Chapter Text
Just when Jeongin thought he found people he cold be himself around he had to go back to his old ways. Plastering a fake personality on in front of the cameras. Of course, he was probably going to drop it when he debuted.
If he debuted.
His insecurities reached a peak during the show,
He didn't have Seungmin there to smile at him like he always did when he went through evaluation.
He didn't have Chan to talk to when he felt the waves of emotion in his body rise to dangerous levels.
All the small moments when everyone's back was turned and he could release his jaw were basically nonexistent. A giggly disposition displayed over a jumbled up 3,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.
Time After time again the crippling anxiety of being eliminated caused him to snap in his moments of peace. After talking with Chan it wasn't cursing like no tomorrow and slamming doors. Whenever he felt like he was going to explode he counted backwards.
"10, 9, 8..." he would whisper.
And back up, "1, 2, 3,...." taking slow breaths.
There were rumors of the first elimination starting the next episode and Jeongin was freaking out. JYP never complemented him, yet he didn't hesitate to point out his flaws.
The person he least expected was Minho.
Minho was genuinely bright and happy. He was skilled at what he did and he seemed to have very good control of his emotions. Why in the word was he eliminated? If a simple stutter, is all it takes then Jeongin was out for sure.
That mindset caused him to crack again, in a less noticeable way. He skipped out on vocal training, and barely practiced when the cameras were off. When the cameras were on he'd shut the hell up, unsure of what would come out of his mouth.
He just wanted to fade into the background.
Not extremely good, not extremely bad, just average enough to go unnoticed.
Jeongin doesn't remember when he started crying, he doesn't even realize he does it until 2/3 through hellevator, the music stopped.
"Jeongin, why are you crying?" Chan asks, causing everyone to turn their heads towards him.
He Ran his hands along his cheeks,"Oh," he said in surprise at he felt wet tears,"I'ts probably nothing, Let's finish up."
"Jeongin..." Seungmin said placing a hand on his shoulder,"What is it?"
They knew he wouldn't snap on him again, and knowing his hyung he wouldn't be able to leave.
Sighing in defeat he let out his thoughts,"I don't know, after Minho got eliminated, I came to the conclusion that I would be next. I'm sorry for being lazy recently. I just....don't think I'll make it."
Seungmins eyes got sad as he pulled the maknae into a hug.
Jeongin sighed as he relaxed into it, starting to put his head in Seungmins shoulder. To the others in the room they knew they shouldn't say anything.
He was glad they didn't, because Jeongin didn't need to be told words that his mind would believe were lies. He just needed to be held, because the steady movement of the hand on his back was more comfort than any words they could ever say.
He wasn't so happy.
But he was happy he found people who understood that.