Chapter Text
Clyde braced both hands on the cold porcelain, leaning forward until his breath fogged the mirror.
His throat was raw. The taste still clung to his tongue — sharp, sour — no matter how many times he spat and rinsed.
He avoided looking at his reflection for longer than a second.
Not now. Not with everyone still laughing out there like nothing was wrong.
There isn’t anything wrong.
He focused instead on the buzzing light fixture, the slow drip of the tap. Tried to let his brain go blank.
But of course, it didn’t.
Tweek’s face shoved its way in anyway. God, he really screwed that one up.
Which was the point.
Tweek needed options. He’d said so days after their date.
He didn’t need Clyde.
Clyde pushed away from the sink before he could chase that thought any deeper. The tile was too white, too clean, and the mirror made him look like hell.
He unlocked the door — and almost walked straight into Kyle.
Perfect.
Kyle flinched at how quickly the door swung open, but recovered fast. Too fast.
Clyde didn’t give him a chance to speak; he grabbed Kyle’s wrist and tugged him inside.
“Clyde, what the—?!”
The door clicked shut behind them. Clyde planted himself in front of it.
He opened his mouth to say something but the words got stuck in his throat. What could he say when so many thoughts were running wild?
Kyle stared back at him, dumbfounded.
Images of him and Tweek rushed in again.
It was… confusing. In a good way, maybe?
“Clyde?” Kyle’s voice was cautious.
He met Kyle’s eyes. His striking green eyes. The glasses helped show them off.
Why hadn’t Kyle worn those glasses before? They did wonders for him.
He looked really good tonight in general.
Clyde’s gaze drifted down to Kyle’s chest — a guitar pick. Right. Kyle used to play guitar. Did he still play?
Did he still serenade his lovers? Would he sing for his guy lovers too, or just girls?
From what he knew, girls liked that sort of thing more — but maybe guys did too?
Would Clyde like to be sung to as well? Or would he sing for someone? Should he?
No, he couldn’t play guitar.
…Maybe Kyle could teach him?
“Are you okay?”
Right. Kyle. Here.
Clyde wet his lips. “Yeah… no? I don’t know.”
Kyle waited, looking at Clyde like he was something peculiar.
Ha — peculiar. What a weird word.
Anyway. Kyle.
“It’s just—” Clyde slid down the door, “I don’t even know! It’s confusing.”
He sighed and buried his face in his hands.
Why on earth had he dragged Kyle in here?
In the bathroom. Both of them, in the bathroom. That was gonna look so weird.
His ears burned just as he heard Kyle crouch down in front of him. Presumably.
“What’s confusing?”
Kyle’s voice was careful, like he was talking to a caged animal.
That’s a little how Clyde felt.
He shrugged, not knowing what exactly to say.
Really, he had lots on his mind but the thoughts were running miles ahead of his mouth.
He heard Kyle sigh, shifting on the floor.
“Okay. Maybe you could tell me why you made me and Tweek kiss?”
He bit his lip and looked at Kyle, now sitting cross-legged in front of him.
“I don’t know… I mean— I do, but it’s complicated and I don’t know where to start.”
Kyle smiled slightly, his green eyes softening. “Start anywhere. I’ll piece it together.”
“It’s just— Tweek doesn’t deserve me, yeah? Like, I like him, but I can’t make him go through this.” He waved a hand over himself. “I’m a mess in more ways than one. No one should deal with this — especially not Tweek. He deserves more.”
Kyle frowned, opening his mouth to say something. Probably to deny it, but Clyde didn’t let him.
“He said maybe we shouldn’t be in a relationship yet so I can figure myself out a little. I agreed, and told him he shouldn’t wait for me though.”
“Clyde…”
“He disagreed and said he could help me if I wanted, but I declined. I told him not to waste his time on me— and he shouldn’t!”
“Clyde.”
“It’s not that I’m not attractive — although I’m not — it’s just I’m confused as fuck and no one should waste their time and energy helping someone else figure themselves out, you know? I can’t let Tweek go through that— he’s got a lot going on already. And—”
“Clyde, slow down!”
He stopped, regaining his breath.
Kyle ran a hand through his hair. “Look, Clyde. I get where you’re coming from, but maybe you should let Tweek help if he offered?”
Clyde shook his head, cutting him off. “No. It’s on me to figure my stuff out.”
He sighed. “Okay… how? Was that kiss between Tweek and me supposed to help or something?”
“Yeah…”
Kyle narrowed his eyes. His very green eyes. Tweek’s eyes were green too. Kyle’s were darker though.
“Did it help?”
Clyde licked his dry lips before answering. “Maybe? I don’t even know.”
Kyle nodded but didn’t say anything else. The silence made Clyde want to fill it.
“I thought maybe I could kill two birds with one stone or something.” He shrugged. “I thought maybe Tweek would feel something and realize there are better options than me—”
Kyle opened his mouth to interject again, but didn’t get the chance.
“—and also maybe I could realize something watching you two.” He bit his lip. “It’s just— porn can only help me so much, you know? I need to be exposed to gay stuff in my daily life, I think.”
He glanced at Kyle, hoping he wasn’t mad. He didn’t look mad — amused, maybe.
“Clyde, you’ve been exposed to gay stuff.”
He rolled his eyes and cracked a smile. “Yeah, but I wasn’t questioning my queerness then, dude.”
Kyle huffed a laugh and raised his hands. “Right, my bad.”
Clyde nodded mock-solemnly, some weight lifting off his shoulders.
“So… what’s the verdict then?” Kyle looked expectantly at him.
When Clyde didn’t respond immediately, Kyle continued more genuinely. Not that he wasn’t genuine before, but still. “Did it help you at least a little?”
Clyde wanted to think his answer through. But fuck it — he’s never been one to think things through. “A little, I think? I’m still confused though.”
Kyle nodded. “Let’s think about it, yeah? What exactly did you feel seeing me kiss Tweek?”
“That’s the thing, I felt too many things I can’t really identify.” He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling. “A little jealousy, I’m pretty sure. Then again it was my own doing, so what right do I have to be jealous?”
“It’s normal to be a little jealous when you like someone, Clyde. It’s okay.”
He nodded. Fuck it— he kept going. “But I was also a little aroused? I mean, it was kinda hot and you’re both pretty cute, and I don’t know.”
Kyle blinked and crossed his arms. “First of all, I’m not cute—”
Clyde raised a brow and looked him up and down. He was cute though, so his deniability was wrong.
Deniability? Did he use that right?
Oh well.
“—second of all, that kiss was pretty short!”
Clyde grinned. “It doesn’t have to be long to stir something.”
It was pretty entertaining to watch Kyle’s face redden. He was pale, so it was easily visible. And cute.
“Clyde!” Kyle’s voice cracked, and that just made Clyde lose it.
Kyle tried to seem mad but ultimately joined him.
He was the one who stopped first, waiting for Clyde to regain his breath. “You good?”
He honestly was.
“Yeah, let’s go. This is supposed to be a party, not a bathroom camping trip.”
Kyle rolled his eyes but smiled.
Just as he was unlocking the door, Kyle called after him. “Yeah?”
“Just— talk to Tweek, okay? Sooner rather than later.”
Clyde nodded. He would.
…Later.
He opened the door and both of them piled out, only to run into Kenny approaching the very same door.
All three froze, Kenny’s eyes darting between him and Kyle.
Just as the blond opened his mouth, Kyle pointed a finger at him. “Don’t. Kenny, I swear to fuck, if you speak a word of this—”
Kenny turned his attention to Kyle, giving him a Cheshire cat smile.
Uh oh.
“Why, Kyle? Is there something to speak about?”
Clyde shot a side glance at Kyle.
Oh fuck.
Kyle crossed his arms, cheeks darkening. “No, Kenny— you’ll just twist something from nothing!”
Kenny smirked. “Then why does Clyde look so disheveled?”
Kyle spun to look at him so fast Clyde thought he might snap his neck.
Did he look that bad?
“What did you do to him, Kyle? Was it good?” The last bit was directed at Clyde.
He frowned.
Was what good?
“Kenny! I didn’t do shit to him, piss off!”
What? Wait—
Oh.
Oh.
His face heated up as he stopped listening to Kyle and Kenny.
What Kenny was implying…
He started coughing awkwardly, trying to push away any inappropriate thoughts of Kyle.
Tried being the key word.