Chapter Text
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 9 when he met a strange, pale boy with bandages sticking out.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 9 when that boy died in his arms.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 9 when he met a strange child on the train tracks.
He can’t remember much.
That’s a lie, he remembers everything so perfectly well, it was haunting him.
Only that he was shocked when he saw bruises on the other’s skin, the bandages didn’t fool him.
So of course he was concerned.
And to make things worse, the pale child kept coughing.
And Cheng Xiaoshi wasn’t stupid.
He saw blood dripping.
He saw petals falling down.
He saw a whole flower coming out.
And thanks to Qiao Ling, he knew what it was.
Hanahaki disease.
He can’t remember much except all the coughing and flowers and crying.
The worst part is that Cheng Xiaoshi was crying.
And he doesn’t even know the other boy.
Yet he seemed so familiar.
Maybe that’s why he was crying.
Or well maybe it was because a person was actively dying in front of him.
And maybe it was also because of Cheng Xiaoshi.
If he hadn't guessed the cause, would the strange child still be alive?
It would’ve been traumatic enough on it’s own.
If the other boy didn’t seem to know him.
But he did.
And Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t.
It left him pondering for years.
The strange child didn’t even say his name.
Yet he knew Cheng Xiaoshi.
Spoke his final words as if they met countless times before.
Spoke a whole beautiful speech.
Spoke as if he had one more important secret he needed to say, but he never did.
Cheng Xiaoshi remembered how the child was saying that he shouldn’t be disturbed by his dying.
That he should just forget about today and move on.
And then the strange child's eyes went a shiny blue for a second as he grabbed Cheng Xiaoshi’s hand.
Cheng Xiaoshi can only remember feeling utterly confused and absolutely heartbroken.
How can the strange child really expect Cheng Xiaoshi to just move on?
Not with so many mysteries surrounding the boy and his death.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 9 when a strange child died in his arms.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 9 when he knew he would never get over it.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 19 when he was still grieving the strange child.
He didn’t think that often about him anymore.
But when it was late at night and he stared at the sky.
He sometimes recalled memories of that day.
It’s been 10 years.
Yet Cheng Xiaoshi can still recall a lot of things that happened that day.
Sometimes he even gets dream about the strange child.
Sometimes they turn into nightmares.
Still Cheng Xiaoshi thinks about the strange boy sometimes.
Grieves him just as he grieves his parents.
And keeps thinking about who he was.
Who he could be.
Kept thinking about the words he said.
The looks he gave.
Still Cheng Xiaoshi knows it’s unhealthy to think that much about somebody who’s passed.
So he tries to live a happy life, just as the strange boy and his parents wanted.
Yet sometimes Cheng Xiaoshi realizes that he was still grieving.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 20 when he discovered he had powers.
He can jump inside a photo and possess the person’s body.
His eyes turn golden.
Sometimes it reminds Cheng Xiaoshi of lonely silver eyes.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was still 20 when Qiao Ling discovered her powers.
Qiao Ling can discern a person’s every movement in a picture.
She can even acces their memories.
Her eyes turn white.
And sometimes it makes him think of sad silver eyes.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 20 when he sometimes felt like he had another power inside of him.
He doesn’t know how it works.
But sometimes, when he is diving into pictures.
He feels like he can foresee everything that is going to happen.
Sometimes Cheng Xiaoshi thinks about how maybe those powers could’ve saved that strange boy.
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Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling were 20 when they realized they could combine their powers.
It was by doing a high fist bump.
And suddenly Cheng Xiaoshi could use Qiao Ling’s powers as well as his own.
It scared them.
They promised to only use when it’s necessary.
Sometimes Cheng Xiaoshi wishes that the power would let him see into the strange child's memories.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he discovered an old picture lying around.
And he let it fall out of his hands in shock.
It was a picture of the day.
That day.
The day the strange boy died.
It was a picture the sickly child made that day.
It was laying in his pocket.
Yet Cheng Xiaoshi kept it as memory all these years.
As a way to honor him.
It was a picture of that day.
And Cheng Xiaoshi knew what he had to do.
It was going to be painful.
It was going to be hard.
It was going to bring out a very bad memory.
But Cheng Xiaoshi had to know.
He needed to know the name of the strange boy.
Just for closure.
He told himself.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he thought about saving the strange boy.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he dived back to that day for the first time.
And it still was as horrible as he remembered.
But now he saw everything from the silver eyes.
And Cheng Xiaoshi discovered the child’s name.
It was Lu Guang.
And somehow it made perfectly sense.
Somehow it felt right.
And Cheng Xiaoshi felt like he could finally move on.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was still 21 when he wanted to know more about Lu Guang.
He swore to himself he only wanted to know the name.
But now he was curious.
Curious as to what life Lu Guang led.
Curious as to why Lu Guang ended up with so many bruises.
Curious as to why Lu Guang ended up not loving himself.
So Cheng Xiaoshi said to Qiao Ling that it was an emergency.
And she agreed.
A fist bump later.
And
oh.
Cheng Xiaoshi saw everything Lu Guang went through.
And now he gets it.
And he hates it.
He wishes he could’ve done something for Lu Guang.
Wishes he could’ve met Lu Guang earlier.
Wishes he could let Lu Guang see that he was worth it.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he wished he could’ve saved Lu Guang.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he asked Qiao Ling to fist bump again.
She said it was getting unhealthy.
Cheng Xiaoshi said he was honoring his friend's legacy.
I mean, they are, aren’t they?
They have this whole different connection now.
And Cheng Xiaoshi likes to believe they could’ve been great friends.
Qiao Ling looks like she doesn’t want him to dive again.
Cheng Xiaoshi promises that this wasn’t getting weird.
So he tapped into Lu Guang’s memories again.
Trying to discover how Lu Guang knew him.
And trying to discover who Lu Guang was.
But there was something strange.
Cheng Xiaoshi could swear some memories were wrong.
As if they had been replaced with different ones.
Because Lu Guang and he only met once.
On that day.
So why is there suddenly a memory of Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi meeting again by the train tracks?
That never happened.
Qiao Ling concludes that their combined powers aren’t working well.
Cheng Xiaoshi agrees.
Yet as he was still 21, Cheng Xiaoshi feels like there is more to the story.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he dove back into Lu Guang’s memories.
Only this time there were more memories he had never seen before.
More memories that were contradicting each other.
And memories that shouldn’t have been there.
In most memories, Lu Guang had silver eyes.
Yet in a lot of memories, his eyes would turn blue as he did some vague job for his father.
It all should spook Cheng Xiaoshi, but it just made him curious.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he started to notice that Lu Guang had a lot more secrets.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was still 21 when he had his big break.
Because he saw an older Lu Guang.
An older Lu Guang whose eyes turned blue.
And who had powers.
Lu Guang had powers.
But the worst part is?
Lu Guang was older in those memories.
With an older Cheng Xiaoshi next to him.
Cheng Xiaoshi could never forget how he felt when he saw himself in Lu Guang’s memories.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he thought that Lu Guang might be a time traveller.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he realized that Lu Guang was a time traveller.
It was the only thing that made sense.
It’s why his eyes turned blue.
It’s why he died, and yet there were memories of Lu Guang being older.
It’s why there have been multiple memories contradicting each other.
Lu Guang was a time traveller.
Yet as he died.
His eyes turned blue.
And Cheng Xiaoshi’s skin felt warm.
Sometimes, at age 21, Cheng Xiaoshi thinks that Lu Guang gave his powers to him.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he watched Lu Guang’s memories again.
This time with the lens of a person who could be a time traveller.
And a lot more things made sense.
And it made it easier to navigate Lu Guang’s memories.
It was hard to know which memories were from which timelines.
Everything was so jumbled together.
Or maybe they were all from different timelines.
Maybe it was a couple of the same ones.
Either way, the only consistent thing was him.
Cheng Xiaoshi.
God, he was in almost all of them.
Same with Qiao Ling.
And they all ended the same way too.
With the both of them….
Dead.
Cheng Xiaoshi would’ve been more freaked out.
If it all didn’t feel so disconnected.
After all, he never even knew Lu Guang that well.
Yet all the memories show so many timelines where they were so close.
Coworkers.
Friends.
Partners.
It was confusing knowing that every other him had the chance to know Lu Guang.
And yet this Cheng Xiaoshi was just stuck watching the memories.
Still, it did slightly help Cheng Xiaoshi feel a bit closer to Lu Guang.
Even if it were Lu Guang from different universes.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he wished he could’ve known Lu Guang too.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he realized Lu Guang had saved everyone except himself.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was almost 22 when he went through Lu Guang’s memories again.
Qiao Ling was getting more concerned that he had an obsession.
He didn’t.
He just wanted to honor Lu Guang.
And all the Lu Guang’s from past timelines.
In every timeline, Cheng Xiaoshi died.
And in every timeline, Lu Guang vowed to himself to try again to keep him alive.
It was so surreal.
But it made Cheng Xiaoshi’s heart break when he saw Lu Guang’s face keep getting greyer.
It didn’t help that Cheng Xiaoshi saw Lu Guang’s childhood as well.
It was so fucking unfair.
Lu Guang did so much for all the other Cheng Xiaoshis.
And now he just died?
Without getting anything in return?
Fuck that.
Lu Guang never gave up on him.
So Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn’t either.
And he might know a way to fix it all.
Cheng Xiaoshi was almost 22 when he decided to go back in time and save Lu Guang.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 9 again when he went back to Lu Guang’s first timeline.
The plan was perfect.
After realizing which timeline was the first timeline, Cheng Xiaoshi knew that all he had to do was fix Lu Guang’s hanahaki disease.
Cheng Xiaoshi would meet him earlier so Lu Guang would never develop it.
But when he jumped back into the picture, it was actually that day.
The day when Lu Guang died in his arms.
Cheng Xiaoshi had half the instinct to return to his timeline immediately.
After all, the memories of that day still haunt him.
But when he saw the same sickly boy next to the train tracks again.
Cheng Xiaoshi teared up.
This was the small boy who went through his own hell his entire life.
Yet he spent all those timelines to save him.
Cheng Xiaoshi.
Because he was that important to Lu Guang.
And that small boy would grow up to hate himself.
And it was just so unfair.
But now Cheng Xiaoshi can do it.
Can fix the timeline.
Can fix Lu Guang.
So he ignored all the bullshit Lu Guang was saying.
Even now, he still looked so pale.
Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t prepare a speech, so it all would come out of his heart naturally.
So he grabbed the white-haired boy hand and talked for ages about whatever.
What kind of future they could live.
If Lu Guang would start loving himself.
Because that’s the root of his illness.
Cheng Xiaoshi made him a promise that if Lu Guang would do that, they would become great partners in the future.
He promised it to Lu Guang.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 9 years old again when he promised Lu Guang they would meet again.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he was 19 again.
Well, it’s what he gets from not properly exploring Lu Guang’s power.
Cheng Xiaoshi wanted to jump back to his timeline.
But now he is 19 again, and he was playing basketball.
When he saw a handsome white-haired man taking pictures near the bench.
So Cheng Xiaoshi ran to Lu Guang.
Knowing that the other would remember him.
He did.
And Cheng Xiaoshi was so happy that he helped Lu Guang overcome his disease.
Till he saw a petal flying down.
And they were both shocked.
And Cheng Xiaoshi was shocked.
Did Cheng Xiaoshi not save him?
But he told Lu Guang the root of his disease.
How did it not fix him?
He expected a healthy Lu Guang.
A Lu Guang he will experience just like all the other timeline Cheng Xiaoshi.
Instead, it seemed like Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t do anything.
Lu Guang didn’t seem surprised, only guilty.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he went back in time to save Lu Guang.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 in his 19-year-old body when he realized it might take more to save Lu Guang.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he was 19.
But he decided to stay.
For now.
Just to get to know this Lu Guang.
So Cheng Xiaoshi could make Lu Guang start believing how great he is.
After all, he only knew Lu Guang’s memories.
Because he already felt a deep connection to Lu Guang.
So why not learn together how to love Lu Guang?
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Cheng Xiaoshi was still 19 when he realized that Lu Guang didn’t believe him.
Not really.
Lu Guang listened.
He nodded.
Sometimes he even smiled.
Although it was very rare.
But Cheng Xiaoshi could read him more easily now.
Lu Guang was lying.
He didn’t believe a word Cheng Xiaoshi said.
And it was hard.
Because can’t Lu Guang see how sincere Cheng Xiaoshi is being?
But he won’t give up.
So he tried again.
And again.
And again.
Tried it in different ways.
To show Lu Guang he was serious.
And every time Lu Guang tried to ignore the affections,
Cheng Xiaoshi would be right beside him.
Not saying anything.
Only praying that staying shows how sincere he is.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 19 when he realized saving Lu Guang wasn’t going to be easy.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 19 when Lu Guang did something for himself.
And he didn’t even realize it.
He was tired.
So he asked Cheng Xiaoshi if he could rest.
He didn’t want to force himself to work in these conditions.
Scared that he wouldn’t be composed and collected, he said.
Said that he wanted to continue, but he couldn't.
And Cheng Xiaoshi knows what it is.
Knows that these must be old Lu Guang habits.
Knows that these are old Lu Guang beliefs.
Knows that this is Lu Guang being scared to ask.
Yet trusting Cheng Xiaoshi enough to ask.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21-going-on-19 when the first seeds started to show up.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was almost 20 when Lu Guang made a new step.
And Cheng Xiaoshi helped.
He didn’t even do anything special.
He just complimented Lu Guang’s cooking skills.
Usually Lu Guang would just dismiss it with a stoic face.
But now he paused.
Stared at Cheng Xiaoshi with intense eyes.
His face never changed expression, yet seemed to soften.
And he muttered a quiet thank you.
And Cheng Xiaoshi wanted to frame that moment in a picture.
Because whatever Cheng Xiaoshi did, it must be working, right?
The coughs were still there.
But the petals weren’t as bloody as they used to be.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21, going on 19, when he began to realize they had a chance to live.
Both of them.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was almost 20 when he finally told Lu Guang the truth.
He spent so long trying to figure out how to tell him.
What if Lu Guang hates him after this?
What if this undoes everything?
What if telling the truth means Lu Guang doesn’t trust him anymore?
Yet Lu Guang just frowned a bit.
But then he comforted Cheng Xiaoshi.
As if Cheng Xiaoshi wasn’t here to save Lu Guang.
But then he smiled the softest smile.
And thanked Cheng Xiaoshi for trusting him.
And maybe things were getting better.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was almost 20 when Lu Guang revealed he had powers.
Cheng Xiaoshi was almost 20 when he told Lu Guang he had the same powers.
Combined with his own.
One power from Cheng Xiaoshi himself.
And one power he got from Lu Guang himself.
And Lu Guang didn’t even hesitate to believe him.
He believed Cheng Xiaoshi immediately when he told him about the other Lu Guang.
Cheng Xiaoshi had been living in this timeline for a year when he finally could tell Lu Guang about the other timelines.
And Lu Guang believed him.
And his other self.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 20 when he started going on his first dive with Lu Guang.
Just like all the other timelines.
Just like them now.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 20 when Lu Guang made a big mistake in their dive.
Cheng Xiaoshi was afraid of Lu Guang slipping back into his old habits.
That he would lose him to his own obsession with getting things right.
Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t know what to do.
So he gave him a hug.
Telling him he wasn’t angry.
Telling him it wasn’t his fault.
And Lu Guang, for once, just sat quietly in Cheng Xiaoshi’s arms.
And Cheng Xiaoshi realized that the words weren’t getting to him.
Lu Guang’s face was blank and devoid of any emotion.
His body went stiff as if he was going through the same motions as always.
But at least Lu Guang promised.
Lu Guang promised to try to believe it more.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was 20 when Lu Guang made a mistake.
And for once he didn’t berate his own worth.
He just sighed.
And tried again.
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Cheng Xiaoshi was almost 21 when he realized that there wasn’t a lot of blood anymore.
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‘’Lu Guang! Are you ready? Qiao Ling is already waiting!’’ shouted Cheng Xiaoshi from the stairs. A tired-looking Lu Guang came from the bathroom. His usual frown was on his face as he made his way to Cheng Xiaoshi.
‘’Stop shouting. I was two feet away from you, fool,’’ mumbled he slightly annoyed.
Cheng Xiaoshi just rolled his eyes playfully and put his arms around Lu Guang. ‘’Awh Guangie, don’t be like that! And hey, what if you can’t hear me because of music or something?’’
‘’You’re the only one between us that listens to music in the shower.’’
Oh well, he wasn’t wrong about that.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes then fell onto Lu Guang’s outfit. And that’s when Cheng Xiaoshi took a good, quick look at him. And why does Lu Guang look amazing? He was wearing one of Cheng Xiaoshi’s favorite sweaters.
And it did something.
It felt so domestic.
Sometimes he wondered how his timeline would go.
It was a thing they were going to find out.
The both of them.
Often Cheng Xiaoshi sat up awake at night, wondering when this dream was going to end. Wondering if maybe this was something he hallucinated. Sometimes he wonders if he made a mistake not go to back to his own timeline, wondering what Qiao Ling was doing.
Honestly, he still isn’t sure sometimes if he did make the right decision.
But when he catches small glimpses of a real Lu Guang smile, Cheng Xiaoshi felt happy. Happy to know that he also got to meet Lu Guang. Meeting him felt like fate. As if life was finally starting to get right. As if this is how it’s supposed to go. As if this was the way Cheng Xiaoshi should’ve lived from the start.
And that Lu Guang dying was never supposed to be the true timeline.
He wonders if Lu Guang got his powers to save Cheng Xiaoshi.
Or if Cheng Xiaoshi got Lu Guang’s powers to save Lu Guang.
Don’t get him wrong, Lu Guang still isn’t healed from his disease yet. But Cheng Xiaoshi has patience. After all, he’s only been in this timeline for 2 years; meanwhile, Lu Guang went through countless ones to save him. It was only fair to wait a little.
Still Cheng Xiaoshi wonders how Lu Guang would look like without his disease. Would he still be sickly pale? Or would a healthy blush cover his cheeks? Would his eyebags go away or are they just a part of him?
But at least it wasn’t bad anymore.
These days, the blood was rarely there.
Petals were still coming out, but….
the blood wasn’t there anymore.
And that is good, right?
Cheng Xiaoshi did a good job to try and help Lu Guang like himself. He knew he could never do it for Lu Guang. But he can help. Give the grace and patience all the other Lu Guang’s gave but never received.
‘’You’ve been staring at me for the past few minutes, are you okay? We can cancel if you don’t feel well,’’ intrerruped Lu Guang’s worried voice.
Sometimes it feels like this Lu Guang is more innocent and carefree with his expressions. But it would make sense if this was the first timeline. The one where Lu Guang never knew about the death nodes. Cheng Xiaoshi could barely understand it himself, so he never tried to fully explain it to Lu Guang.
He remembers the time he told Lu Guang about all those other timelines and events as if it was yesterday. After that day Lu Guang did have more anxiety, yet he wasn’t as closed off as the other Lu Guang’s. This Lu Guang seemed to have more confidence that if Cheng Xiaoshi, Qiao Ling, and Lu Guang worked together, they would save Cheng Xiaoshi from the death node.
And honestly Cheng Xiaoshi should be more worried about that. But he can’t. Not when that day isn’t here yet. Not when Lu Guang needs more help than Cheng Xiaoshi right now.
‘’I’m just glad that I met you, that’s all’’ saved Cheng Xiaoshi a little too soft. Lu Guang’s eyes widend a bit. But the corner of hs mouth turned up.
‘’For the record, I am too Cheng Xiaoshi.’’ Lu Guang’s face didn’t change a lot but Cheng Xiaoshi could definitely see the spark in his eyes.
No, Lu Guang wasn’t healed yet.
And Cheng Xiaoshi could still die in the future.
And yet, this time it felt different.
As if maybe they will be okay.
That one day they both will live in peace.
That one day all of the upsetting events will leave them behind and they can just go and live their lives.
In peace.
Sometimes Cheng Xiaoshi wonders if he did the right thing.
But when he sees his two most important people standing in the same room as him.
Breathing.
Alive.
Happy.
For the most part.
Cheng Xiaoshi knew he wouldn’t trade this for the world.
Besides he already promised he would save Lu Guang. And that’s a promise Cheng Xiaoshi would never break.
But he should stop worrying for now.
Because Lu Guang was now self-aware enough to know what he needs to do to save himself.
And Cheng Xiaoshi was self-aware enough to know that he has the power to help Lu Guang.
And well, Qiao Ling?
Well she was pretty self-aware from the beginning, so she’s fine.
Because for now life is good. The dives were still hard but they have each other now. Lu Guang still got flare-ups and flashbacks. Qiao Ling was still feeling stressed about her friends. And Cheng Xiaoshi still had quite a couple of bad days. Miscommunications still happened. Fights still happened.
But they were trying their best.
And they were getting there.
And Cheng Xiaoshi felt hopeful for the future.
Cheng Xiaoshi was 21 when he realized they have all the time in the world now.
And that’s all they need.