Chapter Text
Chapter 02
It’s the day before my unofficial performance evaluation and I’m handling the pressure like a champ.
I mean, sure, my nails are chewed to hell and I haven’t managed to stomach anything more substantial than cold coffee and those disgusting protein smoothies for the last two days. But at least I’m not hiding in my bedroom, rocking back and forth with my face buried in my knees, imagining all the ways my lovingly curated life on Erid could fall apart.
(That only happened once and Adrian dragged me out, bundled me up in my quilt and then forced me to watch mindless TV until I fell into an exhausted sleep.)
It’s been a rough couple of days but I’ve tried my best to concentrate on the things I can control and not linger too much on the worst case scenarios my brain can come up with. Right now I’m poring over my notes for tomorrow one last time to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. The goal for tomorrow is to consistently keep my pebbles’ attention and give them all the chance to shine while showcasing their intelligence and creativity in fun and engaging ways. I want to make this ordeal as easy and stress-free as possible for them. They have hidden it well but they are just as nervous about tomorrow as I am even though they don’t have the full picture.
I’m chewing on my pen (better than my nails, not that there are many left) and debate with myself whether one of the experiments I have planned might be a bit too technical when there is suddenly a knock on my door.
I look up with a puzzled frown on my face, the pen dangling from my mouth.
Rocky told me he’d come by later today for one last pep-talk but ever since we made my cluster status official he hasn’t bothered knocking anymore. At least Adrian still raps their claws against the wood before letting themselves in but Rocky has taken to just barging in whenever he wants. I keep scolding him, asking him what he would have done if I had been doing something indecent like eating, and he keeps calling me stupid because he has been thoroughly desensitized to my disgusting eating habits during our four years together and it’s not like he can’t see me through the door anyway. Which kind of kills any further argument because what even is privacy anymore on a planet where everyone can look through walls?
It’s a bit of a scary thought and I have trouble admitting it to myself but I don’t actually mind my complete lack of privacy all that much. I’ve become shockingly indifferent to it to be honest. There is something comforting about the idea that I’m never entirely alone. That a part of Rocky (and to a lesser extent Adrian though they try to be less obvious about it) is always attuned to me in some way or another.
Not that there is much opportunity for me to be physically alone anyway. Rocky and Adrian might as well live here with how much time they spend in my biodome. I think if we’d been lucky enough to share the same atmosphere they would have already moved in.
There is another knock and I scramble to my feet, shouting: “I’m coming!”
By the time I reach the door and open it I’m already grinning ear to ear, gearing up to tease my friend about finally learning some manners in his old days. But when I see who is waiting for me on the other side I stop dead in my tracks.
Rocky is not alone.
There are two Eridians crowding my entrance. The first thing I notice is that they are both wearing suits that don’t seem to fit them. There is too much space between their exoskeletons and the xenonite. These must be some of the extra suits the biodome team keeps around for unexpected visitors, as rare as they are. Everyone that regularly enters my dome for tests or delicate maintenance work has their own custom designed suit so there are no limitations to their dexterity and mobility.
Both Eridians have very unique colors and patterns. The bigger of the two is a hot magenta with white and yellow swirls trailing down their carapace in spirals. The smaller one is almost entirely purple but the color seems to lose a lot of its opacity the lower you go. The top of their carapace is so deeply saturated that it appears black in the right light while the lower limbs and claws are a pale lavender.
They both look familiar but it still takes me a moment to place them.
Roo’s parents.
They are both a little bit taller than Rocky who’s keeping in the background, wringing his claws. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he’s hiding behind them.
“Surprise,” he says with a meek undertone. Even his jazz hands look lackluster.
Scratch that. He’s definitely hiding behind them.
“I’ll say,” I murmur and jump a little when the device Rocky has strapped to his suit repeats my words in Eridian. Ah. A translator. Of course.
Roo’s parents are fidgeting and squirming, constantly tugging on their oversized suits and shaking their carapace as if to get more comfortable. I get the feeling that they are staring up at me in anticipation. It suddenly occurs to me that I'm being a very bad host.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Hello. Welcome. Uh.” I take a step back and gesture inside. “Do you want to come… in?”
I have barely finished my invitation when they are already pushing past me into my home. Wow, that’s what I would call a strong sense of deja vu. Seems like barging into people’s homes is not a character trait exclusive to just Rocky.
Speaking of my best friend: He enters much more slowly than my two visitors, his carapace riding low to the ground as he slinks past me.
We both stare at the two Eridians who are excitedly running back and forth through my place. They seem fascinated by absolutely everything, pointing and chatting among themselves. It reminds me of my pebbles the first time they entered my home. Apart from them and Adrian and Rocky I can count on one hand the visitors I have entertained here, most of them members of my own personal medical team. Having two Eridians I barely know shift through my stuff is a surprisingly nerve-wracking experience.
I glance down at Rocky and raise an eyebrow.
“Thanks for the warning, pal.”
Rocky has the decency to sound contrite. “I didn’t have much warning either. They kind of ambushed me outside and asked me to bring them to Grace.”
My eyes narrow. “And you just… did?”
I trust Rocky more than I trust myself and I know him better than I know myself. So I know that he would never do anything that could hurt me and I also know that no one is allowed to push him around. He’s the most stubborn and protective person I know so the fact that these two are here now must mean that there is a good reason for that. Otherwise he never would have led them to my home, knowing how far that would push me outside of my comfort zone.
He pats at my leg to comfort me.
“I think you will like their surprise.”
“Surprise?”
“Savior Grace!” The purple one has been busy. They are holding one of my discarded t-shirts, running it through their claws. A pair of pants is draped over another limb. I have a feeling they might abscond with some of my stuff at the end of this visit if I’m not careful. With the shimmery purple carapace they actually look a little like a magpie.
I’m going to call them Mags from now on.
“Roo told us about the important visit tomorrow,” Mags continues, trying to cram one of their claws into the pocket of the pants.
“And that you don’t have appropriate attire,” the other Eridian adds. They have snuck up on me, pinching the hem of my cardigan. Or at least they are trying. The suit doesn’t quite match their claw size and they have a hard time taking a hold of the fabric. It must be like wearing too big gloves and being hampered by the excess cloth. After a few more tries they huff indignantly and give up.
Now that I’ve named one parent I’m trying to think of a fitting name for this one as well. The more I look at them, the more they remind me of a sunset.
I’m just going to call them Sunny.
(I’m tired, okay? No one ever tells you how exhausting it is to think up names all the time. I’m running out of ideas.)
Sunny puts a parcel I didn’t even notice on my coffee table. They then step up to the couch and the outfit I have laid out there for tomorrow.
“Is that it?” they question and I can hear the note of disbelief in their voice. I try not to fidget too obviously but I can feel my ears grow hot. Compared to the golden jewelry the shirt and cargo pants don’t look like much but they are the best I could do. No holes and no mysterious stains. It doesn’t get better than that after four years of circling through the same wardrobe over and over.
They shove the clothes aside and pick up the jewelry I have chosen for the big day. They click and vent in agitation. “You did not mean to wear this, did you? This is the style of the western hemisphere mixed with materials from the south and techniques from the last century. It is a travesty, an abomination! Only an amateur would make this. Is this the work of ♫♩♬♬? They are a blender, Savior Grace. Simply slapping gems on gold does not make good jewelry. Listen to this!” They shake the chain they are currently holding and then let it fall like it burned them. “Oh no, oh no. What a horrid sound. Savior Grace, that is not appropriate. Not at all. Now I understand why Roo asked for our help. Dear, listen to this! Unbelievable.”
Mags is busy shoving themselves under my table to reach a discarded shoe. Apart from the shirt and pants there is now also a scarf wrapped around the top of their xenonite suit. Why is there so much stuff lying around? Apparently I don’t even notice anymore. Maybe Adiran is right, I am a bit of a slob.
“Horrible,” they agree, sounding distracted. “Truly upsetting.”
“Upsetting,” Sunny repeats. “This won’t do.”
It’s not like I commissioned that jewelry or asked for it in the first place! I feel weirdly like I’m being scolded for wearing mismatched socks to work.
“I really appreciate your expert opinion but it’s a bit too late to make changes. I don’t know what Roo told you, but-”
“No but!” Sunny is obviously the ringleader of this little ambush. They gather up my clothes and the (apparently highly offensive) jewelry and shove it all to the ground. Before I can do more than utter a weak “Hey!” they have already come over to me and start herding me towards the couch. I throw a helpless look back at Rocky who is just laughing at me now, any sense of remorse long forgotten. I sit down heavily and a second later the parcel gets dumped on my lap. It’s lighter than I thought it would be considering the size. “We have made you an appropriate outfit. Haven’t we, dear?”
Mags tries to free my shoe of its shoelaces. I don’t think they are really listening anymore. “Yes dear.”
I think back on the other outfit I was offered by the last well meaning Eridians and cringe. This is a social nightmare. How am I supposed to gently refuse a gift from Roo's parents without offending them? I don’t want this to impact my relationship with my student.
“That is very nice, but-”
Sunny is already reaching over and impatiently opens the parcel for me. Sheesh. They are worse than Rocky.
I look down, expecting the worst.
Then I blink a few times, not quite understanding what I’m looking at. I reach down and lift up the item on top.
It’s the skirt I surrendered to them all those months ago.
The last time I saw it the hemline was almost completely unraveled and long trails of threads were hanging loose. Now all of that is gone. The hemline has been mended with a border made out of golden thread. The hem is asymmetrical now, the left side a little bit shorter than the right. Where it is the shortest there is also a small slit, just far enough to reach my knee. I can already tell, just by weighing it in my hands, that it will give the wearer more freedom to move and make it swing prettily. The skirt was originally a simple dark red all over but now there are patterns stitched into the material near the waistline with the same golden threat that had been used for the hemline. They look a lot like Adrians and Rocky’s cluster mark and I have to look away before I start bawling.
I put it to the side to get to the next item. It’s my old light grey shirt although there is nothing old about it anymore. It looks brand new. They have added a golden clasp to the shoulder which holds a shimmery, see-through material in place that looks a lot like the one that must have been used for my headdress. It will fall over half my front and then circle back over my back. Like a toga, almost. The stain is still there but the silvery material covers it and makes it a lot less obvious. There are new buttons too but they have a bit of a weird shape. I have to lean really close to make out what they are supposed to be.
Tiny models of the Hail Mary.
My breath catches.
Rocky climbs the back of the couch so he is hovering over my shoulder. “I told you you would like the surprise.”
“Of course Savior Grace likes it,” Sunny huffs and stands up straighter. They sound so much like Roo right now. “We know what we are doing, not like amateur ♫♩♬♬. Don’t we, dear?”
“Yes we do,” comes a voice from somewhere near my bedroom. Mags is probably digging through my underwear as we speak but I don’t even care anymore. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude.
“Thank you so much. Really. This must be the fanciest outfit I’ve ever owned.”
Sunny clicks, sounding almost scandalized. “Really?” They address Rocky who shrinks back at the biting remark. “Savior Rocky needs to take better care of cluster mate! Needs to shower them with gifts or someone else will.”
Rocky grumbles and I laugh a little and rub at my eyes. I arrange the outfit next to me on the couch and admire it. Maybe it’s not quite ethical to accept gifts from a student's parents. On earth I never would have done that but life moves differently here on Erid, doesn’t it? And does it even count as bribery if they gift me back my own stuff? That’s a pretty good loophole that I will gladly exploit.
“I’ll definitely wear this tomorrow. Thank you again, so much.”
“Happy happy happy,” Sunny says and dances on the spot.
“Don’t forget second surprise.” Mags has returned to the living room. Their limbs are empty so maybe I was a bit too hasty with my name for them but it’s stuck in my head now. They are wearing one of my beanies on the top of their carapace though. It is hopelessly stretched out now and I decide that they can have it if they want.
“Second surprise?” I repeat and look down. I didn’t notice it before but there is another, smaller parcel that was hidden under the clothes. When I lift it something inside of it rattles.
“This is from the pebbles in your class. Roo requisitioned their help and they have all worked on it at our home for two days. Our child asked us to deliver it to you.”
I unwrap the parcel and take a look.
Something inside of me unclenches at the sight that greets me.
“I think it will clash horribly with the rest of the outfit,” Sunny says but they don’t sound nearly as annoyed as when they were tearing apart the jeweler's work. Instead they seem fond and amused. “But at least it was made with heart and dedication to the craft and I think Savior Grace won’t care anyway, does he?”
I laugh and don’t even try to stop the happy tears this time.
“Nope. I don’t.”
********************************************
“What are you wearing?”
I turn towards the one that has so rudely interrupted my preparations for the day ahead. The voice is coming from the new room that has more or less appeared overnight. It is set back a little from the part where the pebbles will be. The xenonite is a bit darker, murky almost. Adrian explained that it’s because of the extra layer of a special insulation they applied. None of the pebbles will be able to hear the inside of the room but I will still be able to see everything going on in there with my very human eyes. I still think this is a lot of effort just to stare at me while I do my thing for a few hours but there are apparently no limits to what the Entities can demand.
They are thankfully not here yet and I’ve been informed that when they do arrive they will mostly keep to the shadows in the back and not directly interact with me at all. All this secrecy is starting to annoy me but I’m not doing so well with crowds so the less I see of them the better I think.
The one who called out to me is one of the Elders. I wince when I notice who it is. They are the one in charge of this district and therefore the one I have the most contact with.
I’ve called them Snow like the guy from Hunger Games. There was a time when my kids were obsessed with the books and then the movies and like any good teacher trying to keep up with their ramblings and inside jokes I rented the first movie to see what the hype was all about. Post-amnesia me doesn’t remember a lot about the plot but I remember the Snow character and how he physically made me recoil in all of his scenes.
It’s a bit like asking what came first, the egg or the chicken. I can’t tell anymore if I named them Snow because of my dislike for them or if I did them a disservice by assigning them such a hated namesake, coloring my opinion of them. I can't even tell what it is about them that is rubbing me the wrong way. They are usually very polite to me and have given me no reason to dislike them but something about their attitude makes me antsy every time. There is something always slightly condescending about the way they talk to me, as if I’m barely more coherent than a trained animal that learned a neat trick.
Sometimes I wonder if my distaste for politicians is just hardwired into my brain and influencing my opinions but I really don’t think so.
Rocky doesn’t like them either which is not really an indicator since Rocky is the type of friend who hates your enemies even more than you do without needing any further reasons or excuses.
But Adrian has also been rather cold with them on the few occasions they have talked.
That’s definitely a red flag.
They interpret my distracted silence as confusion and indicate my outfit with an agitated claw. “That is not what has been provided for you.”
I look down at myself and shrug my shoulders. “No it's not.” Whether it's my nerves or their obvious disapproval with my fashion choices, I feel a bit cheeky. I do a little twirl and finish it with overly cheerful jazz hands. “What do you think?”
My new skirt flatters around my legs and the Hail Mary buttons glitter in the artificial light. The clothes fit perfectly, even better than before I gave them away. Echolocation is the ultimate measuring tool it seems.
But it's the jewelry that brings it all together.
Snow huffs through their vents. “That jewelry is not appropriate attire for the occasion, Savior Grace.”
“I think it is very appropriate. My students made it for me and they put a lot of work into it.”
The jewelry my pebbles made does not look anything like the stuff the council provided for me. The materials for one are a lot cheaper and less refined. Instead of gold they have worked with xenonite and while it is obvious that they have put a lot of work into it and that it is still miles above the quality of anything I’ve ever owned or seen on earth, you can tell that it was made by inexperienced pebble claws. The links of the chains are different sizes and gems are cut unevenly. One of the clip-on earrings is a little bit longer than the other while the bracelets are chunky and too big. I had to shove some of them up to just under my armpit to keep them from slipping off my wrists. You can see in some of the pieces where their little tools slipped when they tried to carve pictures into the surface. Small scratches and notches that are obviously not supposed to be there.
Snow is right. It is probably inappropriate for the occasion.
I love it.
Not just because my pebs made it for me but because it feels like me! The sounds of the necklaces jangling and the bracelets clinking against each other don’t grate in my ears, they bring a smile to my face.
For the first time in a long while I feel comfortable in my own skin.
“My apologies,” Snow interrupts my genuine admiration of the craftsmanship. “But I have to insist that you change.”
A few months ago this would have thrown me for a loop. I would have panicked and not known what to do because I was still so insecure about pretty much everything. My place here. My future. I thought every act of resistance might be enough for them to throw me off their planet. The last time I lost my temper I was shunned from and ridiculed by an entire community. Amnesia notwithstanding, you don’t forget that or the feeling of complete alienation and loneliness that comes with that. Sometimes I still feel a bit of the old low self-esteem rear its ugly head but Rocky and Adrian have done an amazing job boosting my confidence and encouraging me to speak my mind.
For a fleeting moment I can feel my conviction waver. I know how important it is that I make a good first impression. But all I have to do is remember the fact that the original plan had been to spring this on me from one day to the other. If they had gone through with that I wouldn’t have had any preparation time at all! I would have stood before them in my old well-worn clothes with no jewelry whatsoever and it would have had to be enough then too. All this performative affectation by the elders is really starting to tick me off.
“And I will have to decline,” I say and try to channel my inner Stratt. It is surprisingly satisfying. “You should take a seat. Class is about to begin.”
“Human Grace, I really have to insist-”
“That is Savior Grace to you.”
I smirk as Rocky appears seemingly out of nowhere from behind my board. Snow must have been too distracted by my insolence to notice him because they jump a foot in the air and make a noise I wish I could have recorded.
“Savior Rocky, I just-”
Rocky cuts them off with a wave of his limb, an endearingly human gesture. He settles in next to me. “I don’t care. You heard him, take your seat and shut up.”
“Not quite what I said,” I mutter under my breath but can’t help the satisfied smile when Snow slinks away and settles down in the corner of the observation room. I look down at my protector and flutter my eyelashes. “My knight in shining armor.”
“Knight in xenonite suit which is much better.”
I laugh and he leans against my legs. I’m still unbelievably anxious about today but his presence helps a lot. He won’t be allowed to stay but he and Adrian will wait further down the beach where they can ‘keep an eye’ on things from a distance. It’s not like their presence will be a secret to anyone but it’s not like anyone can forbid them from supporting me as my cluster mates.
“Grace doesn’t need to be nervous. Grace is the best human teacher on Erid.”
“Hey!”
“And Grace sounds beautiful. Shape very nice and clear.”
I smile down at him. “Words of great mockery?”
“No. Words of great affection.”
I kneel down and give him the biggest hug I can muster. I can practically feel the nervousness leaking out of me. If my best friend can believe in me, so can I.
“Words of great affection right back at you.”
We stay like that for a moment longer. I don’t even care that Snow is probably watching us with their usual disapproval. But every good thing has to come to an end and I can hear my pebbles slowly filter into their side of the classroom.
I squeeze him one last time and then shoo him away. He gives me a thumbs down and then skitters down the beach to where I can barely make out the shape of Adrian patiently waiting for him. I wave and think I can see them wave back but then a loud gasp makes me turn away.
“Teacher Grace sounds amaze amaze amaze!” Sam screeches. A few of my pebbles have gathered in front of the barrier and are excitedly pointing at me. “Sam made the big bracelet! It looks the best!”
“I made the earrings,” Quinn shouts. Their jazz hands almost push Tori over before the little one ducks under their limbs and repeatedly taps the xenonite.
“Teacher Grace likes presents? Really really likes them?”
I grin and crouch down in front of them all. More and more pebbles arrive for the class and all of them trill and shout upon seeing me, pointing out the individual pieces they made.
“I love them! Thank you so much, everyone.”
Roo pushes towards the front and regards me silently for a few seconds before they stomp their limb decidedly.
“Better!”
“Better,” I agree with a soft smile.
The sound of frantic tapping breaks through the chaos and I look over to the additional space. The sound is coming from Snow who looks like they might break a claw with how hard they knock against the barrier to get my attention. At first I can’t tell why they are so agitated. Some more elders have arrived, all of them Eridians that I like a lot better than Snow. I wave at them with a smile but they barely tilt their carapace at me in greeting and don’t say a word. Weird. They are normally much more talkative and open but they seem subdued and… frightened? It is only when I have stared into the semi dark for a while that I can make out more details.
There is something at the back of the room.
The shadows are a lot darker over there and between one breath and another they move. I swallow heavily. I can’t make out a specific shape but whatever is lurking at the back hiding in the darkness is big.
Really, really big.
“Teacher Grace? Is everything ok?” Len asks and I take a deep breath. My heart is racing and I try my best to get it under control. The pebbles are nervous enough already, no reason to add to that by going into cardiac arrest.
“Everything is fine.” Wow, I sound completely normal. Go, me! “Class is about to begin. Please take your seats and we can get started.”
They all scramble to their assigned places and I allow myself one last deep breath. This is just like my first few years as a teacher when the school board would occasionally come around to audit my lessons.
Yep. Just like that. Uncomfortable and annoying but over before you know it. I’ll just have to do what I always do and hope that it will be enough to get these Eridians off my back, preferably forever.
Should be easy.
“Alright. Showtime.”