Chapter Text
"All done, Mr Rimmer, Sir" said Kryten, as he brushed off his hands and shut down the program that restored Rimmer's inhibitions and personality to normal working disorder. "Now, it may take a few moments for your memories to reorganise, but that's completely normal"
Rimmer rubbed his temple, half listening to Kryten continuing on, as his brain unscrambled itself. His memories from the last couple of days adjusted so he could see them again with his normal repressions in place. Embarrassment and disgust weighed heavy on him as he remembered the hand chewing, the sandwich, the cat incident, the apology, the-
The…
Oh God.
Rimmer's stomach sank like a stone as he realised what he had just done.
"I also took the liberty of upgrading your anti-virus software- Sir, where are you going?"
The hologram was already long gone.
—
Lister didn't even need to go ask Kryten to know Rimmer had freaked out. It would be weirder if he hadn't, in all honesty. As Lister walked up the steps to the Observation Dome he tried to figure out something to say to him, but all he could think of was "Can we do that again". Which probably wasn't very helpful.
He reached the top of the stairs and saw Rimmer, griping very hard onto the railings and banging his head on the glass of the dome. Lister sucked his teeth nervously before clearing his throat, making Rimmer jump so far out of his skin he was surprised his head didn't hit the ceiling.
"Lister!" Rimmer spun around and desperately tried to seem composed.
"Rimmer"
"Now, let me begin, Lister, by explaining what just happened"
Lister smiled, half teasing "Go on then"
"Rest assured, I am absolutely NOT a homosexual"
"Oh, gross, Rimmer, don't say it like that it makes you sound like a tory!"
Rimmer twitched anxiously and continued.
"What happened there was obviously, obviously, a strange side effect of the virus mutating over millions of years in space"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes"
Lister shifted from one foot to the other.
"What about being disappointed when you had to get cured? That part of it too?"
Rimmer did a strained smile and nod, clearly trying to move past all this as quickly as possible. Lister wasn't going to let that happen.
"What about me liking it, eh? That part of the mutation?"
Rimmer froze like a deer with a clinical amount of internalised homophobia in headlights.
"Cause I did, y'know" Lister inched closer to the other man. "Like it"
Rimmer floundered with his words. "Well… well it must be something like that. Because you're not…"
Lister raised his eyebrows, unimpressed.
"You're…" Rimmer trailed off in disbelief. Lister chuckled to himself- Rimmer really could be the most clueless man in the world.
"Yeah, I'm one of them, Rimmer" Lister's voice changed from teasing to carefully testing "And… and maybe you are too?"
Rimmer looked to the side, wordlessly answering the question. A soft smile crossed Lister's face and he slowly moved closer to him.
"I didn't want to admit it. Especially not to you." Rimmer kept his eyes glued to some distant star. "I may have… developed some affections towards you. Well, I guess you know that now, of course. You don't have to acknowledge it past today, we can just pretend I was giving you CPR or something-"
"Rimmer" Lister grabbed the hologram's face and turned it towards his own "I like you like that too, smeghead"
Rimmer couldn't believe his ears. Or eyes.
"Really?"
"Yes, really"
Rimmer blinked.
"Really?"
"Smegging hell! Yes, Rimmer, really"
Lister let go of Rimmer's face and they just stared at each other, Rimmer still not quite believing it.
"I had no idea." said Rimmer
"Did me kissing you back not maybe clue you in?"
"I thought you were just being polite"
At this, Lister broke out into a long awaited fit of laughter, leaning forward and giggling into Rimmer's shoulder, who blushed severely. They stayed like that for a few moments until Lister stopped laughing. Rimmer spoke up first.
"So what do we do now?"
"Dunno" Lister turned his head to the side and looked up at Rimmer's forever awkward face."What do you wanna do?"
Rimmer paused and fidgeted with his fingers a bit.
"Do you… do you want to kiss again?"
Lister lifted his head so he was face to face with Rimmer again, smiling like an idiot.
"I thought you'd never ask"