Chapter Text
bad bitches and dipper (Lost my marbles, Sir dipshit, and 1 other…)
#1 Waitress: school sucks
#1 Waitress: i need u guys to save me
#1 Waitress: also dipper pls tutor me
Sir dipshit: $14/hr
#1 Waitress: no
Sir dipshit: alright
Lost my marbles: hes making me pay btw
Lost my marbles: so consider urself lucky paz
Sir dipshit: again. mabel has an allowance. pacifica is but a lowly waitress
#1 waitress: thats number one waitress to you, dipshit
Lost my marbles: yeah!!! paz is our number one!!!
Lost my marbles: but not at school apparently bc you suck at math
#1 waitress: well that was rude and uncalled for
Lost my marbles: thats what u get for not paying my brother his well deserved tutoring wages :)
Sir dipshit: YOURE NOT PAYING ME EITHER ???
Lost my marbles: yes but im ur twin so i can take advantage of u
Lost my marbles: pacifica is not therefore she has to treat u right
#1 waitress: what if i dont want to
Lost my marbles: then i kill u
#1 waitress: ooh scary
#1 waitress: ill just kill u back, bitch
Sir dipshit: ding ding ding
#1 waitress: you can go right to hell mason
Sir dipshit: RING RING MOTHERFUCKER
#1 waitress: i will rip off your head and feed it to waddles
Sir dipshit: ill sic the fairies on u
Sir dipshit: that does not sound threatening in the least but i promise those fuckers are ruthless
Lost my marble: one of those bitches BIT my ANKLE
Lost my marbles: the fairies would eat paz alive fr
Lost my marbles: also what is up with these bell jokes isnt this like horribly traumatic to relive
#1 waitress: i once sent him a vine compilation but edited bills face and audio of him maniacally laughing into the middle of the video
#1 waitress: best jumpscare ever
#1 waitress: so yeah he can bell me all he wants
Sir dipshit: how dare u use my vice against me
Sir dipshit: rip vine u will be forever missed
Lost my marbles: paz how the hell did u get bills face and audio of him
Sir dipshit: we were recording when we voltroned the mystery shack
Lost my marbles: wtf why wasnt i included in this ???
Sir dipshit: u were on the other side w candy and grenda
#1 waitress: also i was hiding from u bc i didnt want u to see how much i liked the llama sweater
Lost my marbles: OMG AWWW PAZ
Lost my marbles: i know that sweater is ur fav
#1 waitress: it was very comfy
#1 waitress: if only it still fit me
Lost my marbles: i will make u as many new sweaters as u want babe
Lost my marbles: ur wish is my command 😘
Sir dipshit: jesus get a room
Lost my marbles: goddammit dipper let me be lesbian in peace
Sir dipshit: YOU’RE AROMANTIC
Lost my marbles: yeah but ill always make an exception for paz
#1 waitress: thats definitely not how that works
#1 waitress: remember when u thought u had to be boy crazy so all summer u just picked random guys to have crushes on
Lost my marbles: yeah,,,
Lost my marbles: i now realize that is not how crushes work
Lost my marbles: apparently u dont just pick them at random
Sir dipshit: rip mermando what yall had was never real
Lost my marbles: its ok i sent mermando a letter and came out to him and he was like its cool i actually have a boyfriend now we’re all good
#1 waitress: im sorry who the fuck is mermando
Sir dipshit: mabels short lived summer boyfriend
Sir dipshit: it was a whole thing
Sir dipshit: he was my first kiss
#1 waitress: WHAT
Sir dipshit: well technically it was just mouth to mouth resuscitation
Sir dipshit: but mabel says it counts as my first kiss
#1 waitress: okay yeah thats hilarious
#1 waitress: if it makes u feel better my first kiss was with a guy who thought you couldn’t piss with a tampon in
Sir dipshit: it doesnt really bc most men think that
Lost my marbles: men are idiots
Lost my marbles: except dipper
Lost my marbles: dipper is a prince among men
Lost my marbles: a true gentleman
Sir dipshit: no im not ???
Lost my marbles: my efforts are wasted on u
Sir dipshit: what efforts ???
Lost my marbles: my efforts to make u look good
Sir dipshit: FOR WHOM ???
Sir dipshit: u and paz have both seen me at absolute rock bottom
Sir dipshit: theres no coming back from that
Sir dipshit: besides ur my sister and paz is clingy so i dont i need to be trying to impress either of u
Lost my marbles: ok yeah thats true
#1 waitress: i am not clingy wtf ????
Lost my marbles: sureeeee
Sir dipshit: sureeeee
#1 waitress: i hate that you two are twins
Private messaging – lost my marbles and pacifica bayarea
Pacifica bayarea: i am NOT clingy mabel
Lost my marbles: oh babygirl
Lost my marbles: u cling to dipper like a baby duckling
Lost my marbles: and i mean literally is ur love language latching onto peoples arms
Pacifica bayarea: shut up
Pacifica bayarea: we dont talk about it
Lost my marbles: but i wanna talk about itttt
Lost my marbles: it being that ur in love with my brother btw
Pacifica bayarea: I KNOW WHAT IT IS THANK U VERY MUCH
Pacifica bayarea: be honest how well did i hide it this summer
Lost my marbles: really fucking badly
Lost my marbles: good news is dipper is so fucking oblivious he was just like haha classic paz saying my hat is ugly and taking it off and pushing up my bangs to stare fondly at my birthmark. peak friendship really
Pacifica bayarea: ok it is NOT my fault ur brother has soft hair and the birthmark is kinda cute
Pacifica bayarea: like how the fuck do u end up with a birthmark shaped EXACTLY like the big dipper
Pacifica bayarea: its oddly endearing
Lost my marbles: ur a simp and its disgusting and should be banned
Lost my marbles: go back to being a bitch i liked that way better
Pacifica bayarea: fuck you mabel you suck at mini golf and i hate u and ur pig
Lost my marbles: DONT U BRING WADDLES INTO THIS
Pacifica bayarea: jesus christ ok
Pacifica bayarea: ur pig is fantastic but you still suck
Lost my marbles: thank u
Lost my marbles: redemption arc paz is great but simp paz scares me a little
Pacifica bayarea: trust me it scares me too
Pacifica bayarea: and being mean is so much more fun
Lost my marbles: now thats just incorrect
Lost my marbles: kindness has its perks
Pacifica bayarea: no fuck kindness kindness is overrated
Pacifica bayarea: being a hater is where its at
Lost my marbles: u and dipper and ur hater agenda i swear to god
Lost my marbles: u two are actually made for each other
Pacifica bayarea: shut up shut up SHUT UP
Lost my marbles: I CALL MAID OF HONOR
Pacifica bayarea: you called maid of honor four years ago
Lost my marbles: well it still stands
Lost my marbles: wait if dipper was getting married who tf would be his best man
Lost my marbles: he has no friends
Pacifica bayarea: i kinda thought hed just have wendy do it
Pacifica bayarea: like honorary best man
Lost my marbles: wow u said that with zero hints of jealousy
Lost my marbles: im so proud of you
Pacifica bayarea: ok well im not jealous of her ANYMORE ive obviously matured
Pacifica bayarea: also in this situation id be the bride so i think id be chilling
Lost my marbles: now hold on
Lost my marbles: i NEVER said who dipper would be marrying
Lost my marbles: U JUST DECIDED THAT YOU FUCKING SIMP
Pacifica bayarea: NO SHUT UP
Pacifica bayarea: im never going to live this stupid crush down