Chapter Text
The day of the date arrived, and neither boy looked like they had really gotten any rest ahead of time. Varka’s pep talk had helped Illuga, but he was still pretty nervous. Lohen had eventually remembered how to pitch a tent, but his hands were shaky at best.
Despite all of their trepidations, they had agreed to come to each other as they were and go from there. A relationship built on trust instead of expectations. That was the goal, at least.
Lohen met Illuga at the base of Piramida, and then they continued north to Amsvartnir. Neither seemed to be able to figure out how to start a conversation. After a while, Illuga reached out the hand that wasn’t holding the picnic basket to hold Lohen’s hand. Or at least, a few fingers, if Lohen would let him.
Lohen held his hand so tightly, Illuga thought he might lose feeling in it. That finally broke the ice.
“Hey, are you o-” Illuga started before Lohen cut him off.
“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t-” Lohen shivered. “I’ve…I’ve never done this before.”
Illuga looked at him with soft eyes. “Neither have I.”
The knight’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Really.”
Lohen looked like some of his nervousness had finally started to settle down, and he attempted a smile. “Well, I guess that means neither of us have anything to compare it to, so things can only go up from here, right?”
Illuga, unfortunately, was still pretty nervous. “Right…”
Lohen stopped, and he made eye contact with the other boy. His gaze was intense, but he did what he could to seem more…approachable.
“I want you to know that no matter what you made,” his eyes flickered to the picnic basket, and then back to Illuga’s face, “I’m happy to be doing this with you.”
Illuga flushed. “I’m…I’m happy to be doing this with you too.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
Another awkward silence settled in as they continued their walk, but this time their hands stayed clasped together. Lohen had eased up on his grip, but his hand was still fairly tense. Even so, despite how uncomfortable it may have been, neither of them wanted to let go.
They were treading new territory, and they were determined to do so together, one fragile step at a time.
---
Lohen had decided to set up their proposed campsite ahead of time to avoid looking like a fool in front of his maybe boyfriend? Almost friend? They had agreed to date but he wasn't really sure if they were full on boyfriends.
He had snagged one of the nicer backup tents from Favonius Keep, and inside the tent was furnished with a decently comfortable cot big enough for two. Outside of the tent, there was a spot for a cozy campfire, freshly-cut logs to sit on that had divots carved out for greater comfort, and ample sticks set aside for roasting.
Illuga smiled, and it lit up Lohen’s whole world.
“This is wonderful, thank you so much.”
Lohen’s posture swiftly changed from one of nervousness to one of pride, attempting to shove that anxiety back down. “If there is one thing I most definitely should be good at, it’s making camp.”
What Illuga didn’t need to know, was that his personal camps were usually much more sparse, and he didn’t even bother with a cot most times.
Illuga walked over to the campfire and used his Vision to spark a flame against the resting coals. He produced the soup cauldron from the Cryo-treated picnic basket and fixed it to the stand over the fire to help it warm. He had finished the final batch of soup shortly before he met up with Lohen.
Lohen leaned over the pot with interest. “What did you make for us, Birdie?”
“Lohikeitto. It’s a favorite of mine and the other Lightkeepers.”
The soup's aroma started to waft out from the pot, and it was divine. Lohen felt his mouth water a little.
Something tells me it may become my favorite too.
“I look forward to trying it.”
Illuga blushed, but did not respond, choosing instead to stir the soup a bit.
“So…” Lohen started, getting stuck on his thoughts a little, but powering through. “I know we agreed on camping and a picnic, but was there anything else you wanted to do while we were here?”
Illuga considered the question. His brain went down two paths and he heavily encouraged one of them to shut up. “It would be nice to have an actual conversation.”
Lohen tilted his head a little. “Haven't we had plenty of those?”
The Lightkeeper sighed. “We have had talks about patrols, fighting, cycle stuff, and some personal things that just ended up with us fighting.”
“Isn't fighting what ‘healthy couples' do?”
Illuga laughed, giving the soup another stir, “Did your parents fight a lot?”
Lohen considered. “Yes? No? Maybe? To be honest, I was out of the house so often I don't remember. They probably fought about me though.”
Illuga smirked. “And did your parents have a healthy relationship?”
He shrugged. “Probably? I honestly couldn't tell you what a healthy relationship looks like.“
“Not even Childe and Zhongli?”
Lohen snickered at that. “I learned the other day that Childe didn't know he had been proposed to for two full years.”
Illuga whistled. “How does that even happen?”
“Zhongli proposed to him with chopsticks on their third date,” Lohen said, continuing to snicker.
Illuga stared at him open-mouthed. “Excuse me?”
Lohen nodded. “Yeah, some sorta ancient Liyuen courting practice that I guess he assumed a Harbinger would know about. Given how old most of them are I suppose that's fair, but it still seems like a pretty stupid assumption to me.”
Illuga gaped, utterly speechless for a moment, before joining in with Lohen's laughter. “Well, I'm definitely not going to propose without ample discussion ahead of time.”
That caused Lohen to blush, but he took the opportunity to tease Illuga anyway. “We're on our first date and you're already thinking of proposing? Trying to beat Zhongli's record?”
Illuga smirked. “Is courting not dating with the intention of marriage?”
The blush deepened. “I…” Lohen paused for a while, trying to restart his brain. “You…think you might want me? Like that?”
Illuga stirred the soup again with a soft smile. “I guess we'll have to wait and see, won't we.”
That broke Lohen out of his flustered state and he huffed. “Such a tease.”
The Lightkeeper grinned, shoulders rising in a loose shrug. “I learned from the best.”
“Who, me? Or Flins?”
“I happen to have two fantastic teachers.”
Lohen got up and sat right next to Illuga to poke his cheek. “Rude, Birdie, talking about other men on our first date.”
Illuga couldn't help but shake his head fondly. “I know, how dare I talk about other men when I have a cute Omega poking me because he's jealous.”
Another huff. Internally, Lohen couldn't believe he had met his match when it came to snark, and externally he was mad that Illuga wasn't falling for his bait. “I’m not jealous.”
“You sure? Before now you didn't feel the need to sit half in my lap, and if I'm not mistaken you’re trying to scent mark me right now.”
That had been happening fully unconsciously but Lohen was absolutely trying to stake his claim. Awkward and stumbling as they may be, he still didn't want anyone else getting a piece of Illuga. This was his Lightkeeper to woo.
“You cooked for me and held my hand so I need to let people know you're off the menu.”
Illuga smiled at the soup pot as he stirred. It filled him with fondness that despite everything, Lohen still wanted him, in his way.
“Rest assured, Bunny, I’m not interested in seeing anyone else.”
Lohen poked his cheek again. “Good. Also, why do you call me that?”
“Well, why do you call me ‘Birdie?’”
“Because you have a bird and you kind of act like a bird.”
Illuga chuckled, “Well, you act kind of like a rabbit. So, ‘Bunny’ suits you. Are you okay with that nickname?”
Lohen blushed and looked away. “...Yeah.”
Illuga continued to smile. “Then you will be my cute little bunny until you tell me otherwise.”
This train of events left Lohen feeling very off his game. Illuga could catch him off guard, tease him, and take his childish antics like it was nothing. Usually at least one of those things scared off any potential mates.
And no one had ever given him a nickname, or at least nothing that…innocent.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” The knight asked before he could think better of it.
Illuga took a spoonful of soup to test the temperature, but it wasn't quite warm enough yet.
“People deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity, especially a dangerous knight I'm alone with in the middle of Amsvartnir and happen to be crazy enough to want to court.”
Lohen still felt like he had stepped into an alternate world. Was this…banter? Friendly teasing without expectations or heat?
He curled up against Illuga a little more and rested his head on the Lightkeeper's shoulder. “...Well, thanks. I'm not used to it. But…it's nice.”
Illuga ran a gentle hand through the other’s hair. “You deserve nice things, Lohen.“
They enjoyed a comfortable silence, and Lohen did not move from his spot on Illuga's shoulder. He allowed himself to drown in the comforting scents of vanilla and warm soup. If he really allowed himself to relax and imagine what his life could be, he supposed this could be what his future home would be like. Warm soup, gentle energy, and someone who would stand their ground when it mattered. Not only that, but they seemed to value him as a person.
It was an uncomfortable thought, but not an unpleasant one.
“What do you want out of a mate?”
Lohen felt himself asking the question without really thinking about it first. It was…highly unlike him. He was normally so methodical, especially when it came to thinking about the future.
Illuga considered his question carefully but found the answer came to him easily.
“Someone who can be my partner through the good times and the bad, and someone who is still their own person at the end of the day.”
The next part was a little more vulnerable, but he needed it to be said, “Someone…who will stay.”
Lohen allowed that answer to process through his system but then he found only confusion. He lifted his head off of Illuga's shoulder.
Illuga didn't want to admit how much he missed having it there. It felt right.
“How can someone be their own person and also stay?”
Illuga stirred the soup again. “I don't need someone who needs to be with me always, but I do need someone who will commit to returning as their life allows. The more time we can spend together the better, but I also understand that people have lives outside of their mates. I just…want someone to prioritize coming home. Coming home to me.”
Lohen watched him for a long time without speaking. That was more reasonable than he had ever expected. Most Alphas wanted someone who would have their kids and stay home with them all the time. Someone who would follow their every word without question.
An Alpha who just wanted someone to come home to was a very simple thing to ask in comparison.
Lohen felt empowered enough to continue his questioning. “Do you expect kids?”
Illuga smiled. “I would love kids, but it’s not a dealbreaker if my mate doesn’t want them. They have to go through pregnancy and childbirth after all. I can only be there to help.”
“What about other partners outside of your mate?” Lohen wasn't seriously considering additional partners, but he was curious.
Illuga found himself surprised by that line of questioning. “Are you someone who wants more than one partner?”
Lohen smirked. “I'm asking you about what you want, Birdie. This isn't about me, but I'm flattered you assume that it is.”
Illuga blushed, but recovered quickly. “Didn't we establish that we're courting and that means I'm thinking about you as my potential mate?”
Lohen found himself a stick on the ground and started examining it with sudden interest, which definitely had nothing to do with the blush threatening to take over his face.
“Just answer the question.”
“I would…rather not share my partner with another, but I am open to conversations about it.”
Lohen allowed himself to dip into his realm of fantasies, and figured he could ask another question. “What about…if someone just watched but didn't take part?”
Illuga was quiet. He didn't hate that idea. If anything, he figured it would be fun to stake his claim.
“I would be open to it. I'd still ask to talk about it first, but I am not immediately against it.”
Lohen found himself feeling something very unfamiliar. Unfamiliar and scary.
The other had gone so still after that last comment that Illuga was starting to get worried, but he allowed him his moment. The Lightkeeper rubbed gentle circles into Lohen's back as he returned to stirring the pot. It seemed like the other man needed some time to process Illuga's answers.
“Illuga,” Lohen eventually managed to choke out, feeling like a dam was about to break. “Don't give me hope if you don't mean it.”
Illuga immediately turned to look at him, making sure they made eye contact before he uttered his next statement.
“Never. I could never, ever provide you with false hope. When I agreed to court you with the intention of marriage, I meant it. I meant every word.” Illuga moved to hold Lohen's hand, a little shaky with his sincerity, “I would not be courting you if I was not dead serious about you. While I'm sure you carry your own demons, I do too, and that is something I'm committed to working out together with you. I would never do something like this if I wasn't all in. I've never courted before for a reason.”
He watched as tears started to gather in the corners of Lohen's eyes, and felt his own start to water in return. “So please…don't try to do this with me if you aren't serious. I don't think my heart could take it.”
Lohen found his answer came easily, and he squeezed the Alpha's hands. “I'm serious about trying. I'm going to fuck up a lot. You’re probably going to hate me sometimes. But I still want to try. I want to try so badly it hurts to think of all the ways I will almost definitely let you down.”
Illuga leaned in to kiss him and Lohen reciprocated in kind. The kiss was chaste, but it held so many promises that would have been harder to say with words. When they stopped, Illuga whispered directly against his lips, “Let me down all you want, just don't abandon me.”
Lohen shivered, but then he smirked soon after. “You have fallen into my den, little bird. I'm not letting you go that easily.”
Illuga grinned in response. They were still nose to nose. “I wouldn't have it any other way.”
A sizzling noise suddenly cut through the tender air, and Illuga realized with a jolt of panic that the soup had started boiling. He pulled away, scrambling to pull the soup off the fire, and Lohen had never felt so fond.
The duo enjoyed an evening of hands that couldn't stop wandering as they shared stories about their pasts, and laughter that was constant and warm. Lohen decided Lohikeitto was his favorite soup after all.
They would do whatever they had to do to maintain their fragile space. It was far too precious to let fall apart.