Chapter Text
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[mafia wannabestc]
kajii: oh my god
gin: ?? what happened
kajii: basically me and chuuya went to this cafe and ordered drinks
kajii: sat down and we saw dazai and his friends
gin: YO
gin: THEN???
higuchi: WHAT
higuchi: RU KIDDING RN KAJII
gin: are they kissing
kajii: no
kajii: they're both ARGUING rn
gin: HELLO
higuchi: bye his question came to life
kajii: literally
gin: BRO GIVE US A DETAILED STORY
kajii: 🥸
kajii: so we sat down and got our order
kajii: once we noticed them, chuuya asks dazai to the lines of "wtf, bro you okay?" cause he has eye bags
kajii: AND I KID U NOT
kajii: dazai replies "oh fuck why'd you have to make my day even worse?" dude i would've bursted out laughing but his friends had a horrified look on their faces
gin: NNAHHH
akutagawa: dazai-san's most likely stressed
kajii: so chuuya JUST HAD TO make it even worse
kajii: "what the fuck is your problem" AND HE STOOD. I STOOD.
kajii: and i walked away.
higuchi: PLS U DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO STOP HIM
higuchi: 😭😭😭
kajii: i'm currently in the wash hands area
gin: bros washing NOTHING
tachihara: ISTFG
kajii: i think they've started a huge argument
kajii: i'm hearing chuuya's voice REALLLYY loud
higuchi: yo
gin: YO
gin: IS THIS SHIT SEFJOUS
kajii: IDEK 😭
gin: WTF
[STUDENTS]
shibusawa: @ango
ango: ?
shibusawa: can you fetch dazai cause he's arguing with chuuya
shibusawa: no one in the cafe can stop them from arguing
ango: . .?
ango: I'm not even gonna ask how that happened but i'm on my way
gin: TELL US WHAG HAPPEEND
gin: WHAT ARE THEY RGUING ABT??
tachihara: THE SPEED GIN CALM DOWN
atsushi: omg what. . . is it serious??
shibusawa: not really
shibusawa: dazai's been stressed, one thing led to another so they're arguing
shibusawa: on second thought maybe it is? i guess
atsushi: yOU GUESS??????? DO U EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY GET INTO A REAL ARGUMENT??
atsushi: OMG THIS IS WORRYING ME
atsushi: im gonna go there RIGHT NOW send location
higuchi: what's the main point of their argument...
shibusawa: something about ruining each other's day
shibusawa: oh god
shibusawa: chuuya just threw hto coffee at dazai
shibusawa: WTF DAZAI DID IT BACK BRB
gin: WGAT EVEN IS HAPOENJIN
yosano: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I SHOULD LAUGH??
yosano: brotatos i literally just got home
ranpo: u should
ranpo: cause this funny as HELL
kunikida: Respects for Ranpo Edogawa have decreased to 50%.
ranpo: thAT LOW???
ranpo: IM JUST SPEAKING FACTS
kunikida: Apologies, I meant 70%.
ranpo: 😭😭
tachihara: i'm worried for them
gin: thinking if i should go there to see it live...
akutagawa: gin.
gin: IM KIDDING
sigma: god this is
sigma: it's happening again
sigma: THEY'RE BEATING EACH OTHER UP AND PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO LEAVE THE CAFE
sigma: @kouyou GET YOUR BROTHER 😭😭😭
kouyou: oh yeah i'm on my way
gin: man be delaying our nail appointment... 😔
kouyou: 😔
kouyou: what's he doing to dazai?
sigma: gosh i don't even know at this point
sigma: i walked out of the cafe too but i did see chuuya slap him in the face
kouyou: okay, tell the employees of the cafe to stop the calls for emergency.
sigma: WILL THEY EVEN LISTEN??
sigma: i'll try
gin: oh man so its THAT fight
ranpo: just another normal day at yokohama
ranpo: 🥰🥰🤗🤗🤗
[the holmes]
*Nikolai has added Ayatsuji to the group.*
ayatsuji: thx
nikolai: anytime hottie!!! 😍😍
nikolai: so where's the reward for adding u???
ayatsuji: it's with @sigma
nikolai: thanks 😳
nikolai: ZAMN you're a lifesaver
sigma: what the FUCK???
sigma: nikolai do u not know what's happening rn
sigma: this is not the time to be flirting with ayatsuji
sigma: why is he here?
sigma: scratch that question
nikolai: whateverrr 🙄🙄
nikolai: what's happening anyway??
sigma: soukoku are fucking fighting
nikolai: WHATTT
nikolai: RLLY WHATATAT
nikolai: oh wait
nikolai: i thought you said fucking 😢
sigma: what a big help you are
sigma: thanks alot
nikolai: is this real or
sigma: the REAL deal i think
sigma: im getting worried
nikolai: a shame I wasn't there
sigma: ??
nikolai: I be posting it on Instagram live and shit 😘😘 can't wait to get more followers ❤️🔥
sigma: WHAT THE FUCK NIKOLAI??
sigma: bye it's useless coming to you for help
nikolai: WAHT
nikolai: YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU WANTED MY HELP?? WHRS THE LOCAFION??
nikolai: SIGMA??
nikolai: SIGMA HELLO??? @sigma
nikolai: 😭😭😭
ayatsuji: LMAO deserved.
nikolai: ???EVEN THE HOTTIE?? I don't deserve this 💔💔
[STUDENTS]
gin: any updates on soukoku?
tanizaki: right.. i'm so concerned ☹️
gin: what the hell you scared me
gin: wasn't tachihara fucking you?
tanizaki: ???
tanizaki: WHAT MADE U ASSUME THAT???
gin: i mean
higuchi: gin's right
tanizaki: SHE DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING YET???
naomi: nahh putting that fact aside, i'm worried for soukoku
tanizaki: 😃
tanizaki: he was just teaching me.
gin: 🙈
naomi: like for realsies
naomi: what's gonna happen when my ship sinks 😭😭😢
naomi: therest no purpose in life qnymore 🥹🥹😭😭
gin: damn girlie im the same
gin: there's no point in ruining their lives anymore.. 🙁
higuchi: this is such an emotional moment for us 😭😭😭 sobbing rn
gin: heart wrenching, heartbreaking, heart grunching
lucy: ? IS GRUNCHING EVEN A WORD?
gin: sobbing, gripoing the floor, wall, ceiling
mark: lucy is dis what u see everyday
lucy: yes.
naomi: she's really goung through it... 😣
higuchi: damn..
mark: damn fr
gin: kunikida-san u gotta update us 😢😢😢😢
gin: where's the news abt our hoobh woobyies 🥺
mark: ??? what the fuckk????
lucy: i told u this group chat is HELL
mark: bye
mark: shoulda listened to lucy after all
gin: NOOOO
higuchi: man i thought he was gon' stay with us for a long time ☹️😭😔
gin: 😡😡 @mark don't ever come back again
lucy: his face is scrunched up in disgust
gin: THAT'S WHAT HE GET
higuchi: LMFAOOOOO
kunikida: Has Ango texted any of you?
gin: why would he text us in the first place
kunikida: You're right.
gin: WAHT??
higuchi: THE NERVE
naomi: 😠
kunikida: @ango How's the situation? It's been hours.
ango: well
gin: WELL????
ango: don't get too excited
ango: they've made up, kouyou paid for the broken cups and plates. no police were involved.
gin: WOOHOOO THEY'VE MADE UP
ango: i told you not to get too excited
ango: bad news, i brought odasaku because i assumed it was worse than we imagined. which means dazai's prohibited from texting for a week.
gin: what.
gin: did i see that right
higuchi: WOASHEIS😱
gin: WHAT'D YOU SAY NOW
ranpo: damn I'm so sad..😔😔 my sheflock holmes buddy now all gone for a wekkseis… oda-san ain't fooling FR
gin: wtf ranpo u were here this whole time??
ranpo: im always everywhere 😈😈
tanizaki: Oda-san sure is protectise
gin: it's PROTECTICE dumbass bitch
ranpo: PROTECTIVE*** dumbass bitches
gin: 😍🖕 fuck you ranpo
tanizaki: I hate you all
higuchi: he a grown ass man why is oda sakunosuke taking away his texting privileges.
ango: privacy reasons
higuchi: 🤨
ranpo: let's invade oda
teruko: damn
teruko: that's like so sad...
teruko: @chuuya are you sad? little wubbly gravity babe😢
chuuya: wwtf bitch
gin: CHHUUYYYAA
gin: DAMN WHAT EVEN HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU TWO
higuchi: GENUINELY CONCERNED LIKE GIEL..
chuuya: giel??
higuchi: GIRL** ANYWAYS
lucy: damn
yosano: yeah you've got a whole story to tell
gin: WTF
gin: why r ppl appearing out of the blue
yosano: i always smell tea
gin: that's like.. so cool
tanizaki: ?? COOL??
tanizaki: ITS HORRIFYING
gin: stfu tanizaki
tanizaki: ☹️
ranpo: don't disappoint us mr. fanch hat😍
yosano: LMFAO FANCH
kajii: just go tell them chuuya my bro
kajii: ranpo's eventually gonna reveal it anyway
ranpo: stop exposing me like that 😡😡
kajii: I would if you stop exposing ur kinks to us 👍
ranpo: ??? THE FUCKING LIKE EMOJI??
yosano: IDIOT YOURE DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE LMAO DESERVED
gin: shut up everyone the king is about to talk 😍😡😡😡😡😍
chuuya: i misunderstood
gin: ANDDDDD....
chuuya: yeah
chuuya: then we fought
chuuya: bcs yk
chuuya: actually it wss my fault cs i didn't notice he was havinf a bad day n i got pissed off becaus we haventt talked ti eacothed for a whileand all
higuchi: oh chuuya ☹️
gin: oh 😔
chuuya: i guess i jsut didnt expect he'd say that and i thouhthg it was
chuuya: like
kajii: it's okay bro no need to continue
chuuya: 'kay
higuchi: ☹️☹️
gin: chuuya 😔
ranpo: damn why is it all emotionalalwlnow..😢
sigma: read the ROOM ranpo 😡
ranpo: dam ok
yosano: I feel bad
yosano: I hope yall work it all out @chuuya
gin: RIGHT
gin: take a rest @chuuya don't be so down!!
higuchi: WE'RE ALL HERE IF YOU GUYS NEED SUPPORT
tachihara: i second that @chuuya
ranpo: EXAVTUHULY @dazai my sherlock holmes come back... @ango tell him that pls
kunikida: This is a new sight.
ranpo: BRO.
naomi: jokes aside
naomi: hopefully dazai-san gets his texting privileges back
yosano: ODA DIDN'T HAVE TO DO EM LIKE THATTT
tanizaki: literally
gin: i only knew oda-san for a bit but you go glen coco
ranpo: #PETITIONTOBRINGBACKDAZAI
yosano: #PETITIONTOBRINGBACKDAZAI
gin: #PETITIONTOBRINGBACKSOUKOKU
ranpo: ...??
ranpo: i hate it when people are more creative than me
gin: so you've been hating everyone left and right
ranpo: ?? IS SHE SAYING IM NOT CREATIVE???
kunikida: Perchance.
yosano: ...kunikida
yosano: you CANT just say perchance
ranpo: stfu with that meme
yosano: 😇😇
gin: he just mad he ain't creative enuff
ranpo: the block button is speaking to me
gin: DO IT
yosano: LMAOOOO
ranpo: UR SUPPOSED TO DENY IT B?MA?@?@?@
ranpo: be a lover not a hater.
gin: ewwwww
yosano: go back to 2019 you're gonna blow up with that quote
tanizaki: I agree with her
ranpo: BBBRROOOOOOOOOO.
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