Chapter Text
As days went by, Kim Dokja finally had a physical check up to see what level would he start in for his maintenance.
He wasn't surprised to see that he still had to stick to a routine of a B-grade physically, though he could surpass any B-grade with his spiritual level, he could probably be beat up by an F-rank. He's overexagarating, he could stand his ground, yes, but being surrounded by so many S-ranks for so long made Kim Dokja conscious about his capabilities as a guide who's training to be on field just to ensure the espers he's serving don't accidentally lose control of their powers.
Which was an elaborate lie, the laws and doctors just make it seem like espers would explode if they don't receive guiding which wasn't actually true, from what he learnt from Lee Seolhwa, at least.
“Most S-ranks,” Lee Seolhwa started, swinging her sword towards Kim Dokja as sweat dripped from his forehead. “Don't actually feel major side effects when not receiving proper guiding.”
Clang! Clang! Clang!
Kim Dokja dodged and swung his sword to counter Lee Seolhwa's swift movements, hyper aware of any of his own weak spots.
“Don't just focus on defense, attack.” Lee Seolhwa commented, it felt like poison dripped from her tongue as the tip of the sword just barely touched his face. Frustrated, the male guide threw her sword across the room with a quick and strong blow. Making the healer stumble just a bit before smiling.
“Good job, you're starting to improve fast.” Kim Dokja wanted to plead for a break with how much his arm hurts now, to which Lee Seolhwa immediately helped him up and guided him to the couch where she helped massage tension points.
“Is it because you're with Jinwoo-ssi or Joonghyuk that you're adapting quickly?” Lee Seolhwa softly smiled as she helped Kim Dokja with his arm, groaning when she pressed down on an area.
“What does that mean?,” Kim Dokja says, a bit confused. “I don't think I'm adapting quickly because of them.” Step 1 is denial for a reason, but he likes to think it's his own person that is developing instead of him unconsciously picking up habits from the espers. It makes it sound like they're together.
“You know,” A gentle tap on his shoulder. His whole arm is suddenly numb, Kim Dokja thinks he's a little afraid. “It's alright that you're picking up on your espers.”
“Not my espers.”
“I meant that in a business way, if that's what you want.” Lee Seolhwa tilted her head with a grin, it's reminiscent of how Sung Jinwoo does it so casually.
“I want to keep it professional…” Kim Dokia murmured and Lee Seolhwa heard it, of course she'd press on the topic a bit more.
“Is that a want or a necessity for your own rules?, no on would judge you if-”
“I just don't think they'd like me long enough.” Lee Seolhwa was taken aback at Kim Dokja cutting her off with such an absurd statement but she keeps her mouth in a thin line. Nodding.
Because she understands that feeling as well, many guides have always had issues with being “enough” for their espers due to the social stigma here, it was gut wrenching to see such a guide like Kim Dokja experience that as well.
There's always this talk about guides should lift their confidence more, appreciate their work more — Just know they're worth more than they ever think in the slump yet those same people wouldn't even speak out if an esper had talked badly to their guide because that's how the relationship goes. The esper could do anything to the guide because they are one, how can the esper live without their guide? It'd be selfish for the guide to not just give our their lives willingly and leave the esper due to some loose words.
No matter if the government puts down all these rules and regulations on paper, at the end of the day, people would still think you can get bought off as a guide. The way this institution was build upon would take more than just law to change.
Lee Seolhwa saw a stepping stone in this agency, this guild — The way they're secretly training their guides to awaken like espers since this country doesn't want to open their eyes.
That's why, she gently holds Kim Dokja's hands, much like the massage to his arm, it felt soothing. And he was a bit confused, maybe nervous as well, but he was calm.
“Even still, you're adapting and that's something to be proud of.” She says so sweetly that he couldn't help but frown. Too nice. Why is he getting a strong sense of deja vu?
“It isn't wrong for you to have feelings, but it also isn't wrong if you didn't.” Lee Seolhwa states, “It's okay to be selfish. I think it's better than to hold everything in.” And Kim Dokja found himself almost actually believing in her words.
If he knew that deep down, his selfishness would be a corruption - An ill stain to anyone who's a victim of it. They'll call it love, but to him; Obsession.
And he would never ever want to stain Sung Jinwoo and Yoo Joonghyuk like that, with a twisted view of love that would be like pulling them out of the sea - Saving them from drowning - But he pulled them out with a sword, leaving them with a scar that will never heal as a desperate plea for them to stay because he just knows they'll leave him.
But he can't ever say that so he just says that he's just insecure about his capabilities.
“I don't think being selfish can be good all the time.”
“Of course it wouldn't be, but I know that you'll know the limitations.”
Kim Dokja hopes he does, because what if he just randomly succumbs to those puny desires because he felt his knees go weak all of a sudden? He sighs, why did he have to have two damned espers that are definitely meeting his beauty standards and are absurdly clingy to him? It's almost like they want him to die!
God, did they?!
“You should rest for today, then tomorrow we can do something more advance.”
“Like making a light sword?”
“What high ambitions, Dokja-ssi, why not try a book first?” The two guides laughed at that before Kim Dokja really did pack up what little things he had and went out of the room.
His eyes immediately scanning for anyone other than his espers. As he threads through the hall, he can't help but feel eyes on him. He knows Sung Jinwoo has shadows monitoring him but he does like to believe they aren't watching all the time like creepy stalkers.
Would they actually be bound to human norms? Can he even call them stalkers if they're not human? So many questions, Kim Dokja thinks and asks, yet no little answers. Since he isn't going to ask Sung Jinwoo that, what would the esper think? That he's some paranoid guide that doubts his abilities?
He shakes his head, no, Sung Jinwoo isn't really the type to say such things. Even if he tries to deny how he makes him feel and ignore his sweet words, at the end of the day, Sung Jinwoo is still nice and everything. It'd be…fun to be with him..but it'll probably only last temporarily.
As it should be.
If Kim Dokja ever indulges in his fantasies, he just knows its highly on the guide haze that they would even consider him as a potential object of affaction, hell, they probably only want to court him because he's always there hogging their time because there's so many tangles in their inner mind that he's amazed they haven't gone a bit insane.
Maybe they have, Kim Dokja doesn't know. Doesn't want to know. Even if he gets to see the inside, he wants to blind himself to not see the flaws.
“Yah! Ahjussi!” Lee Jihye calls out, waving at him from afar. She was sitting on one of the tables, with Kim Namwoon.
How lively.
“Yknow I wonder if it's Master who chose those chains.” Kim Namwoon says while munching on his burger, that looks appetising. Kim Dokja almost feels envious, but he remembers that he needs to avoid snacks like that for a while.
[ No..Jinwoo-ssi was definitely the one who decided that. ]
Kim Dokja ignores the voices, as usual. It might just be his own way of going insane, he's been out of the man sandwich ever since Yoo Sangah got a new place so he hasn't been sleeping as well. He hopes it isn't as noticeable and prays, god, he prays dearly that his espers wouldn't notice him coming our every night to appreciate the midnight breeze.
It felt oddly nostalgic, the vibes. The perfect time for a confession, like for example; Kim Dokja confessing he used to watch birds during his freetime at the rooftop, observing them like how normal people would. Not a heavy confession, but still a confession.
“-ter would never chain someone up!”
“Have you seen his sword collection!? Each one has a shackle!”
“Ahjussi is clearly not a sword?!”
Kim Dokja blinks. Ah. He kinda forgot he was with other people right now. He looked back and forth towards Lee Jihye then to Kim Namwoon. What were they arguing again? His uniform?
Well, yeah, he thought the pattern was weirdly suffocating too but he never really wondered who was the one who coined the chain idea.
“Hmm, Hyung seems to be caught up in an argument.” A low voice comes from behind, Kim Dokja whipped his head to the side to see Sung Jinwoo in his actual esper outfit cocking his head to the side with a smile. “I didn't think you'd argue about such small details.”
Sung Jinwoo emphasises the “small details” part, sitting down next to Kim Dokja as he pulled him by the waist, Kim Dokja, who was already used to the “surprise attacks” no longer gave Sung Jinwoo a mental shock whenever he gets startled by his sudden signs of physical affection.
Sung Jinwoo only hums, seemingly missing the spark of guiding. Kim Dokja found himself just releasing a steady flow of it, assuming the esper might have been exhausted enough to burn out his bracelet’s energy. And it seemed that he was so focused on that task that he had forgotten where they both were, until Lee Jihye cleared her throat.
Kim Dokja quickly straightened his back with the reality check, clearing his throat nervously as he slithered off Sung Jinwoo's hand.
“Ah- Uhm, so, where's Joonghyuk?”
Sung Jinwoo blinks, probably noticing the lack of endearment in his usual tone before grinning.
“He's still training, do you want to see?” Kim Dokja shakes his head, actually he should probably go back to Lee Seolhwa— (He doesn't.)
—Now he's being dragged against his will to actually fulfill his role as an exclusive guide that he feels guilty about fulfilling. (He wasn't forced, but he does feel guilty.)
“You know, you were supposed to watch me train earlier.” Sung Jinwoo pouts, “But you were too busy with your own training.” The esper did a good job on making the guide extremely guilty…Kim Dokja now feels as if his face is like the hot summer..
“..Mn, I'm sorry I missed your training, Jinwoo-yah.” Kim Dokja says, hoping it would aid whatever turmoil Sung Jinwoo is letting brew deep inside since maybe he is the type of esper that would be gloomy whenever their guide isn't there when they're training.
He never thought the esper would be like that but he supposes there are just some things he wouldn't expect. But maybe he should have seen it earlier…Sung Jinwoo had always had the vibes of a clingy dog. It was adorable. Wait, why was he comparing him to a dog? That was Yoo Joonghyuk.
“Hmmm, I forgive Hyung. I can't just make Seolhwa-ssi change your schedule for me.” Sung Jinwoo shrugs, he keeps to himself that he would definitely do that if he could.
The doors open when they get there, probably recognising Sung Jinwoo’s aura as it made a short bing sound before closing the moment they stepped in. The training room was practically like the outside world, save for some trees having deep slashes in them and the abnormal ruffling of leaves.
“Joonghyuk-ah must be training hard.”
“I'm training hard too.” Kim Dokja found it cute how easily Sung Jinwoo could get jealous but sometimes it just seems too easy. Was he really that competitive?
“What, do you want a reward for the hard work?”
Sung Jinwoo visibly lit up at that, coming closer to make Kim Dokja have to sit on one of the benches at the side of the room just for him to just lean down as He smiled. Waiting for affirmation that his words were true.
“I would enjoy that, hyung.”
Then the slashes ended with one loud smash of the training robot getting hit by the blunt side of Yoo Joonghyuk's sword. The head of the robot rolled out of the forest like a maze, making Kim Dokja's eyes track it rolling towards them as he looked up to meet eyes with Yoo Joonghyuk — He couldn't help but get his breath caught by the sights.
“Kim Dokja.”
He might as well die right then and there.