Chapter Text
Trinity woke up to the alarm she honestly didn’t remember setting. It was around 4 ish in the afternoon and Trinity is somehow still tired. Despite the invisible weight on her shoulders and the aching in her bones, Trinity pushed herself out of her bed and made the short walk towards her bathroom. Trinity pushed the bathroom door open and for once didn’t even flinch when the door let out its shrill shriek. The paint chipped door slowly revealed the off white bathroom that Trinity had spent too many nights in recently. The towel was still hung up over the mirror from when Trinity had taken a shower earlier, it had mostly been an attempt to wake herself up from the exhaustion stalking her.
She didn’t move it. She never really moved it, Huckleberry did. She’s always assumed it was his way of opening the door for her to come talk to him. His way of asking without actually asking. His genius plan to step around Trinity’s fear of intimacy. It never worked, of course. Her phone buzzed twice from its place on her bedside table but she ignored it. Trinity moved through her process of bathroom routine. Her phone buzzed once more, but she ignored it, likely it wasn’t anything important and she’d be able to look at it while she was on the train to work in an hour.
Once she was finished in the bathroom, she moved towards the kitchen, grabbing her phone on the way out of her small room. She placed her phone down beside the old coffee maker that she and Huckleberry had found on the side of the road. He’d fixed it up and was now consistently fidgeting with it. Trinity didn’t mind, each time he added something, the better the coffee got. She turned the coffee machine on and placed her coffee cup beside the machine. She turned back to the cabinet to close it, only for her eyes to catch on what was supposed to be Yolanda’s mug. It was a porcelain white that was honestly so bright that it hurt Trinity’s eyes to look at. Yolanda had always made sure to extra clean her things, wanting to make them spotless. Trinity had always attributed it all to Yolanda being a clean freak, or maybe her perfectionism passing over from her job as a surgeon. It didn’t quite matter why it was all so clean, but the existence of Yolanda’s stuff existing in her apartment made Trinity realize how much the older girl had taken over her life. She’d snuck in and seeped into everything that Trinity had done in the last ten months.
Maybe that’s why whatever that was happening in between the two of them was affecting her so much. She’d placed herself so carefully as a staple of Trinity’s life in Pittsburgh that it was weird to not have her here. Trinity thought about the month that she’d stayed here a few months ago, at the time Trinity hadn’t thought much of it. It made sense to her that Yolanda would stay with her, whatever they were, but Trinity knew, looking back on it, that Yolanda had friends. Ones she’d known longer, ones she was closer to. Maybe Yolanda had been testing to see if they’d be good for each other, as girlfriends.
It had been easy, scarily easy. She’d woken up with arms wrapped around her. She’d make coffee for two, and yes she knew Yolanda’s coffee order by heart. Typically Huckleberry would have already made breakfast, something he enjoyed, and the three of them would eat with small, not so, meaningless conversations being tossed across the little table that Trinity and Huckleberry had also found on the side of the road. The kitchen/dining room area, (Trinity’s apartment wasn’t big enough to have a separate area), was unnaturally silent now.
Trinity closed the cabinet door with more force than she should have and it bounced slightly back at her. Her phone buzzed again and the need to throw it out the window hit her like a truck. The phone was starting to piss Trinity off. It wasn’t like anyone was calling her, but whoever was texting really needed to understand how low her patience was today. As the coffee was brewed, she angrily tossed her phone right side up, only to see that she was getting spammed with texts from a group chat full of unknown numbers. The rest of the numbers seemed to know who the others were so Trinity was definitely the odd one out. Carefully she typed into the message box.
Me: Hello?
She sent, before she turned around to grab a bowl and cereal for some breakfast. Her phone buzzed a few times and Trinity had to guess it was whoever in the group chat responding to her message. She didn’t take long to make herself a bowl of Fruit Loops and an apple, in fact her coffee hadn’t even finished brewing by the time she was back at her phone reading over the few messages that had been sent in the mere minute that she hadn’t been looking at it.
xxx-xxx-xxxx: Welcome Dr. Santos, we are so happy to have you!
xxx-xxx-xxxx: Dude. We’re so excited to see you, lmk if you want me to add you to the coffee order that old man pays for : )
Weird. They knew her last name and her profession.
P. Ellis: Dumbasses, she probably doesn't have our numbers and doesn’t know who we are. I’m Parker Ellis, and this is the night shift gc.
That would explain the group chat name being ‘The Dark Side (of the Pitt)’. The one who asked about coffee was definitely Dr. Shen, this ‘old man’ must be Dr. Abbot then.
However before she could respond, another message came through. The banner showed Yolanda's contact name: Lani. The message was short enough to show up in the message notification.
Lani: We’re good, right?
That’s all she wrote and part of Trinity wanted to shoot herself in the foot. She wasn’t exactly sure what she and Yolanda were but good was not how she’d describe it.
Me: How were your other plans?
Lani: They were good, went to dinner and watched the fireworks with some friends. We’re good though? Didn’t hurt your feelings yesterday?
Me: So you canceled our plans to go do the same thing with other people???
Isn’t that like completely assholish Yolanda?
Lani: Seriously, Trinity? I haven’t seen them since pre-med.
Whatever, I’ll lyk when we can meet up again.
Me: Yeah, whatever.
Trinity was quick to change Yolanda’s contact information. Away from the soft, almost partnership-like, current contact to a more work appropriate version. She removed the contact photo and left it as the simple ‘YG’ letters. Then she turned back to the group chat she’d been ignoring for three minutes.
Me: Hi, yeah Dr. Shen, if you could add me to the list. That would be great.
J. Shen: Call me John, please!
P. Ellis: She comes from the day shift, they’re all suit ties and frowns. Give her some time to adjust to the laid-backness of the night shift.
J. Abbot: We’re happy to have you, Nurse Mateo is also on the night shift, so you won’t be completely alone. It’s going to be a pleasure to work with you Dr. Santos.
P.S. Please do just use our first names unless talking to a patient :)
Despite not actually talking to Mateo, it did give Trinity a little ease to know that someone one of the people she’d consider a friend’s friend (or whatever Mateo and Javadi were) was going to be on night shift with her.
The group chat quietened down after that and Trinity assumed it was mostly because they were all getting ready for their shifts. She didn’t mind though. It gave her a little ease knowing that they welcomed her with open arms. Trinity was scared that the entire Langdon thing would have seeped through and into their opinion of her. It hadn’t, not yet obviously.
Trinity’s transit to the PMTC was more boring than usual. She didn’t have Whitaker beside her so there wasn’t any quiet communication for her to participate in. She was listening to her own music without any interruptions of his random facts. They were often animal or mechanical related, and as much as Trinity wanted to pretend that she didn’t care, it was nice to see the life slowly seep back into the eyes of her roommate. On top of the lack of presence beside her that she’d gotten used to in the last 10 months, there were also very few people actually on the train heading into the heart of the city like she was. She could see herself getting used to the fact that she could actually sit down and place her work bag beside her on the seat without being seen as an asshole. Trinity used this new found quiet time to catch up on what her little brother had sent her. It was the regular, some memes about college, photos of him in the library at 3 am, trying to get through his pre-law homework. Trinity couldn’t help but smile softly. Martin had always been smart and it made her feel so much pride when she was shown evidence that his hard work was working out for him. She sent him a message of good luck and closed her messenger app. It wasn’t like anyone else was going to be texting her.
Abbot greeted her at the front door of the ER with a massive smile on his face. “Dr. Santos, you’re actually here. I thought I dreamed up the fact that you’d agreed to join us on the dark side.”
As Trinity joined Dr. Abbot at the door, she spoke. “Thank you for accepting the transfer request.” It was professional and maybe even a bit cold, but Trinity had to put those walls up. She couldn’t let another thing like Dennis and Yolanda happen here. She was saving them from her. She wouldn’t hurt someone else by letting them into the storm that was her life.
Abbot didn’t seem to mind though, he turned and held the door open for her. “Parker is going to take you over the things that are different from night shift to day shift. It should only take an hour max. Then you’ll be on your own.” He grinned, following her through the door. “Go find either Parker or John for me will ya? I have to do a hand off with Dr. Al-Hashimi. Good luck, I know you’ll do great.” He peeled away from her and walked off towards the north end of the ER. Which was not likely where Dr. Al-Hashimi was but Trinity let him walk off. ‘He probably has a plan,’ she thought.
It was Dr. Shen who found Trinity at her locker placing her back pack in while everyone else was doing case hand overs. He leaned against the lockers beside her and held out what Trinity could only assume was the coffee he’d bought for her. She didn’t grab it though, he needed to verbalize his offer. Shen nodded before laughing softly. “You’ll fit right in kid. It’s yours, take it, that or I drink it and I’m not allowed to have two coffees this early in a shift.”
Trinity grabs the coffee cup and takes a sip. She was both surprised that it was her iced mocha but also not surprised, not with the kindness they’d shown her. “Thank you.”
Shen hummed, pushing off the lockers and signaling for her to follow him as he walked. Trinity listened. “We’re going to avoid the rounds.” Trinity wonders why he stated it like he was doing it for himself. She knows it’s because Shen assumes that she won’t want to see her past rotation coworkers. She doesn’t ask him about it though. She learned the hard way that you should never outwardly question someone's grace for you. Keep your questions to yourself and keep an eye on it. That’s what she’d been taught. That’s what’s kept her alive, safe and not beside Tamika. “Parker is grabbing the important information with Jack, so I’m going to take over until she’s done.” He stopped in front of a room with the curtains closed and pushed the door open.
A small child looked up towards the two of them as they walked in. His deep brown eyes glanced between the two of them before he turned his attention to the small iPad on his lap, headphones still over his ears. He looked terrifyingly small against the bright white of the medical bed. Honestly, it made Trinity’s heart hurt. The screeching of a chair being pushed back causes Trinity’s eyes to shift towards the parents. The mom is the one who’d stood up first, her light blue blouse and dark brown pants indicated to Trinity that she’d come from the office. The dad seemed to be asleep. He leaned over the bed and he was holding the kid's hand tightly, as if someone would come and take his kid away from him if he let go of his hand. The mom’s tired voice, raspy likely from the lack of sleep and the fact that she’d been crying, broke out of the silence. “I’m sorry, we were waiting on some other doctors. They sent in some labs maybe 2 hours ago.” She sighed softly and ran a hand through her deep red hair, it almost reminded Trinity of the colour of McKay’s hair when Trinity had first met her. “We understand that it’s going to be a while to get them back.”
Trinity walked over to the computer in the corner of the room. “It's a shift change, we’re sorry for the inconvenience ma’am.” She logged in, and her eyes scanned the tabs that could have given her any information. It seemed like it was their second visit this month. Whatever medication had been given to them last time obviously hadn’t worked as the child was laid in the bed. He wasn’t even particularly tucked in. “My name is Dr. Santos, and this is one of our attendings on shift Dr. Shen. I can assure you, you’re in good hands.” Shen waved hello and moved over towards Trinity to look over her shoulder. He didn’t say anything though.
The mom waved back towards Dr. Shen. She then shook the shoulder of her husband slightly. It was enough to stir him awake, which was enough for him to notice Shen and force himself to wake up even more. He rubbed his eyes and Trinity’s eyes focused on the way he tightened his hold on his son’s hand. The kid squeezed back and gave his dad a small smile.
“It says here that your son, Jackson, sprained his ankle playing in the yard last month?” Trinity continued, stepping around the computer and towards the family.
Before the mom can speak up the dad looked down at his lap and softly, almost inaudibly spoke. “It’s my fault really. I was doing work on the yard, it’s a multiday project so there were deep holes in the ground all over the place. I was working on my monthly report when he asked to go outside and I didn’t even think about the safety hazards.” He stood up, offering his seat to his wife. “Jackson has always had some inhumane pain tolerance so I didn’t think it was weird when he was walking weirdly. It should probably be on his chart but he hurt the same ankle pretty bad playing hockey a few years ago. They told us then that it may act up every once and a while.” He motioned like he can wave off his own comments. “I didn’t think of it too much until Susan saw how swollen his ankle had gotten. That’s why we were here last month.” He takes a breather.
Susan seemed to take it as an opportunity to explain further. “Jackson doesn’t seem to notice it much anymore, but he’s still limping.” She rubbed her husband’s back in a reassuring manner.
Shen spoke up next, already typing what they’d mentioned into their chart. “Has the swelling gone down?” Susan nods. He and Trinity make eye contact, it’s quick but they both seemingly come to the same conclusion. “Has your son been walking off his crutches for a while now, Mrs. and Mr. Faulkner?”
The two of them think for a moment. Then the dad speaks again. “Uh, yeah, he mentioned that it didn’t hurt anymore so he didn’t need them.”
Mentally Trinity laughs, letting your kid that you admit has insane pain tolerance decide when his recovery is over probably wasn’t the best idea, but they cared and that’s all that mattered in this scenario. “Let’s get him back onto his crutches full time for at least two weeks then he only has to use them outside for another week.” Trinity offered but glanced back at Shen for reassurance. When Shen nods then claps his hands, Trinity takes it as a good sign and moves to sign out of the charting computer.
As they exited the room, Shen offered Trinity her coffee back. “That was good.” He said it in such a way that Trinity knew there is more coming. “Robby always said you jumped to the worst case scenario.” Trinity found herself fighting the urge to curl into a ball to make herself smaller. “I think that could be good though.” Shen admitted as he began to walk. “Jack and I, are going to miss cases like those, we need your eye for it in the ER.”
Trinity blinked. “What?”
“I’m just being honest.” Shen teased as he dodged a nurse pushing a patient past them. He sobered up slightly as they approached the nursing station. “Another perspective is always good. It’s why Jack is trying to steal Mohan. She’s got an eye for certain cases that the rest of us don’t have.” He pointed back at her. “Just like you, Dr. Trinity Santos.”
Trinity nodded slowly, letting the words run over slowly. It felt weird having compliments from an attending that didn’t come with a catch like they did with Robby. Shen gave her one last smile and moved onto other attending duties. Trinity takes the time to do the one chart that she’d just done. Can’t let herself fall behind like she had the other day. Trinity is grateful for the way that Lena doesn’t push any cases onto her, instead moving around her like the night before.
Trinity spent the rest of her shift settling into the dynamics of the shift. Abbot would check up on her every once and a while, and Shen would make sure she’d eaten something that wasn’t junk food. Ellis was more subtle about her watchful eye but Trinity noticed the way she’d turned sharply when the old woman had sworn in Trinity’s face because Trinity refused to just prescribe her med without any actual evidence that she needed it. She’d watched out of the corner of her eyes and Ellis had leaned over the counter and pointed out the room number to Lena. How not even twenty minutes later, the security guard, someone who Trinity hadn’t been able to know the name of yet, stepped into the room and stepped out a minute later. The general vibe that everyone on the night shift set gave Trinity an odd feeling of comfort. When she was prickly, each of them were prickly back. It was an odd experience, to have her energy fully and properly matched.
Mateo even made a point of coming to say hello. He looked different than he had last time she’d seen him, more mature but also more sure of himself. They’d hit it off in a way that Trinity hadn’t been expecting them too. The two of them hadn’t spent a whole long time together but it just solidified a quiet part of Trinity’s brain that told her, maybe, somehow, she’d made the right decision and this would help her.
Trinity’s first shift on the night shift had been oddly calm until about 6 am, an hour before her freedom. The EMT’s brought in a patient chest pain who also couldn’t breath. When Ellis had asked about the patient, a 24 year old woman, to rank her pain, the woman had flashed her hands in a ten weakly. It wasn’t hard to know that whatever was wrong with this trauma patient needed the OR and their specialized care. When Abbot mentioned calling up, Trinity felt herself lock up momentarily, barely half a second really. The reason was simple, she didn’t want to see Yolanda, not for a while.
Walsh was down quickly, she mumbled a curse to Abbot but moved to stand beside Trinity like that’s where Trinity belonged. “Santos, what do you think it is?” She asked as she looked over the vitals and listened to the symptoms.
“I think we should check for a punctured lung.” She said, and Walsh nodded in agreement.
Ellis is the one who actually checked. Walsh had Santos prep the needles so that she could get rid of some of the air in the lungs of this woman’s lungs. Once they’ve confirmed, Walsh stepped away from the patient and moved towards the telephones so that she could call her department. Trinity waited, she did but both Abbot and Walsh at the same time motioned for her to get some of the air out.
It went fine and everyone cleared out quickly and Trinity stood in the trauma room slightly longer than the rest of them. Walsh stopped at the door slightly, and spoke calmly and with so much confidence Trinity almost believed her. “I don’t know who hasn’t been telling you these things Santos, but you’re good at these things. You deserve to be here. I can’t wait to work with you further because you’re competent.” With that she followed the patient into the hallway.
Trinity tried really hard not to think about it when she got back to the charting area she’d absconded with earlier in her shift. Ellis slid into the computer beside her. “You and Garcia.” She started softly.
“What?”
“You tensed up at the thought of OR coming down but were completely chill around Walsh. Calmer than most people are for a while actually. So it’s obviously something to do with you and Garcia.” She pauses, glancing around. “You two are gay aren’t you. Girlfriends maybe?”
“We were a…” Trinity shakes her head. She didn’t even know why she’d thought it might be a good idea to share it with Ellis. Maybe it was because Ellis gave the vibe of a queer woman as well and Trinity had felt safe. It really didn’t matter, all that mattered was that it was said. “We were in a situationship thing. I don’t know but she threw the word ‘casual’ at me yesterday and…” She trailed off again.
Ellis nodded and picked up from where Trinity stopped speaking. “It didn’t feel casual to you?” Trinity shook her head. “Do you want my honest opinion, Trinity?” The use of her first name sparked Trinity’s attention. Ellis didn’t wait for an answer. “Put the distance, separating yourself from the people making you feel like you aren’t worth it, it does wonders for the mental. Try it.” She then stood up and nodded once before going to do another round of her patients.
Trinity must have thought over what Ellis had said for over 45 minutes, she moved through her rounds almost on autopilot. It wasn’t until she heard the voices of Princess and Perlah’s voices coming from the hallway leading to the entrance of the triage that snapped Trinity out of it. The two of them walked in on her taking care of one of her less severely injured patients in the hallway. It wouldn’t have been an odd site for them to see except, Trinity had never been here before them and on top of that she had that ‘end of my shift’ look to her.
“Trinity?” Perlah asked, who pulled Princess forward so the three of them were walking in a line. “What are you doing here so early? They didn’t call you in last night did they?” She asked, her older sister tone talking over.
“I’ll complain to Gloria about it. They’re working you to the bone.” Princess offered, already mentally planning the email she’d send once given permission.
“No, no.” Trinity shakes her head. “I’m working for the night shift now.” The two nurses tried to speak but Trinity interrupted them. “It’s just getting away from everything. Langdon’s back and that’s a huge stressor. Huckleberry moving out. You know it all.”
Princess side glanced Perlah, “Idagdag si Dr. Garcia sa listahang iyon at magkakaroon kami ng kumpletong listahan. (Add Dr. Garcia to that list and we'd have a complete list.)”
Perlah lets out a small laugh. “Masyadong mataas ang inaasahan mula sa alinman sa mga doktor dito. Lahat sila ay emotionally constipated. (Too high of an expectation from any of the doctors here. All of them are emotionally constipated. )” Perlah responded.
“You both know I can in fact understand you two?” Trinity asked as they rounded the corner to the nurses station. They both nod innocently but Trinity knew better.
“Santos, come do this case with me.” Ellis called out from the north sector of the ER.
That case with Ellis was the last one Trinity worked on that night. Abbot sent her home 30 minutes earlier citing that her sleep schedule hadn’t caught up and they probably wouldn’t need the extra pair of hands. Trinity wasn’t exactly sure if that was true but the opportunity to not have to see all of day shift was a bonus that she couldn’t ignore. So she didn’t and the transit home from the hospital was just as calm and peaceful as it was on the way in.