Chapter Text
Season I, Episode 3: Bi Bi Bi
Tim begins to suspect that Damian is secretly Homophobic. Steph and Duke teach Dick and Jason Gen-Z slang.
**WATCHING THE WAYNES: SEASON I, EPISODE 3: 24 MINS**
The family is sitting in the kitchen eating their breakfast. Cass, dressed in a black tank top and leggings, is waiting for her bread to get toasted. Bruce is wearing a black turtleneck and is reading the newspaper. Damian is in an olive shirt and jeans, pouring himself a glass of juice. Tim enters the room, looking tired.
“Happy pride month, Tim” Dick greets as his younger brother sits down.
“Yeah, happy pride month,” Bruce says, passing the plate with bacon. The others repeat similar sentiments. The only person who remains silent is Damian. Tim notices it but says nothing, thanking everyone and starting to eat.
**
The intro starts with each family member taking turns sitting on a couch and saying something individually to the camera.
“I love my kids!” Bruce exclaims. There are shouts off-camera and his left eye twitches just the slightest but he keeps grinning.
“Let’s get one thing straight” Dick holds up one finger “Nobody- is better than the original”
“I am better than ‘the original’” Cass says while signing
“What do you mean mine can’t be a joke about my death?” Jason questions with a frown
Tim nods off during his turn. His siblings shout his name and someone shakes him awake. He looks around, rubs his eyes and mumbles “Uh- I’m Dim Trake'' his eyes widen and he quickly adds “Wait no- I meant Tim Drake. Do we get a re-try?”
“These people are insane” Duke whispers to the camera, looking around as if he fears for his life.
“This is Titus” Damian introduces a black great dane who is at his feet “This is Alfred The Cat” A white cat on his lap purrs “And over there is Jerry the Turkey” A few people shout as a turkey trots into the room and comes near Damian.
“What did I say about Jerry?” Bruce asks off-camera, sounding exasperated.
“Still love us now, old man?” someone jokes
The clip starts with Bruce Wayne, wearing a black turtleneck and pants, who sits down on the centre of a grey sofa in front of a cream background. Dick, who is in sweatpants and a dark gym t-shirt, gracefully does a front flip and lands beside his father. On the other side of Bruce, Jason and Tim, both in black hoodies and jeans, wrestle over who gets to sit on the sofa, with Cass, dressed in a black jumpsuit, ultimately getting the spot after both of them fall to the ground fighting. Damian sits on an armchair to the left of the sofa, rolling his eyes as he strokes a cat on his lap. He’s wearing a plain black shirt and pants. Duke sits on the arm of the couch in an all-black get up similar to everyone else and throws a peace sign. Alfred, dressed formally in a three-piece suit, appears at the side and clears throat. Everyone looks at the camera and smiles. The words ‘Watching The Waynes’, appears at the top in glittering blue text.
**
Duke, Steph, Dick and Jason are sitting in what looks like a large study. Dick and Steph are working on something on their laptops, Jason is reading a book and Duke is doing homework.
“I’m so cooked” Steph groans “I’m gonna crash out. My presentation is coming out so mid” she turns to show Duke the screen
“Naah” he disagrees “You lowkenuinely ate. It’s giving”
Both Dick and Jason stop what they are doing to give Steph and Duke looks of confusion.
RICHARD GRAYSON- CONFESSIONAL
DICK: Sometimes when my younger siblings talk, I feel lost.
“Did you understand any of that?” Dick asks. Jason shook his head.
“I forgot you guys are highkey uncs” Steph says
“None of those words are in the bible” Jason mutters
“I’m so confused” Dick says
“If you want, we can teach you guys some gen z slang” Steph offers
“Yes please” Dick says “We’d like that”
“Who is we?” Jason asks
“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to”
“No, I’ll do it”
JASON TODD- CONFESSIONAL
JASON: Even though I’m not half as old as Dick, my knowledge on slang and pop culture has been pretty behind since I died and the others always make fun of me for it.
“Great!” Steph says, with a slightly evil glint in her eyes.
**
Tim is sitting at the table opening up a plastic packet. In the plastic packet, is a bi flag which he unwraps and observes.
“What is that?” Damian asks, gesturing to the flag
“It’s a bi flag” Tim explains “Dick got it for me to hang up in my room since I’m bisexual”
“I’m sorry” Damian apologises sincerely, before walking away leaving behind a very confused Tim.
TIMOTHY DRAKE- CONFESSIONAL
TIM: Ever since pride month started I’ve noticed some strange things about Damian’s behaviour.
Steph is playing ‘Born This Way’ by Lady Gaga and singing along loudly- “I’m beautiful in my way, ‘cause god makes no mistakes-” she shakes Tim’s shoulders and he begins to sing along “I’m on the right track baby. I was born this way!”
Damian gives them a dirty look and covers his ears.
**
Jason and Dick are sitting in the theatre room of the Manor on the seats. Steph and Duke are standing in front of them, next to the large screen. Instead of a movie, the screen has the opening slide to a presentation on it which is titled ‘A Guide To Modern Slang for Uncs’.
“Welcome” Steph greets “To your first lesson on mastering Gen Z lingo” The slide changes and the word ‘delulu’ appears on the screen “Your first word is ‘delulu’. Delulu means-”
Dick starts scribbling down what she is saying enthusiastically. Jason’s arms are crossed and he looks bored.
**
“I think Damian is homophobic” Tim says. All his siblings, minus Damian, are with him.
“Why?” Cass signs
“Just the way he’s been acting since pride month started”
“Damian’s not homophobic” Dick defends
“Even I don’t think he is” Jason agrees “The brat is annoying not a bigot”
“What exactly did he do?” Cass asks
“He keeps making faces when I mention anything in relation to being queer. And the other day I told him I was bisexual and he apologised to me”
“Yikes” Duke says “But are you sure you’re not overthinking it?”
“Being homophobic is a major aura loss” Dick comments
“What the (censored)” Tim swears “Who taught you that” Dick points at Duke “This is somehow worse than Damian potentially being homophobic”
“Damian is pretty upfront though” Jason says “If he doesn’t like something, he says it. Not to mention, he never misses an opportunity to insult you. If he thought you being bi was a bad thing I’m sure he would have said something straight up about it already. He’s probably just being his usual ‘I hate fun’ self when he makes faces”
“Hopefully”
**
“Why is Steph so persistent?” Duke complains, entering the parlour and flopping onto the armchair.
“What is she doing now?” Tim asks from where he is looking at his tablet.
“She keeps trying to set me up with people even though I’ve told her I don’t want to date anyone. She’s insistent I’m ‘lonely’ and ‘could benefit from meeting someone’. I think she’s just calling in a favour for her friend’s little sister though”
“She’s like that sometimes. She kept trying to set me up with other people after we broke up too so I wouldn’t stay ‘heart broken over her for too long’ even though I’m the one who broke up with her?”
“With men?” Damian suddenly questions
“Huh?”
“The individual she tried to ‘set you up with’”
“I mean, yeah, some of them were” Tim replies. Damian makes a sour face. Tim and Duke make eye contact over his head. “Duke can I talk to you for a sec?”
They leave the room and once they are out of Damian’s earshot, Tim says- “Did you see that? That’s what I mean”
“Okay I admit, that was pretty weird”
“I knew it!” Tim exclaims, starting to walk away.
“Wait where are you going?” Duke yells, running after his brother
**
“I hope you guys are ready for your pop quiz” Steph says
“Why are you quizzing us like we’re high schoolers?” Jason asks, leaning back into his chair. Both he and Dick have sheets of paper in front of them.
“Because I want to see how much you’ve learnt” Steph answers “Okay, first question. Define ‘rizz’”
Dick starts scribbling down the answer instantly. Jason rolls his eyes and mutters “this is stupid” but also starts writing. Tim bursts into the room.
“Damian is homophobic and Duke witnessed his blatant homophobia” He announces dramatically.
“Explain” Steph demands
“Duke was complaining about how you were trying to set him up wi-”
“Hey! I’m doing that for your own good”
“Yeah but I don’t really want you to”
“Shut up and let me tell you my story” Tim snaps “Anyway, I told Duke that you used to try to set me up too and Damian says, I kid you not, ‘with men?’ and I was like ‘Yeah some of them were men’ and he proceeded to make the most disgusted face known to mankind as if I had said something so offensive”
“It’s true. He practically winced”
“This, on top of everything else he has done, leads me to believe he is actually homophobic and I rest my case”
“No way” Dick says “A homophobic Wayne before GTA 6”
“You guys have created a monster,” Jason says, looking at Steph and Duke.
“I’m going to go confront him,” Tim concludes, turning around.
“Do I even need to explain why that’s an awful idea?” Jason says “I mean, confront him all you want, I’ll probably enjoy it but do it when you’re calm not when you’re angry. He’s not going to listen to you unless you’re speaking rationally, which you clearly won’t be doing. Damian has some pretty strong opinions so if he’s actually homophobic he’s not going to change his views easily and you getting into a fight with him about it is just going to make it worse because he’ll want to listen to you even less”
“Jason’s right” Steph agrees “Take a deep-”
“I don’t care. I’m going”
He storms out of the room and the other four run after him.
**
Damian is sitting and drawing when Tim all but runs into the room and yells- “Listen Damian! I know you’re homophobic. I don’t care how or why but you need to learn to get over it. Queer people are completely normal people who have it hard enough without small minded idiots like you making it worse for them. Do you know how hard we’ve struggled for basic rights? Do you know how annoying it is to have people discriminate against you just because of who you love? We can’t help it, you know. I don’t really care about your personal opinions but you have to stop acting all weird when I bring up being bi because I’m not gonna change who I am just to suit your standards so there!”
“Okay..?” Damian says, sounding confused
“Just okay?”
“I’m not homophobic. I do not know what gave you the impression I was, considering I have never made any derogatory comments about you being queer”
“But- but- you always make faces when I mention being bi”
“I make faces whenever you open your mouth. It is purely instinctual”
“When I told you I was bi you said ‘I’m sorry’”
“Oh. I am not sorry you are bisexual. I am sorry that you like men”
“What?”
“Yes” Damian says “From the various horror stories I have heard from women such as Barbara and Stephanie I have concluded that dating men is a struggle due to their various incompetencies and misogynistic behaviour. I apologised because I simply felt sorry that you have to subject yourself to that. I am sorry that you like men the same way I am sorry that Stephanie likes men. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation”
“Oh” Tim deflates a little “I guess that does make sense”
“I realise now why my words were too casually chosen as they could have easily been misunderstood. Let me clarify once more that I am not homophobic. I am the furthest thing from homophobic. I am extremely supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. I am the most un-homophobic creature on the planet. I-”
“Okay now it’s getting a little overkill” Jason interrupts. Damian sits down and clears his throat.
“Not that I have anything to prove to you, Drake”
Tim smiles at him “Whatever you say Dami”
“I always knew Damian stood on business” Dick says with a nod “It’s giving sigma”
All his siblings groan.
**
“Drake” Damian says, entering the dining room where his family is eating dessert after dinner “I have made you something” he hands Tim a piece of paper with the Bi flag painted on it.
“Aww it’s a bi flag” Tim says “Thanks Damian. I always knew you had a heart somewhere in there”
“Read what I have written in the back”
“Drake” Tim reads out “Please do not misunderstand me. I am not homophobic as I do not care about you enough to bother about if you are into men or women. It does not matter either ways because neither of them are into you”
“Oh, he lowkey clocked your tea” Jason says
Tim and Damian turn to give him horrified looks. Steph and Duke look proud.
The end credits play.
After the credits there is a scene where Bruce, Dick and Jason are sitting together in the parlour. The latter two are looking at something on Dick’s phone and seem to be arguing over it.
“You look chopped as hell in this” Jason comments
“You’re just jealous because my face card never declines and my body is tea”
“You guys are using this weird lingo too?” Bruce asks, but his voice gets drowned out by the debating.
“No way. Look at how I’m outmogging you easily”
“Me? Getting mogged? Look at my level 1000 gyatt”
“Sybau”
Bruce looks from Dick to Jason in confusion. He sinks his head into hands and mutters something along the lines of- “I give up