Chapter Text
As Zuko tries to ignore the weird sense of dread that only grew at the sight of his sister absolutely fawning over Toph, despite how hard the teenager tried to not show it, his uncle is quick to move on from his quick introduction of their extra guest.
One that he most definitely did not warn Zuko about beforehand because if he had, then Zuko would have most definitely been more prepared for this.
“As much as I enjoy catching up with everyone, these old bones have made me more exhausted than ever with all the travelling we have done.” Iroh groans in an over-dramatic fashion and Zuko is quick to latch onto any excuse to move on from everything that has been distracting him.
“Of course, your sleeping quarters have been set up in preparation for your stay.” Zuko informs, his eyes meeting his uncle’s eyes.
Then, his gaze flicks over to where Toph stands, his eyes giving into a temptation that Zuko did not want to admit that he has been indulging in since her arrival. Standing there quietly, her gaze is cast downward with her expression back to her usual blankness. She barely shifts in her stance, arms crossed but shoulders loose in a way that holds the very confidence that Zuko wishes he had in the moment.
However, one blink of her eyes keeps away the foamy jade that he tempted himself to for just a moment, and the loss of that single second is enough to make him stumble upon his words.
“And for you ...”
His mind draws a blank, one that he quickly tries to recover from within the horribly panicked monologue growing within his head.
Come on, Zuko! Say something, anything!
“Wow, way to make a girl feel special, Sparky.” The very reason for his silence cuts in, and Zuko’s attention is quickly caught by how the edge of her lips pull into a teasing smirk.
“Oh, don’t tease my nephew too much.” Iroh chortles out and Zuko is thankful for the comforting support of his uncle. “You can do that when we all have dinner together.” The older man adds cheekily, and Zuko instantly takes back any gratitude he felt towards him.
“Please, do not worry Toph. We’ll have the servants prepare for your stay accordingly.” Following her words, his mother signals at some servants standing off to the side, who quickly rush off to follow her instructions with haste.
“Eh, as long as there’s dirt at my feet, anywhere is fine.” Toph responds back, adjusting the strap of her sack that hangs from her shoulder.
“But, we’re not standing on dirt ...” Kiyi mumbles hesitantly, the most meek Zuko has ever seen her.
“Doesn’t stop me from doing this.” Toph responds back with a stronger smile, only pushing out her foot lightly before a loud squeal escapes his sister’s mouth, the ground below her lifting up suddenly.
“Spirits! Be careful, dear.” Noren is quick to warn worriedly but Kiyi pushes back against her father’s concerns with a pout.
“I’m fine, Dad! I’m not a little girl ...”
The man is quick to reassure his daughter out of such poutiness and Zuko’s attention is quickly pulled away by a nudge to his side.
“So how about some roast duck for our dinner, nephew? I hope the chef hasn’t changed since the last time I was here.” Iroh suggests with a hearty grin, and Zuko pauses at his uncle’s light-hearted words.
“Oh, that would be wonderful. What do you think, Zuko?” Ursa glances over to him with an inviting smile, one that makes Zuko feel guilty for his absence at most dinners.
“Like he’s going to show up for dinner.” Kiyi mutters to herself and the guilt only piles onto him even harder, with a side of mortification at his sister’s critical comments. His eyes unconsciously flicker over to where Toph stands, and he briefly wonders why she’s the first person he looks to, only to see that neither her face nor stance give away any reaction to such criticisms.
Which is ... fine, it wasn’t like Zuko is stressed about how Toph sees him.
Her jaded eyes make him correct his internal thoughts.
Or how she views him.
... Nope, nevermind, he can’t focus on the wording right now.
“I’ll make it to dinner if I’m free, but please feel free to instruct the kitchens as you wish Uncle.” He responds back to the man after his failed attempts at mental revisions.
The unimpressed look he sees on his sister’s face soon after lights a flame in Zuko. One that he has not felt in a while. It’s akin to the same exasperation he feels when council meetings are going nowhere, and yet it’s something more. Almost like the uncomfortable distaste that overtakes him when advisers continue to hassle him about consorts, purity and courting, but not quite the same. Perhaps the closest sensation is one he remembers feeling a lot of as a boy, when such pettiness was permitted for a child his age.
It’s a quiet but no less petty flame that makes him want to show up to dinner just to see the reaction on his sister’s face, as long as it is anything but the look she had been giving Toph just before.
However, Zuko reminds himself that he is the older sibling in all of this.
He should be the one to be the bigger man, to keep the respect in their relationship as siblings and to maintain maturity despite her clear lack of it. He shouldn’t be itching to prove her wrong, because that is simply not mature of him to do so as the older sibling.
Then, Kiyi rolls her eyes at him before looking elsewhere.
Oh, he’ll definitely prove her wrong.
He most definitely does not prove her wrong.
It is far past dinner by the time he manages to finish half of the work needed for the council meeting tomorrow. When he glances out the open window from his private study, the dark has already sunk its teeth into the skies as the exhaustion has on Zuko’s mind.
He’s pretty sure it was daytime when he last looked out the window ...
Rubbing a hand over his face, a small part of Zuko dangles the idea of a short break from his work. But just as quickly as he had considered such a thought, he swiftly dashes the idea from his mind.
There are budgets to revise, approvals to be made and support to be provided. There is no time to be wasted for the simple want of a break.
He continues to stare out the window, eyes growing heavier by the second.
... But perhaps a short walk would do him some good, just to get some fresh air before he works on the rest of all this.
Thus, with that decision, Zuko rises from his seat and begins making his way out of the room. Upon his exit, he finds the dimly lit corridors empty of any servants, a sight he has unfortunately grown all too familiar with after the many miserable nights he has spent in his private study.
Zuko decides to head to the gardens, hoping that the open tranquility of the courtyards is enough to bring some peace to his aching mind. However, he comes to a surprising sight when he steps out of the archway to the outside.
Because sitting on the last wooden step that leads to the garden grounds, is Toph.
Her back faces towards him but even from his view, Zuko can see that she is dressed in the same attire that she had arrived in earlier today. Including her bare feet, which are currently stamped on the earth below them all.
The very sight of her immediately takes Zuko back to earlier in the day and unfortunately, back to when he had stumbled over his words pathetically before the woman. Which is fine. It is fine because it is normal to feel strange around friends he had not seen in a while.
Especially in Toph’s case.
WIth the others, Zuko had seen them occasionally throughout the years. Suki served as a close confidant in her years as his head guard, with Sokka never too far behind on his visits to see the woman. As for Aang and Katara, catching up over meals was always expected during the many summits that they were all in attendance for.
But with Toph, the times he would see her were quite spread out through the years, more sparse than he’d like to admit regrettably.
Slowly, his eyes trail down from the top of the woman’s head.
Her hair rests high in its usual updo, with only a couple of strands peaking out from the crown of her head. Strands that linger over the porcelain skin belonging to the back of her neck, skin that hasn’t been touched by the heated glare of the sun like the rest of her body has.
Zuko isn’t sure how long his eyes linger on the back of her neck, only pulling himself out of his daze when the woman before him leans her head ever so slightly.
“Who is it?” She calls out, her voice firmer than how she sat.
She is relaxed in a way that Zuko only grows more tense at, too ashamed to admit to himself that the stirring sound of her voice and the serene sight of her is enough to send a spasm through his body.
“Toph.” He greets with the clearing of his throat, stepping towards her and only closer towards the smooth slant of her bare neck–
Zuko quickly pulls his eyes away from Toph.
Nope.
Eyes should not be looking there, eyes should be looking somewhere else.
The tree, Zuko. Look at the tree over there instead.
“Huh.” Toph makes a light noise, one that forces him to pull his eyes away from the drab sight of the tree and back to her.
To her. Not her neck. Never her neck, Zuko.
“I didn’t know you liked imitating people, Sparky.” Her tone grows teasing and Zuko jumps at the low sound of her nickname for him, one that reaches even farther in his body than the spasm earlier. However, he quickly collects the rest of her words with a more sound mind only to let out a noise of confusion.
“Imitation?” He repeats aloud, confused by her words.
“I mean, Toph. How original.” She adds with a light laugh to herself, and his mind quickly rushes through the last few moments of their encounter.
“You ... that’s not what I meant.” He tries to correct, struggling with the right words to say to her. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Suit yourself.” Toph shrugs, her bare shoulders raising in a way that only drags Zuko’s eyes back up to–
Nope, nope, nope.
He forces his eyes away from her once again, back to the tree that somehow looked even sadder in the way that its branches drooped.
Yep, look at the sad branches, Zuko.
“Are you just going to stand over me the whole time?” She asks, the offer of keeping her company synonymous with her question.
Or at least, Zuko will take it as such.
“It’s not like you could even see me if I did.” He responds back in a composed manner that he scrambles about himself to uphold. He steps down the few stairs that separate them, shortening the distance between them even more and getting him closer to her–
Okay, this is the third time. What is going on with him? Is this sleep deprivation, it must be sleep deprivation.
Zuko feels his heart erratically rushing through its pulses, his face growing heated at the stress rushing through him unbeknownst to the woman beside him. There is no shift in her current position to indicate anything to Zuko and he’s thankful that wood sits below them instead of earth. There is no telling what she would sense if he dared make contact with the dirt below, so he makes sure to avoid such a scenario when he sits down upon the wooden stairs just one step behind her.
He keeps his own boots on the last stair that she sits upon, tucking his knees in a way that makes him feel childish for even worrying about how he sat.
And he most definitely keeps his eyes on the tree branches, even with the closer proximity to her.
To her, not her neck, to Toph.
The tree, Zuko, the tree.
“So what’s going on with you?” She asks, her voice low but the question clear in its curiosity.
Zuko freezes.
Has he somehow been caught? But he isn’t even touching the ground!
Wait, caught how?
Because if he really thinks about it, it’s not like he’s doing anything wrong by staring at her neck–
No, no. Not there. What he means is, he’s not doing anything wrong by staring at Toph. After all, where else could he stare at?
He ignores the judgemental lean of the tree that lies in the periphery of his vision.
“What do you mean?” He manages to croak out, only stumbling over one syllable for a split second.
“What else could I mean?” Toph pushes back with a gruff tone, leaning back with her elbows now resting upon the very step he sits upon. He is able to now rest his eyes upon her face from the shift of her position and thankfully, her neck is now out of his vision.
Not that he is staring, of course.
He quickly remembers the question that she’s asked, scrambling once more to try and respond. However, she lets out a deep sigh from his silence and continues from her own words.
“Your uncle, duh.” She drops as if it has been obvious this whole time.
“Uncle?” He repeats aloud, her answer making him pause from his spiralling thoughts. However, it only sends him into another spiral of questions as concern quickly follows. “Has something happened to him? Is he–”
“Hold your ostrich horses.” She cuts in, and Zuko falls silent to her command instantly.
His gaze falls upon her face in the same action, taking in every detail that he has missed in the years where they have briefly met. Her bangs frame most of her face, falling like curtains that hide the light dusting of red upon the curve of her cheeks. Those very bangs hide away the light jade of her eyes, her gaze usually downward in defiance of a language that she had long accepted was not hers to yield to.
Age has undoubtedly sharpened her features, and yet Zuko can’t help but linger on the details that emphasises her softness under the grace of the moonlight.
This morning, she had brought with her an overwhelming landslide of energy, snark and sheer confidence. A contrast to the portrait she makes now, more serene and comfortable, and yet Zuko finds the sight just as fitting on her.
A small part of him hopes he can see her like this more often.
However, when the thought comes to his head, Zuko quickly collects himself to the present with the clearing of his throat.
“Ahem, my uncle?”
“Yeah, your uncle. Stop ignoring him.”
Her blunt words quickly take him aback and he spends a long moment giving a shocked look to the woman, before quickly realising that she would never return such an expression.
“What do you mean?” He asks, urging her with worry.
“Are you losing your hearing or something?” Toph responds back instead, because of course she would always choose to make things harder on Zuko than any easier choice.
“I’m not ignoring him.” He responds back in what he believes is a mature tone, but the long hum that comes from the woman’s neck–
Throat, not neck. Throat.
Tree, tree, tree.
The long hum that came from the woman’s throat is enough to quickly make Zuko feel overly conscious of his words.
“Your uncle came to visit you in the morning.” She states with no inflection to even make her words sound like a question, and yet he still feels the tugging need to say something to her.
“Yes.” He hopes it doesn’t sound as confused as he feels.
The sigh that comes from the woman’s lips instantly dashes his previous hopes of maintaining an image of composure before her.
“What have you been doing since this morning?” She finally asks, shifting around in her spot lightly.
Zuko stews in her question before responding.
“I’ve been working.”
And that’s all that he can recall at this moment.
However, Toph gives no indication to show she had heard his words, remaining quiet in the lean of her back against the stair. However, even with her silence, Zuko knows she has heard his reply so what is she trying to say here?
He repeats her words in his mind again and again, and then his own. When that doesn’t work, he repeats the entire conversation to himself internally.
And then, it clicks.
“Ah.”
“Flamey-o, Hotman.”
Her flat tone makes him feel anything but proud, despite her congratulations in words.
“I ... didn’t mean to ignore him. It’s just been incredibly busy.” He explains guiltily, rubbing at his face.
Unfortunately, it’s always been busy and Zuko isn’t sure how long it has been since it hasn’t been like this. With a large exhale from his very stomach, he untucks himself from his incredibly stuffy seating position. He stretches his legs out, resting his boots on the earth below with his knees appreciating the freedom of space.
How much must his uncle be aching after making the whole journey to the palace for him, only for Zuko to not return the same dedication?
“But you’re right Toph, and I appreciate you telling me.”
Only sincerity is present in his words, and Zuko pauses at how strangely soothed he feels.
Throughout his rule as firelord, flowery language and tangly urgings have become an overgrown constant within the conversations of palace councils. Something he has grown far too accustomed to, unfortunately. Windy like the rose bushes of the palace courtyards, and just as sharp as the thorns that stem from buried intents that Zuko always has to dig, pry and tug endlessly at.
But whereas the palace is the greenhouse that maintains all the flora in the form of overcompetent servants, meticulous ministers and tiresome etiquette, Toph is the rock that smashes through the delicate glass and sits in the middle of the mess as if it were her rightful place from the very beginning.
And Zuko would not have it any other way.
“First smart thing you said this entire day, Sparky.” She responds back, a smile coming onto her face at his acceptance. However, even with the satisfaction being clear in the woman beside him, Zuko can’t stop himself from wanting to do more.
“And, I’m sorry to you too.” He starts off.
She pauses at his words, likely out of surprise or confusion, but he continues.
“I should be spending time with Uncle, but I should be spending more time with you too. When was the last time we’ve had a chance like this after all?” A smile rises to his face and he turns to her with more confidence than ever before, especially since her arrival at the palace with his uncle. “Tomorrow, I’ll come by when I’m free and we can catch up, as friends.” He promises.
Yes, friends.
Because that’s what they are, and the reason why Zuko has been acting so strangely around her is because they haven’t had the chance to catch up recently.
“Focus on your uncle first, Sparky.” She responds back coolly, not quite an acceptance nor a rejection.
Zuko remains positive however, assured in his thinking.
Because when they do catch up, it means he can finally move on from being so conscious about her. He is sure that his consciousness of her will go away with the more time they spend together.
So when they do, everything will go back to normal.
Everything will definitely be fine.
Everything is not fine.
Because when Zuko finally manages to get the opportunity to escape the clutches of his advisers, and after he has finally spent some time catching up with his uncle after so long, he rushes over to the quarters that Toph is residing in by his mother’s choosing.
Except, he isn’t the only one who had the bright idea of visiting the woman.
And he knows this because when he stops just down the hallway from Toph’s quarters, he is the sole witness to Kiyi dragging Toph out.
She clutches onto the woman's arm tightly as she raves excitedly about plans that she had planned just for the two of them. When had that happened and why wasn’t he included in such discussions?
Did Kiyi forget that she needed to be given permission to leave the palace? For safety, of course. No other reason, none at all.
And did Toph forget the promise he had made to her last night, the one he had been so eagerly looking forward to?
No, no. It’s fine. He is mature. He is the oldest person here. He is the firelord for crying out loud, so he can sacrifice his own pride for the day to be mature for everyone here. To be the better person and make sure that everything is fine.
But when his sister sees him from afar, gape in mouth, she does the single most infuriating thing.
She sticks her tongue out at him, before tugging at Toph’s arm closer to her.
Everything is most definitely not fine.