Chapter Text
It’s still light outside when Shuichi’s eyes flutter open, but the sky has begun to turn warm pinks and oranges, which is giving him the impression that the sun has begun to set. The gently coloured light streams in through the curtains, which are only partly drawn, and it illuminates a small, sparkling spot in the carpet in front of where he is lying. His eyes follow the dust particles that he can see floating there in the light. It’s a nice sight, and for a long moment, he isn’t sure where he is, but he’s alright with it, because the silence in this room is sweet, and he feels warm.
Then he feels a small twinge of pain in his neck, and it occurs to him that sleeping on the floor in somebody else’s arms is never a particularly painless endeavour. Shuichi feels his heart skip a beat and he turns his head, looking up at Rantaro’s face. The adventurer is looking down at him, green eyes soft, and his expression is so disarming that Shuichi doesn’t even startle. He just smiles, reaching up to brush a couple pieces of hair from Rantaro’s eyes.
“Hey.” His voice is a little hoarse, presumably from all the crying a couple hours ago, but right now none of that feels like it really happened. He’s so comfortable here, and Rantaro’s smile is so lovely, nothing else matters. “Did you sleep at all?” Shuichi asks, shuffling so that he can sit up better. He’s still sitting across his boyfriend’s legs and it occurs to him that moving, as much as it feels like an inconvenience, might be a good idea, because Rantaro’s legs have probably fallen asleep after holding his weight for an indeterminate amount of time.
“Some.” Rantaro answers, shrugging. He catches Shuichi’s hand before the detective can pull it back from his face, pressing a kiss to the inside of his wrist. Shuichi shivers slightly at the feeling of Rantaro’s lips on his skin, but for once, he doesn’t think about the ugly scars that are still there. He just thinks of how much he wants to lace together their fingers. “How are you feeling?”
Now Shuichi does push himself up off Rantaro’s thighs, shuffling around so that his knees are on the ground on either side of the adventurer’s legs. “Mm… good.” He says honestly, reaching around hook his arms behind his boyfriend’s neck. Rantaro places one of his hands on Shuichi’s upper back; the other resting in its familiar position on his waist. “What time is it?” He asks, despite the fact that he’s already touching their foreheads together and leaning in to connect their lips. Rantaro closes the distance between them for a moment, lips moving against Shuichi’s in a slow kiss, but then he pulls back to respond.
“Probably around seven.” He murmurs, voice a couple octaves lower than usual. “Are you hungry? We could go grab a bite.” As Rantaro speaks, though, Shuichi steals a couple more kisses, smiling when the adventurer huffs, cheeks flushing a little. It’s not often that Rantaro is the flustered one, between them, but it’s always really cute to see him embarrassed.
“Okay.” Shuichi finally agrees, but not before pressing one last, long kiss to the side of Rantaro’s mouth. (It’s mostly unintentional, on his part, but the noise Rantaro makes in the back of his throat is worth it.) “Let’s get something, but we should get it to go. Let’s go somewhere you haven’t been before.”
Lazily raising an eyebrow, Rantaro tilts his head to the side. “Somewhere I haven’t been.” He repeats with no lilt in his voice.
“Mhm.” Shuichi nods, pulling back and getting shakily to his feet. He should probably change; he’s got one more clean change of clothes packed, one that he meant to wear on the plane ride back, but he can just put it on now. The nice clothes are all wrinkled now, anyway. At least his uncle’s tie is still okay. He shuffles over to the bed, dropping down to sit as he starts unlacing his shoes. In the corner of his eye, he can see Rantaro standing up, stretching with his arms over his head. His shirt is tucked in, but Shuichi almost wishes it weren’t, so he could see it ride up a little. (It’s a silly thought. Rantaro is wearing several undershirts. He’s always wearing several undershirts. Still, it makes Shuichi laugh a little bit to himself.) “You haven’t really been anywhere new except dad’s house, and the cemetery. That’s kinda lame, isn’t it?”
Rantaro snorts, undoing his tie and tossing it onto his bag. “I came to support you, not for any other reason.” He points out, then glances over to meet Shuichi’s eyes, as though the detective might wince, or feel sore at the subtle reference to the funeral.
Instead, he pouts. “Then, let’s go somewhere new ‘cause I want to.” Shuichi huffs, looking away as he starts unbuttoning his shirt. He isn’t wearing an undershirt, but he doesn’t mind if Rantaro sees him shirtless right now. He likes feeling like this. Comfortable. Worry-free. Probably still high off of dopamine from all of those tears. “You’re boring, though,” he adds, smiling a little.
“Haha, okay, don’t talk like Kokichi, please,” Rantaro chuckles, and Shuichi tosses his balled up shirt in the adventurer’s direction, giggling in a poor imitation of their friend.
“Nishishishi, it’s a lie!”
“Stop that,” Rantaro protests, catching the shirt in one hand, but he starts laughing anyway, so Shuichi figures that it’s probably okay. “Kokichi has large little brother energy, if you start acting like him it’ll infect this relationship and make things weird.”
“Ugh, I forgot that was a kink you had.”
“Nooooooo!”
Shuichi laughs, shaking his head and digging into his bag for his last clean change of clothes. He’s glad that he asked his aunt to pack for him rather than his uncle, because knowing his uncle, he’d probably have packed some t-shirt with a stupid pun and a pair of bright green sweatpants. (It’s not that his uncle doesn’t have good fashion sense, he just doesn’t have good fashion sense.) His aunt, who is much more dependable in these situations, packed him a simple pair of black jeans and a grey sweater. It’s soft and probably a bit big on him, but as much as Shuichi doesn’t really like wearing big clothing, he’s okay with the sweater.
He turns away from Rantaro so that they can both change without making things uncomfortable. As Shuichi is reaching towards the nightstand for a comb, contemplating washing his face as well, he notices that his cell phone is blinking like crazy where it is lying underneath the lamp shade. He sighs, because he has a pretty good hunch as to who’s been trying to reach him, but he grabs the phone anyway and inputs his password before checking to see what he’s missed.
As he predicted, he’s got several missed calls and voicemails from his father, as well as a text message. Of course, he should look at them, but… Shuichi is still feeling good right now. He wants to hold on to this feeling for a bit before coming to terms with reality. Which he’ll have to do eventually, anyway. Might as well keep from facing it for another couple hours.
So he neglects to view the text message for now, tapping the power button and sliding his phone into his pocket before turning around to look at Rantaro. His boyfriend has gotten dressed, by now, and is fussing with one of his cartilage piercings. Perhaps he is considering changing them. Though Shuichi generally doesn’t like being a nuisance, he’s feeling light enough that he is able to walk directly over to where the adventurer is standing and push up onto his tiptoes, touching their lips together in another kiss.
“Jeez,” Rantaro mutters, but he’s smiling, so it’s hard for him to be taken seriously. “Are you always like this after crying?”
“Like what?” Shuichi figures he’d probably feel stung by a comment like that ordinarily but nothing feels real at the moment. “Affectionate?” He suggests, grinning. “Would you rather I not be affectionate? I can do that.”
Rantaro considers it for a moment. “Hm, no, actually. It’s nice. But I need to concentrate for like three seconds so that I can- okay.” He finishes messing with the earring, smiling triumphantly. “We’re good.” Rantaro has changed from his nice clothes, and it’s worth noting that he folded them up rather than tossing them around like Shuichi, and he’s traded them for a pair of grey pants not unlike the ones he wears normally, as well as a pale pink shirt. It would probably make him glow on a super sunny day, but at the moment, in the fading evening light of dusk, he’s probably safe. He has grabbed a jacket as well, but he isn’t wearing it yet; he’s got it hooked over his shoulders with the hand he wasn’t using to fix his earring.
In lieu of speaking, Shuichi reaches out to lace their fingers together, tugging gently on his arm to indicate that he wants to leave the room. Rantaro snorts, not judgmentally, and wordlessly accommodates, falling into step beside the detective as they close the door to the hotel room behind them and walk down the hall.
When they’ve stepped out of the library and started down the sidewalk, Rantaro breaks the silence. “Where do you wanna get food?”
“Ah, perhaps…” Shuichi glances around. “We could try something new at that banh mi place over there,” he gestures at the small Vietnamese deli across the street, nudging Rantaro’s arm with his elbow. “I liked their food. If you’re not in the mood for banh mi, we can probably just get spring rolls or something.”
“You try eating American Vietnamese food after trying it in Vietnam.” Rantaro jokes, and when Shuichi raises an eyebrow at him, looks like he wants to say something. Instead, he forces an odd smile, and doesn’t say anything else. Sensing that Rantaro is uncomfortable, Shuichi squeezes his hand, starting towards the deli.
“Well, I don’t have much authentic Vietnamese food on hand, so maybe we’d better settle for this for now,” he starts, smiling politely at an older man who passes them, walking his dog. “But you can take me to Vietnam sometime, and ruin all my future prospects with American banh mi. Sound okay?”
Eyes widening a fraction, Rantaro nods, and again seems like he wants to say something. Shuichi waits, but it seems that his boyfriend has decided against it, because eventually he just releases a breath and reaches out to open the door for the detective. As much as he’d like to do things the other way around, Shuichi allows the gesture, because he likes the back and forth, and also, he is sensing that Rantaro would rather do things for him right now; not the other way around. Which is fine, for the moment. They’ll talk about it later.
Despite Rantaro’s comment a few minutes before, they both end up ordering some barbeque pork banh mi, a plate of spring rolls, and a couple cans of coconut juice. Shuichi laughs out loud when he spots the taro ice cream, which really just resembles popsicles but the woman behind the counter calls it ice cream in her broken English (Shuichi can relate, but he can’t exactly accommodate because he doesn’t speak Vietnamese ) so he goes with it. He still isn’t a huge fan of sweet things, but they remind him so much of Kokichi that he has to get two of them.
His boyfriend rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest, so they end up adding two sticks of taro ice cream to their total before paying, thanking the woman, and leaving. Shuichi leaves another one of those probably-too-large tips, because after these past few days, he’s still not sure how it works, but if Rantaro notices, he doesn’t comment on it.
Once they’re out of the deli and walking down the sidewalk, Rantaro speaks. “So, when you said you wanted to go somewhere neither of us has ever been before, what exactly did you have in mind? Should we just wander around until we find somewhere nice enough to have a picnic?”
Humming out his agreement, Shuichi releases Rantaro’s hand to shift the bag of food into his other, shaking out his fingers where lines have started to appear in his skin from holding the plastic. Without speaking, Rantaro takes the bag from him, moving it into one of his hands so he can hold Shuichi’s other, and the detective thinks that’s fairly un fair, but alright. “That was the extent of my planning thus far, yes.” He answers with a light smile. Rantaro’s low chuckle next to him makes warmth spread through his chest.
“I should ask, then, how you plan on returning to the hotel after we find the place to begin with…?”
“Um, you’re the Ultimate Adventurer, you can find it.” Shuichi scoffs, but when Rantaro raises an eyebrow at him, he succeeds, smiling sheepishly. “Ah, I also thought that if things go poorly, we could always use Google Maps.” He admits, and Rantaro laughs, but shakes his head.
“No, my pride both as a man and as an adventurer won’t let me do that.” He says, which is what Shuichi had suspected, but he doesn’t say anything else, instead opting to walk in silence.
Well, relative silence. The streets of Los Angeles are loud with traffic and the sounds of people speaking in a language Shuichi doesn’t speak very well, even at around eight in the evening. Wisps of words and phrases he recognises fly by his ears, all weaving together in a large web of artificial-sounding pleasantries. It’s so unfamiliar to him, despite his growing up in the city, that he can’t help but be intrigued by it. Shuichi can’t even imagine choosing to come live in a city like this. It’s not as though it’s bigger than Tokyo, or more crowded, or more famous. In fact, the differences aren’t quite so noticeable at first. But it’s the little things that he doesn’t think he could ever want to live with.
That, perhaps, is one way that he and his father are different. Certainly, he’d never abandon his kid for a life in a city like Los Angeles. But as much as the thought frustrates him, he doesn’t feel that burning anger in the pit of his stomach, right now. He doesn’t even feel sadness, really. It’s more like pity, right now. Which feels patronising and awful and definitely not the ideal but it’s so much better than hatred that he clings to it. Pity can clear a path for empathy, he knows. The idea of empathising with his father is frightening, but…
Oh, he supposes he can manage, if his father apologises in a meaningful way.
“Hey,” Rantaro stops, and Shuichi breaks out of his thoughts, blinking back into reality. Their surroundings had changed, while he was thinking, until eventually the shops and storefronts turned into houses and the large crowds of people thinned out and the only people in the area are the two of them. The air smells sweeter here, though Shuichi is sure that it’s still plenty polluted- they’re standing in front of a park. “This is kind of nice.”
How they could reach a park just by walking in a straight line from their hotel for under an hour, the detective isn’t willing to try figuring it out. It might destroy the magic of this moment. The sky has begun to take on a dark, dusty blue colour, and though there are no stars in the sky, it’s a clear night, and the moon is casting a silvery light down on everything. It’s a crescent moon tonight, and if Shuichi focuses, he can see the craters that his aunt once told him made a face. He can’t see the face without looking for it, of course, but perhaps there’s a beauty in only being able to see something the second time around.
It’s not a very big park, to be honest. There’s a playground, and a grassy field which is surrounded by tall, droopy deciduous trees, but the courtyard at Hope’s Peak Academy is definitely bigger. In a way, that almost makes it more surreal. Tentatively, Shuichi looks over at Rantaro, whose face glows slightly in the moonlight. He’s about to open his mouth and ask if his boyfriend has been here before, but before he can even formulate the sentence in his mind, he already knows the answer. From the excited sparkle in his green eyes, and from the way that his breath stutters almost unnoticeably, Shuichi can tell that this is new to Rantaro as well. It’s his passion, after all, adventuring. He’s barely gotten to see it, this past week, when Rantaro has been showing him a lot of places he’s already been before.
It’s… nice.
“C’mon, let’s go sit down and eat before our ice cream melts.” Thankfully, spring rolls and banh mi aren’t typically eaten heated up, so they’re not in danger of tasting bad cold, but they’ve been walking for long enough that it’s entirely possible possible the taro ice cream has melted. Which would suck, because Shuichi wants to get a picture of it and send it to Kokichi with a bunch of eggplant emojis. (He’s… not sure where the urge came from, but he figures that genuine happiness like this only comes so often, he should probably just indulge himself in it.)
“Yeah.” Rantaro breathes, but when he meets Shuichi’s eyes, the detective feels his breath catch in his throat at the face Rantaro is making. Being that pretty should be ILLEGAL. He brushes off the thoughts as they walk across the grass, finding a nice spot in the moonlight and sitting down.
Immediately, Shuichi hisses. “It’s wet, noooo…”
“It’s too late in the day for dew, I wasn’t ready!” Rantaro complains, but he’s laughing too hard for his words to be taken seriously, and as a result, Shuchi ends up laughing too, even though his pants are probably going to be soaked by the time they’re done here. It’s okay. They’re black, so it’s not as though they’ll be stained. The same can’t be said for his boyfriend, but Rantaro doesn’t seem to be worrying about it, so Shuichi resolves to do the same.
Rantaro drops the bag between them and swiftly unties the knot, folding the flaps of the bag down with practiced ease. (Shuichi supposes it shouldn’t take too much practice to be able to skillfully open a “thank-you” bag but Rantaro’s grace is too blatant for him not to take notice of it.) He pulls out one of the sandwiches and passes it to Shuichi before taking his own. “Thank you,” Shuichi smiles, pulling off the rubber band. Last time he got banh mi, he had it with beef, rather than barbeque pork, so he isn’t entirely sure what to expect- but it’s good. Rantaro seems to like it, too, despite his remark from earlier, but this is unsurprising. Shuichi has never taken him for the picky type.
“It’s better in Ho Chi Minh,” Rantaro points out, but Shuichi reaches up to put a finger against his lips, stopping him from continuing.
“I’m sure it is,” he starts, feeling himself smile regardless. “But we’re in Los Angeles, not Ho Chi Minh, and it’s mean to talk to me about good food that I am not currently able to obtain.” At those words, Rantaro swallows, for some reason looking a little flustered, but doesn’t say anything. Shuichi takes a moment to ponder his boyfriend’s hesitation, before remembering the conversation they had right before his uncle called.
As much as Shuichi is talking like he and Rantaro are already going to be traveling together at the moment, he hasn’t exactly given a straight answer yet. He can’t necessarily be blamed for it, especially because a response isn’t due for another few days or so, but honestly…
Shuichi has known what he planned on saying since Rantaro asked, he just wanted a moment to weigh the pros and cons of giving the response that he wants to. He probably would’ve come to a conclusion much sooner than he originally intended, but then all of that with the funeral started happening, and he had to redirect his attention to the place that it had to be, for the funeral. Now that that’s essentially done with, though, Shuichi thinks that there are things that he should be considering right now.
If he’s being honest, though, there isn’t much else for him to consider. He’s already thought about it in terms of not seeing his friends often- Rantaro is around plenty, and he always makes it for school events. It’s not as though he’d never be in Japan, he’d just be spending a lot of time abroad. Shuichi has always hated needles and he’s sure there will be a lot of those going the crazy places his boyfriend does, but he’s willing to brave a couple shots if it means getting to spend that time together.
Besides… this past week, aside from all the drama, Shuichi has felt more secure than he’s ever felt. Rantaro’s presence is stabilising. He feels whole, almost, being around him. Which is ridiculous and possibly even unhealthy, considering that one’s stability should not be dependent on the presence of their romantic partner, but he can’t help it. Maybe it’s only been a week, but it’s been a good week. And he feels comfortable with Rantaro. More than comfortable. He feels happy.
Seeing this new side of Rantaro, too- Shuichi has to admit that it’s awfully tempting. And there’s no way that he’s not about to help his boyfriend find his sisters.
“Hey…” Rantaro puts down his banh mi, and Shuichi snaps out of his thoughts to meet his eyes. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“You always find a way to rephrase that question.” Shuichi teases, watching Rantaro’s smile spread across his expression, but then he averts his gaze, figuring he should probably just say it. “I-I was just thinking, uhm… I’d like to go with you.”
“Hm?” Rantaro tilts his head slightly, but based on the way his shoulders tense a little, and his eyebrows raise, Shuichi is certain that he has some idea about what he means. “What are you…?”
“I mean, to find your sisters. You offered to take me with you traveling, so that I could help you find your sisters. I’d like to do that.” Shuichi is finding it difficult to string together a coherent sentence, at least in regards to what is on his mind, but he understands the importance of being articulate right now. He can’t just stutter out something unclear, because he knows Rantaro and he knows that if he even sounds uncertain, his boyfriend will call it all off.
The adventurer pauses, his expression staying the same. But Shuichi can detect a little bit of emotion flicking in his eyes. Just a bit. “...are you sure? Are you sure you’re not just saying that because I came with you for the funeral? You don’t owe me anything, you know, I-”
Shuichi reaches out, gently touches the side of Rantaro’s face. “No. I wouldn’t offer to come with you just because I felt like I owe you.” He says firmly, maintaining direct eye contact. “I want to go with you. Really, it’s been the case since you asked, I just… I needed a moment to think about it. And while I’m glad I took it, the answer is yes nonetheless.”
“Oh.” Rantaro swallows. “Really? I mean, I hate to sound like a broken record, but are you really sure? I don’t want you to make a choice and then regret it, or feel like you can’t back out, or-”
“You’re acting as though you wouldn’t immediately drop everything to get me home if you thought there was even the slightest chance of me being uncomfortable.” Shuichi rolls his eyes. “I’m sure, Rantaro, I want to do this. I want to help you find your sisters. Not as the Ultimate Detective. As Shuichi Saihara. As- as your boyfriend,” he adds the last part in an undertone, feeling his cheeks warm. As much as he’s trying to get used to the term, it’s still embarrassing to say out loud.
There is a silence between them that feels a lot longer than it actually is, wherein Rantaro merely stares at his face, a blank look in his eyes.
Finally, though, he smiles a little, and then a lot, and then he pushes up onto his knees to crash their lips together. Shuichi is taken off guard by it to the extent that he falls backwards into the grass, but he puts a hand on Rantaro’s back, laughing a little bit into the kiss. It’s messy and slightly desperate and very emotional and both of their lips probably taste like banh mi but Shuichi barely notices, because it’s also warm. He straightens himself out a little bit, leaning into the kiss, and savouring it until Rantaro pulls back.
“Okay.” Rantaro whispers eventually. “Okay. But the second you’re uncomfortable, or scared, or think it’s too much- tell me, alright? If you ever want to go home or back out or even just only travel once in a while, I want to know. We can figure something else out if this doesn’t work.”
“Mhm.” Shuichi brushes a few stray hairs out of Rantaro’s face, smiling. “I promise, I’ll tell you the second I start feeling like I’m not up to it.” He means it, but in this moment, with Rantaro in his arms and the moon above their heads, he finds it unlikely that he’ll ever want to back out of this. The future is uncertain, of course, and his feelings could change, but… it just seems implausible, from where he’s sitting now.
Suffice to say that they get distracted, and their taro ice cream melts, but Shuichi still gets a picture of the melted ice cream in his wrapper and sends it to Kokichi with the appropriate emojis. The response he gets is a bunch of crying emojis and then a message in all caps about how he’s in the middle of class and shouldn’t be texting, so Shuichi leaves him on read like the good friend he is. It’s alright. He’ll respond later, probably.
At around eleven o’clock at night, they start packing up their garbage, but Shuichi gets distracted briefly by the text from his father that he still hasn’t looked at. After a long internal debate, he finally decides to read the text. And it’s not much, anyway- definitely not anything worth such a long hype.
[Hey, Shuichi, I didn’t see you at the end of the funeral and I’m just wondering if you and Rantaro got back to the hotel safely. Call or text me back when you can.]
That’s it. That’s all. No questions about why they left, or when they left. No angry messages about the fact that he ditched his own mother’s funeral, no questions about his feelings or any of that. Just inquiring about his safety. That kindness might have made Shuichi angry even just this morning, but now… he feels himself smiling, staring down at the message. Rantaro’s words from before echo in his mind.
So he types out a response.
[We’re safe. Sorry for the late response, thank you for checking in. I was overwhelmed and I had to go.]
Then, even though he’s not sure, Shuichi sends a second message.
[I’d like to talk to you about some things, if you’re available before I return to Japan… would that be alright?]
Is he fishing for apologies? Well, he’s not sure. Perhaps he’s just opening the space for them. But… he’d also like to have that conversation. About the years that he spent without parents in his life. About his mother, who he never got to know, and will never get to know. And it’s a bit early for him to thinking it, but, if possible… he’d like to try to have a relationship with his father. A real one. It doesn’t have to be a close relationship, or anything normal, but… he wants to try. A few months ago, he didn’t even think he’d get that chance.
His father’s response comes in almost right away.
[Yes! I’m available for as long as you’re still in California. And any time after that, whenever you want me to be. Tomorrow morning over breakfast sound okay? My treat.]
Shuichi feels an odd warmth in his chest. It’s unfamiliar to him, but he can’t say he minds the sensation. Whenever you want me to be, his father has written. He’s not sure how much he can trust that, after everything, but… he’d like to talk about it. He’d like to give his father a chance to be a father. Even if he doesn’t really deserve it. It’s not always about what’s deserved.
“Are you gonna help me clean this up, or what?” Rantaro asks, smiling over at Shuichi from where he’s attempting to chase down a flyaway plastic wrapper from their taro ice cream. Shuichi scoops it up from the grass, raising his eyebrows, but he nods, shuffling over to help Rantaro get everything else into the bag. He feels content. Like things aren’t perfect, by any stretch, but… they might be, eventually, and that makes him feel a lot better than he has all week. “You alright?” His boyfriend asks, concern colouring his tone. (Idly, Shuichi wonders what expression he must be making to bring on the question, but no matter.)
At this, he smiles though, wide enough that his cheeks hurt. “Yeah. I’m great.” He says, and he means it.