Chapter Text
The Shiz University Group Chats Presents
The Paleontology Professor, Part 9 of ?
[The saga continues. This is written in the same chaotic style and spirit of the Shiz University Group Chats AU but in a separate timeline LOL.]
Part 9: The research team gets a surprise expansion. But these come with consequences.
🦖 Pt. 9: The Research Roster Expansion
Group Chat: Fossil Reconnaissance Unit
[ Glinda 🌟 | Fiyero 🔥 | Boq W. | Avaric 💸 | Pfannee the Pfirst | Shenshen 👠 | Nessa 🕯 | Elphaba 💚 ]
Boq W.:
can someone please explain what just happened
because i came to this lecture five minutes late
prepared to learn about sediment layers
and now apparently i have a summer job in a castle???
Shenshen 👠:
Not a job, sweetie
“assistants to the assistants”
Is what I have in my notes
Pfannee the Pfirst:
I believe the professor said “provisional field support personnel”
Which is the ugliest way anyone has ever described a group of hot people
Glinda 🌟:
I’m still stuck on our new “local consultant”
The professor said it so calmly, like it was his own idea
Like we do not all know the local consultant is currently sitting three rows behind us looking utterly smug and pleased with himself
Avaric 💸:
to be fair
he did kind of annex the syllabus
Fiyero 🔥:
i am merely joining to provide the necessary site access clarification
and local cultural context
Avaric 💸:
ur literally just quoting the email
Boq W.:
you added seven people to an international excavation three days before departure
Fiyero 🔥:
necessary
site
access
clarification
Nessa 🕯:
The professor looked like he’d swallowed a fossil when he announced it.
Pfannee the Pfirst:
no because he fully paused before saying Fiyero’s name
like his soul had to leave his body
Shenshen 👠:
“His Royal Highness Prince Fiyero Tigelaar will be joining us in the capacity of local consultant”
translation:
Fiyero is interfering with my romantic expedition and i’m not okay
Glinda 🌟:
And friends
Do NOT forget friends
Because tell me why I was sitting here, minding my business, being academically luminous
And now I am apparently someone’s “field assistant”
I do not do field work.
Avaric 💸:
i, for one, have always wanted to be discovered in a footnote
Boq W.:
i don’t want to be discovered anywhere
especially not near “unstable cliffside terrain”
Fiyero 🔥:
It’s not unstable if you know where to walk.
Boq W.:
do i look like someone who knows where to walk
Nessa 🕯:
No.
Boq W.:
…thank you for your honesty
Glinda 🌟:
Fiyero.
Darling.
Sweet panic prince.
When exactly were you planning to tell us you made us all part of your territorial counteroffensive?
Fiyero 🔥:
This isn’t a counteroffensive.
Avaric 💸:
what do u call it then
Boq W.:
i’m just worried about civilian casualties
it’s me
i’m civilians
Fiyero 🔥:
it’s my home.
Shenshen 👠:
Does Elphaba even know about any of this yet?
Pfannee the Pfirst:
Oh that’s right. Where is she?
Nessa 🕯:
She’s out doing logistic preps
But she should have seen the email by now.
Glinda 🌟:
Fiyero, did you tell her?
Fiyero 🔥:
uhhh
Boq W.:
dude
Avaric 💸:
😎🍿
Glinda 🌟:
FIYERO
Fiyero 🔥:
i was going to!!
Elphaba 💚:
When?
Glinda 🌟:
Oh, Oz.
Pfannee the Pfirst:
😶
Boq W.:
should we go…
Fiyero 🔥:
FAE!!
uh
hey
there you are!
Elphaba 💚:
When were you going to tell me?
Avaric 💸:
hey elphaba are you excited
for your summer castle field trip with your favorite professor, your not-boyfriend and his emotional support entourage
Nessa 🕯:
Can someone please take Avaric’s phone from him?
Avaric 💸:
i’m asking an innocent question
Glinda 🌟:
Avaric if you value your life
Avaric 💸:
i’m just saying
Avaric 💸 was removed from the chat.
Glinda 🌟:
Done. ✨
Nessa 🕯:
Thank you.
Fiyero 🔥:
listen, fae
i think it could be fun??
i can show you around the castle?
Elphaba 💚:
Don’t tell me you did this because of some stupid kind of jealousy.
Fiyero 🔥:
…
ok, i won’t
Elphaba 💚:
FIYERO TIGELAAR
Glinda 🌟:
Okay, my darlings, I feel that we can discuss this as mature adults
Elphaba 💚:
This is a legitimate academic opportunity for me.
Not some emotional territorial dispute.
Not some macho pissing contest.
Fiyero 🔥:
i know
Elphaba 💚:
Do you?
Fiyero 🔥:
i mean
i think that
look, i panicked, okay!!
Elphaba 💚:
Here’s a novel idea, Fiyero.
How about TALKING TO ME for once?
Fiyero 🔥 is typing…
Fiyero 🔥 is typing…
Fiyero 🔥:
you’re right
Several people are typing…
Nessa 🕯:
Everyone else, stop typing right now. I am serious.