Chapter Text
The soft, repetitive sounds of the respirator were almost serving as a lullaby to Chan, who was starting to nod off. It had been a week since Hyunjin had squeezed his hand but he still hadn’t woken up. The doctor said it had been a reflex, nothing more. Hyunjin wasn’t getting better, despite being on broad spectrum antibiotics, his fever remained stubborn. His body was just too tired to fight it off. The good news, if you wanted to call it that, was that he wasn’t getting worse.
Everyone had taken turns sitting with him, not wanting to take the chance he might wake up alone. Everyone except Changbin. He hadn’t spoken to Chan since their altercation and he was keeping to himself. Chan knew that was a situation he needed to deal with soon but his primary focus was Hyunjin. He was exhausted, he took most of the over nights in the hospital so that none of his kids had to bear that burden. Jisung had forced him out of the room a few times, but other than that, he was there every night. There was a soft knock at the door as Seungmin, Felix and Jeongin entered.
“We’re here to play with Hyunjinnie!” They exclaimed softly. That’s what they called it when it was their turn to stay at the hospital. They usually brought some sort of game with them to occupy themselves for a few hours and would even put a controller in Hyunjin’s hand in case he woke up and wanted to play too. Grateful for the break, Chan stood up and stretched, smiling at his youngest kids.
“Alright but you better make sure you play fair!” He said with a laugh. The Maknae line nodded in agreement as they took Chan’s chair by the bed, already bickering about who would get to be which character in the game they were about to play.
When Chan finally returned home he sank into the couch slowly, unable to make the longer journey to his bedroom. His eyes closed and he managed a few hours of uneasy sleep when he was awoken by the sound of a door opening and the presence of another in the room.
“How is he?” Chan heard a small voice ask. He opened his eyes and turned to look in the door way. Changbin was standing there, clearly uncomfortable with his hands in his pockets. Chan stared at him for a moment before answering.
“He’s the same. He still has a fever and he hasn’t woke up.” Turning back to face forward, closing his eyes again. “Where’s Minho and Jisung?” He asked.
“They are at the store picking up something for dinner, the youngers said they wanted to eat something delicious tonight.” Changbin answered. Chan suddenly heard Changbin move further into the room and clear his throat. “Hyung, can we talk for a minute?” he asked nervously. Chan re-opened his eyes and nodded. He knew where this was going and he was ready for it. Changbin moved and sat next to Chan on the couch, tears started welling in his eyes. “I’m sorry hyung, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have hit you and I really didn’t mean t-“ he stopped as Chan started laughing.
“I’m not mad at you Changbin.” He said as his laughter subsided. He knew he shouldn’t be laughing, but he couldn’t help it, Changbin could be so adorable. “I know you were just scared for Hyunjin and you weren’t wrong, I should have listened. I am the leader and it’s my job to protect and care for all of you. I won’t make that mistake again. I promise you that.” He said as he pulled Changbin into a tight hug. Changbin gripped him in return, his tears flowing freely as relief flooded his body. “Now that that’s settled, you don’t have to avoid the hospital anymore. Come with me to see Hyunjin, it’s definitely your turn to watch him.” Chan said as he pulled from Changbin’s hold.
“I can’t hyung.” Changbin answered sheepishly, his gaze fixed on the floor.
“Why not? I am sure he would love it if you came to see him and no one at the hospital is mad at you for the fight or anything.” Chan said, giving him a puzzled look.
“I can’t see him like that again.” He replied, raising his eyes to meet Chan’s. “He was so pale and hooked up to all those machines, he seemed so vulnerable and he just looked so… small. And it’s all my fault.”
“It’s not easy for any of us to see him like that Changbin and it isn’t anyone’s fault. You know as well as all of us how determined he is, there was nothing we could have done. All we can do now is move forward and be better, together.” He said as he put his hand on his shoulder. “But the doctors all say he probably knows we are there and you are the only one who hasn’t gone to see him. We all need to be there for him, we are the only family he has. We’re the only family any of us has.” When he noticed his friend’s hesitation he added, “It won’t be that bad, I’ll go with you to see him.”
Minho and Jisung walked through the front door, arms full with bags from the store.
“Hyung! We were just about to make dinner, how’s Hyunjin?” Han asked as he set the bags on the kitchen counter.
“He’s the same but Changbin and I are about to go see him.” He said, heaving himself off the couch and pulling Changbin with him. “We’ll send the others back for dinner.”
“Oh okay, I’ll drop by the hospital later tonight then to bring you guys something to eat. I’ll stay with Hyunjin tonight so you can get some rest hyung.” Jisung said as he started unpacking the grocery bags. Chan smiled as he grabbed Changbin and pushed him out the door.
As they approached Hyunjin’s room they heard arguing coming from behind the door. They opened it to find the Maknae line yelling back and forth at each other over Hyunjin’s bed.
“YA!” Chan shouted and his startled kids turned to look at him. “What the hell is going on here?” He asked, scanning the faces of his youngest kids. Suddenly all three started talking at once, something about how Seungmin wouldn’t let them play a character for a turn but that he got the character first so he shouldn’t have to give it up. “What did I say about playing fairly? You’re causing a ruckus in the hospital, it’s a wonder Hyunjin can sleep through it!” Chan said sternly as their shoulders slumped in guilt. “If you can’t take turns and play fair then I will take the game and none of you can visit here okay?”
“Okay” the three said in somber unison. Chan softened at the sight of them.
“It’s alright, Changbin and I will take over with Hyunjin from here. Minnie and Jisungie have dinner waiting so go straight home okay?” He said as he ruffled each of their heads. “I think they said something about making you guys something…delicious?” The three perked right up at the mention of something tasty to eat.
“Okay Chan hyung, we’ll see you at home!” Felix called over his shoulder as he raced with Jeongin and Seungmin to see who would get home first. Chan chuckled and rolled his eyes at their playfulness. He was grateful for their youth and cuteness, it served to lighten some of his troubles but he was also slightly jealous of it. They could be so carefree but that’s definitely the way he wanted it. He noticed Changbin hanging back by the door, hesitant to come in.
“It’s alright Binnie.” He said, grabbing his hand and leading him to Hyunjin’s bed. “Talk to him if you like, I do sometimes.” Chan sat in his usual chair on the other side of the bed and took Hyunjin’s hand after he brushed a stray strand of hair from his face. Changbin watched as Chan began talking to his younger brother about random things; what the weather was like outside, latest news in the industry, and how everyone was talking about their performance. No one knew Hyunjin was sick. They had decided not to tell the fans so they wouldn’t have to worry them. They were on a long break so it wasn’t like Hyunjin would be missed if he wasn’t at an event. Changbin sat down and took Hyunjin’s other hand as he added on to what Chan was saying.
“Yeah kid, you looked so cool during our performance. You killed all of our Stays, even other idols like Jinyoung sunbaenim are talking about how great you did. So you better wake up soon so you can thank them for all of their support or it would be rude, and we didn’t raise you to be rude. At least not that kind of rude.” Chan laughed at Changbin’s words. They spent the better part of an hour talking about this and that when Jisung walked in with a bag.
“Hyungs! I brought your food” He said, obviously quite pleased with whatever was in the bag he was holding. Just as Chan and Changbin turned to greet him, a quiet alarm started going off as Hyunjin began twitching. All three turned back in surprise. “What’s wrong with him, is he having another seizure?” Jisung asked, terror thick in his voice.
“I don’t know” Chan said as Hyunjin began to make a weird noise in the back of his throat. He grabbed Hyunjin’s hand as the doctor entered into the room and glanced at Hyunjin and then to his monitor.
“It’s alright.” The doctor said as he removed the pillows from behind Hyunjin and gently laid him flat. He began undoing the straps and tubes around Hyunjin’s face as Hyunjin began to gag.
“What the hell is going on?” Chan demanded, he squeezed Hyunjin’s hand tighter. The doctor didn’t answer as he pulled the long tube from Hyunjin’s mouth, who gasped and started coughing.
“Welcome back Hyunjin. Take it easy, try to take some deep breaths.” The doctor coached, still ignoring Chan. Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room as his eyes began to focus. His eyes landed on Chan who was still clinging to his hand.
“H-Hyung?” He asked gruffly. He cleared his throat before continuing. “Where am I?” He looked around the room, taking in the doctor and the nurse, and the incredulous expressions of Changbin and Jisung. Chan could see the panic start to rise in him. “What happened?” He asked again with more urgency. This time he attempted to sit up and became painfully aware of the incision to his right side. Gasping in discomfort, Chan and the doctor pushed him back to the bed.
“It’s okay Hyunjinnie, you’re gonna be okay.” Chan said soothingly, stroking his hand. “You were just a little sick but you’re better now.” He said, giving him a sweet, reassuring smile. It was so hard to control the tears fighting to make their way to the surface, Hyunjin was scared and uncertain so that’s the last thing he needed from him right now. Changbin and Jisung weren’t having as much luck, tears of happiness and relief freely falling from their eyes. The doctor spoke up before anyone else had the opportunity.
“I’m doctor Choi, and everything is going to be okay Hyunjin. I’m going to make sure you didn’t tear any stitches really quick while your brothers wait in the hall.” He was quickly met with argument as he began to usher the three from the room. “It will only be a minute, I will let you know the second it’s over.” The doctor said, closing the door behind them.
True to his word, the doctor followed them out of the room only a few minutes later. “Everything looks great, he didn’t tear any stitches and the incision is healing nicely. We’ll continue to monitor his fever but this is a really good step. I think he’ll be just fine! He’ll need a lot of attention but if you think you are up for it, I don’t see why he couldn’t go home with you as early as this weekend. He might recover even faster at home.” He gave the boys a genuine smile and squeezed Chan’s shoulder as he started to turn away. He abruptly turned back to face them. “He will be a little groggy and confused so it’s better to keep it just you three tonight. I know it will be hard but we don’t want to overwhelm him. Tell them they can all come first thing tomorrow.” And with that last word he was gone. The three boys went back into Hyunjin’s room, relieved to find him still awake and propped up on a mountain of pillows.
"I’m sorry hyung.” He said quietly as they took their seats on either side of his bed.
“What are you sorry for Jinnie? You can’t help it if you’re sick” Chan said, giving his hand a gentle pat.
“I really wasn’t feeling well before the performance and I should have told you! I just didn’t want to disappoint Stays anymore. They would be sad if I didn’t perform.” He replied, looking at his hands in his lap.
“Stays would be more upset to learn you were so sick. You always need to tell us when something doesn’t feel right Hyunjin, so we can take care of you.” Chan said giving him a stern look but it near instantly melted. No one was going to be able to stay mad at him for a while. “We are all just glad that you are okay, you really scared us for a while.” Hyunjin nodded.
“I know, I’m sorry. I will always be sure to tell you when I’m not feeling well. I’m so happy you guys are here with me.” He said before looking around the room. “Where is everyone else?” He asked, realizing only 3 were there with him.
“Well we weren’t sure when you were going to wake up so we have been taking turns being here, everyone else is at home right now. They will be here first thing in the morning.” Jisung answered, giving Hyunjin a smile.
“I can’t see them now?” Hyunjin whined.
“Not right now Jinnie. We need to listen to what the doctor says, you need your rest.” Chan said firmly, not inviting him to protest further.
“Just listen to what they are telling you, your recovery will go a lot faster and then you can come home with us.” Changbin added, hoping to use the opportunity of freedom from the hospital as motivation for him to behave. He knew Hyunjin wouldn’t like being cooped up in a hospital now that he was awake. The kid had far too much energy for that, sick or not.
“Fine.” Hyunjin pouted, his bottom lip jutting out in the most adorable way making everyone in the room chuckle.
“It will go by quick baby, if you get some rest they will be here before you know it. I’m sure Jeongin, Seungmin and Felix would love to play a game with you tomorrow.” Chan said, hoping to appease his sulking child. Hyunjin gave a sleepy grin in response as his head leaned back against his pillows, already fading into sleep. Chan smiled, nothing but love in his eyes.
“I should get back and tell the others he is awake.” Jisung said softly. “They’ll be upset we didn’t call them right away.” Chan nodded in confirmation.
“I should be the one to tell them so I will call first. Let them have a minute to be angry before you get home so they don’t take it out on you. I’m going to stay here, I don’t want him to wake up alone and not remember where he is.” Chan said, looking at Changbin and Jisung. They nodded as they stood up.
“We’ll be back with everyone first thing tomorrow morning. We’ll bring you a fresh pair of clothes too hyung.” Changbin said, giving Hyunjin’s arm a gentle squeeze before following Jisung out of the room.
…
The rest of Stray kids were all huddled together in the living room watching a movie when Minho heard his phone start to buzz. Careful not to jostle the sleeping Jeongin in his lap, he reached over to answer.
“Hyung? Everything okay?” He asked warily, Chan usually didn’t call at this hour. “WHAT? Hyunjin is awake?” Bolting upright, energy humming through his body at the news. Suddenly everyone was up and on high alert, waiting eagerly for more news. “That’s amazing, we’ll be right there.” Minho said after Chan had finished recounting what had happened. Jeongin, Seungmin and Felix already up and moving around. Minho’s face suddenly fell. “What the hell do you mean we can’t come tonight?” He demanded, the others freezing in their tracks. “That’s not fair, we want to see Hyunjin too!” Minho whined. The others listened intently, trying to hear what their leader was saying through the phone. “Fine.” Minho said, abruptly ending their phone call. The maknae line looked anxiously at him, waiting for him to speak. “Hyunjin woke up when Chan, Changbin and Jisung were there. The doctor said this is a really good sign and that he should be just fine with more rest and medicine.”
“Can we go see him now?” Seungmin asked, eager to go see their brother.
“No Chan hyung said we can’t see him tonight. Hyunjin already fell asleep and he needs a lot of that right now.” Minho admitted, his irritation subsiding in realizing Chan’s logic. He quickly continued when his younger brothers started to protest. “He said we could see him first thing in the morning. Hyunjin will be more awake then and he said you could bring one game to play with him for a minute if he is feeling up to it.” Minho told them, ruffling Felix’s hair. “The earlier you go to bed, the faster the morning will come and we can go.” He added.
“Okay!” The three yelled together, racing off to change into pajamas and brush their teeth. He chuckled, they could be so adorable. They acted like triplets sometimes despite the gap between Jeongin and the other two. The front door suddenly swung open as Changbin and Jisung made their way into the house.
“Hey guys, how was he when you saw him? Is he okay? Did he say anything?” Minho fired off questions before they had even shrugged off their coats.
“He really seemed like he was going to be okay, he was a little groggy but he doesn’t need that awful machine to breathe anymore. The doctor’s said they just need his fever to break but he might not have to be in the hospital too much longer” Changbin answered, hopping around on one foot trying to remove his shoes.
“Yeah and he asked about everyone, he really wanted to see you guys.” Jisung chimed in. “I’ll bet he’ll be really happy when we visit him tomorrow.” Minho beamed, satisfied with their answers to his questions. That night everyone slept soundly, the tension and worry that had been plaguing their minds was lifted. Chan smiled to himself in the dark as he realized how quiet the room was. For the first time in a while there were no noises of machines that followed him into his dreams, turning them to nightmares. He allowed the quiet peacefulness to lull him to sleep.
…
“No fair! Jeongin got to pick the movie the last time.” Seungmin wailed as Changbin put on the movie title their maknae had chosen.
“Don’t whine Seungminnie, you can pick the next one.” Jisung said, gently throwing a piece of popcorn at him. Seungmin simply stuck out his tongue in response as he settled back into Felix’s side.
Chan looked around the room at his family. They had brought Hyunjin home from the hospital a few days ago and he was already so much better, his fever finally breaking the first night. He was currently on the couch cuddled up next to Changbin, a blanket tucked around him. Chan knew Hyunjin wouldn’t make it through very much of the movie, his eyelids were already drooping. Chan, Jisung and Minho were on the other couch, a large bowl of popcorn in the middle separating Chan from Jisung and Minho. The maknae line were on the floor amongst a giant heap of pillows and blankets with their own bowl of popcorn. Chan couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear, this was how it was supposed to be.
Everything had begun returning to normal. Minho’s personality was just as weird and 4D as it had been before, Changbin stopped locking himself away in his room, and Jisung had finally found his voice again. Chan was sure between them they probably had enough material for two more albums. Chan had also changed for the better, relaxing back into his role as dad of the group without all of the control issues. He never wanted to push his group too hard again, they would get enough of that from their manager and their company. There was still a noticeable hole on the couch next to Chan but for the first time in a while, it didn’t hurt as bad and he could tell they were all feeling the same way. They would always miss their ninth member, but they could get through anything as long as they stuck together as family.