Chapter Text
When Ilya gets to his cottage, Shane is nervously pacing in front of the door, socked feet slipping every few passes as he bites at his nails.
They'd slept on the phone together, and when Shane woke up, Ilya was blinking awake too.
It was adorable, and everything, and Shane freaked himself out.
But he stayed on the call until Ilya said he was going to get ready to head out.
Then he truly let himself freak out because all he wanted to do was look into Ilya's sleepy eyes and tell him how in love with him he's fallen.
It's ridiculous.
This was his idea, to be friends, and now he's thinking about messing everything up.
Ilya doesn't see him like that.
Shane knows it.
Knock.
Knock.
Knock.
Shane jumps and grasps the wall as his feet slip, gasping, "Shit!"
"Shane? Is everything okay?" Ilya's voice calls with worry.
"Yeah, yeah," Shane quickly catches his balance and then moves to tug the door open with a breathlessly sheepish smile. "Hi, how was your drive?"
"It was fine, are you okay?" asks Ilya as he steps forward, hand raising to rest against Shane's cheek as his eyes roam with worry. "You do not look hurt. What happened?"
"Nothing, nothing, just got startled when you knocked on the door. I was in my head," replies Shane as he waves Ilya off, forcing himself to step back rather than lean into the hand on his cheek. "Come on, come in, I'll show you to your room, then we can sit down. I made some burgers for us since it's lunch. Mom already came to grab the extras since I kinda made the full recipe rather than cutting it like she said to."
"Okay," Ilya's voice takes on an almost dejected tone, and Shane hates it. But he can't do anything about it, not really. "Show me to my room, Shane."
"Yeah, right, of course! Follow me," says Shane sheepishly as he twists around and heads for the room not too far from his own, even if he'd rather take Ilya into his room. "This one is all yours. Bathroom's across the hall with a shower/bath combo."
Shane pushes open the door with a tight smile to fight back the words aching to tell Ilya that he can just stay in his room instead.
But he holds it back and watches Ilya take his bags in there with a tight smile of his own.
"I'll be out in a few," says Ilya quietly as he nods at Shane.
That was that, Shane went out to the deck where he'd set up for lunch, and when Ilya joined him, they chatted quietly, feet nudging each other's.
The day goes about the same, mostly relaxing, lounging together, watching shows, reading on their phones while they lightly kick at each other. It's the best day Shane's had in a while, and he knows it has everything to do with Ilya's presence.
It isn't until Shane's curled up in his own bed that he realizes just how bad he's about to sleep.
He and Ilya have been video calling every night, literally.
This—
He's just down the hall, but Shane's not going to get any sleep without being able to hear his breathing.
See his face when Shane jerks awake in the middle of the night like he does, often, or sleepily murmur reassurance when he hears Ilya start thrashing.
Fuck.
He's gotten used to something that isn't friend-like at all, and now he's been staring at the ceiling in the dark for over fifteen minutes unable to fall asleep.
With a groan, Shane pushes himself up and turns on his side lamp. The blanket pools at his waist as he reaches out for the shirt he'd thrown off in the first five minutes of attempting to sleep. He tugs it back on before sliding out of bed and heading for the door, he doesn't know what he's going to do, but it definitely isn't sleep.
Not right now, at least.
He tugs open the door just in time to see Ilya stop himself from knocking, and there's a stunned silence spreading over them.
Ilya's standing in front of his door, shirtless in just a pair of shorts, curls mussed like he'd been tossing and turning too.
He looks tired and defeated, and Shane wants to tug him into the room, tuck him into his bed, and curl up next to him.
"Ilya? Are you okay?" asks Shane softly as he tips his head to the side, tugging the door completely open.
"I cannot sleep without you on the phone," replies Ilya blatantly, putting it all out there like this means nothing.
"I can't either," whispers Shane as he looks at him, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth while trying to figure out what to say.
"We both sleep in here tonight and talk in the morning. Come," says Ilya as he steps forward and gets his hands on Shane's shoulders to lightly push him back so he can fully step into the room.
Shane lets Ilya guide him over to the bed, tugging the comforter back as they climb in and get situated.
Shane's stiff as a board on his side of the bed, staring at the ceiling again, but then Ilya throws an arm around his waist. He shoves every worry, every fear, every stupid reminder that they're just friends out his mind and curls into Ilya's hold, tucking his head under his chin.
He doesn't remember falling asleep as his eyes slowly blink open to sun invading the room and warm breath ghosting across his forehead.
There's something rocking against his knee, but he pays it no mind as he looks at Ilya's sleeping face.
He looks so serene, so gorgeous, and Shane has to tip himself back before he kisses the sleeping man.
He's hard as a rock, and he's certain that's why Ilya's hips keep rocking against the leg he'd thrown across them at some point last night. But then Ilya stills, a stilted groan escaping his throat as his eyes flutter open.
"Morning," his sleep-filled voice rakes across Shane's skin hotly, making him incapable of hiding the shiver that comes about in response.
"G'morning," replies Shane quietly as he looks at him, watches the way Ilya rubs gently at his eyes before swiping a hand fully down his face. "Are you ready to get up, or do you wanna lay here longer?"
"You trying to leave already?" asks Ilya with a slight teasing tone.
"Not really, just didn't want to hold you hostage if you were ready to get up," replies Shane with a shrug as he dips his head down a little bit, staring at the freckle on Ilya's shoulder rather than those eyes that he wants to sink into.
Ilya hums, his hand coming to rub at Shane's leg over the blanket, before he says, "Think we should talk about the fact we cannot sleep without each other anymore."
Shane freezes, his eyes closing as soon as the words reach him.
He knows Ilya's right.
They should talk about it.
Because it's not something friends do.
They've basically been acting like they're dating this entire time.
But they're not.
Ilya doesn't want him as an actual partner.
And Shane can't be with Ilya without having all of him.
This conversation— It really can't happen.
"We'll be fine soon enough, it's just because things have been heavy," Shane tries to reason with himself more than with Ilya, hoping the excuse lands the way it should.
"No, is wrong," replies Ilya firmly before a hand lightly grips Shane's face and turns him. His eyes flutter open to meet Ilya's, and his breath catches in his throat. "I cannot sleep without you, Shane, and I know why. I think you do too, but you are scared. Or I need to say it out loud to help you understand. But do not lie. This will not get better."
"We're friends, Ilya," says Shane seriously, holding onto the title with everything he has because he cannot do it again— this— giving his feelings to Ilya only to have them shoved aside. Not again. "That's what we said, remember? That's all we are. It's all you wanted, right? And I offered the idea up. It's— That's it. So, this will get better. We won't have to stay together to sleep forever."
"We are not friends," says Ilya firmly, lifting up enough to brush their noses together. "Not when all I want is you, in everything that I have, I want you. Shane, we are not friends. We are more than that, we always have been, and you know it. I was so jealous over stupid pictures, that is not a friend thing. I took longer to— I'm sorry you had to wait, but I am here, I do love you, and I'm not hiding anymore."
Shane dives forward, tears sliding down his cheeks as their lips meet because Ilya just said he loves him.
"I love you too," he chokes the words between each kiss, his hands sliding into Ilya's hair as Ilya tugs him fully on top of him. "I love you so much. Fuck, Ilya, I love you."
"I love you too," Ilya's words switch over and over and over between Russian and English, but the sentiment is the same as they keep kissing and kissing until Shane buries his face in his throat. "My love. My Shane. My everything. You are mine, Shane, my world. My boyfriend, my lover. Just— You're mine, okay?"
"I am, and you are mine," replies Shane as he kisses Ilya's neck, his emotions all over the place as tears continue to slide uninhibitedly down his face.
Shane doesn't have any plans to move from his hiding spot, and judging by the way Ilya pulls him in and helps him lay properly to get comfortable, he figures he's not the only one.
"Who should we tell first? Your parents or Sveta and Rose?" asks Ilya teasingly as his hands run gently down Shane's back.
"How about all of 'em at the same time? We can add Hayden, Cliff, and J.J. into the mix too," offers Shane as he nuzzles into Ilya's neck, not really wanting to move.
"Okay, we can do that in a little bit then," replies Ilya as his lips brush against Shane's forehead. "Do we want to announce it online too?"
"We can, if you're ready? Could post a simple picture and today's date as the official day? Do you want to announce it online today?" asks Shane curiously as he tips his head back properly this time, watching Ilya as he contemplates the questions posed to him.
"I want to announce it, for sure. We're both out, and it's important to me that we do not hide," explains Ilya slowly, and Shane murmurs a quiet agreement to make sure he knows they're on the same page. "But I think we should let your mom decide how to announce it because I do not know what to do, and you do not really know either. When we announce it, we should have already told everyone important to us first, that way they can help curb some of the nonsense that might come our way."
"I agree," replies Shane thoughtfully as he nudges his nose into Ilya's cheek, kissing him softly when he turns to look at him. "We can do a group text, and then we can tell Mom to set up some caption choices with pictures we can take and send her way afterwards. When we post, everything will be exactly as it needs to be, and it will be on our terms. How does that sound?"
"It sounds perfect," says Ilya as he kisses him gently, their lips slotting together like they were always meant to. "Sleep more, then we can deal with everything else together."
"I like that plan," murmurs Shane as he pecks Ilya's lips once, twice, three times before sliding off the to the side and curling against the man again.
Later, they'll send a group text to their friends and family, and their phones will blow up with a hundred messages. They'll have Shane's mom help them decide on a caption for their relationship's hard launch, and deal with everything else that follows. Shane will have some emails to look at from teams interested in working with him, one that has also sent Ilya a message, and they'll have to have a genuine conversation.
But for now, Ilya is holding Shane close, and they're in love with each other.
That's all Shane cares about right now because it truly is… everything.