Chapter Text
After Barbara had met Sergeant Pennyworth (“We also call him Penny One or Sarge”) and given a brief tour, Steph led her back into the bullpen and over to an empty desk. Though empty was a relative term, as the desk pushed up against it was overflowing with paperwork, sticky notes, case files, and several empty bags of skittles. The sheer mess on one was enough to merge over onto the otherwise spotless other desk. “Okay, so this is your desk. You’re next to Dick, which is actually a blessing in disguise.” Barbara looked at Steph, a question in her eyes. The blonde rolled her eyes, though the slightly fond look in her eyes offset the action.
“Bruce attempted to redo the seating chart when he first transferred here, but there are reasons that certain people can’t be near each other.”
Barbara was intrigued despite herself.
“Take the Tim/Jason/Cass trifecta,” Steph gestured over to where their desks stood, all slightly apart from each other, though definitely together. Jason and Cass’s desks were across from each other, while Tim’s was perpendicular and far enough away that a fake plant had been put in between the desks. “Jason thinks it’s fun to rile up Tim, which it is, but he would do that instead of work some days, so they can’t be near each other.”
“So why are they near then?”
Steph grinned. “Because when they were too far apart, Jason could throw things at him, so Tim wants to keep an eye on him. Cass is pretty chill most of the time, but she’s always good to have on hand when Jason goes too far and Tim tries to hurt him.”
Barbara blinked at that information.
“So Cass is there to protect Tim?”
“No, Cass is there to protect Jason. Also, because Guy chews really loudly and that always makes her antsy.”
“I can see why that would be annoying.”
Both women glanced over to where Guy was poking at something on his desk that was most likely once a muffin but was now just a crumbly mess before looking back at each other and shuddering. Steph soldiered on.
“If Tim and Dick are too near each other, they tend to talk rather than work, but if they’re too far apart, they’ll get up to find each other too often. Guy and Hal are in that weird spot because it has no line of sight to either the bathrooms or the break room. Penny One’s in that corner because he has a line of sight to all the detectives and the holding cell, but also to the fridge in the kitchen. Word of advice, Barbara – don’t touch his yogurt.”
“His what?”
“He has this special low-fat organic something or other Greek yogurt that he swears by.”
“Huh.”
“He once put Hal on suspension for eating it.”
Steph looked down at her watch before making a face.
“Sorry to leave you, but I have to go conference call in to a city-wide captain meeting.”
“Taking notes for Bruce?”
“Nah, just make some weird receiver noise before the call gets rescheduled.” She waved at Barbara as she walked back over to her desk to gather up her stuff.
Almost as soon as Stephanie walked into the captain’s office, Dick came and stood next to her.
“So Babs, what do you think so far?” He shot Barbara a grin, one that he had practiced in the mirror for years before he perfected it. It was a grin designed to melt the hearts and minds of everyone it graced. It was a grin that his best friend Donna said should be illegal, since it made whomever Dick directed it at melt.
Barbara turned to look at him.
“Is your face okay? Is it supposed to be…” She gestured at her own with a concerned look.
A look that made everyone who saw it melt. Everyone except for Barbara, apparently.
“I-yeah,”
Barbara side-eyed him as she walked over to their desks. “Oh, and if you call me Babs again, you’ll regret it.” She called over her shoulder.
Dick could only stare after her, the only thing running through his mind was –
“I’m going to marry that woman.”