Chapter Text
Shen took two weeks off.
Some may see it as odd. He tends to work during his vacation time for cash; tends to cover shifts and adjust his breaks to align with holidays. Actually using his time off is something he considers only in emergencies.
Just to be clear, this has nothing to do with Mel. It’s been a week since whatever that date was, and little changed. Shen doesn’t treat her any differently — would be rude to. He offers the same assistance he did before; all that’s changed are the doubles he stopped pulling.
Well, sure. He is kind of disappointed. The week he worked was enough for him to hear gossip, and gossip from actual reliable sources. Leaving in the middle of a date because a married guy called saying something along the lines of ‘I’m outside your place’ and ‘If you’re seeing someone else, I won’t do it again’ is… Kind of a shit move. It’s not even an asshole thing to say — pretty considerate if you’re trying to cheat on your wife. But Mel took that very seriously. Her emotions speak very loudly to her, he’s noticed.
And so she picked. Somehow, Shen hoped… What could he hope for? Her preferences were evident from the beginning. He is not one of them. Should he consider his attempts to free a woman from a breakdown foolish? No. He did what he could. He still does what he can.
So… The break he took? A mere coincidence. A friend of his pleaded for a favor. Now he needs free time to foster a kitten.
A very stupid little thing, in fact.
Two-month-old orange tabby who wails when it’s left alone, breaks things if it doesn't get pampered, and eats litter at any given opportunity. It’s exactly his kind of trouble. It’s exactly the kind of competition Jeff needs. It’s exactly the misbehaving Pumpkin corrects with sharp barks.
He named it Garfield — no explanations needed. It’s been doing better already. When it starts a tantrum, Shen keeps telling it, ‘Dude, stop.’ And when- sorry. And if it does, he gives it a treat. He follows the kitten all around his place, gently pushes its face to the side when it tries to snack on the litter box, picks it up when it’s determined to cause trouble. Shen even bothered clearing out his TV console; made it a hiding spot for the pet (though Jeff liked it more).
It sleeps a lot. Sometimes in the console, sometimes in Pumpkin’s fur, sometimes in Jeff’s bed, sometimes in the middle of eating. It’s… A good distraction.
Huh. Perhaps “nothing to do with” is too much of an understatement. Garfield was a coincidence, yes, but the break was much needed. Shen needed time to think. A reminder that nothing changed — because nothing happened. Just a kiss. Or two. With… No meaning. This was only meant to help her — yet no one is required to accept what is offered. For Mel, he is still an attending physician, nothing more. For Shen, she is still a second-year resident, nothing more.
Nothing more. She was given a choice; she chose.
So why?
Why is Dr. King standing at his porch, looking like a lost lamb regretful of its paths, right at the beginning of the evening? To get her shoes back? To feed rumours of what didn’t happen? To ensure there’s no anger directed at her? To haunt his time off? How can she so easily make him doubt his sanity, rethink the nothings to turn them into somethings?
“Dr. King. Didn’t expect to see ya.” Shen leans against the doorframe, doing his best to remain nonchalant despite the unexpected visit.
“John! Doctor- Dr. Shen. I, uhm. Hi.”
“Hey. Whassup?”
“Oh, uhm. Nothing. I… I just came to check on you.”
That didn’t sound very convincing. “Check on me? Well, I’m good. You good?”
“I am.”
She… Doesn’t add anything else. Stares at him expectantly, yet also looks away when he tries to meet her eyes. It’s confusing. Shen’s not sure of what to add either, so he remains quiet. He’s about to make some stupid comment about the weather when Mel- Dr. King speaks up first.
“I- I didn’t mean. To hurt you. I think… I could’ve come off as rude. And- and that wasn’t my intention. I got… Nervous. And panicked.”
“Ah. It’s fine. Shit happens. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I… I do.” Mel adjusts her glasses with the heel of her palm, pushes her shirt down by its hem. Her hands clutch vaguely beside her before she continues. “You stopped… Working.”
“Don’t worry about it. Not about you.”
“I’m not sure I believe that.”
“Got another cat. Very demanding for its size.”
“...Oh.”
Her gaze lowers. Maybe to the floor in front of her, Shen doesn’t particularly try to make out where. Then she glances back, slips her hands into her pockets. Moves forward to stand on her tiptoes, then backward to stand on her heels. Dr. King clears her throat, “Can I see it?”
What the fuck?
Coming to someone’s place and asking to see their cat after saying you don’t want to see that someone outside of work again is…? Not what you should do?
“Uh. Sure. Come in.”
But then again, Dr. King tends to ignore social cues. And Shen’s not doing what he should do either.
She takes a timid step inside. Waits for him to close the door. Shen scratches the back of his neck, stares at Pumpkin lying on the couch for a few seconds. It’s what it takes for him to move, crouching in front of the TV console and slowly sliding one of its sides open. Garfield is asleep on a blanket inside.
“There he is.”
Mel squats beside him to look at the kitten. Dr. King crouches beside him to look at the kitten. Oh, fuck it, he already messed the formalities up. Who cares? It's the same person.
“It’s small.”
“He’s not even three months old yet.” Shen rests a hand on the carpet and leans back, sitting on the floor.
She sits on her ankles. “What’s his name?”
“Garfield.”
“Oh.” She reaches for the kitten and lightly scratches his ear. Then snorts after a few seconds. “That’s funny because your name is John.”
“Huh. How didn’t I think of that?”
She smiles. Shen’s lost. What is he supposed to do? Kick her out? Very rude — she’s somewhat a coworker, and, despite how stupid he may sound, still someone he cares about. Question her about it? She’d get nervous, avoid a direct answer, likely find an excuse to leave — he’s not sure he wants her to. Pretend it never happened? Then they could go out on a date again, she could tell him the same thing again, this whole situation would go on over and over.
He tells himself he’s thinking. Though taking time to think means not mentioning that evening at all. Which is one of the options, isn’t it?
“...I have your heels.”
“Yes. Right. I- I don’t have your slippers here, uhm–”
“That’s fine. I’m not holding them hostage; you can take your shoes and hand my slippers back whenever you find the time. They’re in good hands, I’m sure.” He stands up, nodding towards the stairs behind them. “I’ll go fetch them.”
He walks upstairs without a glance back. Enters his bedroom, ignores Jeff asleep on his pillow, instead focuses on finding Mel’s heels. He hooks them from the front with his fingers, stares at them for a bit.
On a scale from one to ten, how much of a loser is he for welcoming the woman who explicitly said she couldn’t see him as more than a friend, probably not even more than a coworker, with so little hesitation? Hm. Does he sound less of a fool by phrasing he’s giving a resident from his department an opportunity to bond with a pet she could never have? Surely he does. Or would, if he believed it for even a second. Shen can’t bring himself to deny how much of an idiot he is, how much of a loser. He likes Mel. He’s grown fond of her, of her silly, awkward traits. She might not like him as much, might never look for him outside of the PTMC again, but he’ll take what he can get.
After realizing how much time he’s taking, Shen heads downstairs. Waves the shoes as soon as she is in sight, despite facing her back.
“Sorry. Forgot where I put them.”
Mel turns her head up, attempts to eye him. If she wants to find his figure from that angle, she’ll either have to break her neck or lean back a bit more. She seems to have that realization, since she then straightens her head and settles for glancing at him from the side. No words leave her lips as he sits down beside her again. He places the heels in front of her.
“There you go.”
“Thank you.” She moves them closer to her.
They stay quiet for a little while. The tension from their “date” is finally having time to catch up. Shen doesn’t really mind it, entertained by watching Mel pet the sleeping cat. She looks like she does, though. Her thighs are almost bouncing — he assumes she’s moving her feet — hitting each other over and over. She’s staring straight at the kitten now. A whisper Shen can’t make out escapes her lips, and he has no chance to ask about it; she clears her throat and starts talking.
“I- I wanted to apologize. For leaving so abruptly.”
Right. The need for reassurance. “Mel, it’s alright. As I said, you owe me nothing.”
“No. I do. The least I owe you is an explanation. And your slippers.”
“Langdon was waiting for you outside your place.”
“Dr. Lang–” She meets his eyes. “What?”
“Gossip spreads even faster than diseases.” He shrugs. “Then again, I’m not sure if knowing the reason makes me feel any better.”
Mel shakes her head, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “It- it wasn’t a date. Dr. Langdon was taking his kids to an amusement park, and he thought Becca would like it, so he offered.”
Oh? “And how was it?”
“Uhm. A bit too loud. But they hit it off with Becca pretty well. Becca, Tanner, and, uhm… I- I don’t remember the other’s name, I’m sorry. They… Went together on a few attractions; Langdon and I followed behind until Becca found one she liked. Then I… Went on it with her over and over again while they checked out the other ones.”
“And his wife?”
“Dr. Langdon said Abby told him she could use some time to herself…” Mel adjusts her glasses with her pointer finger.
She probably could. Or maybe some time alone with her partner, Shen doesn’t know the nature of their relationship. Personally, he could go for not being cheated on, though that’s usually not a choice. Or maybe Langdon is just being a decent dude, and Shen’s… Being jealous? Over a resident. Hm. Over a woman he… Likes? Damn. A shower would be nice.
“Was it fun?”
“I- I think so. Langdon’s very… Nice… I just wish I could’ve seen more attractions.”
Shen slants until he’s lying on the floor, knees bent. Mel furrows her eyebrows, watching. “Sure. I believe you.”
“I don’t…” She repositions her legs before copying him. “I don’t know why I said- why I told you- why–”
“Easy. You hoped it would be a date.”
“I didn’t–” She adjusts her already adjusted glasses, turns her head to the side. “Dr. Langdon’s married.”
“And I’m a good driver. That doesn’t stop me from making a sharp turn and crashing my car. I just don’t.”
“That’s… An odd comparison. I doubt you should compare cheating to a car crash.”
Shen lifts his head, crossing his forearms under it. “Probably not. But you got my point, right?”
“...I guess?”
“Great. Because I don’t remember what it was.”
A few more seconds of silence go by, this time not as tense. Shen’s not wondering about anything in particular when Mel breaks the silence again.
“He said that if I were busy or with someone else, he wouldn’t do it again…” Her face turns back to face the ceiling. Her eyes follow.
“That’s a polite version of what an ex would say.”
“What? Dr. Langdon’s also not my ex.”
Shen scoffs. Not in a mean way, it’s more like a short chuckle. “He sure acts like one.”
More quietness. The atmosphere’s already intimately tangled between taut and unstrained. Surely, Mel must have something against it, as her voice cuts through it again. She’s really got a streak.
“I- It was selfish of me. I didn’t mean it.”
“Which part?”
Her throat bobs. “...When I asked you to leave me alone.”
Whoah. “Just that one?” He pouts. Seeing her freeze at his comment, Shen immediately backtracks. Pushes himself up with his elbows, his eyes now locked on her figure, trying to decipher her body language. Goes for some reassurance. “Hey, that was just a shitty- It’s fine. No hard feelings.”
“No, I- I shouldn’t have… Said those…” Her throat bobs. “Just… He’s… I feel ecstatic when he’s around. And- And I feel… More at ease when you are. I don’t know…”
“Hey, you’re getting the best out of both worlds.”
“No, I don’t- I don’t… I want to do something with you again. Not…”
Oh. Shit. Shit. Her eyes are reddening(?), her lips are quivering, and those can’t mean any good. “Mel, don’t… I’d be honored to take you out–.”
“I’m- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have–” She slips her palms under her glasses and rubs her eyes, taking a deep breath. Slowly, Mel pushes herself into a sitting position, bringing her knees to press against her chest. “I should be home.”
“Let’s not do that again.” Shen lies back down. “I’ll be here one way or another. Whether you won’t come back, whether you can’t decide what’s best, whether you want this to be serious and make it last… Whether you decide you just want to play me for a while. I’m in.”
Her forehead rests on her knees. “I wouldn’t do that to you… I’d feel terrible. You- you looked like a sad… Puppy…”
“I’ll bark if you ask nicely.”
She swallows her words down and sighs. “I don’t… Know what that means…”
With a quiet grunt, Shen shifts to lie on his stomach, facing her. His movement barely pushes him any closer to her, but it’s not its purpose. There isn’t really one. “It’s a less charming way of saying ‘your wish is my command’.”
Mel’s legs relax, distancing themselves from her torso. The gap between her eyebrows shortens, and she bites the inside of her lower lip. “Like a genie?”
“Eh.” He shrugs. “I don’t have his powers, but he doesn’t have my looks, so I think we’re even. Just… Ask. The world is yours to desire. I’ll do what I can.”
“How can you… Say that? I- I… Screwed it all up. And you still let me in.”
“You wanted to see the cat.”
“I wanted to see you. I think… I already said that.” She sighs. “Can we… Have another date? No leaving in the middle of it this time...”
From an outside perspective, Shen knows he can (and probably will) be considered an absolute idiot. It’s foolish; to willingly give someone who replaced him a chance to do the same thing again. It’s foolish; to let her go in and out of his personal life however she pleases, using him as solace for her loneliness. Though what is he, if not a fool? His desire to see her well, to be the one to steady her through the tightrope known as future, won’t simply waver because a bastard of an outsider thinks he’s being irrational. So what if he is? This situation became unfathomable to any spectator the moment his inclination to help became more intimate. And at some point, in the middle of the mess this is (or was?), it happened.
Does it matter when? It stopped being about setting decent standards for her, about guiding her away from whatever havoc it could’ve been — that’s what he’s getting at. Now, it’s about… Fuck if he knows. He just likes her. Love would be a strong term for his feelings, at least for now, where he doesn’t know her enough. She’s… Intriguing. Her peculiarities puzzle him. She’s selfless, admirably so, yet calls herself selfish for the little times her impulsiveness takes over. Yes, that tiny selfish side has hurt him, but… Then what? He holds that against her, with the ideal no one changes, forever? No. Mel made a choice, Mel regretted that choice, Mel is showing her regret, Mel is asking for another chance. Shen wants to believe her. So he will; whether that makes him a dumb prick or not. He doesn’t care. This is too personal to be judged by anyone but himself. It’s his own life. Shit, what is it with confusing women being so fascinating? How come they are as complicated as they are beautiful?
They? This is about Mel. Sweet, bewildering, Mel. Not about anyone else. Fuck, he’s just deflecting now, and he hasn’t said anything. Just now does Shen take notice of her eyes on him.
“Shit, sorry. What was that again?”
Mel stares at him. He wonders what color her eyes are. Not… Orange, that isn’t possible. Brown? Light brown? Or green? Like, dark green? Hm. Hazel…? Amber...?
“I want to have another date with you.”
Right. That’s what his head rambled about. If he were a few years younger or a bit more insecure, he’d be fucked. But he… Isn’t. He’s a grown-ass man. He’s more than capable of making decisions, more than capable of handling their consequences, handling his own feelings.
“Told you already. I’d be honored.” Regardless of what will happen. “What do you want to do?”
Mel glances back, her hands finding the floor and the edge of the carpet behind her. She lies down again. “I’m not sure…”
“We could go to the movies. Watch something other than Elf.” He crosses his arms under his head, turning his face to rest his forehead on the back of his hands. “Or maybe to whatever amusement park you went. Check out the attractions you haven’t been to.”
“I don’t… Want to think about it right now.”
“Oh. Okay.” He closes his eyes.
“Can we kiss?”
They blow back open. Just to blink. “Huh?” He turns his face back to her. She’s already looking at him. Flustered.
“You’re always… Very considerate about me. It- It makes me want to kiss you.”
That’s… Usually something that just happens. Naturally. Instead of requested. Yet it’s easy enough to comply. And what does he have to lose? His dignity? Barely any left anyway.
“Shit. Uh, alright.” Shen pushes himself up to sit on his ankles, ruffling his hair. Mel’s already shifted closer, so capturing her mouth with his ends up being an easy enough task. It’s not a particularly emotional kiss; a light press is all, somehow enough to get her to tense.
He attempts to pull away. She doesn’t quite let him. Her lips chase after his — not desperate, more like… seeking. Her hands find the crook of his neck. At first they cling, then they pressure, then they merely rest there. Shen has to place one of his hands on the carpet to avoid falling over, but the other goes to her jaw. Careful, tender. Far from guiding. In fact, Mel’s the one guiding his mouth. Gentle movements, soft lips; if heaven exists, this is what it feels like.
Shen doesn’t know how much time passes. Even if he knew, he doubts he’d give a shit. Mel’s relaxing under his touch; he couldn’t be more pleased with himself. It’s not too keen a kiss for either to run out of breath, so breaking apart is unnecessary. Unless they don’t have an option, which is what happens when Pumpkin gets down from the couch and shoves her snout under his chin, grinding herself against his torso to cram into his lap. He’s forced to lean back, her fur prickles his nose and makes him huff.
“Ow, you jealous bitch. Are you sabotaging my reconciliation?”
The dog continues to crowd his space; nuzzles his chest, wags her tail like there’s no tomorrow. He manages to make her settle down after a bit, glances up at Mel as soon as she does. Mel’s face is still a deeper shade. She's scratching Garfield’s scruff again; her eyes won’t tear away from it.
“Mel? You good?”
“Yes. Sorry. I- I got carried away.”
“You won’t see me complaining.”
She turns to face him. Only briefly; she turns again to the other side, looking out the window. “What time is it?”
“Hm. Not past 8:30, I’m sure.”
“Ah, I should- I should head home.” Her hand finds the edge of the console, supporting as she pushes herself to her feet. “I told Becca’s caregiver I’d be back there at nine.”
“You need a ride?” Shen gently pushes Pumpkin to the floor. She stays there, yet her eyes follow him as he too stands up.
“Oh, it’s- it’s okay.”
“I’m sure it is, but I’m still offering. I wouldn’t mind some more time with you.”
Mel adjusts her glasses, seemingly thoughtful for a moment. “That would be nice, if it’s not too much trouble…”
“It isn’t. Give me five minutes to put on my shoes, and I’ll drive you. My car keys are on the counter. You can go make yourself comfortable.”
All he gets as an answer is a nod. Enough for him; he’s heading upstairs to his bedroom without a second glance.
Shen knows he could’ve stayed quiet. Played hard to get, thrown her mistakes back at her. But he didn’t. He doesn’t mind going out of his way to please her, even if it wins him nothing. The fact she came to check on him, the fact she apologized multiple times, the fact he finds her just beside the door when he heads back downstairs, with her heels in hand and waiting for him, is enough. It tells him she cares. And for Shen, that’s plenty.
Second best is still held in high regard, right?