Chapter Text
"Thank you for calling the Roadkill BBQ House, where you kill 'em, ww grill 'em. How may I be of service?"
Eddie forgets everything that he wants to say and for a long moment there is just silence. His heart is pounding and he feels queasy, enough that he moves a little more towards the edge of the bed so he can grab the small trash can if he does in fact throw up. Sensing that he has confused the risk analyst, Richie clears his throat over the surprisingly clear line and tries again.
"Eds?"
"Hey...Rich."
The comedian lets out a soft "hey" before his voice goes back to his normal, louder and more nasal tone. He doesn't sound the least bit awkward or nervous somehow, " Hey, man. So tell me a little bit about this car crash. You good?"
"Yeah, thanks...for asking. " Eddie swallows the lump in his throat and tries to sound just as casual, " I was reckless and was on my phone while driving unfortunately-"
"Yeah, Mike told me he was talking to you when it happened. I would expect more from you given you used to be all about safety when I knew you. Tell me the truth now... are you a badass rebel these days, a menace to public property and other drivers?"
Eddie lets out a short laugh that ends up sounding a little bit awkward, "It's actually the first and only wreck I've ever been in."
"That's good. I'm glad you're not too messed up. I've gotten my fair share of DUIs but I've never hit somebody so I guess that answers the question of who the better driver is here. So tell me more about the world of Ed."
Eddie turns the volume up on the phone a little bit because there's some kind of background noise on Richie's end that kind of sounds like traffic, "There's really not that much to tell. I work at a Fortune 500 company as a risk analyst and I've worked in this field for over a decade. I'm in New York now. Have a nice place and before this I had a nice car. I'm married...that's really all, " he tries to force another laugh, " Oh, and I have a cat."
"Yeah, the cat thing, that's surprising. I thought you were allergic. Aren't you allergic to everything? And whaaaat, you said you're married?!"
"Yeah, I met Mayra in college. We've been married for-"
"Wait, you're married to a woman?"
Eddie doesn't know how to respond to that and finally Richie starts to apologize. He can imagine already the sheepish look on his face and the wide framed glasses. He imagines a young Richie even though he did look up pictures of the older comedian. There's not that much different except he's older with 5 o'clock shadow and somewhat of a beer gut. The messy hair and floral, hawaiian shirts and glasses are the same along with the crude attitude.
" Wow. Marriage. I dodged that bullet, just living that bachelor life. Pretty sure you know about everything else, like my comedy and acting as well as my social media presence. That's because my life's pretty fucking public. I too have a cat though so we can bond over that. Her name is Missy."
Eddie blinks, "That's strange. My cat's also named Missy."
"Great minds think alike, " Richie jokes and there's some kind of shuffling and a quiet slam before the sound of traffic disappears.
"Yeah, I guess so, " Then there is a long pause where the two of them don't seem to know what to say. It seems to Eddie that both of them have things that they want to bring up but there's this wall between them because of how they parted and also just so many years having passed. His therapist had encouraged him to be honest with his feelings and to not try and hide from his old friends but he didn't even know where to begin if they asked about his mother. It was so private and had been so long ago that there was no point in even bringing it up anymore. He hadn't even told his wife about his childhood because it wasn't relevant. But when it came to his friends back in Derry...it was the root cause for why they didn't get to finish high school together or plan to go off to colleges together or stay in touch ultimately. Everything that happened with his mother and his move to New York needed some kind of explanation so they could have closure. So something had to be said but the words weren't forthcoming.
Finally Richie seemed to have enough of the silence in which the only sound was Eddie slightly erratic breathing, "Why did you suddenly reach out? That's not a complaint by the way."
The answer doesn't come as easily or at all. it's somewhat of a cop out when Eddie finally admits, " Believe me. I've been wanting to do this since the day I left."
"Why didn't you?"
"I'm sorry, boy. Nothing I can do. If she goes to her physician, he'll write her a new script-"
Eddie is starting to shake as his words speed up, " And what does she do in the meantime, huh? This is a serious gap in care."
Mr. Keene just sighs, pushes a white bag towards him that contains his new aspirator. He'd finished off his two including his back up but if only it was that easy for him to get his mom's prescriptions. This had happened before, the need to check in with a doctor so they could increase or decrease the dose, but all he was really thinking about was how upset his mom would be, about all it took for him to get her ready to go to the doctor. He'd have to help her bathe, search for something for her to wear, try to fit her feet into some slippers, have to call a cab and estimate for time. What about school, too since it wasn't like the clinic was open weekends.
Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose and turned, fleeing with his aspirator and walking straight into Bill's chest. Hands land on his shoulders to steady him and the stuttering teen tries to smile.
"Everything ok-k-kay, Eddie?"
He nods, pushing past to where the gang currently is. He's not surprised to see Ritchie and Mike fiddling with his bike. He'd gotten a flat a few days before and Bev had noticed the way his legs bent, realizing that his bike was still designed for 7 year old Eddie instead of almost 16 year old Eddie. He could see they raised the seat and the handles didn't look as crooked, for which he was grateful. He didn't think Mike told them about the article but he had noticed they weren't so willing to take no for an answer from him about hanging out.
"Pizza time?"
"Pepperoni pizza time, delicious cheesy, so sublime!" Richie sang as he wrapped an arm around Eddie's shoulder, "You ready, Eddie-Spedy?"
Eddie pulled away, shoving his inhaler in his backpack and mounting his bike, ". I gotta go home."
He heard a chorus of disappointment, Bev pouting and crossing her arms, " Come on, Eddie."
"Yeah, I know. But Mr. Keene didn't give me my mom's pills and she's gonna be pissed-"
"That's not your fault, " Stan says carefully, " She'll understand."
"P-p-plus, you c-can't fix it now. It's already late on a F-Friday."
Eddie still heads in the direction of his house, lips pressed in a grim line. He tries to encourage them to go with out him but to his guilt and frustration, they follow. He almost wants to yell at them, tell them he doesn't even want any stupid pizza but he knows that's just his nerves talking. He wasn't kidding about his mom being upset.
When he gets to the porch, he pauses for a long moment before he fumbles with the key in his fanny pack. He almost feels like they're crowding him, as the group stands behind him and waits for him to open the door. It had been a long time since any of them had tried or asked to come in but his hands were shaking, worried they would see something they shouldn't.
" Mommy, " he calls out, his voice high with nerves; he hears Ritchie snicker, " I'm coming in."
"You're late, Eddie. Sweetheart, I told you I needed my pills today. What have you been doing all this-"
"Hi, Mrs. Kaspbrak!"
Richie cuts his mom off and there is a long, awkward pause. She never liked any of his friends but she especially disliked Richie. Heart pounding, Eddie spins around to face them as he talks a mile a minute, " You guys just go. I'll see if I can come later, like after. Maybe tomorrow. Thanks for walking me home and if nothing I'll see you Monday-"
" We'll wait for you by the mailbox, " Stan says resolutely.
Eddie doesn't know how to respond to that as he watches his friends leave the porch and form a small circle near his mailbox. He realizes now how overgrown the yard is ,the amount of cobwebs on the porch. He put too much focus on keeping the inside clean, maintaining that status quo that he had forgotten about the front yard let alone the back. He continues to fumble with the key until finally he gets open the door. He can't let them see inside, regardless of how he cleaned and tidied all the time. He never knew what mess his mother had made when he was out and plus, the smell that he worried he'd become accustomed to-
He shuts it quickly behind him and flips on the light in the entryway. Moving further into the house he can see the back of his mother's head and the lazy boy facing the TV.
" Mommy, Mr. Keene said-"
"Don't tell me this, Edward," she says lowly, " Don't tell me you didn't get my pills as I asked. "
"It's not my fault, " he says weakly, just as Stan had said, " He would not give them to me. I asked and he said-"
" I need them, you know that. Why would you do this to me, your own mother. You know I'm in pain-"
"Mom-"
Her tone becomes wicked, " It's those friends of yours, isn't it? They're making you this way, changing you from my sweet boy into this-"
"Please, " he begs, " I'll fix it. I'll go tomorrow. I'll call your doctor-"
"And what am I going to do tonight, Edward? Huh? You want your mother to be in pain all night? Did you even talk to the pharmacist? Did you even mention how this is a horrible gap in care?"
Eddie feels his knees quaking and to his horror a knock sounds behind him. He'd forgotten about the gang outside and if anything his nervousness increased. His mother's tone and attention change to the door, her angry hisses becoming frightened, almost child-like. They were supposed to have gone home, supposed to have grown bored waiting and left him to his list and his argument with his mother. They weren't supposed to come to the door but to his relief but also horror there's only one person remaining in his yard.
Rushing out on the porch, he drags Richie no more than a foot away and must look half crazed given the way Richie is looking at him. The curly haired teen almost looks scared behind his large glasses and really, fear is more what Eddie is feeling right now because how can he even begin to explain? He doesn't think he can handle anything else today and revealing what his home life is life is just a step too far. He knows the gang won't be forgetting this event anytime soon and if Richie goes back to them and tells them what he sees-
"What? What's wrong-"
"Go home, " Eddie says quickly and tries to push him towards the steps leading off the porch but moving Richie is like moving a stone wall.
"What don't you want me to see?"
Eddie feels pinned for a moment when Richie just looks at him. When did he become so serious because he was supposed to be easy. They were supposed to be frenemies; they were supposed to fight and argue but not talk about anything substantial but the way he is being looked at him is similar to how Bill looks at him. Knowing, concerned... It reminds him of the dream but Richie had been so easy to convince to leave then and right now he was standing his ground. Not knowing what else to do, Eddie tries to back up until the house, hearing his mom call for him again but his glasses wearing friend is following him and he's trapped. He feels his breath catching in his chest again but Richie is almost chest to chest with him now, or really his chest is now level with Eddie's face as he backs him into the house before he calls out,
"Hi, Mrs. K-"
With as much strength as Eddie could muster, he dragged Richie off the porch. Of course they didn't go far after that with the tall, curly haired teen easily pulling away. But at least it gave Eddie a moment. With his hands fisted at his sides he nodded towards his mailbox where only Richie's bike remains and said as firmly as he could,
"We need to talk."
He heard his mother speak from inside but that he would have to deal with in a moment. His heart was already beating rapidly and of all the losers he could be confessing to, it had to be rhe one he thought was most likely to react negatively. Don't get him wrong; he liked Richie and they were friends but he didn't know how he would react and he doubted the jokester of their group would be anything like the Richie in his dream who seemed so concerned. Shakily, he began to wring his hands because it wasn't like he knew how to put into words some explanation that would get his friend to leave and not look in on his life. It didn't seem all that possible but he had to try because he wasn't ready and would likely never be ready to fully expose the reality of his home life.
"I know you guys are worried-"
"Well isn't that an understatement!"
Eddie winces, " And I'm sorry for worrying you guys but you can't keep barging in on things. This is my life and I'm... I'm dealing with it. To be honest you guys are making it worse."
"Making what worse? You haven't even told us what's going on."
" That's because it's my business."
Richie looks frustrated, " Well if something is hurting you, messing you up enough that you aren't eating or sleeping or coming to school then it becomes our business!"
His heart begins pounding faster and he doesn't know what to say, words dying on his tongue as he goes over everything that Richie listed. He thought he had not been so obvious and he was ashamed not to mention defensive despite having no way of denying each accusation. He greatly disliked the way it was phrased because it implied that the problem was bigger than it was. But it wasn't because if Eddie could just get things more organized and follow a routine, he was certain that things would be okay. And so he decided to go from this angle, to minimize what Richie and the other losers thought was serious when it really wasn't.
"You know my mom has been disabled since middle school, " he swallows thickly, "Lately she has needed my help more and on top of school...I'm still adjusting-"
" No, don't give me this crap. It's more than that. Eddie."
He flinches but his tone becomes angry, " I don't need you guys butting in."
Their eyes meet but Eddie is the first to turn away due to his eyes filling with frustrated tears. He wished he was speaking to Bill or Mike, he thought as he calculated how many steps it would take for him to escape. Luckily he isn't stopped but Richie does call out to him.
" We're not going to let this go, Eds. You...you can talk to us, we can help-"
He crosses the yard quickly and hurries up the porch steps, making a point to shut and lock the front door as his mother's voice reaches his ears.
"Eddie?"
"Huh?"
Richie repeats slowly, "So what took you so long?"
This is the question that leaves him scared and his breath hitches as he tries to formulate an answer. He can hear the betrayal and the mix of sadness and anger and Richie's voice as he asks this legitimate question. But the first thing that comes to mind is... It's hard for Eddie to say so he stutters over it like he's Bill, "We weren't on the best of terms when I left."
"What are you talking about?" Richie's voice is raised.
"I know...the fact that I never wanted to hang out and I skipped school a lot and I was never in the lunch room. Plus you guys could never come over to my house and I always was short tempered with you guys. I forgot about birthdays and club meetings and football games-"
"Eddie, your fucking mom died. " Richie interrupts and then tries to backpedal, "Like we knew that she was sick but we didn't know that she was that sick."
Eddie is starting to feel sick again so he leans over the bed and keeps in a white knuckled grip the waste basket just in case. Richie continues on, "We knew something was going on. And yeah, you were gone a lot but we didn't hate you. We missed you and we were fucking worried. You know, I asked my parents if you could move in with us so you could stay in Derry and they said that your aunt declined the offer. You left so quickly after it all happened that we weren't able to get your address but we always hope that we would be able to find you in the phone book or online. But when you didn't reach out either... Fuck, I was thinking about hiring a private detective to find you after graduation but the others thought it was too invasive. We never forgot you. You never stopped being our friend. It fucking boggles my mind that you would think-"
Eddie takes in a shaky breath and no doubt Richie knows he is crying now.
"Eds, you were my best friend. I always kind of thought that Bill had Stan and Ben had Mike...and I had you. Then you just vanished. You didn't even say goodbye to me. To anyone."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too, " Richie says and it sounds so very bitter, " But let's hold off on all this apology bullshit because that's not why I wanted to talk to you. I don't want you to apologize to me. I just want...Jeezus, I know we're a little old for best buddies but I just want my friend back."
Eddie feels like his heart is swelling in his chest and it's painfully pressing against his rib cage. He can't stop crying because he never thought this would be the reaction he got from Richie, his friend. Richie was more forgiving than he gave him credit for and it made him feel worse because he had thought the same. He wanted his friend back but at the same time he was afraid. He didn't know what was holding him back this time, because his mother was long gone and he was an adult and in a far better situation. Sure Mayra might get upset but...if he was honest, he wanted his best friend back too. So the next time he speaks, he speaks honestly.
"I'm sorry it took me so long."