Chapter Text
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"Tony. Tony. Tony. Ohmygod, I can see that you're awake. Get up."
Opening his eyes slowly, the first thing he saw was the face of Bruce Banner, leaning quite closely to his own.
"Well," he said, propping himself up on one elbow. "There's a view I'd never thought I'd see at this time of day."
"You mean," Bruce said, pulling up his sleeve and checking his watch. "You thought you'd never see my face close to yours at 12:13 in the afternoon?"
"Ohmygodnodidtheyseeus," he spit out in one breath, knowing damn well they did. Bruce nodded, smiling ever so slightly down at the couch. "Clint seems to think we're cuddle buddies. Or, that's what I could get from behind the glass."
Tony sat up completely, hoping his hair wasn't all messed up or he had drool dried to his face, but judging by the was Bruce was staring at him, it was one of the two. "Fix it," Tony sighed, rolling his eyes as he leaned over him and ever so lightly brushed his hair over to the side. "Thank you."
"Do you think they'll make fun of us?" He asked meekly, cleaning his glasses on his rumpled shirt.
"Undoubtedly so," said the billionaire sincerely. "But then again, they're just jealous bastards. Captain Baby Blue Eyes especially."
Bruce huffed a sigh of his own, hauling himself off the couch and shuffling toward the door. "Come on. I'm starving."
"Eager to get the walk of shame over so quickly, Dr. Banner?" Tony asked, and Bruce didn't need to turn around to know he was sitting up on the couch with his classic "rich bastard" smile plastered all over his face.
"No, I'd just like to get some food, Tony," he said to the door, pushing it open. "And for gods sake, we slept on opposite sides of the couch. Don't get your knickers in a twist." He muttered the last bit, but judging by the barking laughter he heard behind him, Stark had heard anyway.
"Never supposed you were one for British figurative language," he said, still smiling brightly. Bruce rolled his eyes, heading up up the stairs. "You enjoy my language," he said dryly, giving just the smallest suggestive eyebrow raise.
"You didn't go through my stuff, did you?" Tony said, trying very very hard not to think about what he just said. "You totally snooped," he stated, jogging upstairs beside him. "Ugh, can't trust any of you idiots."
"Just because Natasha found your stash of highly illegal Mexican tequila doesn't mean you can have trust issues."
"Well, she doesn't know that I know she keeps a bottle of Russian vodka up in the vents where only she and the Hawkguy can drink it."
"Correction," said a silky smooth voice behind him. "She definitely knows."
Tony and Bruce slid into chairs beside each other at the breakfast bar, Tony getting slightly red. "Good morning, Nat," he said too cheerfully. "How was your night?"
She spun around gracefully and gave him a staredown while she took a long sip of coffee. "Not as good as yours, apparently. Soundproof walls so no one would steal your secrets, mm?"
"That's correct, miss." He cocked his head slightly to the left, batting his eyes innocently. "Unless you meant something else?"
"You're starting to sound like the Captain," Clint said, giving Natasha a look as he dropped into a chair next to Tony. "Please don't start calling women dames, Tony. Take some language lessons from Banner. He knows what to say, like, always."
Tony widened his eyes and stole a glance at Bruce, who was conveniently hiding his face with the newest edition of the New York Times. He cleared his throat, but all he got in response was a ruffling of the paper.
"Dear god, you two together is almost as sweet as my brew," Steve said, walking into the kitchen nonchalantly, as if he hadn't been hiding behind the wall and listening.
"First," Tony said, raising a finger into the air. "Please don't call coffee that ever again, it makes you sound sixteen. Second, the sugary shit you call your brew is nothing compared to myself and my cuddle buddy."
The tips of Clint's ears went slightly pink, biting his lip shyly. "You wanna say anything, Hawkeye? Cat got your tongue?"
"Leave him alone," Natasha snapped, leaning against the stove.
"Like you two aren't."
"Aren't what?" She challenged back, arching one perfect eyebrow.
"Cuddle buddies," Steve said from next to the stove. "Honestly Tony, it's not like you don't monitor the security cameras."
"Nobody asked you, Captain Sparkles."
"Well, good to see we're getting along," said Pepper, striding into the kitchen. "Good morning, Bruce." She paused for a moment, a self assured smirk settling on her face. "Tony." She gave him a curt nod, pouring herself some orange juice settling herself on the counter next to Bruce.
"Interesting night, boys?" She asked, Natasha grinning like no other right behind her.
"We didn't-" Bruce began to say just as Tony blurted out "It wasn't like-" Pepper pursed her lips, obviously enjoying their squirming. "Ah, boys," she clucked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Have Couslon make you an omelet. They're delectable."
"Isn't he out doing super spy things? Like, freedom and patriotism and shit?" Tony said, crossing his arms and leaning back slightly.
"He's actually behind the wall, listening," Pepper said distractedly, craning her neck to see. "Mhm. Definitely."
Coulson came out from behind the wall, red faced and rubbing at his neck embarrassedly. "It wasn't like you all weren't listening either," he protested, staring at them all. "Come on now, Pepper, don't give me that look."
"What look?" she purred innocently, making sure to glance down at Tony, who was suddenly very interested in the countertop.
"Hey!" he said, snatching the paper out of Bruce's hands and throwing it at Steve, who glared at him. Tony smiled back angelically, and then leaned forward to whisper in Bruce's ear. "They're the worst gossips I've ever seen," he said, looking around as he spoke.
A curious little smile made it's way onto Bruce's face as he casually learned forward and whispered, "Why are you obliging them, then?"
Clint made a fake gagging noise in the back of his throat, looking half disgustedly at them. "Why don't you just feed each other food like birds and call each other "snugly boo boo mc cutie kins," he said, rolling his eyes. "You're awful.
"You're also an awful actor," Pepper whispered, her eyes still gleaming deviously, leaning across Bruce to get to Tony. "Just so you know."
Unable to resist, he winked at her and in a normal tone replied "That's never what you said."
She flashed him a loaded, bright smile, sliding off the counter and blowing him a kiss as she sashayed triumphantly out of the room.
"I am starved," Bruce said announced loudly, reaching up and stretching with a yawn.
"Why, snuglybooboomccutiekins, why didn't you just say so?" Tony said with a fake smile, getting up and opening the fridge.
"Uh," he replied, fixing his glasses absentmindedly. "I did? Hence, why we came upstairs?"
Natasha let out a pent up giggle/snort, setting off Clint, who then made Rodgers start obnoxiously laughing, and then the whole kitchen was filled with the sound of ridiculously loud laughter from all of them. "It was totally voluntary," Tony wheezed slightly, tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. "I swear, there wasn't even any cuddling-"
"Look at him, Stark," Clint commanded, gesturing toward Bruce. "He saw you wheezing. Now he's giving you the "ohmygod Tony's arc reactor is giving him asthma again, better go upgrade it so the love of my life doesn't die" look. See?"
Banner was staring intently at the ceiling, focusing on anything but the snarky superheroes he dared called friends-more likely, family.
"Just make me the god damn eggs so we can go cuddle some more, Tony," he said, that shy little smile matching up so well with the boyish curls that always fell in his eyes.
With a wink at the Captain, Tony fake saluted all of them, got out the carton of eggs, and said "Aye aye, captain."
~