Chapter Text
Whizzer sighed for the fourth or, possibly, the four hundredth time in the past 30 minutes, staring out the window of the subway car he stood in. He was tired, mildly hungover even at 4 in the afternoon, and wanted nothing more than to be away from all these people. He honestly thought that if one more person almost spilled their coffee on him, he would murder everyone in New York City. The only saving grace was that nobody was trying to talk to him. He had his earbuds in but no music playing—the headphones weren’t even connected to his phone. It was a trick he had learned not long after he started regularly taking public transportation. For the most part, the earbuds discouraged others from talking to him, but he could still listen for his stop to be called as well as any juicy gossip about people he didn’t know and would likely never meet. It was a win-win in Whizzer’s mind.
He was having a great time listening to some woman complain to her friend about the guy she hooked up with the night before and his inability to keep it up. “He texted me this morning and said he was on cocaine. Can you believe that?” Whizzer bit his cheek to keep from butting into their conversation. The same thing had happened to him a year before, and he wondered if it might be the same guy. If so, he hoped the woman hadn’t given him her number or home address.
The women left at the next stop, and Whizzer pulled his phone out to entertain himself. “Whizzer? Hey, Whizzer!” So much for that saving grace.
Ever curious, he couldn’t help looking around the new arrivals for whoever apparently knew him as he slipped the phone back into his pocket. He recognized that voice; it was familiar but just different enough from Whizzer’s memory that he couldn’t place who it actually belonged to. After a few moments of searching, he gave up, deciding he could have imagined it.
“What are you doing here?” He would have ignored the question had a hand not grabbed his jacket sleeve and tugged. Whizzer looked down at the hand then, with one eyebrow raised, finally looked at the voice’s face. “You taught me that headphone trick, so don’t pretend like you can’t hear me.”
“Jason? What are you doing here? Where are you parents?” he asked, taking his earbuds out. He looked around for Trina or Mendel, who were nowhere to be seen. Whizzer never was much of a religious type, but he found himself praying Marvin wouldn’t show up either.
Jason didn’t let go of Whizzer’s sleeve, standing close to him to avoid the other subway passengers. He had a huge grin on his face, clearly overjoyed to see Whizzer after way too long. They didn’t pay any mind to the odd looks a few other passengers gave them. “Mom and Mendel are back home, and I’m on my way to Dad’s apartment now.”
“They just let you ride the subway by yourself?”
“I do this every Friday,” Jason answered with a nonchalant shrug.
Whizzer shook his head slowly, his surprised look not leaving his face. “Jesus… I would have thought Trina at least would have an issue with that,” he muttered mostly to himself.
Jason didn’t respond to Whizzer’s comment, already moving on to what he deemed a more important topic. “Why didn’t you answer my texts or calls? You just kind of disappeared.”
“I changed my number and lost all my contacts.” Jason looked down and slowly let go of Whizzer’s arm. Even after so long, Whizzer still knew this kid better than anything. It was clear he thought Whizzer had changed his number because of Jason trying to get in touch with him again after the last fight with Marvin. He never wanted to see that worried, almost guilty look on Jason’s face and hurried to explain further, “I had to change my number. I was at a bar one night, and some dick took my phone to text himself while I was in the bathroom. He wouldn’t leave me alone after that. It didn’t have anything to do with you or… or what happened before. I just didn’t want him and his little friends bothering me anymore, you know?”
Jason nodded but kept his gaze locked on the ground. Quietly, he said, “I missed you. You should have memorized my number first.”
Whizzer laughed and gently punched Jason’s shoulder. He pulled his phone back out and started making a new contact. He’s always been a sucker for this kid. If Whizzer felt like being honest with himself, he knew he would do just about anything to ensure Jason’s happiness. “I’ll memorize it now so we can still talk after I have to change my number next time. How’s that sound, buddy?”
“I guess that might make up for it,” Jason said, finally looking back up and grinning. He typed his number and added the sunglasses emoji next to his name in Whizzer’s phone before giving it back.
Whizzer laughed at the addition, quickly texting three of the same emoji to Jason’s number. “Jeez, how long has it been?” he asked arbitrarily. They both knew exactly how long it had been since they last saw each other. Jason probably knew the exact number of days. “About a year and a half, right? You’re almost tall now.”
“Mendel calls me a short insomniac. I don’t think I’ll ever actually be tall, though. At least not like you are.”
“Well, your parents are pretty short,” Whizzer muttered jokingly. “So, how is everyone? What’s been going on?”
Jason silently mulled it over for a few moments, then admitted, “I think Dad kind of had a breakdown after everything happened. He just shut himself in, only left his apartment to go to work, and didn’t talk to us for a while. I think the lesbians got sick of it and made him talk about everything. Whatever they did, he was better after that.”
Amusedly, Whizzer asked, “The lesbians?”
“Oh yeah, they’re great! They moved into the apartment next door not long after you moved out. I think you’ll really like them!”
“Is that apartment building just homo central now?”
Jason snorted, nodding. “Pretty much. Anyway, they helped Dad get better. He almost gets along with Mom now. She's happier and less stressed most days. Mendel still does his weird psychiatrist thing all the time, which isn’t always so great… I think Dad still really misses you.”
Whizzer rolled his eyes. “Well,” he started but Jason quickly cut him off.
“Are you about to say something bitter?”
“Probably.” Definitely. “Marvin,” he practically spat the name out, “should have thought about that before he kicked me out.”
“Yeah, he’s not so great about thinking in the heat of the moment. His hindsight is excellent, though. You should come with me tonight,” Jason said excitedly, tugging on Whizzer’s jacket sleeve again. “We’re going to order pizza, make milkshakes, and watch movies Mom would never let me see. You could meet the lesbians from next door too!”
“You know, that sounds like a really gay time,” Jason gave Whizzer a withering stare at his pun, “but I really don’t think that’s the best idea right now. I’m so glad we got to see each other again, and you should text or call me whenever you need my expert advice. Seeing him right now, though? Probably not your smartest idea, kid.”
“Why? Don’t you miss him?”
He took a few moments to really think about Jason’s question and how he should answer. His instinct was to say no, he hadn’t missed a single thing about Marvin. He had spent a year and a half in denial, and he knew it. Jason deserved the truth, though he couldn’t outright say that yes, of course he missed Marvin. That didn’t feel entirely truthful either. Delving deeper, Whizzer knew that he more accurately missed moments he and Marvin shared.
He missed when they were kind and understanding. Him giving Marvin space when his anger almost gets the best of him. Marvin speaking gentle words softly into Whizzer’s hair when his past trauma catches him off guard. When they chose to stay curled together on the couch with greasy takeout and a shitty movie to lift their spirits after a long day. When they genuinely listened to and were interested in whatever issues pissed Marvin off at work or whatever captured Whizzer’s complete attention for the week. When they didn’t fight and had what Whizzer would have called boring and monotonous sex. He could almost pretend they were in love during times like that. Less than two years ago, Whizzer would have berated himself for even thinking that much less missing it.
Now he would kill for that feeling.
But he couldn’t get attached again. Every good aspect Marvin had hid the bitter, selfish man Whizzer knew him to be—the real man Marvin proved he was time and time again. The memories of those good moments could never make up for the fights that hit too close to home. When, at some point, it would go from trivial things like drinking directly from the milk jug to Whizzer’s conflicting fears of abandonment and commitment. Marvin knew him too intimately. Whizzer opened up too much before. He couldn’t allow himself to make the same mistakes, but he knew that he would if he saw Marvin again. He wasn’t ready for that kind of turmoil in his life.
“Whizzer? Did you hear me?”
“Yes, Jason. Sorry, I was just thinking.” Whizzer wanted to choose his next words carefully. “I do miss Marv sometimes, but it would be weird for us to see each other after so long and everything we went through. I appreciate the offer, little man, but we shouldn’t open that can of worms today.”
“That’s dumb,” Jason said bluntly. “If it would be weird now because of how much time passed, then think about how much weirder it’ll be when you guys meet again later.”
Whizzer sighed, deliberately not meeting Jason’s eye. “See, that’s the thing. I don’t think we should meet again at all.” Jason’s face immediately fell. “We had a good run—well, it was decent some days. But he and I wouldn’t be able to fit in each other’s lives this time around. It’s better this way, trust me.”
“Okay… But you and I can still hang out, right Whizzer?”
Whizzer smiled softly, ruffling Jason’s hair. “Of course, buddy. We can eat junk food together or pet strangers’ dogs at the park or something. But you probably shouldn’t mention us running into each other. Trina would flip her shit if she knew.”
Swatting Whizzer’s hands away, Jason huffed and tried to flatten his hair back down. “She would probably ‘flip her shit’ if she found out I was sneaking around with her ex-husband’s ex-boyfriend too,” he pointed out.
“Oh, no doubt. Has anybody ever told you that you’re too smart for your own good?”
“No, but I am.”
“And so humble too,” Whizzer laughed. “Look, kid, I hate to cut this reunion short, but my stop is up next. You have my number now, so text me anytime. And try extra hard to not let your dad know about this.”
Jason nodded and they stood in silence while he thought something over. “Are you doing all of this just out of pity?” he asked hesitantly as the subway slowed down.
Whizzer put his hand on Jason’s shoulder, looking him directly in the eyes as he said, “Jason, I genuinely missed you more than I’ve ever missed anybody else. Besides, I don’t give my number to just anybody these days. You’ve got the real deal right there.”
“Okay, cool. I’ll text you later, then. You totally owe me junk food and strangers’ dogs for making me worry about you for so long.”
“Pick a day, and I’ll be sure to free up my schedule.”
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“I signed up for baseball this year,” Jason said, feigning nonchalance with his eyes glued to the television screen as if he cared about this J.G. Wentworth commercial. He had been picking at some dried skin on his hands for the last few minutes, flakes of it under his bitten nails. If ‘chalant’ was a word someone could look up in the American English dictionary, this image of Jason would be right there as an example.
“Really? That’s great, bud!” Apparently those subpar acting skills were enough to fool Whizzer for the time being. “Baseball season was always my favorite part of the year,” he replied wistfully, reminiscing on his own years of playing youth baseball. He snapped himself out of it quickly, remembering just who he was talking to. “Wait, you don’t really like sports, though. What made you decide to play ball?”
Jason shrugged and tried to keep up his act. “Some friends convinced me.”
Whizzer narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Jason, partially trying to figure out what was actually going on in his head. “You didn’t tell me you had other friends.”
“Why are you trying to roast me right now, Whizzer?”
Whizzer shrugged with a nearly evil looking smile on his face. “I’m making up for lost time. Plus, it’s my favorite pastime. Why are you trying to take this from me?”
Jason looked Whizzer directly in the eyes as he said, “I’m very vulnerable, and you’re making fun of me. Maybe I really don’t have as many friends as I thought.”
“Jason, I’m the best friend in the entire world,” Whizzer gloated playfully.
“All I'm saying is I haven’t done anything to deserve you being mean to me.”
“Tell the truth; you just don’t want me to ever be happy.” In true ‘Whizzer’ fashion—making everything more dramatic—Whizzer threw himself back against the couch, tossed one arm over his eyes, and pouted for good measure.
“It is really hard to explain why I’m so dramatic sometimes without blaming you,” Jason pointed out dryly.
Whizzer sat back up like a proper adult human and shrugged. “Tell them it’s one of your other ‘friends.’ Shit, now that I think about it, you could just pin it on your parents. They’ve all always been dramatic in their own ways.” It was a miracle Jason almost acted like a normal kid most days instead of exaggerating everything, throwing himself around like a ragdoll, or gesticulating wildly.
“Okay, you have a pretty good point there.” Whizzer aimed a finger gun at Jason and nodded his head slowly, both eyebrows raised slightly.
“So baseball, huh? Really?” he asked after a few moments of them just staring at the commercials playing on Whizzer’s television. “You’re serious about this? You’ve only ever played in gym class, and from what you told me, you really don’t like it that much. Actually playing baseball is pretty different from gym class. I’m not saying you shouldn’t play,” he added quickly, just in case Jason was legitimately excited about playing, “but I want you to be sure about this.”
Jason shrugged, not looking at Whizzer. “We already signed me up. Even if I didn’t really want to play, it’s too late now. I mean, it can’t be that bad. I don’t like anything about gym class, so I might just not like sports because of school.”
“I guess we’ll find out. Well, hey, how about we get some ice cream later to celebrate?”
“I’m just playing for the Jewish Center’s team. It’s not that big of a deal, Whizzer,” Jason said, rolling his eyes.
Whizzer shrugged and relaxed further into the couch, trying to hide his coy smile. “In that case, I guess I won’t buy you any ice cream… Are you really going to pass up free ice cream, Jason?”
Jason looked personally offended at that concept. “Hell no!”
Whizzer laughed loudly, his nose crinkling up in delight. “That’s exactly what I thought. We’ll go out and get whatever kind you want after this episode is over.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ve already seen this one. Besides, you’re just going to agree with whatever Judge Judy says.”
“Duh. Her rulings are final. Oh, and watch your language, kid,” he said almost as an afterthought. “We don’t speak like that in this house.”
Jason pinned Whizzer with a long, unamused stare.
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“Are you ever going to come to one of my games?” Jason asked, nearly a month after his first day of baseball practice. He had bugged Whizzer about going to see him play at least once a week since practices stared, even sending Snapchats during water breaks or while in the dugout during games.
Whizzer sighed softly, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “I’m not sure, Jason. You know I would like to, but-“
“If you ‘would like to,’” Jason interrupted, air quotes and all, “then you should. I don’t get it, Whizzer. You keep saying you want to go then refuse! Whatever weird pride thing you’ve got stopping you, just cut it out!”
“It’s not a ‘pride thing,’” Whizzer imitated Jason’s air quotes, his eyebrows scrunched together in frustration. “It would just be awkward to go to your games when I know your parents will be there. We’ve already been over this.” They had been over this every single time Jason brought it up. He was a persistent little asshole when he really wanted to be, but what else could Whizzer expect from Marvin’s son.
“You don’t have to see them or talk to them or anything, though! It’s a big court-“
“Diamond,” Whizzer corrected. “It’s a baseball diamond, not a court.”
Jason threw his arms up and shook his head, huffing loudly. “Whatever! The point is, it’s big. You can just sit on the other side.”
“I don’t have a kid, Jason. What if someone asks me who my son is? Then I’m just some weird old dude watching a bunch of kids play baseball. That’s creepy, and I’m not looking to get cops called on my ass.”
“You’re making excuses right now. You’re fighting just to fight, Whizzer.” Whizzer sputtered indignantly at that accusation, and Jason held up a hand, stopping him from trying to defend himself. “If you argue with that, then you’ll just prove me right. Stop being stubborn, and come to my baseball game!”
Whizzer crossed his arms and pouted at Jason, the perfect image of a child trying to get his way. When it became clear Jason wasn’t going to give in, he dropped his arms to his sides and admitted defeat. “Jesus, okay, fine! I’m not talking to a single person, though, and you’re going to pay me back for any food I get from the concession stand.”