Chapter Text
Despite how badly she wanted to walk to Cassian’s house on Sunday morning, Jyn restrained herself to a good morning message with a picture of Stardust lounging by her side, plus a simple thank you for the nice time she had.
No It’s been 84 years since I felt this good about anybody nor a you actually seem to care about me and I don’t understand why. She was going to take this slow, and she wasn’t going to come off as desperate, even though she desperately wanted to be with him again. She buried her face in her pillow and tried to relive that warm, sleepy moment last when she woke up on his shoulder in the movie theater--
“Mrow, mrow,” Stardust whined.
“Five more minutes,” Jyn sighed.
Stardust chuffed into her ear, the little puffs of breath tickling her skin, then started licking her hair.
“All right, I’m up!” Jyn groaned as she pushed herself up on her hands.
Stardust purred as she jumped off the bed and sauntered to the threshold. She looked back at Jyn, tail curling into a question mark as her eyes asked Jyn why she wasn’t out of bed yet to feed her.
Cassian stared out his kitchen window as if he could see through the four houses that blocked his view of Jyn’s. Now and then he remembered that he was holding a cooling mug of coffee, sipped it, then let his mind go back to the night before. It had been such a long time since he went out with anyone, years actually, since…
He took a sip of coffee and let the black bitterness sit in the well of his tongue. Had it really been nearly ten years since Lani? Hopefully she was doing well and found someone who could give her what she needed.
It was his fault. He knew from dating Melshi in high school that relationships ate up a lot of time and energy, and decided that he wouldn’t date in college. He thought he could swing it, too, after moving to the States in the middle of high school, but he hadn’t expected the crushing isolation that came from moving away from the few friends and family he had in this new country.
When he met Lani in econ, he poured everything he had into her. He took her out to parties and restaurants and movies every weekend, and every night they stayed up late talking or playing video games or making out. She made him forget about how much he missed his friends and she erased the massive weight of his hopes and dreams and expectations.
Then the university informed him that he was on academic probation. Not only was his scholarship at risk, but if he didn’t bring his grades up the next semester, then he would be expelled. He actually broke down crying to Lani, and she promised to help. Between meeting with his advisor and regularly visiting office hours, he and Lani spent their free time in the library doing schoolwork.
Well, she did her schoolwork, and his mind drifted off to appreciate a dark lock of hair that curled over her ear or how she mumbled to herself while she read. He could only focus and get his work done when he was alone in his dorm or in a hidden corner of the library. So he began studying by himself, but he had so much work to do there didn’t seem to be a moment of free time that he could give to Lani.
This wasn’t fair to her. This wasn’t fair to either of them.
“We can’t keep doing this,” he had blurted out in the middle of the library.
She froze. “What do you mean?”
“We can’t be together anymore.”
“Why? We’ve been studying, like you want--”
He pulled his arm away from her. “I know but...but I can’t focus on you and school at the same time.”
She pinched her lips together tightly, red flushing her cheeks.
“I’m so--” he started, but she cut him off.
“My grades took a dive too when I started dating you, but I’ve been able to get them back up. If I can do it, you can too.”
“I’m sorry but I can’t. I can’t focus when I’m around you.”
She snarled and slammed her laptop closed. “Don’t blame me because you can’t get your shit together.”
Her words seared him, because they were true. He wasn’t fucking good enough to focus on two things at once and do them justice. Never again. He wouldn’t try relationships again until he could give them the time and energy they deserved. He wouldn’t risk his heart and someone else’s otherwise.
So here he was, trying again with Jyn. Things were different now, of course. He had long finished with school and secured a job that gave him time on Sunday morning to stare out of his window and wonder what Jyn was doing.
His phone pinged and he smiled at Jyn’s name. He opened the good morning text and huffed a laugh at Stardust lounging on the bedsheet with a sleepy, satisfied grin. His fingers hovered over the keyboard as he thought about inviting her to breakfast. He just couldn’t wait to see her face again, although he couldn’t very well send that over text. Maybe just a Hey you hungry or If you know a good cafe let’s get breakfast.
Me
Good morning!
Stardust looks happy
Jyn
Yeah now that I fed her
I had fun last night
Me
Me too
His fingers hovered over the keyboard as he fought himself what to say next. Would going out to breakfast count as a date? Maybe they should just stick to texting, but would she think that he wasn’t all that interested?
Jyn pinged again, and he put his thoughts on pause:
Jyn
So how soon until we can go out again?
Fuck.
Me
Is breakfast soon enough?
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck he didn’t mean to send that fuck why was he so desperate fuckfuckfuck
Jyn
Yeah! Give me 30 min and I can meet you at Kanata Coffee a block over
Cassian stared at his phone in disbelief. She actually wanted to go, and he was going to meet her, and it was only a coffee date, and here he was making a big deal out of nothing.
Me
Sounds great
After a quick change of clothes he went to the bathroom to clean himself up. There wasn’t time to trim his beard, but the stubble wasn’t terrible since he shaved before he took Jyn out last night, so he settled with a little beard oil and a quick comb through. He brushed his hair and it looked all right, but he needed to do something about that stray lock that fell over his right eye. Should he put on cologne, or would that be too much? He sniffed himself and he smelled...well, he smelled like himself, not fresh out of the shower but--he checked the time and decided to fuck the cologne, he was going to be late if he didn’t leave right now.
Cassian got out of the house with just enough time to walk to the cafe. He arrived first, so he snagged a table outside of the already crowded cafe. He texted Jyn where he was sitting, sank in his chair, and waited. Everytime the door opened the warm, yeasty scent of waffles perfumed the chilly morning air, as well as customers with to-go bags that glanced jealously at him and his empty table. Maybe he should’ve ordered something, but if he waited in line now, the table would be taken and Jyn would have nowhere to sit.
“Looks like all the tables are gone, kiddo,” a familiar, irritated voice grumbled.
A baby gurgled in response, and Cassian looked up to see Han, his son strapped to his chest.
“Hey, I remember you,” Han said, a smirked wired to his face. “Cassian, right?”
“Yes. Han and…Ben?” He nodded to the baby, who smiled just as wide as his father.
“Yeah. It looks like you found the cat. Now she just gives us the stink eye through the window. Where did you find her, anyway?”
“Long story short, my garage.”
“So she wasn’t really lost at all?”
“She got herself stuck in a wall.”
Han quirked an eyebrow. “Oh-kay. Well Ben, now you know why we’re never getting a cat.”
“Who said anything about getting a cat?” A short woman with a dark crown of plaited hair stepped out of the cafe. She smiled at Ben and teased him with the number card attached to a thin metal wand, then turned her attention to Han. “And what happened to our table?”
“They’re all full, dear, as you can see.”
“Well maybe if you hadn’t stopped to talk to--what was your name?”
“Cassian.”
She gave him a polite smile and rounded on Han again, “Maybe if you hadn’t stopped to chew the fat with Cassian you would have found a table.”
“I’m sure if we wait a minute, something will open up.”
The baby snuffled as he flailed his chubby arms while his parents bickered about whether or not they should change their order to take out. Cassian checked his phone again, but Jyn hadn’t texted, and there was no sign of her. She was only two minutes late. It was ridiculous to give up his table when she could arrive at any moment.
Ben’s toothless mouth opened and let out a crumbling whimper.
“You can take my table,” Cassian said.
Han and Leia’s jaws dropped, but Leia was the first to sputter, “No, no, you don’t have to do that.”
“Besides, you were here first,” Han added.
“Well, the person I’m waiting for isn’t here yet, and you already ordered your food.” Cassian was already on his feet and texting Jyn that he gave away their table. “Please, take it.”
It warmed him a little as they both thanked him, but that warmth evaporated as he walked back in and out of the little cafe. Han was right, the place was packed to the gills and the line was starting to grow out of the door. Maybe he could wait in line and by the time he ordered a table would open up, but what if Jyn still wasn’t there or decided not to come--
A handwave from down the street caught his attention and he let out a sigh of relief when he realized it was Jyn, smiling as she jogged up to meet him on the sidewalk.
“Sorry I’m so late,” she said, her cheeks pinched red from the exertion. “Couldn’t find my keys.”
“That’s all right, but how about we get inside?”
She pressed up against him when he held out his arm, his cheeks warming as he felt Han and Leia’s eyes on them as they entered the cafe.
“Sorry about the table,” Cassian said as they stood in line, his stomach rumbling at the sight of a freshly baked sausage and cheddar sandwich.
“If I had a baby as cute as Han and Leia’s I’d use it to get tables too.”
Cassian laughed a little too hard at that. How did she read him that fast? But he was glad that she wasn’t upset, and even happier to find a new table just after they finished ordering. They sat across from each other on a table small enough for their hands to nearly touch and pressed up against the window. He tapped his fingers on the sill they waited for their food, and the longer neither spoke the harder it was for him to look up from fingers so close to her wrist. She looked out the window, her bobbing knee shaking the table.
He needed to say something, anything, to break the silence. He thought her about Stardust, but he always asked about Stardust, and he needed to show that he wanted to know more about her than her cat.
“I knew this was a bad idea,” Jyn groaned.
Cassian’s head snapped up. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t mean to rush this but I did and now I’ve made everything weird--”
“No, it’s not you, it’s me,” he said, and immediately regretted it as her eyes widened. “I mean, It's been years since I've been with anyone because I was focused on school and my career and it’s…I’m sorry, I’m being awkward. I really like you and I was worried that I rushed you into coming to see me again so soon.”
“So you weren’t joking about breakfast?” she asked, her voice wavering. “I thought you were making a joke and I was being desperate by taking it seriously.”
“No, I thought I was being desperate by asking you out again so soon.”
“So...maybe we should agree on how fast or how slow we should take this,” Jyn said, then let out a breath. “I usually go too fast but I want to try it slow this time.”
He looked down at her hand, now covering his. His fingers twitched in surprise, but he turned his hand over and gently squeezed. Yes , he thought, his heart fluttering in his throat, this is something I can do.
“That works for me. Maybe go out once or twice a week?”
“Yeah, and I promise I won’t send you more than five pics of Stardust a day.”
“I won’t hold you to that.”
She laughed, and he breathed easier than he had all morning. He wanted to kiss her again, but opted to squeeze her hand instead. They were going to take this slow, after all. They chatted a little bit about up work before they were interrupted by their waiter with coffee and waffles. But it was a welcome interruption, and they switched the topic from Monday blues to whether pancakes or waffles were better, then to other hobbies like cooking and gardening (he had his work cut out for him in the backyard, but Jyn offered to help).
The morning swiftly slipped by them, and soon they were walking back to their homes with very full bellies. Cassian kept his hands in the pockets of his worn, brown jacket to resist the urge to hold her hand as they walked. She kept her hands in her pockets too, but walked close enough that their arms bumped into each other.
In a blink they were on Jyn’s doorstep again. With the sun out he could see that the powder blue paint on her front door was chipped, that a spider had started making its home under her porch, and that she had a smattering of pale freckles over her nose.
“Thanks for walking me home,” she said.
“Of course,” he said, when a thought suddenly struck him. “When I...er...kissed you last night, was that moving too fast?”
“No! Was it too fast for you?”
“No, not at all.”
His fists tightened in his pockets as his nerves bundled up into a sparking, messy knot his chest. Last night he was so anxious about kissing her and what would happen afterwards that he barely remembered the kiss while it was happening. He remembered feeling ridiculously happy afterwards, when they rested their heads together and held each other steady.
“One kiss after a good date is pretty normal, I think,” Jyn offered.
Cassian dipped down and kissed her. It was a brief, gentle kiss that made her face flush pink (or maybe that was the nip in the air). She wobbled towards him when he broke away, almost like she wanted more, and he caught her by the elbow again. A flicker of movement from the window caught his eye, but when he leaned over but there was no sign of Stardust sitting on the windowsill. Jyn looked back and laughed.
“Stardust keeping a close eye on us?” Jyn asked.
“She’s probably sleeping on the job.”
That should have been his cue to leave her to the rest of her Sunday, but then she pushed herself up to kiss him again.
Maybe he could stay a minute more.
“Would you like to come in?” she panted, a lock of hair sticking to her mouth. “Just for a little bit, of course.”
“Yes, that sounds nice,” he said.
She cupped his cheek and pulled him down for another kiss while she fished her keys out of her back pocket. He thought they would have a breather when she pulled out her keys, but to his surprise she tugged him along until her back was to the door. She struggled to fit the key in and he guided her hand so the door would unlock. The door swung open, slamming them together and making Jyn groan.
“You okay?” he asked.
She pulled him down by the collar and kissed him until he staggered backwards into the opposite wall.
“Remember--we’re--moving slow,” he said between breaths.
“Absolutely.”
Jyn slammed the door shut with a swift kick. He let her guide him towards the living room, where she tripped over the arm of her couch and they spilled over the cushions. He caught himself so he didn’t crush her, but God it was just like last time– his hip pressed against hers and their legs tangled together. Cassian couldn’t resist -- he kissed down her throat, but the collar of her green sweater halted his descent.
“Cass,” she pleaded.
He returned to her lips and kissed her until he was light headed. She writhed under him, as impatient as he was. His hands snuck under her sweater and sprawled over her taut stomach. His fingertips just brushed the edge of her bra and he forced his hands back down to her hips, although it did nothing to dampen his excitement. He broke away from her mouth and listened to her breath hitch as he trailed down her throat again, determined to not let a few centimeters of wool stop him.
He had the sweater halfway rolled up her belly when he glanced over her shoulder and locked eyes with Stardust. Sitting next to the coffee table with her tail curled over her front paws, she watched them with her head tilted and a smug smile in her blue and yellow eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Jyn asked.
“The cat’s just staring at us,” he sputtered.
“It’s okay. She’s seen me naked, so she won’t judge.” She giggled at him and the baffled look he probably had on his face.
Stardust meowed in agreement, rubbing her side against the length of the couch until she stopped to sniffed his shoe. She then launched herself onto the coffee table and settled down luxuriously, her tail curling and uncurling, as if she was waiting for the second act of the show to get started.
Cassian burst out laughing into the sweater he’d wanted rip off with his teeth a moment ago.
“C’mon Stardust, you’re making him uncomfortable.”
“Mrow.”
Cassian only laughed harder.
Jyn let out an exasperated sigh, but he could hear her grin when she whined, “It’s not that funny!”
“I can’t help it. I’ve never had an audience before.”
Jyn wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him while they laughed until they were wheezing. They untangled their legs and sat up on the couch. Stardust leapt into Jyn’s lap and nuzzled her.
“Is that why you interrupted us? For attention?” Jyn huffed as she petted the purring cat.
“Or maybe to tell me to slow down,” Cassian said. He was still feeling delightfully fuzzy and mussed, but his mind had cleared enough to realize that having sex on the couch may be moving a touch faster than they agreed to.
“Well, I started it,” Jyn said.
“And I wanted to finish it. Maybe just… not this time.”
She hummed in agreement, resting her head on his shoulder. “What’s a good time for you, then?”
Cassian thought about it, struggling between wanting to sleep with her the next day and waiting until the timing was perfect.
“Let’s give it a month?”
He knew he’d gone too far when she bit her lip and her eyes went wide.
“We can do it sooner, or later, or--”
“No. I said that I wanted to take this slow, and I do. I do.” She stopped petting Stardust. “But maybe we can increase the kisses from one to two at the end of a date.”
“I was thinking three or four.” He chuckled, then kissed her.
“Maybe five or six?” She kissed him back.
“Seven’s a lucky number.”
They lost count by the time Stardust stopped them by pawing at Cassian’s beard.
They held out for twenty-one days.
But really, who was counting?
Jyn had come over to help clear out the long dead bushes in his backyard and by the end of the afternoon they were sweaty and covered in sap. She suggested that they shower together, laughing like it was half a joke and half a wish.
A couple hours later Jyn was dozing at his side, bare skin dewy from the shower and sex. His mind was fuzzy, drifting off in the afterglow, but he wanted to be present in this moment for as long as he could. Cassian didn’t have the words to describe what exactly he was feeling, only that he never wanted to forget it. He kissed her hair, wrapped his arms around her, and settled in for a satisfied sleep.
“Mew?”
Both of them jerked awake just as Stardust jumped up and landed between their feet. Her pink nose twitched as she sniffed the air.
How in the hell?! Cassian thought, then sputtered, “Augh, the cat door!”
He had installed it in his back door two weeks ago in case Stardust broke out of Jyn’s house again, but he hadn’t expected it to be used so soon.
“Fuck, I need to stop leaving the bathroom window open,” Jyn groaned, collapsing dramatically back on the pillows and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
Stardust purred as she carefully stepped over their legs and wedged herself between them. Her purr rippled when she settled underneath Cassian’s arms and tucked her legs under her so she looked like a content loaf. She stared at them, her eyes drifting closed.
“Congrats, now the cat’s seen you naked too,” Jyn said, laughing.
Cassian tried and failed to choke down a laugh. Stardust’s eyes snapped open and she glared at him, then whipped her attention to Jyn, who shook with giggles. Eventually, Stardust closed her eyes again and tucked in her chin in an attempt to ignore them.
But he could still kiss Jyn with ease, so he really couldn’t complain.