn
Sunshine:Mmmmm yum
Sunshine: The things that I would do for some mac and cheese rn
The Queen: I want a cheese stick
Valid immortal: Yesssssssss
Sunshine: Ok ok but hear me out…
Sunshine: Mac n cheese, cheese fries with a mozzarella stick and a grilled cheese sandwich
The Queen: AHHHH IM SO HUNGRYYYY
Valid immortal: My stomache is Growling
Bad Boy McShizzle: Maybe they’re right when they say that white people are obsessed with cheese
Valid immortal: 😭😭😭
Original horse lover!: I will put some cheese on a string and capture someone
Furry: :O
Bad Boy McShizzle: What are you gonna do with them??
Original horse lover!: Give them more cheese
Furry: you could give them all the cheese I was gifted from SOMEONE even though I’m literally lactose intolerant
Bad Boy McShizzle: It was FUNNY
Valid immortal: Lmao what? You’re lactose intolerant?
Furry: yep, that’s what I got instead of dyslexia or whatever
The Queen: lucky
The Queen: although that means you can’t have cheese so I guess not lucky
Sunshine: yeah…
Valid immortal: I wouldn’t care lol
Valid immortal: have you ever met a lactose intolerant person who actually cared?
Original horse lover!: I mean Frank sort of cares
Furry: I’m not really the biggest fan of cheese anyways but I do like ice cream
Bad Boy McShizzle: mmmm icecream
Sunshine: absolutely adore icecream
The Queen: have you guys ever tried earl grey ice cream?
Valid immortal: that sounds like a pretentious kind of ice cream
The Queen: well yeah I thought so too but it’s actually really good
Sunshine: I’ll ask my mom the next time I see her
Valid immortal: im sure it won’t beat black raspberry but I’ll try it…. Uhhh sometime
The Queen: 👍
~~~
2:19 pm
Original horse lover!: (._. )
Ghost king: Is there smth wrong??
Original horse lover!: No I just realized I could do that
Water boy: Yeah!
Sunshine: There’s \(^ ^)/ too!!
Water boy: (ToT) (^_^;)? ( ・ `ω ・ ´) (ФωФ)
Original horse lover!: !!!
Ghost king: Witch! (?)
Witch: Yes?
Ghost king: Not you
Witch: Oh ok
Sock snatcher: Yoooo guess what??? the procrastination deity has unpossessed me!!!!
Witch: WHAT AHSKAHWJAB
RARA: 😭😭
Furry: No but like same
Ghost king: The productivity levels have risen to insane heights
Original horse lover!: Can’t relate (-_-)
Water boy: What deity would that even be?
The Queen: Aergia I think
lord of the wild: Uhhh we’re not accidentally summoning them right??
FedEx Delivery Man: Nope you’re good!
lord of the wild: Thanks
FedEx Delivery Man: No problem!
~~~
9:31 pm
Bad Boy McShizzle: Bro I’m fr a bad luck charm atp
Bad Boy McShizzle: like imagine how many times I just made someones day worse rn
Bad Boy McShizzle: everything’s exploding, I accidentally incinerated someone’s shoe, hair has been singed, people have been annoyed and i have been wondering what I did to deserve being loved anyways
Water boy: I don’t like the sound of this tone
The Queen: is this self deprecation I’m hearing?
Bad Boy McShizzle: lol just regular things
Material girl: Leo…
Phone charger: Leo, I love you but please stop this
Phone charger: don’t be mean to yourself :(
Bad Boy McShizzle: Of course, my sugar lemon cake sprinkled donut with whipped cream
Phone charger: Leo please
Bad Boy McShizzle: ok ok fine
Phone charger: …
Bad Boy McShizzle: …I’m not a horrible bad luck charm and there are people who love me…
Phone charger: thank you. That’s correct. I love you.
Water boy: gayass
Material girl: straight ass :/
FIGHT ME 🔥🔪 : More like straight up ANNOYING
Valid immortal: LMFAOOOOO
Valid immortal: ok but why did we decide Percy is straight?
The Queen: Real like ik he’s my bf but even I know I’m dating a bi king
Water boy: I literally told you guys this like months ago and can’t believe I’ve been straight zoned
Bad Boy McShizzle: STRAIGHT ZONED WJAT AKSHAKBWJA
Valid immortal: DYING CRYING AND STRAIGHT UP DECLINING
Witch: I’m gonna steal that (ToT)
Phone charger: I can hear Leo wheezing from here
Ghost king: Willl is shakinf mw rn
Furry: 😭
The Queen: Ok but being fr rn, we do love you Leo. AND you deserve love. Don’t forget that
Water boy: Yeah where would we be without our amazing super genius teammate?
Original horse lover!: Yes Leo! You’re amazing
Furry: Agreed even if you can sometimes annoy me
Original horse lover!: Frank that’s not helping :/
Furry: Sorry
Furry: But you’re cool Valdez. I can always count on you to help me out
Bad Boy McShizzle: Thanks guys
Bad Boy McShizzle: You don’t have to say all this
The Queen: But we want to
Material girl: So we will :)
Bad Boy McShizzle: Yeah thanks
Material girl: Np!
~~~
7:21 am
Water boy: Life is just a series of win-lose situations
Water boy: Win - I'm eating a really fire sandwich rn
Lose - there's only one sandwich
Water boy: Win - I have chocolate
Lose - I'm not feeling it because I rly want another sandwich
Water boy: Nvm maybe it's just a series of wanting another sandwich and being sad cause you can't have one till later and you might not even be hungry for one by then
Sock snatcher: So real
Sunshine: This is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read 😢
Bad Boy McShizzle: I feel your pain
Witch: Is everything okay at home?
Water boy: Yeah I just want a sandwich
lord of the wild: dam what kind of sandwich was it for you to feel like this?
Water boy: a good one
Water boy: it was life changing
Material girl: I relate to this message on a deep level
RARA: thanks now I’m craving a good sandwich
Water boy: you’re welcome. You’re in hell with the rest of us :/
Witch: not me cause I’m making a sandwich RN
Material girl: WHAT HOW
Sunshine: WITCH MAGIC?!?!
lord of the wild: I wouldn’t be surprised
I steal food: hehe
Bad Boy McShizzle: …hmmm
Witch: it’s almost like… I’m in the kitchen… making a sandwich like a normal person instead of daydreaming about one
Water boy: I can’t rly make one rn tho
Water boy: gtg a monster appeared out of no where
Witch: oh… good luck
I steal food: he makes it sound like a daily occurrence
lord of the wild: because for him it literally is 😭😐
Sunshine: yeah that’s Percy for ya
RARA: I’m gonna take a nap
RARA: after I make a sandwich
Material girl: sounds like a good idea
Material girl: might just do the same
Sunshine: o7