Chapter Text
Important meeting in my car
Ilya Rozanov
✅ Accept | ❔ Tentative | ❌ Decline | 🕐 Propose New Time
Required: [email protected]
🕒 Occurs everyday effective 25/08/2025 until 29/08/2025, 12:30PM-1:00PM
📍Corp HQ (Ottawa), B2 Parking (Staff)
Mon 25/08/2025 07:45AM
We have very important recurring meeting 😈
Kind regards,
Ilya Rozanov (He/Him)
Financial Controller (Commercial Operations)
Centaurs by Design
Mon 25/08/2025 07:52AM
Shane Hollander
Accepted: Important meeting in my car
When Occurs everyday effective 25/08/2025 until 29/08/2025, 12:30PM-1:00PM (UTC-5:00) Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto
Location Corp HQ (Ottawa), B2 Parking (Staff)
Shane Hollander has accepted this meeting
I’m accepting for the last time. You have to stop setting these up as a recurring invite. I’ve told you multiple times that my break time will change day-to-day!!
From: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: All Staff Professional Development Workshops
Mon 25/08/2025 9:32AM
Hi everyone,
We are pleased to share that we will soon be commencing a new series of professional development sessions facilitated by Jake Pierce, Organisational Development Consultant at The Growth Spurt Consultancy Group. These sessions are designed to support our ongoing growth and capability building across the organisation, which were highlighted as key employee priorities in our recent Staff Engagement Survey.
This Professional Development program will consist of eight workshops, with each workshop running for 90 minutes. Please note that we will be running multiple sessions for each workshop. To ensure a more engaging and effective learning experience as well as foster a culture of team-building, we will be grouping teams together to form smaller cohorts of attendees for each session.
Calendar invitations confirming the dates and times for your allocated sessions will be shared later this week via Microsoft Teams. However, these sessions are for in-person attendance only. For those who are unable to attend, recordings will be made available after all sessions for each workshop are completed.
If you have any further questions, please reach out to myself or a member of the Learning & Development Team. Thank you for your continued commitment to professional development and we look forward to your participation in these workshops.
Kind regards,
Julien Brisebois (He/Him)
Senior Manager of Learning & Development
Centaurs by Design
Coffee Club Chat Shared + 📞
Harris Drover 26/08/2025 10:42AM
Ugh the new Straw+Berry barista really can’t make coffee.
And someone’s stolen all the maple-glazed pecans from the snack stash again wtfffff
This is like the third week in a row I hate it here 😭
Shane Hollander 26/08/2025 10:48AM
It is very strange that it’s only the maple glazed pecans that disappear completely within a day of delivery.
Come on now, Patrice isn’t that bad surely?
Harris Drover 26/08/2025 10:49AM
Easy for you to say Shane, you don’t drink coffee!!!!!
@Ilya collect your man
Scott Hunter 26/08/2025 10:51AM
@Harris are you okay??? You’re not usually this cranky
How about I get you coffee from Deja Brew?
Harris Drover 26/08/2025 10:52AM
No. Ask your boyfriend to come back :(((
Ilya Rozanov 26/08/2025 10:53AM
I have collected my man, what next
[IMG_20250826_105239]
Eric Bennett 26/08/2025 10:53AM
Why are you sitting on his lap 😐
Ilya Rozanov 26/08/2025 10:54AM
He refused to sit on mine :(
Zane Boodram 26/08/2025 10:55AM
The kid who made this vine was a visionary.
Harris Drover 26/08/2025 10:56AM
Ugh
Tired of being alone. Sick of being single.
Troy Barrett 26/08/2025 10:57AM
Hey Harris I’ve left you something from Deja Brew at your desk :)
I also have some maple-glazed pecans at my desk that I picked up yesterday! Come by anytime :)
Oh.
I am also sick of being single ahahaha
Eric Bennett 26/08/2025 11:01AM
I hate this job so much.
If I get handed any more relationship disclosure forms I’m burning down the building.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]; [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
BCC: [email protected]
Subject: Complaints made about inappropriate behaviour in the workplace
Wed 27/08/2025 11:34AM
Hi Shane & Ilya,
Earlier this morning we received an official complaint from a colleague about your behaviour pertaining to Ilya sitting in Shane’s lap. This is now the fifth official complaint we have received about excessive public displays of affection since you disclosed your relationship at the end of June.
While I understand that your relationship is all above board, it is not appropriate to be sitting in each other’s lap in the workplace. This is a kindly reminder to please behave appropriately in the office and be mindful of your colleagues.
Best wishes,
Eric Bennett (He/Him)
HR Business Partner (Corporate Services)
Centaurs by Design
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]; [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Re: Complaints made about inappropriate behaviour in the workplace
Wed 27/08/2025 11:42AM
This is homophobic behaviour. I make complaint. You are lying liar there is no way you are married to a man.
Ilya
Sent from my iphone
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]; [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Re: Complaints made about inappropriate behaviour in the workplace
Wed 27/08/2025 11:46AM
Hi Ilya,
Nice try but I will not be introducing you to my spouse or sharing LinkedIn details. In fact our upcoming PD workshops actually cover professional boundary setting in one of the lessons which you may find both informative and instructive.
Best wishes,
Eric Bennett (He/Him)
HR Business Partner (Corporate Services)
Centaurs by Design
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Re: Complaints made about inappropriate behaviour in the workplace
Wed 27/08/2025 11:57AM
Approved
Sent from my iphone
From: [email protected]
Subject: FW: Complaints made about inappropriate behaviour in the workplace
Wed 27/08/2025 11:59AM
See, even your manager agrees with me.
(PS: Shane has met my husband and you never will 😌)
Get Outlook for Android
🔴 Shane Hollander Chat Shared + 📞
Ilya Rozanov 27/08/2025 12:04PM
You met Bennett’s husband but didn’t tell me?
You know I love LinkedIn stalking :(
Shane Hollander 27/08/2025 12:07PM
No I haven’t?
Ilya Rozanov 27/08/2025 12:08PM
You are lying to me?
[Screenshot_20250827_120732]
Shane Hollander 27/08/2025 12:09PM
Have you considered that Eric might be the one lying to get on your nerves?
Ilya Rozanov 27/08/2025 12:10PM
He is worst HR guy ever.
You still coming to car in 20 minutes 😈
Shane Hollander 27/08/2025 12:12PM
Yes. See you soon 🧡
Trust Fund 6’5 Blue Eyes Chat Shared + 📞
Nick Chouinard 27/08/2025 12:43PM
Brothers. Do not go down to the B2 carpark until Ilya comes back up.
I have witnessed things I do not ever want to witness again.
I mean Ilya is an open freak. I did not think Shane would be Like That too.
Tanner Dillon 27/08/2025 12:45PM
Ilya’s bleeding lip didn’t tell you what kind of man Shane is
Luca Haas 27/08/2025 12:47PM
gross those are our dads
Evan Dykstra 27/08/2025 12:48PM
You see when a man and a man love each other very much
Luca Haas 27/08/2025 12:49PM
Stop It Or I’ll Tell Ilya That You Broke His Favourite Mug.
Workshop 1: Foundations of Professional Behaviour
Julien Brisebois
✅ Accept | ❔ Tentative | ❌ Decline | 🕐 Propose New Time
Required: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
Optional: [email protected]
🕒 Wednesday, 3 September 2025 10:00AM-11:30AM
📍Corp HQ (Ottawa), Level 7, Conference Rooms 1 & 2
Wed 27/08/2025 1:45PM
Hello Finance & Actuarial Teams,
We are now confirming the date and time for Workshop 1 with this invitation. This session will be facilitated by Jake Pierce, Organisational Development Consultant at The Growth Spurt Consultancy Group.
Workshop 1: Foundations of Professional Behaviour will be a mix of theoretical learning, case studies and interactive group activities to cover three key concepts:
- Defining ‘professional behaviour’ within your working context.
- Building behaviours that enhance credibility, competence and reliability, and ensure accountability.
- Recognising how personal values influence professional conduct, and the importance of self-reflection.
Please confirm your attendance by accepting this invite. Thank you for your ongoing commitment to professional development and continuous learning.
Kind regards,
Julien Brisebois (He/Him)
Senior Manager of Learning & Development
Centaurs by Design
⬅️ Lily 🎦📞
last seen today at 17:38
Are you okay?
You’ve been strangely quiet all evening.
Normally you spam text.
21:15
Hmm I am thinking about something.
It has been on my mind for a while now, but especially this week.
21:17
You can tell me anything, you know that right?
21:18
Even if it is work-related and it is after hours now?
21:19
Yes, especially then.
I want to know everything on your mind.
21:20
I am worried about Troy.
He is very distracted lately. Or worried maybe.
I think I understand why, but I don’t know how to help.
21:23
Well, it’s probably that he’s on a graduate contract right.
Have you considered whether you’ll keep him on after that ends?
21:25
Oh.
Of course I will keep him on.
I don’t think that is major reason, but this thing I can definitely fix.
Thank you moya lyubov
21:29
🟢 Actuaries & Analysts Chat Shared + 📞
Zane Boodram 28/08/2025 3:11PM
Team, let's not be like those finance kids. I love having fun - but pranks are not my idea of a good time.
If you’re bored, go play games. We have a dedicated play section for a reason!
Lars Holmberg 28/08/2025 3:14PM
eye eye captain
Oliver Young 28/08/2025 3:15PM
You mean aye aye..?
Charles Boyle 28/08/2025 3:15PM
Is this because I logged the prank as an incident? Luca said I had to
Zane Boodram 28/08/2025 3:18PM
Of course you had to, Pointy fainted! This could have been seriously bad!!
No more pranks against team members! We are better than finance!!!!!!!
Remi LaPointe 28/08/2025 3:20PM
I actually may have seen The Light when I fainted so that was kinda cool tbh
Omg do you think if I died at work I would become the office ghost? I would lowkey love to haunt the HR team
Eric’s so scary I think it would be super fun to scare him back. Or even Shane haha
Zane Boodram 28/08/2025 3:27PM
Should I be concerned…
🟢 Harris Drover Chat Shared + 📞
Elena Rygg 29/08/2025 10:12AM
Harris darling, are you doing okay? I just saw you chew off Scott’s head??
I mean…Scotty deserves it but this is so unlike you babe ☹️
You’ve been in a bad mood all week. What’s happening?
Harris Drover 29/08/2025 10:15AM
Nothing much haha I’m just Processing the fact that I’m sad and unlovable 🙃
Elena Rygg 29/08/2025 10:16AM
Ummmm no you’re not WTF
When are you going to tell me about this dude I have to fight?????
Harris Drover 29/08/2025 10:20AM
It’s really not his fault. I’ve been dropping hints like crazy but he literally just doesn’t respond?
We hang out like every other weekend but nothing ever happens so I can only assume at this point that he is not interested in me Like That ahahahahahaha
I’ve been avoiding him since Saturday because I don’t know how to be normal about all this right now and I’ve been stress-eating the maple-glazed pecans because they’re so good but now I don’t even have that anymore because someone keeps stealing them as soon as they get in!!!!!!
Elena Rygg 29/08/2025 10:27AM
Okay so we’re going to stop that self-deprecation and actually talk about this stupid man over drinks.
Just you and me babe. I feel like I never see you anymore because you and that Troy are always attached at the hip.
Harris Drover 29/08/2025 10:30AM
Yessss ok
But you’re inviting Kip though, right?
Elena Rygg 29/08/2025 10:31AM
Obviously? He is the king of dropping hints to an oblivious buffoon.
Harris Drover 29/08/2025 10:31AM
LOL
Elena Rygg 29/08/2025 10:33AM
Okay Kip’s free tonight! Let’s go somewhere nicer, like Ciel’s
Harris Drover 29/08/2025 10:35AM
Yesss!!!
Although. It’s not weird that I’m friends with my manager’s boyfriend…right?
Elena Rygg 29/08/2025 10:36AM
Um do I look like Eric to you?
From: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Convert grad Troy Barrett to full time employee
Fri 29/08/2025 12:43PM
Hello Brandon,
Give your manager approval so grad Troy can become permanent full-time employee when his graduate contract finishes on December 4. He is doing great job in my team.
I check with Jacob yesterday, he confirm that we have budget for this.
Kind regards,
Ilya Rozanov (He/Him)
Finance Controller (Commercial Operations)
Centaurs By Design
From: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Re: Convert grad Troy Barrett to full time employee
Fri 29/08/2025 1:27PM
Approved
Sent from my iphone
⬅️ Jane 😈 🎦📞
last seen today at 07:31
[IMG_20250831_080349]
08:05
You’re having breakfast with my parents?
08:08
I stay over last night
Fall asleep while doing puzzles with your dad
Since you are bad son and did not come to family dinner :/
08:09
And you call me boring.
As you well know, I had to stay with Hayden’s kids since he took Jackie to the hospital.
08:12
I hope Jackie is doing okay.
And hope that Pike get no sleep.
Puzzle is lots of fun, this is brain game! Not boring.
08:15
Jackie’s doing better. She’ll be released soon.
And sure whatever you say.
Boring looks good on you 🧡
08:17
Thank you 🧡
I will go home soon I think.
Come over 😈
8:19
I can’t, I have to stay with the kids until Jackie’s sister gets here.
Unless you want to babysit with me?
[IMG_20250831_081621]
08:17
Okay I come over 🧡
Tell the kids we will paint my nails again.
08:20
From: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Noggin closeout report for week starting 01/09/25 - Corporate Services
Tue 02/09/2025 10:07AM
Hi Shane,
Please see the Noggin closeout report for the week starting 01/09/25.
Incidents Overview
Over the time period between 25/08/25 - 31/08/25:
- We had two new incidents logged.
- Both have active investigations, which were opened within the directed timeframe.
- Incident #00150 - submitted 28/08/25 - employee fainted in office - investigation opened by Zane Boodram, Senior Commercial Analyst 29/08/25
- Incident #00151 - submitted 28/08/25 - hurt head by walking into open fridge door - investigation opened by Scott Hunter, Senior Manager of Communications & Marketing 29/08/25
- We currently have no other open incidents.
- There are no overdue investigations.
- There were three corrective actions due during this time period. All actions were marked completed by owners with written and/or photographic evidence attached. I have now marked all the relevant incidents closed.
Observations Overview
Over the time period between 25/08/25 - 31/08/25:
- We had one observation logged. #00087 - submitted 27/08/25 - snacks repeatedly going missing from L7 kitchen within 24 hours of arrival. This was raised by Harris Drover, Social Media Manager - requesting your review to assign the correct observation owner and subsequent actions?
- There are no other observation investigations due or open.
- There were two corrective actions due during this time period. Both have been actioned with photographic evidence attached.
Please let me know if you require any further information.
Cheers,
Hayden Pike (He/Him)
HSW Advisor (Corporate Services)
Centaurs by Design
HSW Team Chat Shared + 📞
Hayden Pike 02/09/2025 10:45AM
Hiya team, I was originally going to start parental leave at the start of November but I will need to bring it forward to care for Jackie. This has been a rough pregnancy for her.
Carter Vaughan 02/09/2025 10:48AM
Hi Hayden, of course buddy whatever you need to do. Sing out if there’s anything we can cover off for you in the meantime.
Shane Hollander 02/09/2025 10:50AM
I’ve discussed the recruitment plan for parental leave cover with Matti to allow for the earlier start. We’ll try and get the job ad out ASAP - will you be good to sit in for the first round interviews with JJ?
Hayden Pike 02/09/2025 10:51AM
Yeah I’m happy to sit in on the interviews, provided they happen before 6 October
JJ Boiziau 02/09/2025 10:52AM
Is it bad if I want the mooing kid that applied to the marketing job. We never get to have fun in this team :(
Shane Hollander 02/09/2025 10:53AM
The last time you decided to have fun at work, I broke my face.
Carter Vaughan 02/09/2025 10:55AM
Oh man I forgot about PT David. That was wild haha
JJ Boiziau 02/09/2025 10:58AM
Not Shane saying all this like he doesn’t have visible bite marks on his neck right now.
Hayden Pike 02/09/2025 10:59AM
LOL
Shane Hollander 02/09/2025 11:00AM
This is insubordination. I am writing you both up.
Carter Vaughan 02/09/2025 11:02AM
LOL
Noggin | Incident #00150
Incident Details
Incident Classification: Injury/Illness (Personal)
Incident Title: Remi LaPointe fainted
Incident Description: Our team thought it would be funny to prank Pointy because he scares easily. When Remi went into boardroom 2 on L5 (which has no windows), we manually shut off the lights so everything went dark and then pulled up a life size sparkling standee of Edward Cullen. Remi freaked out and fainted but luckily we keep beanbags in there so he fell onto one of them. I called Haasy over because he’s a first aider, and later when Pointy woke up he told Haasy that he was fine and if things got worse then he would see a doctor.
Incident Occurred Date/Time: 28 August 14:15
Incident Location: Corp HQ (Ottawa), Level 5, Boardroom 2
Were the Police or Emergency Services Involved: No
Staff Involved: Remi LaPointe, Luca Haas
Incident Author: Charles Boyle
Actual Severity: Moderate
Potential Severity: Moderate
Incident Type: Physiological
Incident Category: Health and Safety
Status: Active
Investigation Details
Investigation Method: Fishbone
Investigation Owner: Zane Boodram
Problem Statement: Employee fainted in the office after getting pranked by team
Investigation Scope: Factors that led to the accident
Investigation Date: 28 Aug 2025
Investigation End: 02 Sep 2025
Investigation
Equipment: A sparkly standee of a fictional vampire was used to frighten Remi.
People: The team thought it would be funny to prank their colleague, without considering the full impact of their actions on Remi.
Process: There is nothing explicitly forbidding pranks in the workplace, leading to the team thinking it was ok to behave the way they did.
Environment: Lights in the meeting room were turned off to maximise impact from the sparkliness of the standee.
Materials: Low light and sparkly monster picture resulted in Remi getting a shock.
Management: No explicit instructions against pranking team members.
Cause & Recommendations
Incident Cause: The team were under the false impression that it is okay to prank their team member who scares easy.
Recommendations from investigation: Team have been explicitly informed that they are not to prank their team members.
Investigation Sign-off
Investigation Owner: Zane Boodram ✅
Investigation Approver: Brandon Wiebe ✅
⛔ Harris Drover Chat Shared + 📞
Shane Hollander 02/09/2025 3:42PM
Hi Harris, just reaching out re: observation #00087 that you submitted about the missing snacks. I don’t believe this issue presents any real risk to health, safety and wellbeing. Staff are welcome to enjoy the snacks at any time they wish, it’s why we started this particular wellbeing program.
Harris Drover 02/09/2025 3:57PM
What about my wellbeing 😭
How can you tell me that it doesn’t matter that my favourite snacks are going missing!!!
Shane Hollander 02/09/2025 4:05PM
I’m not saying that it doesn’t matter! I’m just saying it doesn’t pose a risk to HSW, which is the purpose of our observation records in Noggin. I just don’t see how we could even investigate this?
Harris Drover 02/09/2025 4:08PM
Wow, I did not think Shane Hollander could be so callous.
Shane Hollander 02/09/2025 4:10PM
How is this callous?? This is just not a risk to HSW, if anything this is just standard human overconsumption.
But you know, there’s nothing to suggest that you couldn’t investigate it yourself? You could even make it into content or something. All I’m saying is that it just doesn’t make sense to treat it like a HSW issue.
Harris Drover 02/09/2025 4:17PM
You know what. Maybe I will turn it into content and I’ll slander your name to boot.
Foundations of Professional Behaviour - Session 4 - 03/09/25 - Finance & Actuaries
Group 1
Evan Dykstra
Oliver Young
Troy Barrett
Group 2
Lars Holmberg
Nick Chouinard
Zane Boodram
Group 3
Charles Boyle
Ilya Rozanov
Tanner Dillon
Group 4
Luca Haas
Remi LaPointe
Jake Pierce (Facilitator)
Workshop Agenda
10:00AM-10:10AM: Welcome
- Greetings & session overview
- Individual introductions, with one word they associate with “professional behaviour”
10:10AM-10:20AM: Slide Pack/Theory Presentation
- Professionalism pillars: reliability, communication, attitude, accountability, presentation
- Why it matters: trust, reputation, opportunities
- What professionalism means across industries, and how it informs expectations at CBD
10:20AM-10:35AM: Whole Group Activity
- Present a list of behaviours: being late, boundaries, proactive communication, interrupting, last-minute changes, offensive humour, phone use, virtual background pictures, transparency, consistency etc.
- Participants stand along the length of the room to place each behaviour on a “Professional to Unprofessional” spectrum.
- Discuss differences in interpretation. Were they surprised by any rankings from colleagues?
10:35AM-10:55AM: Breakout Groups - Case Study Discussions
- Breakout groups to discuss these two case studies, particularly these questions:
- What professionalism issues are present?
- What would a professional response look like?
- Case Study 1: Hudson sends a message on Teams in the morning to Connor that reads “Send me the report now please. I have been waiting since yesterday.” Connor feels that this message is hurtful in tone and does not respond to Hudson until the late afternoon.
- Case Study 2: Benjamin and Callan are desk neighbours and begin discussing a project they are both party to. The more they speak, the more their opinions clash and they begin to yell at each other and disrupt their colleagues around them.
10:55AM-11:10AM: Whole Group Debrief
- Report back from case study discussion, with key themes and learnings identified.
11:10AM-11:20AM: Personal Reflection Activity
- Participants complete a short reflection answering these questions, and report back to their breakout group:
- What are my professional strengths?
- What behaviours do I want to improve?
- What is one action I will take this week?
11:20AM-11:30AM: Conclusion
- Q&A session
- Introduction to Workshop 2: Emotional Intelligence and Self-Management
🟢 Scott, 🟢 Tommi Chat Shared + 📞
Harris Drover 04/09/2025 10:09AM
Hiya both, I have decided to kill two birds with one stone. I’ve been slacking off on posting ‘day in the life’ content of our office because we’ve been busy with all the ad campaigns but I would like to return to that content now that I have support in Vincent.
I would also very much like to discover who is stealing all the maple glazed pecans because this feels like a targeted attack on me. I want to use the day in the life content to complete my investigation. I also think this would be a good low stakes project for Vincent to get involved in.
@Tommi do you have any PR concerns about this?
Tommi Andersson 04/09/2025 10:15AM
As long as you keep it lighthearted and don’t force us to fire the thief at the end or something it should be fine. Please let me look over any videos before you publish them though?
Scott Hunter 04/09/2025 10:19AM
Harris this sounds fun and I trust you, but you’ve been upset about a lot of things lately. I agree with Tommi, please let him look over any of this content before you publish so we’re not accidentally pushing a negative image. I’m glad you’re getting Vincent involved with making content. Might make him less inclined to do other things during work hours.
Tommi Andersson 04/09/2025 10:20AM
LOL
Harris Drover 04/09/2025 10:23AM
I wish I had someone to do other things with during work hours.
Scott Hunter 04/09/2025 10:24AM
Harris I already have one meaningless safety investigation to complete, please do not add to my headache right now.
From: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Professional Development Workshop Feedback
Thu 04/09/2025 4:47PM
Hi Jake,
Thanks for running the first workshop this week.
Now that all 9 sessions have concluded, we would love to hear how the experience went for you and what we could do to further facilitate an optimum learning experience?
Kind regards,
Julien Brisebois (He/Him)
Senior Manager of Learning & Development
Centaurs by Design
From: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Re: Professional Development Workshop Feedback
Thu 04/09/2025 5:23PM
Hi Julien,
Thanks for checking in. The sessions went quite well! Obviously we’ll have some quiet folks who don’t speak up much, so I think going forward I’ll need to find ways to engage a broader range of participants.
I want to flag that the teams that were most switched on and engaged were the finance and actuary teams. But on the flipside, they may have seen each other’s actions reflected in the two case studies we discussed and their unprofessional conduct really came to the fore. It took a while to calm the participants down which meant we didn’t get adequate time to do the self-reflection activity or a meaningful q&a at the end.
Advice as to how to best manage these two teams over the next seven workshops would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Jake Pierce (He/Him)
Organisational Development Consultant
The Growth Spurt Consultancy Group
LinkedIn (Ilya Rozanov)
Invites Received (2)
Jake Pierce - Organisational Development Consultant - TGSC - Ignore Accept
Kyle Swift - Learning and Development Specialist - TGSC - Ignore Accept
Coffee Club Chat Shared + 📞
Harris Drover 05/09/2025 08:12AM
Whoever has been stealing the maple glazed pecans better start counting their days because I am coming for them. I will be launching a full scale investigation and documenting it on our official tiktok and instagram. First video coming next week.
Troy Barrett 05/09/2025 08:15AM
Um
Elena Rygg 05/09/2025 08:16AM
???
Harris Drover 05/09/2025 08:17AM
Worry not ye sweet summer children - I have checked in with our PR Guy and Tommi’s given me the okay. Our audience loves a bit of office gossip and I get to catch the person making me suffer. It’s a win-win situation.
Wyatt Hayes 05/09/2025 08:19AM
Wait, is this why you asked for access to the security footage? This is hilarious, I’ll approve your request.
Troy Barrett 05/09/2025 08:20AM
Do you have any suspects?
Harris Drover 05/09/2025 08:21AM
Right now, my top suspect is Shane Hollander.
Troy Barrett 05/09/2025 08:22AM
What
Scott Hunter 05/09/2025 08:22AM
What
Ilya Rozanov 05/09/2025 08:22AM
What
Shane Hollander 05/09/2025 08:23AM
I don’t even like pecans??
Harris Drover 05/09/2025 08:24AM
Maybe you’re doing it to spite me?
Ilya Rozanov 05/09/2025 08:26AM
Hmmm you know what. Shane is secretly bad boy, he could be thief.
Shane Hollander 05/09/2025 08:27AM
I do not steal.
Ilya Rozanov 05/09/2025 08:28AM
You stole my heart 🧡
Eric Bennett 05/09/2025 08:29AM
I hate it here.
Ilya Rozanov 05/09/2025 08:30AM
You are worst HR guy ever. I bet your “husband” is just fake cardboard cutout of sparkly vampire.
@Harris I think maybe you need someone to help you with clues of investigation. Like someone good with Excel.
Okay you convince me, I give you Troy for 2 hours every week. He can also bond with your new graduate.
Harris Drover 05/09/2025 08:34AM
Oh. That sounds nice, thanks Ilya
Zane Boodram 05/09/2025 08:36AM
So you can spare your grad to do work on silly side projects, but he can’t help us with our regulatory reporting because of ‘workload issues’. Right.
Ilya Rozanov 05/09/2025 08:38AM
I was trying to spare your feelings. Your risk reporting and probability theories are boring, but investigation is fun.
Troy Barrett 05/09/2025 08:40AM
Yeah I think I would enjoy working with Harris more than the reporting stuff. Sorry Zane 🙏
Eric Bennett 05/09/2025 08:43AM
Okay enough. This is a chat designed to organise social experiences so let’s keep it like that please. Any professional discussions should happen in official channels only.
⛔ Brandon Wiebe Chat Shared + 📞
Eric Bennett 05/09/2025 09:02AM
Brandon, I know you’re always running around on the road but I think you’ll need to make an effort to be more present in the office - or at least for these PD sessions Julien has set up.
Things have been tense between the finance and actuarial teams lately, and Ilya & Zane seem to be encouraging it. It’s even spilling over into the experience for external clients, which doesn’t reflect well on us.
Brandon Wiebe 05/09/2025 09:05AM
Forward me the invites, I’ll be there.
Eric Bennett 05/09/2025 09:06AM
I half expected you to reply approved
Brandon Wiebe 05/09/2025 09:07AM
I disapprove of your stereotyping.
🔴 Harris Drover Chat Shared + 📞
Troy Barrett 05/09/2025 10:13AM
Hey, have I done something to upset you? It feels like we’ve been hanging out less at work for like a month now. And I get the feeling you don’t really want me to help with your investigation?
Harris Drover 05/09/2025 10:15AM
No you haven’t done anything wrong, I’ve just been having a weird time with work stuff haha
And it’s great to have you onboard the investigation. You’re so smart I’m sure you’ll put all the clues together to find the culprit.
Troy Barrett 05/09/2025 10:18AM
You’ll tell me if I upset you though? Our friendship means a lot to me
Harris Drover 05/09/2025 10:23AM
No yeah, me too. I love our friendship.
Vincent & I have set up an investigation room of sorts on Level 6 inside focus room 4. Want to come up and join us? Ilya did say he would give you over for 2 hours
Troy Barrett 05/09/2025 10:25AM
Be there in 5! Let’s be Watson and Sherlock!
TikTok/Instagram Reel
Centaurs by Design ✅@CBDOfficial 2025-09-09
Caption: There is a mystery afoot at Ottawa HQ and Detective Drover is on the case 🕵️
[Panshot of the L7 kitchen bench across the plethora of fruit and snacks from the wellbeing program.]
Harris (voiceover): There has been a heinous crime committed at Ottawa HQ. Someone has been stealing the best snacks from our weekly snack delivery on the day it gets in.
[Theme from BBC Sherlock plays]
Harris sits at the kitchen bench, looking somber and dressed in a tweed coat and deerstalker hat. Troy sits beside him, dressed in business formal attire, casting sidelong glances at Harris then looking nervously at the camera.
Harris: Hi, I’m Detective Harris Drover and I am on the case to unmask this most nefarious thief. For the last month, this thief has been stealing all the maple glazed pecans on the day the shipment arrives and leaves me with nothing. Nothing! This is a crime most egregious, and you best trust I will uncover the truth, no matter the cost, alongside my trusty Watson here - Troy Barrett.
Troy waves awkwardly at the camera.
[Cut to a shot of a whiteboard covered with pictures and red string connecting through them. The video pans across the pictures and stops at an awkwardly taken photo of Shane Hollander drinking a smoothie.]
Harris (voiceover): My first suspect is Shane Hollander, our Senior HSW Manager.
[Footage of Shane in various office locations, looking grumpy in every scene. He sits in multiple meetings, he inspects electrical equipment and wires in the stockroom, he has a stern conversation with Maria Villanueva in the L4 kitchenette, he listens to Patrice Drapeau speak in Straw+Berry with a sour expression.]
Harris (voiceover): Shane is a real stickler for the rules. When someone offends his sensibilities, he gets antsy and lashes out. Cursed be the man who suffers the wrath of Shane Hollander.
Harris sits in an ergonomic chair in front of his red string murderboard, still wearing a tweed coat and deerstalker hat. Troy stands awkwardly behind him, dressed in business formal attire.
Harris: About a month ago, I made the grave mistake of telling Shane to his face that his favourite smoothie tasted like the devil’s [BLEEP] and that I couldn’t understand why he didn’t just eat the actually good snacks like my favourite maple glazed pecans. The pecan thief began to strike a week later.
[Cut to security footage of Shane looking shifty, carrying a Montreal Voyageurs tote bag that looks full, as he walks out from the L7 kitchen and further up the hallway to a door marked “Authorised Personnel Only”. He casts a look behind his shoulder and then slips inside.]
Harris (voiceover): I was allowed access to the security footage for the purposes of this investigation and guess what I’ve discovered? Shane disappears into this storeroom near the staff kitchen that only the HSW team have access to with this suspicious tote bag in tow every Monday - aka the day that the pecans go missing.
Harris stands behind a large indoor pot plant near the storeroom. Vincent is clearly filming him from behind a pillar some distance away.
Harris: And today I’m going to catch my man red-handed.
Shane appears and walks over to the storeroom, looking shifty as ever. Before he is able to close the door behind him, Harris hooks his foot in the door and swings it open. Vincent runs closer for the footage.
Harris: I’ve got you now thief. You’ve been stealing my pecans!
Shane: What the hell!
Harris pulls away Shane’s bag and brandishes it to the camera. Vincent pans in, and inside is a number of thick books.
Harris: These are…Russian textbooks?
Shane snatches his bag back.
Shane: I have Russian classes every Monday afternoon. I like to do some quiet study during my break times.
Camera zooms in on Harris’s shocked face.
[Cut to Harris and Troy in front of the murderboard again.]
Harris: Turns out I had not caught my man, but I did catch someone doing something very romantic for their Russian partner and now I kinda wish that I hadn’t been so nasty to Shane. Once upon a time I even used to have a crush on him! He’s a nice guy, even if he has no chill.
Troy looks bewildered by this confession, eyes darting from Harris to the camera. The camera zooms in on Harris as the BBC Sherlock theme begins to play again.
Harris: But this just means that the real thief is out there, making a mockery of my misery. Well I have a message for them. They better watch out because Detective Drover is on the case and I will stop at nothing - NOTHING - to get justice. And I’m taking you all on the journey with me.
Harris smiles at the camera. Troy still looks bewildered. Harris taps Troy on the arm, his smile looking somewhat forced, and then Troy wheels Harris out of frame in his ergonomic chair.