Chapter Text
Benrey wasn’t upset. He fiddled with the wrapper to his Tootsie Roll, flipping it back and forth but not actually opening it. It was one of those like, rectangular block ones. He liked them. He could fit about - and don’t quote him on this - about fifteen in his mouth. His cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk in a gay porno, but he could do it.
“I can’t fucking belive you.” Gordon sighed, pulling off of the highway. It had been another hour in the car - they’d lost the radio signal and hadn’t been able to find anything quite like it, having to settle for classic rock. Benrey glanced at Gordon.
“I said I was sorry, bro.”
“No, not for that.” Gordon actually - wait, was that fucker smiling?
“Wait, you’re telling me I did something good? Something cool? Something - hhhh - epic?” Benrey leaned over, Tootsie Roll forgotten.
“I have no idea how you got so high on that dinosaur.” Gordon gave him a smile. Benrey’s lips quirked up, grinning - “But you didn’t have to take the express route down.”
“You said ‘get down right now’, and I live to serve.” Wow, that came out a lot more suggestive than he had meant. He wanted it to be a little suggestive, but that was a lot more suggestion. It’s like when he kept squeezing the ketchup bottle, hoping it would give him just a little on his ‘dogs, and instead he ended up coating the dog in an absolute load of sweet red goo. He still ate it, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He apparently had difficulty when it came to squeezing things. Oh, Gordon was talking.
“ - jump down from something that high, you’re going to scare a lot of people. This is a ‘manners’ thing, okay, Benrey? We try not to scare normal people who haven’t lived with the same type of shit we’ve gone through.” Gordon paused for breath and turned on another highway, heading almost directly south. That meant that the sun burned through Benrey’s window, searing his face. He turned his baseball cap and pulled it down so it covered his face.
“I get you, Always-rightman.” Benrey said, perfecting his hat and sunvisor placement. He turned to look at Gordon, who turned to look at him. Gordon burst into chuckles at the absurd hat placement. Glad to be of service, Benrey thought, looking forward.
“Fuck, Benrey.” Gordon gave a sigh, rounding out his laughter. “Just… Try not to unintentionally scare a bunch of people from now on. A normal person wouldn’t have been able to fall from almost fifteen feet and get up without a scratch.”
“Actually, about that…” Benrey held up his hand. Gordon gave him a glance. “I got a boo-boo.”
“You didn’t.”
“I landed wrong.”
“You’re telling me that you dislocated your finger- ”
“Yeah, bro. It - it kinda hurts. A lot.” Benrey didn’t smile. He kept the grin tightly under wraps. Just winding Gordon up…
“Fucking - Should I pull over? We’re getting close. Can you - god, don’t - fucking -” Gordon started swearing and swerving across the highway, looking but trying not to look at Benrey as he took a deliberate hold of his finger and pulled.
“Fucking-!” Gordon squeezed his eyes shut and Benrey reached over, holding the wheel again.
“Dude, is this like, uhhh, a fucking, everytime thing with you and roadtrips or is this like, a rarity?” Benrey said, glad that the road was almost empty.
“You can’t just fucking do that, Benrey!” Gordon snapped, opening his eyes and staring forward again. Well, two could play at that game. Benrey also turned to look out the windshield, staring out into the afternoon sky.
It was boring. He turned back to Gordon.
“Did you know blue and orange are complementary colors?” Benrey asked after a second. It didn’t mean anything. He just randomly remembered it from one of his talks with Dr. Coomer and Tommy.
There wasn’t a lot of reason for Art in Black Mesa. Pretty much the biggest Stem fanboys there were, didn’t let any hipsters or art nerds in. It was 100% sciencey nerds, leaving the jocks like Benrey to get assigned to the security team. Hell, it’s not like he could work anywhere else outside of Black Mesa anyway. He wasn’t technically a person. Legally.
Oh, fuck, he’d done it again, Gordon had said something and he hadn’t been listening -
“Huh?”
“Why the fuck do you bring things up just to forget about them literally a second later?” Gordon asked.
“Uh. Because my brain is just, so damn advanced compared to yours, Thinkman.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. At all.” Gordon sighed and turned onto yet another road.
“Are we fucking there yet?” Benrey asked, flailing. “I’ve done my best, but man, I’m about to fucking lose it like you lost your fucking passport.”
“I swear, if you say passport one. More. Fucking. Time.” Gordon ground out. Benrey froze in place. Oh, he’d said a bad word.
“Pfffft. Fuck, whatever, dude.” Benrey turned and looked out his window. “... Sorry.”
“Fuck. Just. Don’t bring that shit up again.” Gordon sighed, and it was a bit different from all his other sighs so far. “We’re about half an hour away. If you can make it through this, and the rest of the ride home, I’ll let you play on my computer all day tomorrow, and the next day.”
“You’ve got yourself a slap-happy, butt-smacking deal.” Benrey put his hand out, waiting for Gordon to shake it. “What? No butt-smacking? Okay, fine, no butt-smacking.” Gordon finally lifted his prosthetic and awkwardly shook Benrey’s hand.
“I mean, can’t you still teleport?” Gordon asked. “There’s sometimes when you just disappear, and I don’t know where you went or what happened.”
“Not, uh, allowed. Until the shock collar comes off.” Benrey fidgeted, pulling at his dress shirt collar. Gordon had insisted he dress appropriately before he let him in the car, including taking off his prized - if ratty - Playstation hoodie and put on something like a nerd shirt. It reminded him a bit too much of the shirt he had to wear under his armor as a security guard.
“I should have sent Tommy with you.” Benrey mumbled. “Kids love dogs.”
“Maybe next time, if this one doesn’t work out well.” Gordon mumbled.
“Shit, are you saying I was your plan A? Your ace in the hole? Your numero uno-”
“Yes, alright? You were the first one I wanted to bring along.” Gordon cut him off.
“Absolutely - I mean, that’s gay, bro.” Gordon sighed.
“Poggers.” Gordon groaned. “Fucking poggers.”
Benrey stared at him, pulling the poggers face for a few seconds, but when Gordon didn’t look over, he let it drop. He frowned and looked out the window.
“So… like…” Benrey started. He didn’t look away from the clump of trees in the distance, even if it was the wrong angle to see Gordon’s reflection in. “What’s your ex like?”
“God. He’s an asshole.” Gordon started, then he didn’t stop. “Fucking piece of shit. Says he’s okay with gay people but doesn’t understand what trans people are, even after almost a decade. Fucking piece of work. He’s been divorced again since we broke up. He made Joshua call his last girlfriend “mom” - fucking dick. He led a smear campaign against me when we broke up. I left him when Joshie was one, and he fought for custody when I admitted to postpartum depression -” Benrey didn’t know what postpartum was, but he knew depression, “- and he, uh, got it because I came out and he got my parents - fucking, get this, right? My parents - the people who raised me - sided with him in the divorce because they thought I was sick. They fucking backstabbed me. And half my friends followed him immediately, and the other half left when I went to MIT - But enough about them. Jason - that’s his name, Jason, he wanted Josh to have the same initial - Jason was bad when we got divorced, but now he’s fucking - uh - he’s super masculine. Like, big weightlifter guy. He started overcompensating when I left him, and when I came out as a man he - haha, he -”
“Fuck, shit, man, are you crying?” Benrey asked, reaching for another napkin.
“Just a bit. Thanks. Yeah, he’s a fucking piece of shit. I don’t know what he’s infected Joshua with in the past six months -”
“Oh yeah. You haven’t been able to deal with that all.” Benrey paused. “That whole situation because of what happened. Do they know the whole truth?”
“No. G-Man gave me a script to feed them, and I’m able to play a lot of it off as PTSD from a traumatic experience, but - man. I’m so glad the judge decided I could get a whole week before he has to go back to school.” Gordon absently handed the napkin back to Benrey, who put it in his pocket. It’s fine. “They think that I was in a coma, and because nobody was able to get through to Black Mesa except for the military -”
“They think you were a prisoner of war?” Benrey asked.
“No, they -”
“They think you were stuck in a transdimensional portal?”
“No, Ben-”
“They think you’re an alien replacement for their family member?”
“Fucking no, Benrey -”
“They think you’re fucking an alien in secret?”
“Fuck - No, Benrey -”
“I don’t have any other ideas.”
“They think -”
“Oh, wait, they think you’re a clone replacement after the real you died!” Benrey pointed his finger at Gordon. That had to be it.
“No! Fucking stop!” Gordon paused, glancing at Benrey.
“No need to get all, fucking, worked up, Feetman.” Benrey said.
Gordon inhaled through his nose, exhaled through his mouth. He breathed in blue, and breathed out red. He let his frustration go, one breath at a time. Fuck, were they already at the outskirts? He wasn’t ready for this. He - he wasn’t ready.
“You’re ready, Gordo.” Benrey said, as if he was reading his thoughts. Or maybe he was talking out loud, who knew. “You’ve faced down the entire United States military, you took on Black Mesa nerds with a crowbar, you fucked up some banks -” Oh, fuck, Gordon was glad that G-Man had offered to take care of those warrants for a… small fee. “And you drank one of Darnold’s gross-ass potions and came out of everything with a fucking sick minigun for a hand. I think you’ll be fine.”
“None of those things mattered.” Gordon said, his hand gripping the wheel tight again. “Nothing matters quite as much as what Joshua thinks of me.”
“Why?” Benrey asked, and for once, Gordon treated the question like it was just a fuckin’ question and not a fucking joke.
“I just - there’s no person I love in this world as much as Joshua. I mean it. He kept me sane through postpartum depression. It’s - some women get super depressed after they give birth. And having Joshua there to smile and laugh when I was down - it was the best thing. He carried me through grad school. There were days when I couldn’t make food for myself, but the thing about a kid? They have to be fed. They - you gotta, gotta make sure they have food otherwise they don’t let you keep custody, even if it’s just over the weekend. And having another mouth to feed meant that I at least ate something in a day. And -”
“You like taking care of people.” Benrey nodded. “It’s just, like, a part of who you are.”
Gordon was quiet for a minute. “Huh. I guess you’re right.”
And Gordon gave him another bright smile.
Benrey’s heart wasn’t the same as other hearts, but he felt it give a serious thud, like an old truck engine being turned over for the first time in a long time. Even worse, Gordon heard it. He quirked an eyebrow and looked around.
“Fucking. Yeah, man. Of course I’m right. I’m a damn genius.” Benrey turned back to his window. It was safe. It wouldn’t kill him.
Maybe.
Because while he was looking out the window, Gordon turned and smiled at him again.
God dammit.
“So Joshie’s your favorite person, huh?” Benrey asked, mostly to himself.
“Yeah. He’s the greatest.” Gordon smirked. Benrey didn’t know what the fuck that was about, but he just brushed it off. Whatever.
“Well, I’m glad you get to see him again. Maybe Bubby would help me get your fucking - Jason taken by the military.”
“No killing.” Gordon said, deadpan and serious. Benrey snickered.
“Nah, man, just gotta like, rough him up a bit. Cut off a leg.”
“No.” Gordon said, turning down yet another side road. How fucking much farther?!
“It’s not worth it to get a bit more time with Joshie-washie?”
“It - no, I’m not considering it.” Gordon said, but Benrey saw the slightest tilt of his lips.
“Poggers. Gonna do it, gonna go - crazy poggers on the guy.”
“Do not.” Gordon said, turning down a different side street - they must be getting close. This was a neighborhood with a lot of big houses, kinda close together, but there were a lot of trees. In the fucking desert? It’s more likely than you think. Not a lot of lawns, though. Benrey looked at the grey stone yards and grey stone exteriors and thought that it looked boring as hell.
“Fukken can’t wait to get back to the apartment.” Benrey sank into his seat. Then he had an idea.
If Jason wanted to be the biggest, baddest motherfucker, he had another thing coming.
Benrey started subtly stretching in different ways, twisting his legs the wrong way and his elbows out - he knew it grossed Gordon out so he did it so he wouldn’t watch, wouldn’t see the limbs getting longer. He sat forward and pressed his torso towards his legs, only bumping his head a little bit when Gordon suddenly turned.
“Shit, sorry.” Gordon said, glancing at Benrey. “Didn’t mean to catch you off guard.”
“‘S cool.” Benrey offered. As soon as the car was off, his seatbelt was off and he stood up. He had gotten a bit taller - he was already taller than Gordon normally, but not by much. Now he was about a head taller, probably somewhere close to two meters. He grinned and stretched side to side.
“Come on, and don’t be weird.”
“I physically, uh, fucking can’t.” Benrey hissed in Gordon’s ear as they walked to the front door. He wondered how much Gordon really comprehended about his new state. A lot of his alien qualities were locked up, some twisted parole reward for years down the line when he’d been retrained and on good behaviour for so long that he forgot what it was like to be OP as fuck.
“Cool. Don’t even try, then.” Gordon rang the doorbell.
Feet rushed through the house - they could both hear muffled shouting and a door close somewhere. Benrey shot Gordon a look and added a few inches to his height, just to be safe. He was glad he always bought big shirts. He went ahead and rolled up the sleeves, though. Number one, he had all sorts of cool scars, and his interactions with kids on video games told him that scars were cool. The other reason was that his sleeves were probably the only part that looked a bit too short on his new body size.
The door was pulled open and a tall - Yeah, Benrey was glad he’d added the extra height. He basically towered over this fucker now. He gave him a not-so-nice grin and followed Gordon into the house.
“Sorry for the delay. Is Joshie ready to head out?” Gordon cocked his head, listening with one ear to the footsteps up the stairs. That’s weird. The house didn’t look like it was two stories from the outside.
“Yeah. Come on to the kitchen.” Benrey followed, nosey fucker that he was. Jason gave him a look, but he returned it with a haughty, disinterested one. He didn’t fucking care what this guy thought of him. He didn’t even see what Gordon might have seen in him, way back when -
“Freeze!”
Benrey almost reached for a gun he didn’t have anymore, looking for the source of the shout. A little blur shot past him, but it wasn’t a dog. It was a kid. “Freeze!”
“Hey, Joshie, how are you?” Gordon bent down and picked his kid up, no problem, no strain. That kid was pretty tall for his age. How old was he? Eight, nine years old? Ten? He didn’t fucking know.
“I’m good! I missed you!” Holy fucking shit. Gordon’s face was lit up like Benrey had never seen before. He squeezed the kid like he never wanted to let go, and fuck, that almost brought a tear to Benrey’s eye. “I made you something but it’s up in my room.”
“We’ll go up there so they can see in a minute.” The asshole said. “Go get your things. Remember, it’s for a week, so make sure you take enough clothes that fit.” Benrey grit his teeth. He didn’t understand subtext, but he did understand the stricken look on Gordon’s face, even as he faced away from Jason. Good. Even if he pushes your buttons, don’t let the fucker see.
“Right, dad.” Joshie nodded and was set down, and he walked past Benrey with barely a glance. Fuck. No Manners.
“Who’s your friend here?” Jason asked, giving Benrey a sneer. Benrey sneered back, glad - a little proud - to see the effect it had on the other man. Yeah, just because his arms were thicker around than most deli hams didn’t mean Benrey was gonna back down. Just cause he’d been nerfed didn’t mean he wouldn't take him out in a fight.
“Benrey, this is Jason, my ex. Jason, this is Benrey, my roommate.”
“You’re still in that shitty two bedroom?” Jason raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know if I can support Joshua going to your house if he’s not going to have his own space.”
“I was evicted after three months of late rental payments, remember?” Gordon said. “I had to move into a bigger apartment. We’re in a three-bed-two-bath a few streets over.”
Jason hmph ed and busied himself at the fridge, pulling out a beer or something. He held it out to Benrey, who shook his head. “No, thanks.” Benrey said. His voice was absolutely flat. Gordon shot him a look, but didn’t say anything. Jason shrugged and opened the beer, taking a sip.
“Anything else I can get you two?” He asked.
“No, thanks.” Gordon echoed Benrey. “We’ve got to get going soon. Is there anything we need to know about Joshua?”
“Hmph.” Jason grunted and looked away, before turning back. He was probably five inches taller than Gordon, but Gordon stood straighter and held more - dignity? Power? Whatever the fuck it was, it was hot. Benrey licked his lips. “You’d know if you spent more time out of that fucking lab.”
“I’d know if I hadn’t spent three months in a coma and lost my hand. But, here we are.” Gordon said, gesturing. It was a good prosthetic, fingers splaying when he held his hand a certain way. “Any developing allergies? Sickness lately?”
“Yeah, he’s getting that stupid hay fever you used to get. Couldn’t spend the whole week in Kentucky like we used to.”
“I’ll keep that in mind - any prescriptions, or just children’s benadryl?” Gordon asked.
“Just pills when he needs them.” Jason grunted again.
“God, this is like pulling teeth. Are you going to be helpful or are you going to dawdle? We’ve got funner things to be doing than fellating you all night.”
Gordon looked over his shoulder at Benrey, slowly, ever so slowly.
“Freeze! You’re taking too long!” Joshua ran back into the kitchen, hugging Freeze- Freeman around his middle. “Come look upstairs!”
“Yeah, go on up.” Benrey gave Gordon a smile. And Gordon, against his wishes, went. “We’ll be okay.” His grin was a little too sharp as he watched Gordon go down the hallway and turn for the stairs, but he didn’t look away until Gordon was out of sight.
“I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that in my own house.”
“Your house was bought with Gordon’s money.” Benrey threw out. “While he’s, what, slumming it in a shitty apartment? Thankfully he can afford more now that he has a roommate who doesn’t suck off him like a leech.” Benrey got a bit more coherent when he was mad. It was cool. Like a super power.
“Listen, you-”
“Nah, I don’t think I will.” Benrey smirked. He turned to walk away. “I was wondering, though, like, what the fuck he ever saw in a shitty loser like you. You’re just - you’re fucking weak, bro. I’ve seen Gordon take on literal life-or-death and walk away from hhh-hell like it was nothing. He lost his fucking arm and he - he didn’t say shit, man. I mean, he cussed - but he made it out, just to see Joshua again.”
And that was what had drawn Benrey in, wasn’t it? Gordon never gave up. He kept going. No matter what bullshit he dealt with, he trudged through, willingly and unendingly. He didn’t let his goal out of his sight even once. At Black Mesa, his goal had just been getting out, getting back home, getting to normal. And now he was normal, and even though his brain was fried and he was on a drug cocktail to deal with the CPTSD and depression and all that bullshit, he was wading through it, doing his best to be there for somebody. Just like he’d been there for the Science Team. Just like - Benrey’s heart clenched - just like he’d been there for Benrey, once or twice, before the endgame came and he’d been zapped into a zip drive for whatever the G-Man wanted. ‘You okay?’ he’d been asked, even if it was just once or twice.
Sure, he was attracted to Freezeman at the start. That face was cute. It had just grown from there.
“Gordon was a totally different person back then. You wouldn’t recognize them.” Jason said, his voice full of proud bigotry.
Benrey gave him a sneer, one last parting gift, before he went to the staircase as well. He heard footsteps but didn’t look in Jason’s direction once as he went up to the bedrooms.
“Hey, I was wondering… Woah. Got some Sweet Voice balls up in here.” Benrey looked at the floating balls, wondering which of the two in the room had that ability.
“That’s a planetary mobile, Benrey.” Gordon sighed. Joshua got off his bed and put a little Lego thing down on the table.
“Woah, did you do that? That’s pretty sweet, man.” Benrey walked over and grabbed the model. It was a freaking spaceship - like, a literal boat that had NASA men on it. He flipped a little door and saw a miniature captain’s cabin and the pirate steering wheel even moved. Woah.
“Thanks, Benrey.” Joshua said. “Are we leaving?”
“Yeah, I think it’s time we get out of here.” Gordon stood up, and Benrey put the model down gently. That was Josh’s, and Josh was important to Gordon, so it was important to Benrey. Simple transitive properties.
“Trans.” Benrey said, staring at the boat.
“What was that?” Gordon asked from the doorway. Jason wasn’t standing there, at least.
“Nothing, man. Let’s - let’s go. We’ve got a Dave and Busters to go to.”
“Woah, seriously?!” Joshua shouted and Benrey gave Gordon a smile, robotic, almost sheepish. It dropped as soon as Gordon turned away.
“Okay, if there’s nothing else, I think we’re gonna head out.” Gordon said loudly in the foyer. “Go say bye to your dad, Joshie.”
“Kay.” Joshua disappeared.
“Benrey, don’t you dare go in his room.” Benrey had stopped in between the two doors upstairs, staring at the door across the minute landing.
“Huh? What, no, I didn’t - I wouldn’t think of it.”
“Don’t lie to me, man. I see you.” Gordon tapped his foot and Benrey grudgingly let his hand fall.
“Party pooper.” Benrey said with a grin. Gordon grinned back, against all odds.
Maybe things weren’t so hopeless after all.
The ride back was a lot less talky. It would be more accurate to say that Benrey and Gordon didn’t talk that much - Joshua spent the next two hours filling Gordon in on every little thing, everything from the past six months. He got quiet a few times, but all Benrey had to do was ask a question, like “What is a horse?” before the boy was off again.
Gordon even loosened up a bit. He was laughing at stupid stuff Benrey said, random snippets of whatever he could get out before the topic changed again, shouted from the back seat like a wannabe contestant on The Price Is Right. It was beautiful. Benrey loved watching his face change with the stories, serious when necessary, laughing whenever Joshua told a story that only a kid would think was funny - which was apparently all three of them, because Gordon had been right. Joshua was great. Kid was clever as fuck.
Benrey did his best not to curse, but he slipped up a lot. Gordon eventually explained that Benrey had a lot of bad habits from his job and that he was trying to get over, but not to tell Jason that Benrey was as fluent in foul language as he was - and definitely not that he used it around Joshua. Benrey tried even harder, the pauses in his sentences getting more pronounced as he tried his best to filter out the bad words. He’d have to have Gordon make him a list so he could keep up, because he still got some sharp looks from Gordon with words that he didn’t think were all that bad.
Dave and Busters went off without a hitch. It was a weird, loud place, but Benrey loved it. He and Tommy ran around with Joshua while Dr. Coomer and Bubby and Gordon spoke over by the table. Fucking old men.
“So, Joshua, what do - what do you do for fun, normally?”
“Uh.” Joshua looked at Tommy, all innocence and happy sunshine thoughts. “I like to do sports, and dad and I go fishing sometimes. We go to Kentucky every year for the horse races -”
“That sounds like fun!” Tommy encouraged.
“It is! I got to ride a thoroughbred this year, and next year Dad promised to get me more lessons.”
“It’s really nice that Mr. Freeman is gonna get you lessons!”
“Oh, no. I meant Dad. Freeze doesn’t go to Kentucky with us. He has allergies.”
“Freeze?”
“It’s his, uh, nickname for Gordon.” Benrey said, tossing ball after ball into the center slot of the skeeball machine. It didn’t matter if he was cheating, Bubby was busy distracting all the attendants across the play floor. Gotta get them tix.
“Oh, I see.” Tommy said.
“Gordon is Freeze and Jason is Dad.” Benrey continued. Restating it a different way helped Tommy retain the knowledge. If he didn’t remember it one way, he’d remember it the other. It was how Benrey’s head worked, too.
“Okay. That makes sense.” Benrey did a double take at Tommy. Well, the kid was an orphan, after all. Probably didn’t know much more about the birds and the bees than what he found on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone could edit.
Joshua was quiet for a minute, just watching Benrey and Tommy cheat a few games. Then he tugged on Benrey’s sleeve.
“I gotta use the bathroom.” He said, staring up at Benrey with Gordon’s big green eyes. Fuck.
“Okay, let’s go.” Benrey took the kid over to the bathroom. What, did you think he was gonna dump him on Gordon? No. He wasn’t done cheating the system yet. Anytime Gordon joined them on the floor he would get in the way of their grand schemes. Their great plans. He couldn’t let Gordon in on this yet, they still had so many tokens.
“So, like, you okay?” Benrey asked when they reached the bathroom and the kid didn’t do anything for a minute. There were open stalls. Come on, he had shit to win!
“Thanks for explaining.” Joshua said. “When I tell the other kids I have two dads but they’re divorced, they think they’re just gay. They make fun of me for being adopted.” Joshua rolled his eyes. “I don’t care what they think so I just let them think that.”
“Smart fukken kid. Absolute champ.” Benrey held out his hand for a fistbump, smiling when Joshua tapped his knuckles.
Wait, he had cussed. Fuck.
“Don’t tell your dad. And hurry up, I’ve got shit to win."