Chapter Text
"It's been a while, hasn't it?"
"Mmph?" Kirishima asked, looking up from his lettuce-ham-cheese-jam sandwich.
"It's been a while. Since we did anything big, I mean," Ashido repeated.
Kirishima glanced over to the couch, almost on instinct, and Kaminari snorted. "They don't count, they're like that normally."
"Aww, you think I'm normal, Denki-chan!" Toga grinned, swinging her legs happily and slurping on something that was probably best assumed to be a strawberry milkshake. Dabi, for his part, ignored them and continued cheerfully on attempting to hack into security cameras with the willing aid of his brother and the mildly resigned aid of Iida.
"…sure, Toga."
"Raccoon Eyes has got a point," Bakugou muttered, pointedly ignoring the culinary horror Kirishima offered him and smacking down a pot onto the makeshift stove. "T's been two weeks. What've we done?"
"We sent Kami over to weaponize Mineta's perversions against him," Jirou suggested.
"First of all, Bass Bitch, that was Ponytail's idea. And second, you're eyeing those Mentos far too much, so you don't get to fucking talk. Put those in your Ramune, by the way, and you're cleaning that shit up."
Jirou grumbled.
"Maybe it was Ponytail's idea, but that video sent our views through the roof," Sero pointed out calmly.
"Yeah, and Dunce Face didn't stop complaining about having to change his public disguise and job for three fuckin' days."
"You'd complain too, if you had to wear Aoyama's type of clothes," Kaminari grumbled, dipping his spoon into the jam jar and stuffing it into the side of his mouth. "It's not even girly or anything, just… frilly. Frilly and glittery. Like a kitten stuffed with it and - I dunno, threw up on it or something. Plus, I liked that skirt Jirou lent me. It goes with my hero jacket."
"Eh, I wouldn't exactly call it cat barf," Ashido snorted. "You ever seen Typo sick up a hairball?'
"Ew! No!"
"Why the hell are we talking about fucking cat barf?" Bakugou groaned.
"You can't just reject the idea because Bakugou suggested it."
"I have no clue what you are talking about."
"Midoriya is right! We must give this its due consideration!" Iida exclaimed, and because nobody wanted to risk a repeat of the karate-chopped hot sauce incident, that was the end of the protests.
"It's true that we haven't done anything big lately," Asui said thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "We've all been very busy, haven't we? Work, basic patrols, keeping this place running…"
"We came out of the honeymoon period," Yaoyorozu explained. "We are no longer stepping into a new idea. It's… more difficult, perhaps, to continue."
"Well! We must push past this lack of motivation and continue!" Iida cried.
"What'll we do, though?" Hagakure asked. "We've been taking down small-time criminals and villains, and working to support ourselves. What next?"
Shouji crossed his front pair of arms, swinging back on his chair's back two legs. "Well, we got into this to be vigilantes, right? The way I see it, the only way is up."
"Tentacole, stop wobbling the camera or hand it over."
The tall boy wearing the livestreaming mobile phone frowned slightly, out of sight of the camera. "You're not much better, Moon Boy."
"…my name is Tsukuyomi." The black-wrapped vigilante looked at the cameraman reproachfully, and the grey-blue wrapped one huffed and tugged his shirt down sharply, eliminating the wobbling - though not without giving anyone watching on the other end a nasty fright as the view jolted down three inches.
"Your name is Tokoyami Fumikage."
"…and so we fall into the abyss of being known. Truly, this is an awful day," Tokoyami said, voice almost too even to be serious.
"If they haven't figured out who we are already, they have a problem," Shouji told him blandly.
"What makes you say that?" Tokoyami asked.
"…Sero has tape dispensers for arms. Aoyama has a laser in the middle of his stomach. I talk with one of my four additional limbs. You have a bird head."
"Yeah, but we've been disguised."
"Tsukuyomi. Bakugou and Todoroki are literally committing arson right now. The entire place is going to look like a bomb site got frozen and then torched and they're filming it."
"…what a mad banquet of darkness."
"It's probably actually quite bright."
"I will sacrifice you to the elder gods, Shouji."
It would have been a normal conversation - for Shouji and Tokoyami, anyway - except they were surrounded by thankfully live bodies and Dark Shadow was ganging up on the final conscious person with Shouji's right arms.
"Now what?" Shouji wondered, as Dark Shadow bit the man's nose. "Police station?"
"Yes, most definitely. We're lacking in curry again, too." Tokoyami reined Dark Shadow in, finally, as Shouji gave the final man a firm smack.
"Again?"
"Midoriya and Bakugou crave for the bliss of pain."
"…okay, let's pretend we didn't hear that."
"…if we burn this, will we get high?"
Todoroki really wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of anything reasonable. Bakugou's question was entirely valid, because they wer standing in the doorway of a wanted-disguised safe house full of various proceeds of underworld business. It was empty of life as Toga and Hagakure's surveillance had told them it would be, but that didn't mean it was empty of other things. For one thing, Uraraka and Asui were having a field day of general banditry, having unearthed cash, three phones, assorted small valuables, and a bright purple radio. And for another thing? There was also enough miscellaneous pills in the place to keep Satou supplied for a month - if he intended to grind them up, use them like sugar and give everyone a horrible death from overdose five times over, that is.
"You didn't turn the camera on until we got inside, did you?" Uraraka asked, dumping everything into a small sack.
"What do you take me for, Round Face, a fuckin' idiot?"
"Just checking, King."
"This is a dumb idea, but I want to say it anyway," Asui piped up. "Can we steal the furniture?"
"…fuck it, why not?" Bakugou snorted.
"…we do need a new couch," Todoroki muttered. "Our current one is covered in blood, ash, and acid."
"Can we really make it across the city with a couch in tow?" Uraraka asked, zipping closed her bag. "I mean - not that I don't want to remove some of this - but a whole couch?"
"Sugar Rush and his group should be done by now," Asui suggested. "I can text them."
Uraraka beamed. "Great. Now, King Explosion Murder, Persona, help me move this television."
Sero whistled to himself as he finished tying the angrily struggling man to the lamppost. This had been far easier than he had expected, but still, as far as he was concerned, it was a job well done.
"Did someone grab Sugar Rush?" Ashido asked, wiping her palms on their unfortunate detainee's hair.
"Yeah, I think Ghost Girl went after him?"
"Ah, good. I think he overdid it with the sugar this time."
"A little, yeah. Still, it worked out okay."
Sero nodded, looking down at their prisoner. "C-Class. Kinda scary, don't you think?"
"…yeah. We're not even halfway trained."
There was a lingering silence for a moment, and then their phones buzzed in sync, and Ashido grabbed her own from her pocket, glancing over the screen. "Huh. Froppy wants our help - uh - removing, a couch."
Before Sero could express his confusion, he was interrupted by a cheerful voice. "HEY! QUEEN, FATE! WHAT'S UP?"
"FROPPY WANTS US TO HELP REMOVE A COUCH!" Ashido practically screamed back.
"REALLY? GREAT! LET'S GO REMOVE A COUCH!"
Sero decided that, despite the street being deserted, he was going to smack a piece of tape over their captive villain's mouth, just in case.
"…oh."
"Yeah, oh," Jirou snorted. "Honestly, Ingenium, what did you expect for torching the place?"
"That's… a lot of fire."
Jirou shook her head. "You're really not built for this, are you?"
"No, I am not."
"The air smells funny," Toga complained. "Like, not high funny. Weird funny."
"Yeah, I don't think all that shit was what we fucking thought it was," Bakugou snorted.
"Some of it was normal," Kaminari pointed out. "It went blue when Momo dropped the what-do-you-call-it on it."
"Okay, so the tablets were fucking normal, but what whatever it was that Frog poured on the floor definitely wasn't."
There was a brief silence, nothing but the vague crackle of flames, then a loud gust of wind as the fire turned blue.
"Huh," Jirou commented. "Looks like Dabi got in on it."
"Where's Deku and Shining?" Iida asked. "They said they'd be here five minutes ago."
"Zu-chan and Aoyama-chan ran into Kouda-chan and Kiri-chan jumping a murderer," Toga said casually, wiggling her phone as there was a violent explosion and a window shattered.
"…perhaps we should find them? They might be in trouble!" Iida exclaimed.
"Nah, they're fine. Very pretty, though, see?"
"…I did not think Kirishima could get any redder," Jirou muttered, staring at the screen. "Looks like I was wrong."
Eraserhead was banging his head on his desk.
"What have they done this time?" Midnight asked, clearly torn between amusement and concern.
"The entire world knows who they are now."
"Shouta, sweetie, it's been the top conspiracy theory for weeks. It was going to come out eventually."
"That - Nemuri - ugh."
Mic shook his head and awkwardly patted Eraserhead on the back.
"See? Hizashi cares!"
"They can't be that bad, really," Vlad King asked tentatively. "Right? They're only kids."
"They torched a mafia safe house last night and left us a present tied to a lamp post."
"Present?" Cementoss asked curiously.
"A villain. As in, a full blown C-Class villain. They left a villain tied to a lamp post, Ishiyama! And that was only four of them! The rest of them burnt a house down and left a murderer dangling from a tree!"
"Are you still meant to catch them?" Nedzu raised an eyebrow, which was quite difficult to see, considering his whole face was furry.
"Yes."
"Well," Mic said cautiously, "At least you can say you taught them well."
Aizawa rolled his head over and looked his old friend in the eye. "This morning's video had Problem Child in the background playing stabscotch with the blood-drinking girl and the one with the hardening quirk, while Anger Problems, the two sons of Endeavor, and the Yaoyorozu girl of all people ate literal salad around a stolen table like they weren't all still covered head to toe in soot. And that's without mentioning the one who shocks himself braindead had a black mark on his eyeball and kept walking between the younger Iida and whoever was holding the camera."
"…ah, yeah, your listeners are… uh."
"Thanks, Hizashi, I knew I could count on you."
Midnight snorted.
"Fuck you too, Nemuri."
"Aw, no!" Uraraka huffed, walking past the kitchen and into the living area.
"What is it, Uraraka?" Midoriya asked, tilting his head inquisitively to the side and completely failing to notice Iida wresting Knifey away from Kirishima. "Is there something wrong?"
"Yes, there's something wrong! And Toga, your cat's in the kitchen again."
"What is it, Uraraka?" Kirishima asked, leaning over and trying to get Knifey back.
"We forgot to steal the toaster."
"…oh, Noumu," Midoriya grumbled, and Kirishima fell off his chair and squished Iida's foot.