Chapter Text
The need to cough woke up Finn before he could stop it. His eyes were screwed shut as he sat up to find that Poe had rolled away from him in the middle of the night. He was laying on his side with his back to Finn, almost pulled up in a fetal position. His hands looked almost like a praying position and shoved under his cheek. In fact, he looked peaceful in Finn’s eyes, which didn’t happen often.
That was why it was so imperative for him not to disturb Poe. The Resistance General hardly got any real sleep anymore thanks to the nightmares. To see him asleep so peacefully was someone that Finn couldn’t disrupt.
However, that was easier said than done. Not only were his lungs craving him to cough, but his nose was also adding to that. It was just beginning to become congested. One nostril was fully clogged and the other was dripping down the back of his throat. All of his discomfort didn’t even come close to the fear that Finn had of how Poe may react if he sneezed.
The night prior he had been fearful and edgy when Finn had sneezed. Finn didn’t want a repeat and yet he wasn’t sure that he had that luxury. In fact, the need was building and no effort of blinking his eyes or rubbing at his nose with his free hand was helping. He was going to sneeze and there was nothing that he could do about it.
Finn tried to roll onto his side so that he was facing away from Poe. He pressed his head against his pillow as he lifted his hand and clamped his nostrils shut. His chest rose and fell manically as his breath started to hitch while his body pitched forward. “Hrhxxxh! Hchxxh! HrchrhsSH! HrchrhSH!” He was only able to stifle the first two because the last two were far too strong.
Poe was awake in an instant. His flashbacks had made him a light sleeper so that he could always be ready in case of danger. In the darkness, he wasn’t able to see where the sound had come from. He was out of the bed and on his feet so quick that Fun barely had time to process what was happening.
Finn sniffled heavily as he scurried out of the bed after him. “Poe, Poe,” he called. He had to diffuse this situation before Poe was too far gone to listening to reasoning.
Poe was starting to pace in the darkness. His eyes were shadowed as he mumbled to himself. Finn had no idea what battle he was stationed at mentally, but he was furious with himself that he had caused it with something as simple as a sneeze. He tried to push down his own discomfort as he focused on breaking through to Poe.
“Poe,” Finn repeated as he stepped toward him. He made a split second decision to reach out and grabbed Poe’s wrists to hod him back.
Poe let out a bloodcurdling yowl that nearly caused Finn to release him. He reluctantly stood strong as he held onto Poe as Poe withered angrily. “Poe, Poe, listen to me. I need you to focus on my voice. Just my voice. Use it as an anchor.”
Poe continued to fight against him. He didn’t have his usual strength and Finn was thankful. He doubted he would be able to stand up to Poe if that was the case. “Let me go,” Poe choked out.
“Not until you huh....c-clan...dowChrsHSsh! HTrhcSHsh! HthchrSHs!” Finn sneezed over his shoulder as he fought the tickle and lost the battle.
If Poe was scared before, it was nothing compared to Finn holding him and the sound of the sneezes. Poe hung his head while Finn cursed himself for loosing control like that. He knew that he couldn’t beat himself for it and yet he partially blamed himself.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Finn continued when Poe’s writhing started to tamper off. “I’m right here in front of you. Come back to me, Poe.”
The two continued to stand for a few minutes more, Finn murmuring gently in an effort to break through to Poe. Finn was about to give up and think that there was no way that he could talk Poe down from this when he noticed that Poe’s hands had gone limp so that Finn was holding them up. He lifted his head with his tired eyes as he took in what he saw. “Finn?”
“I’m here,” Finn replied quickly, soothingly. “You alright? That flashback was a little different this time, but we got out of it.”
Poe nodded slowly. “I don’t remember what happened,” he confessed as his sharp gaze struggled to look around and make sense of what was in front of him.
Finn let out a heavy sniffle. The earlier sneeze had loosened up a majority of the congestion, but his nose was still tickling with the urge to sneeze some more. “It’s okay.” Finn turned his head to rub his nose against his shoulder so that he didn’t have to release Poe’s hands. That was the only thing that was keeping him grounded in reality and Finn didn’t want to jeopardize that.
Poe noticed the nose rub and the way that Finn kept sniffing as he tried to force back the congestion. “Are you getting sick,” he finally asked.
Finn shrugged. “I’m not sure if getting is the right term or already caught, but yes.” He turned back over his shoulder to cough, shaking both him and Poe in the process. When he turned back he could see that Poe was shifting his weight from one foot to another. If they kept this up, Poe may delve back into his fearful state.
“Do you want to come back to bed,” offered Finn. He really hoped that Poe would take that suggestion. He was too tired to keep standing and his head was throbbing.
Poe’s entire body went rigid at the suggestion. “No,” he replied quickly, head beginning to shake back and forth adamantly.
Patience was still a virtue that Finn was learning, especially when it came to Poe. Somedays were better than others and this day was not one of his better ones. He was trying very hard not to loose his patience. “Okay, then where would you like to go?”
Poe pivoted so that he was looking at the corner of the room. Finn should’ve guessed as such. Whenever Poe was frightened, he always headed to the corner of the room. He could see the entire room from that position and, with his back pressed the wall, he felt no one could jump him from behind. He could ground himself there easier than anywhere else.
“We can do that. Let’s go.” Finn still had a firm grip on Poe’s hands as they made their way to the corner one step at a time.
The two settled down side by side while Poe pressed himself against the two walls where they met. He pulled his hands from Finn’s as he lifted them to press his palms against his forehead. “My thoughts are spinning,” he confessed darkly.
“Then let’s talk through them. What’s going on with you,” Finn questioned gently.
Poe shrugged. “I just saw Ren in my head again. He was trying to sort through my thoughts and pulling out whatever he deemed important and forcing aside whatever he didn’t. It hurt like hell. I could just hear my own screaming.” His hand tightened into a fist and tried to collide harshly against his right temple.
Finn pulled Poe’s hand down slowly, yet forcefully. He drew the line with Poe hurting himself and often did everything that he could to prevent it. Poe didn’t often speak about how being tortured by Kylo Ren had affected him. It was a subject that Finn didn’t dare bring up either for fear of how Poe would react. He knew better than to even try. However, when Poe freely brought it up, Finn supposed he could speak about it.
“I can’t even imagine what that was like to have someone force themselves into your head like that,” Finn murmured sympathetically.
Poe gritted his teeth as he slightly hit his head against the wall. “It was horrible. He went through all my memories, saw all my thoughts. I never want to fell that again.” Moisture glittered at the corners of Poe’s eyes when he glanced back at Finn pleadingly.
“And you won’t have to,” reassured Finn as he leaned into Poe’s line of vision. “I won’t let that happen to you, I promise.” Finn gave Poe’s hands a tight squeeze of reassurance and to let him know he was still there.
Poe didn’t show any signs of believing it. However, he did manage a tiny nod with his eyes partially closed. “He’s gone.”
“He is gone. That’s right. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Finn could barely finish his thoughts as his eyes began to flutter, his breath hitched, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. He tried to suppress it until the last moment when he nearly fell forward with his hands cupped under his nose. “HrhchsSH! HrchrhSH! HrchrhsHs! HrchrhsHS!”
Poe stiffened at each sneeze, but to Finn’s relief, he didn’t run away immediately. He froze while Finn sniffled and lowered his hands from his streaming nose.
Suddenly, Poe started to get up. Finn reached out a hand and grasped Poe’s hand before he could stand. “Hey, stay,” Finn requested.
Poe looked back calmly. “I’ll be right back, it’s okay.” His words were void of all emotion while his stance was rigid. Despite this, a determined glint sparked behind Poe’s eyes that told Finn that the pilot was still in there somewhere.
Finn seemed to trust him as he released his boyfriend’s hands. Poe headed toward the fresher while Finn rubbed under his nose in an attempt to clean himself up.
“Hey, hey, knock that off,” Poe instructed as he came back with a pack of tissues. He had a handful in his hand as he reached out and rubbed Finn’s nose dry for him. “That better?”
Finn had forgotten about the gentle and caring side of Poe. He knew that it was always there, but it had been hiding ever since the war ended. Seeing glimmers of the old Poe shine through was worth any cold that Finn may have.
“Much,” Finn rasped.
“You should get to bed,” suggested Poe as he helped Finn to his feet.
Finn wasn’t sure how to react to Poe helping him. He appreciated it, but he felt that he needed to help Poe, not the other way around. Despite this, his body was aching and his nose was nearly running freely. He would be a fool to refuse Poe’s help.
The two walked back to their bed, Poe in the lead. Finn slid in first with Poe following a moment later. Poe kept the tissues set between them while he tried to push pillows behind Finn to prop him up. “So that you can breathe easier,” Poe explained.
“You would make a great nurse,” Finn joked lightly, coughing into his fist. “It’s nice to be taken care of every once in a while.”
“I could never be a nurse. Dealing with sick people? No thanks!” Poe wrinkled his nose in distain at the very suggestion of it.
Finn couldn’t help but laugh. “Then I guess you can save all this caretaking for me and me alone.” He raised his arm and motioned for Poe to get closer. Poe didn’t hesitate to snuggle close, wrapping his arm around Finn’s waist and resting his head on Finn’s slowly rising and falling chest.
“I’m sorry that I scared you,” Finn apologized quickly, eyes trained on the top of Poe’s head. “I didn’t mean to scare you earlier.”
Poe gave his head a light shake. “You don’t worry about that. Whatever is going on with my mind, you shouldn’t worry about that now. You just need to focus on getting better,” he replied with a new determination that Finn loved to see. He would take any illness that was thrown at him if it meant that he could see the light in Poe’s eyes again.
“You’re not going to leave me, are you,” questioned Finn with a bleary sniffle.
Poe gave a firm shake of his head. “Not unless you ask me to,” Poe answered, lifting his head from Finn’s chest. “Is this alright? I don’t want to make you hotter than you already are.”
“I’m freezing,” exclaimed Finn as his body gave a sudden shudder as goosebumps appeared on both of his arms. His teeth started to shatter as he glanced almost pleadingly to Poe.
Poe didn’t hesitate to cluster closer to Finn. He lifted the comforter and tucked it around both himself and Finn. Finn could feel Poe’s warmth against him and that chased away any chill that he felt. It warmed his heart as well and that made him smile. His head tipped downward as he looked to his boyfriend. “I love you,” he murmured.
“I love you too.” Poe lifted his head to kiss Finn, but Finn pulled away sharply. Poe let out a low whimper. “What are you doing,” he complained.
“You can’t kiss me. It’ll make you sick,” protested Finn in alarm.
Poe rolled his eyes. “Like I care. Besides, if I’m going to catch it then it’s probably too late anyway. I think that we can spare one kiss,” he begged.
Finn looked back to the almost pleading look on Poe’s face. He slightly smirked before he drew forward and pressed his lips gingerly to Poe’s. It wasn’t an overly long kiss since Finn had to break off to cough into the crook of his arm. “Sorry,” he sputtered.
Poe didn’t look the least bit angry. He just lifted his hand and brushed his thumb against Finn’s overly warm forehead. He picked up his thumb at the end of Finn’s brow before repeating the process again. Finn couldn’t help but look up questioningly at Poe. “What are you doing?”
“My mother used to do this all the time when I was little. I found it comforting. I can stop if you—“
“No,” interrupted Finn quickly. He cleared his throat when he realized how rash he sounded. “I-It feels nice, Poe. Feels like home.”
Poe smiled as he continued to gingerly stroke his thumb over Finn’s forehead. Home was such a foreign concept to both Poe and Finn. The Resistance was their home now and they also had a home with each other. They cared for each other in good times and bad in all situations. That was why Finn was able to fall asleep despite the sinus pressure, sore throat, and tight chest. He was with Poe and that was all that mattered.