Chapter Text
The next morning came and you woke slowly. For a moment, everything was okay, and you stretched with a content sigh before a fresh wave of heart-twisting anxiety hit. You put your hand over your heart, closing your eyes, and counting your breaths. Inhale. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Exhale. One. Two. Three. Four. Inhale...
You repeated the process for a few minutes until you felt a bit better. The knot inbetween your rib cage lessened and you sat up. From there, you let instinct carry you to the bathroom to go through the daily routine. Brush your hair. Brush your teeth. Apply a small bit of makeup so you didn't look so dead. Leave the bathroom. Pull on your outfit for school. Stare in the mirror. Fidget because your shirt hugged your body in just the wrong way. Your skirt felt tighter than normal. Had you put on weight? Were you doing worse than you thought?
Flinch. You yanked your fingers away from your arm, staring at the indented fingernail marks, and swallowing slowly. You rested your hands on the cool granite of your counter, hanging your head, closing your eyes, and just trying to breathe. Surely your father would understand if you needed a day to yourself. The thought of going to school just made the ache in your chest grow until it seemed as though it would consume you.
You left your room, walking downstairs, and pausing at the last step. Really. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. You were just overreacting about a silent bus trip. A bus trip. Your friends wouldn't abandon you over anything like that...right? You just didn't want to worry them by telling them about Caliborn's outburst. Surely they wouldn't hate you for trying to keep that a secret...
Your hesitation on the subject didn't go unnoticed and you didn't notice that your father was there until his hand was on your shoulder. Slowly, you lifted your eyes to him, realizing too late that you were crying. The look on his face was sympathetic and he silently pulled you into a hug as you collapsed into him. Searching for comfort, your fingers curled into his button-up, and you pressed your face into his chest.
The scent of cologne filled your nostrils. It was the same kind that you had smelled on him since you were a child. It would always remind you of him. For some reason, even though many other men likely used the same cologne, you felt as though it belonged to him.
After a moment, you turned your head, pressing your ear over his heart, and letting the rhythmic beat start to soothe your frazzled nerves. Your own pulse was going much faster than that and you were vaguely aware of how much you were shaking, but you couldn't help it. Instead of focusing on that, however, you paid attention to him.
His hand rested lightly on the back of your head, holding you close to him even as your mascara and tears ruined his shirt. The other wrapped around your midsection for a secure hug as he quietly encouraged you to simply let it all out. You felt his cheek slowly coming to rest on top of your head and you moved your arms to wrap around him tightly while a sob wracked your body.
There wasn't a set amount of time that passed by. Seconds didn't matter, but the moment did come to an end. Your father pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head as your tears dried and pulled back. He tucked a finger under your chin, one arm still around your waist as he had you look up at him, "I think I can take a day off if you need me here Jane," he kept his voice low, eyes looking over your face.
A soft sniffle was your first response and you brought one hand up to wipe at your tears, "I'll be okay dad. I just...I needed a hug," you weren't sure why, but you laughed, and that brought a small smile to his lips. Another kiss was administered to your forehead and he brought your back in for another hug. This one was much shorter, but you still got a few beats of his heart in before he moved back, and clapped his hands on your shoulders, "I'm proud of you Jane. You've grown into quite the competent young woman and I am so proud to have you as a daughter."
"I love you dad," your heart swelled at his words and a few more tears slipped down your face as you looked up at your father. He ruffled your hair lightly, something that he'd done since you were young, and insisted on having short hair.
"I love you too Jane. Are you sure you don't want me to stay home today?" he raised an eyebrow, a more serious expression coming across his face. His concern was obvious, but you didn't want to weigh him down with your troubles. He did have a job and such after all and holding him back or dragging him down was not on your to-do list.
So, you shook your head, "I'm sure, but...would it be alright if I didn't go to school today? I'll email all of my teachers and find out what I'm missing, I promise," you swore, looking at him pleadingly. School was not an option. Even if he said no you'd likely skip anyways. You were not ready to face your anxieties. Not yet at least. You needed a little while to think everything through.
Fortunately, he seemed almost relieved that you asked, and nodded, "Of course. I'll call the school and make sure that you're excused for being ill," he glanced at his shirt, then at the time, inhaling, and kissing your forehead once more before he began to head towards his room, "Be safe Jane! Call me if anything happens or if you need something. I'll come home at any time if you need me!"
"Okay dad," the words came out a little choked and he was already gone by the time you said them. You went into the kitchen, forcing yourself to find something to eat, and sitting down at the table with a small bowl of cereal. You fought off nausea with every bite, but you managed to stomach it, and set the bowl in the sink once you were finished. As you rinsed out the bowl, you heard the door open and close, leaving you alone in the home for the rest of the day.
Vaguely, you wondered if anyone would miss your presence, but you weren't sure that you really cared, and shrugged the thought away. You weren't going to think about school today. Today was a day for movies and television and perhaps a little bit of experimentation in the kitchen. With that plan in mind, you made your way into the living room, plucked a nice, fluffy blanket from the closet, and bundled yourself up in it. The remote made its way into your hand and you flicked on the t.v., putting on a movie, and settling down for a day of rest.
The hours passed by much quicker than you realized. The next time that you glanced at the clock, you realized that school would be getting out. Sighing, you sat up, and trudged to your bedroom to email your teachers about your absence while requesting any information they could give about the lessons and the homework incorporated with that.
As you finished up, a quick rapping of knuckles on the door echoed through your rather empty home, and you frowned slightly. You got to your feet, going to the front door, and cracking it open, "Hello-"
You were cut off as someone flung their arms around you, hugging you tightly, and then pulling back so that you could see the concerned expression of Roxy, "Oh my god Jane! We really need to exchange phone numbers, because I was freaking out worse than Dirk when someone touches his sword thingies," she put a hand over her heart, letting out a low breath, and looking at you, "Are you okay? Why didn't you come to school? I mean, I know that sometimes you just ditch to ditch, but-"
"Roxy," it was your turn to interrupt this time, "I'm fine. I just...had a rough morning. My father allowed me to stay home so I could have a little bit of breathing room. I promise, nothing bad happened. Were you really that worried?"
She glanced down at her feet, adjusting the skirt that she was wearing, and nodding, "Well...yeah. You ran off yesterday after we got off of the bus before anyone could say anything and I realized that we were all kind of really quiet and I promise Jane, we don't hate you!"
You laughed, mostly because it was a relief to hear the words, but also because you realized just how crazy you'd sounded in your own head that morning, "It's okay Roxy. I know that. I was overreacting yesterday and this morning. Everything that happened with Caliborn and I felt awful for not telling you guys about what happened...it was stressful, but it's alright now."
"Dammit Janey you're tugging at my heart strings here," she flung her arms around you again and you returned the gesture. It was definitely one of the two hugs that you'd needed that day and it seemed to fill your quota. The two of you stood there for a moment before you finally pulled back.
"Would you perhaps like to come inside so that you don't have to stand out there?" you asked, watching for her reaction.
Roxy grinned, "Girl I would love to do nothing more," she walked inside and dropped her backpack on the floor. Her shoes were toed off into the entry way and she flicked her hair out of her face, pursing her lips as she looked at you, "Next time this happens though you'd better let me know! And maybe Dirk and Jake too, but they're not as important as the bestest bestie in the world so at least tell me."
You couldn't help but chuckle at the slight ridiculousness of the statement, but part of you greatly appreciated Roxy's attempt at being humorously concerned for you, "I will, I promise."
"Good," she stated with a sense of finality, nodding her head, and glancing around the room, "So. What did you do today anyways? Since your lucky butt got to skip out today with parental permission. Based on the t.v and blankets I'd take a big ol' guess and say that you didn't do squat but watch Netflix."
"Your detective skills are astounding Lalonde, but I did more than just that. You failed to notice the faint waft of chocolate scent in the air," you shot her a mischievous smile, leading her to the kitchen, and gesturing to the brownies that you'd left to cool on the stove before you'd gone to send your emails, "Would you care for one?"
She groaned, "Holy shit Jane. Does anyone ever turn down your cooking? You're like the wizard of the culinary arts. You just wave your magic spoon and bam! you've got a bunch of awesome cooking. It's totally not fair. You gotta teach me."
"A magician never reveals her secrets!" you declared dramatically, cutting up a brownie, and depositing it onto a plate, "Normally I'd have some vanilla ice cream and whipped cream to go on top of this, but I didn't have the ingredients for the family recipe of ice cream, and I didn't bother with the cream because of that."
Roxy snatched the plate, and took a bite of the brownie, slumping back against the counter, "Jane. Jane. How do you do this?" she took another snippet of the treat into her mouth and you beamed happily at how much she seemed to be enjoying it.
"A little bit of love and a lot of flour," you joked, humming, and cutting yourself a smaller piece. It wasn't as hard to choke down food after talking things over with your friend and you made a note to adjust a couple of ingredients to make the texture a bit more bearable, "Really, if you'd like to help me bake sometime Roxy, you're more than welcome too."
"I'd better not Janey. I can't make cereal without burning it," she shook her head, licking her fingers of crumbs as she finished off the dessert, and put the plate into the sink. She stuck her hands under the faucet, humming, and glancing at you, "But I'll totally watch your mad skills one of these days. Let me know the next time you're gonna make some sweet goods."
You nodded, finishing off your own brownie, and washing your hands once she was finished, "I'd love to have some company other than my dad's to be around when I'm baking. But, aside from that, would you like to do anything else?"
Roxy's eyes flicked to the clock and she shook her head, "Sorry Janey. I should probably be getting back home. I've got some...homework and shit to get done. Maybe we can hang out this weekend though," she smiled at you and the two of you made your way back to the doorway. She slung her backpack over her shoulder, resting her hand on the doorknob before turning back around, and hugging you again, "I'll see ya tomorrow girly."
Without hesitation, you returned the hug, and Roxy gave a quick wave before opening the door and leaving. You brushed your bangs out of your face, smiling despite yourself, and heading back into the living room. Despite everything that had happened within the past twenty-four hours, you were happy. The knowledge that your friends didn't really hate you and that they were genuinely concerned for your well-being got you motivated and by the time you went to bed that night, you'd done quite a bit more than you'd expected to have in that day.
Your head hit the pillow and you drifted off peacefully almost immediately. For once, you were actually looking forward to your alarm clock going off.