Chapter Text
Despite watching Eddie and Buck like a hawk all day, Hen got no hint from them that anything had changed. By the time Buck woke her that afternoon, Eddie was already up and in the shower, and Buck was keeping an unusually straight face. They spent the rest of the afternoon with Judd and Grace Ryder, who took them out to eat and then back to their house to get ready for a night out in Austin. They’d also provided clothes, and Hen stepped warily out into the living room once she’d dressed, relieved to see that she was the first one back.
“I see you’re quicker at getting dressed than your friends,” Grace smiled, offering her a drink.
“Those pretty boys need all the time they can get in front of the mirror.”
“I tell Judd he always takes longer than me, but I think he’s still living in denial.” Grace tilted her head to the side and regarded Hen. “So you’ve never line danced before…?”
Hen’s eyebrows rose sceptically.
“Do I look like I’ve done a lot of line dancing in LA?”
“Well then you’d better have a lesson before we get there so you can keep up.”
Grace stood and gestured for Hen to join her in the middle of the room.
“I’ll teach you the Footloose dance. That should get you through the night, you can make the rest up. Now this is a grapevine.”
Grace took a step to the side with her right leg, crossed her left leg behind, stepped her right leg across and brought the left one to meet it with a stomp. Then she took it back the other way. Hen gamely tried to copy her, suddenly very grateful Buck and Eddie were taking their time. She could almost hear the echo of Chim’s laughter, as if he were in the room with them now.
“And this is a K-Step.”
“Ooh, are we having line dancing lessons?”
Buck appeared, dressed in pale blue jeans, brown boots and a plaid shirt, and strode to join them in the middle of the room, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet with enthusiasm. “What are we learning?”
“You’re just in time for one of the most important moves in line dancing,” Grace smiled. “Heel Clicks.” She demonstrated. “Really bring them together so you get the sound.”
“How Wizard of Oz,” Hen muttered, but she and Buck both lined up and gave it a go, following the short routine Grace showed them. They were so absorbed they didn’t realise they had an audience until Judd laughed, and their little line spun as one to see him standing with Eddie in the doorway.
“Hey, what’s going on out here?”
Judd held two cowboy hats in his hands, and Eddie watched them with a fond smile, a grey cowboy hat already balanced on his head. Buck’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor, and Hen elbowed him in the ribs.
“Line dancing 101,” Grace said. “Just showing our Californian friends how we do things in Texas.”
“Well don’t let them forget these,” Judd said, brandishing the cowboy hats at them.
“I’m not a hat person,” Hen replied, eyeing the hats dubiously.
“Now that’s not a very open attitude, Miss Henrietta,” Judd teased, and Hen sighed.
“Fine. But the first one to laugh –” she shot a warning glare at Buck and Eddie “– is gonna wish they’d never been born...”
“Dunno why everyone’s looking at me,” Buck pouted, as Eddie raised an eyebrow at him.
*
Text conversation between Chimney Han and Henrietta Wilson
Hen Wilson: Stetsons. FFS. I tried so hard to avoid being a Texas cliché, but they got me on the last night
Chimney Han: Explain…
Hen Wilson: We’re going line dancing at a honky tonk bar
Chimney Han: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Please GOD send me photos 🤠🤠🤠
Hen Wilson: It’s a good job Buck 1.0 didn’t live in Texas...
Eddie obviously fits right in. I think I actually heard the sound of Buck’s jaw hitting the floor when he came out in all denim and a cowboy hat…
Chimney Han: Pho-tos! Pho-tos! Pho-tos!
Hen Wilson: [PHOTO – Hen in a light blue denim shirt, dark jeans, cowboy boots and a stetson, looking incredibly embarrassed]
I think I might die of shame
Chimney Han: You look like some badass sheriff, it’s a good look
What about the others?
Hen Wilson: [PHOTO – Buck in a plaid shirt, blue jeans and a cream cowboy hat]
[PHOTO – Eddie in a black shirt, black jeans and grey cowboy hat]
[PHOTO – group photo of Buck, Hen, Eddie, Judd and Grace cowboy gear]
Chimney Han: I have no words.
*
The bar was low-lit, with a raised dais for the band along one wall with American flags hanging either side. Booths lined the side of the dance floor, and neon bulls’ heads and stars scattered the walls, along with old sepia photos of Austin. The whole place carried the hint of stale beer and spirits, but there was an air of excitement and the well-worn boards of the dance floor were spotless.
“All that’s missing is a rodeo bull,” Hen muttered to Buck, both of them gawping around them.
“Nah, they only bring that in for the 4th of July!” Judd teased, laughing. “Why don’t you, Grace and Buck grab a booth? Hollywood and I’ll get the drinks in.”
The rest of the 126 arrived in bursts as they settled into a booth. Owen arrived with paramedic captain, Tommy Vega, and Paul, Marjan and Mateo arrived in a three, talking excitedly about a roller derby.
“I see Judd managed to get his hands on you,” Paul laughed as he clocked Hen and Buck’s outfits. Hen cringed, but Buck grinned and shrugged.
“Why not? When in Texas...”
“Exactly, Buck, that’s what I’m talking about,” Judd said, clapping him on the back as he and Eddie returned with drinks. Hen noticed Buck’s eyes land on Eddie and stop, unable to look away. “These wimps here refuse to dress up like authentic Texans,” Judd continued, gesturing to Paul and Marjan.
“That’s because we’re not authentic Texans,” Marjan pointed out, and Judd scoffed as he handed them their drinks.
“Hey Carlos, settle this for us!” Paul shouted, as the final member of their group arrived, fingers linked with those of a handsome Latino man with serious eyes. “Dressing up as cowboys, cultural appropriation or getting in the spirit?”
“What did Judd say? I don’t plan on landing myself in his bad books,” came the response, and Judd cheered and slapped him on the back.
“Oh, so is this the serious boyfriend?” Buck asked TK, smirking at the chance to get him back for that comment earlier that still had him reeling. TK flushed and Carlos eyed him with amusement.
“Carlos, this is Buck and Hen and Eddie,” TK said. “From the 118 in LA.”
“Good to meet you,” Carlos smiled and nodded to them all, wrapping his arms protectively around TK’s waist from behind. Hen clocked Eddie watching them behind his beer with a thoughtful expression, caught the tiny look he darted over to Buck and then looked away again before anyone else could see. And she saw Buck watching TK and Carlos with a wistful expression, and the way he stared – a lot more openly – at Eddie, a reflex reaction that he wasn’t even aware he was doing. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes with difficulty.
Around them, the dance floor was filling up. Judd approached Grace and tipped his hat to her, and Owen balanced his own hat on his head and offered his hand to Hen.
“Can I have this dance?”
“I’m not sure this is my scene, Owen...”
“I insist, Hen. Least I can do for partner in the field is show her a good time, Texas-style.”
“I’d take it as a compliment,” Marjan told her. “Cap never asks the rest of us to dance with him.”
Hen shook her head in resignation.
“Fine, but count yourself lucky. I don’t dance with guys that often.”
“And, as my team will tell you, I don’t dance with anyone that often,” Owen told her, leading her onto the floor.
“How about you, Firefox?” Eddie asked Marjan, who smiled at the nickname. Buck hid his scowl behind his beer bottle.
“I’m not exactly line dancing material.”
Eddie flashed her one of his more charming smiles.
“I can teach you if you want a lesson?”
Marjan smiled.
“OK, you’re on, soldier.”
Buck finished the bottle off on that comment.
Mateo followed them up alone to try his luck with some of the single ladies on the dance floor, leaving Buck, Paul and Tommy sat watching from their booth. Buck sipped at his beer, watching Eddie and Marjan moodily as Paul and Tommy made small talk. When Tommy excused herself to go to the bathroom, Paul turned to Buck and followed the direction of his gaze.
“Don’t worry, Marjan saw his Instagram. She knows he’s off limits.”
Buck frowned.
“What do you mean? What’s on his Instagram?”
Paul looked at Buck incredulously.
“Uh, you are dude. In literally every photo.”
Buck’s face reddened.
“Well, we’re best friends. And his son, Christopher, is one of my best friends.”
Even to him the best friend excuse sounded like it was wearing thin. Paul arched an eyebrow at him but didn’t push it, and Buck took another sip of beer rather than dig himself into a deeper hole by shooting his mouth off.
*
Buck prided himself on his self-control where Eddie was concerned. In the last two years he’d only lost his mind once, and Eddie had been more than thirty feet below the earth at the time so it didn’t fully count. But tonight he was having to draw on every ounce of self-restraint he possessed.
It all started when Eddie strutted out of Judd and Grace’s spare bedroom, where they were all taking it in turns to get dressed. Actually strutted out, like Buck had never seen him walk before. His boots rang out on the floor, his back jeans hugged his ass in a way that Buck had never seen in any of his other clothing, and the black denim shirt he wore clung to his chest and arms. He even had one of those flat plate belt buckles, and his hand kept drifting to it automatically as they spoke on the way into the bar. Which of course drove Buck’s gaze down there with it…
Buck had promised himself he would behave himself tonight. He knew he wasn’t in any danger of reverting to Buck 1.0 – that version of himself was a distant memory now, and the girls scattered across the bar held no interest for him. No, the real danger was in keeping his eyes and his thoughts to himself and not giving himself away. It was just a lot harder when he was several drinks down, obliterating his inhibitions.
And when Eddie looked this good? Impossible. The way he bit his lip in concentration and swung his hips was so mesmerising it should be illegal. Buck’s skin flushed fiery hot with want as he watched him. How had he never known Eddie could dance all the time they’d known each other? And then Eddie dropped his head and tugged the brim of his hat down a little, and Buck knew he’d never been in as much danger of crossing the line than he was tonight.
“Looking good, Hollywood! I guess you are Texan after all!” Judd shouted as he passed by him with Grace, and Eddie threw back his head and laughed. Buck’s stomach swooped. He hadn’t seen Eddie this carefree in a long time. Happiness looked good on him.
“So what’s the deal with you two?”
TK had sidled silently up to Buck while he was watching Eddie. Buck played dumb and took another swig of beer, realising that the bottle that had been full not that long ago was already almost empty.
“What do you mean?”
“Does everyone know you’re together, or are you keeping it a secret?”
“Umm, we – we’re not together...”
TK’s eyebrows rose.
“I’m sorry, you see the two of you together, right? You telling me that’s just platonic?”
“Eddie’s my best friend.”
Yep, it was definitely wearing thin now, and TK clearly didn’t buy it any more than Paul had.
“Marjan and Paul are besties, but you don’t see them looking at each other like they’re about to make out up against the side of the fire truck.”
“It’s not like that...Eddie’s straight.” Buck looked down at the table and picked at the label of his beer bottle with his nail. “He couldn’t be more straight.”
“Sure...cause I share bunks and spoon with all my straight best friends too...”
Buck gave up and slid out of the booth, heading for the bar. Part way he stopped, spun around and came back.
“Look, when you thought I was hitting on you...”
“Yeah...sorry about that...”
“It’s fine. Why did you think I was?”
TK shrugged.
“I just got that vibe, you know? I mean, you really put yourself out there for me, and for my dad, and I guess I just assumed when you suggested we hang out in LA sometime that it was because you were interested.”
“That’s just how Buck is.”
Unheard by them, Hen had returned from dancing with Owen. Now she stood protectively next to Buck, pinning TK in place with a piercing gaze.
“Buck’s loyal to a fault. He would throw down his life for literally anyone in this bar, even if he’s never met them. You should see what he does for the people he really loves.”
TK held his hands up in a surrender motion.
“I didn’t mean to overstep, I just assumed you were...”
“I’m not,” Buck said quickly, then shrugged and added, “I mean, I’ve never labelled myself. I don’t like labels. I just – I like who I like, and gender doesn’t really come into it.”
Hen shifted a little closer so their shoulders touched, a silent nod of solidarity.
“I’m gonna get another drink,” Buck muttered, and ducked away. Hen sighed and excused herself to go the bathroom, and Carlos slid into the seat beside TK that Buck had vacated.
“Maybe it’s time you gave him a break,” he said, his tone amused.
“Hey, what can I say? It’s tragic to see two guys so obviously into each other but too afraid to make the first move.”
“Maybe there’s a good reason for that,” Carlos suggested.
“Nah. Life’s too short. If you love someone, you should tell them,” TK declared.
“Oh really? Is that so?” Carlos said, eyebrows rising, and TK blushed and bit his lip.
*
Eddie and Marjan returned to the group, both grinning and breathing hard from dancing. As Eddie took a swig of beer, eyes scanning automatically for Buck, Mateo whooped as if he’d heard his thoughts, eyes across the room.
“Looks like Buck’s about to get lucky!”
As one, their gazes swivelled to follow. They landed on Buck, beer in hand, sandwiched between three girls from a paramedic crew from the next county over. Each of them seemed pretty invested in getting him to dance, and even from here they could see the way their eyes raked across Buck’s toned arms and chest.
Eddie felt his heart sink a little. Buck 1.0 was a thing of legend at the 118 now, but Eddie sometimes wondered if a part of Buck still belonged to that past version of him, the one that liked to sleep around with all the fun and none of the commitments. And when he was surrounded by not one but three pretty girls, on a night out for the first time in six months, away from home with no one besides Eddie and Hen to judge him, would the temptation prove too great? Eddie knocked back another swig of beer. What should it matter if Buck wanted to hook up with some random girl? He didn’t own him. Buck was his best friend, not his property.
But...the longing wouldn’t go away.
“Doesn’t look to me like he’s enjoying it that much.”
The most perceptive of all of them, Paul was frowning across the room at Buck and the girls like he was examining the contestants on a reality show.
“How can he not enjoy that sort of attention?” Mateo asked incredulously.
“Oh probie, you’ve got a lot to learn,” Paul sighed.
“Yeah, not everyone likes being looked at like they’re a piece of meat,” Marjan said.
“Maybe I should go and rescue him,” Hen sighed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Eddie, who until this point had been scowling darkly behind his bottle of beer and doing a bad job of hiding it, straighten up like he was about to go and intervene.
“Don’t worry, I got this,” TK smirked, and Eddie tensed territorially. Oblivious, TK wove across the bar between groups of paramedics and firefighters from Texas and beyond. Buck saw him approaching and looked up with relief in his eyes.
“Buck, I’ve gotta borrow you back. Sorry ladies,” TK said. “His boyfriend’s waiting for him.”
Sighs of disappointment quickly disguised, the girls wished them a good night and moved away.
“My what?”
“Oh come on, are you telling me you can’t feel his scowl burning into our backs right now? ’Cause I sure can.”
Buck shot TK a silent plea to drop it, which he ignored, throwing an arm around Buck’s shoulders and guiding him back towards the booth.
“Dude, I dunno why you’re resisting this so much. I’m telling you, he’s as into you as you’re into him. That’s good news, right?”
“It’s not that simple,” Buck said quietly.
*
Back in the booth Eddie and Tommy had gotten onto the topic of kids.
“I have two girls,” Tommy smiled, getting out her phone and showing him her lock screen photo of her family. “Their dad’s having a slumber party with them right now while Mom gets to hit the town for the first time in what feels like forever, and that’s even before the pandemic.”
“I know that feeling. I think this might be the first night out I’ve had in at least a year,” Eddie nodded, taking a sip of his beer.
“You’ve got children too?”
“A son. Christopher.”
“Oh, Christopher is the best!”
Tipsy Buck returned from the bar and slid into the booth beside Eddie, bumping up close against him so they touched from shoulders to hips and sliding him a new bottle of beer. Eddie relaxed into him subconsciously, accepting the drink and smiling fondly at the mention of his son. Buck fumbled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up his camera roll, launching into a monologue about Christopher.
“He’s got CP, but he’s the bravest, most positive kid I’ve ever known. He doesn’t let anything get him down, he’s always got a smile on his face. He’s an artist, loves drawing and painting. And he’s so funny too, you know the way kids are funny without really knowing it?”
Buck scrolled through his photos, picking out his favourites of Chris and recounting the stories behind them as he showed them to Tommy.
“It must be tough,” she said sympathetically, sitting back and regarding Eddie and Buck. “Both of you being away from him at the same time to be down here. I hate being away from my girls, it’s only because my husband’s on furlough at the moment that I could bear to leave them.”
“Uh...” Buck said, his face reddening as he darted a glance at Eddie.
“Umm, we’re not together. We’re just friends,” Eddie clarified in a rush, rubbing the back of his neck.
Paul, sat next to Hen over the other side of the booth to them, was overcome with a coughing fit at that point that sounded an awful lot like “Bullshit”, and Hen thumped his back to cover it.
“Oh I’m so sorry, that’s totally my bad, I shouldn’t have just assumed –” Tommy said, looking mortified.
“It’s fine,” Eddie said. “Buck and Chris are best friends, he’s practically family. Easy mistake to make.”
Buck looked at with an unreadable expression, his face still red. Knocking back the last of his beer, he stood up abruptly.
“Come on Hen, let’s go dance.”
Buck grabbed Hen’s hands and dragged her to her feet, pulling her in the direction of the dance floor. She let him because she could feel the embarrassment radiating off and knew he needed an escape route, but as soon as they were out of earshot she arched an eyebrow at him.
“Do you even know how to line dance?”
“How hard can it be?” Buck grinned.
“I’m not sure about this, Buck. These people have been dancing since they could crawl...we might seriously injure ourselves. Or somebody else.”
“Copperhead Road’s an easy dance, you’ll be fine.”
“And how do you know that?”
Buck smiled at her mysteriously, the sparkle returning to his eyes.
“I’ve lived many lives, Hen...”
Hen gave him the Athena Grant Glare for that one, and Buck laughed as they lined up with the crowd. Marjan, Paul and Mateo snuck into their line just as the dance started, watching Buck curiously as he gave Hen a quick lesson.
“Now, swing your right leg out, heel tap and back, then hop onto the left and do the same. That’s it, one, two, three, four. Then swing your leg like this –” Buck swung his right leg to the left, folding it around his knee and back again, then repeated it on his left leg. “Then count four kicks again, then this.” He did a twist stomp that took him around a quarter turn, and Hen gawped.
“OK, where the hell did you learn this? Was this some sort of YouTube rabbit hole at 3am again?”
“Hey, that happened one time...”
“You made us all learn how to do the hand jive from Grease.”
“It’s a classic! And Bobby was surprisingly good at it!”
Hen opened her mouth to question him again, but then the music really kicked in and she had to concentrate.
*
Buck’s dancing was a revelation. After Copperhead Road came Cotton Eye Joe, and then Timber, and he stomped and swayed his way expertly through them all. After that, Hen insisted on sitting down for a while, and Buck danced her back to their booth.
“Please someone go with him,” Hen begged, sliding into a seat beside Eddie, unintentionally blocking his exit.
“I’ll go,” Marjan volunteered, to Buck’s surprise. But he covered it well and they returned to the floor.
“Buck’s quite the dancer,” Carlos commented.
“For a Californian,” Judd snorted.
“He’s from Pennsylvania,” Eddie corrected, without even seeming to realise he was doing it. Judd frowned at Hen in confusion and she shook her head a fraction. Judd grined.
“Well for someone who’s not from the south like us, Hollywood, he ain’t half bad.”
“How can you still stand, let alone dance?” Mateo asked. “Isn’t that like your fifth beer now?”
“Us southerners been doing this since we could walk. Doing it drunk just makes it more fun!” Judd laughed.
Out on the floor, Footloose started playing.
“Well at least I know the song,” Marjan said, watching the dancers either side of them for directions.
“This is an easy one, follow my lead,” Buck said enthusiastically, and Marjan copied his moves, laughing despite herself.
“Hey, you’re not a bad teacher,” she said. “Where d’you learn this – are there a lot of line dancing bars in California?”
Buck shook his head.
“I didn’t learn this in California.”
Marjan waited but he didn’t elaborate, and they grapevined to the right as the song picked up pace.
“Hey, you know I wasn’t staring at you yesterday because I was being weird or trying to hit on you?” Buck shouted finally, over the music. It dawned on him that two members of the 126 had mistaken his actions for flirting over the past few days, and he made a note to dial back on how he was with strangers.
Marjan raised an eyebrow.
“Well I wouldn’t blame you if you did. You’re only human,” she replied. Coming from anyone else, it might have sounded insufferably arrogant, but Buck laughed because it was just so on-brand.
“I was just a little starstruck. I thought we did some cool stuff at work, but you might just have the edge on us. I mean, you’re Firefox, you’re a total badass.”
Marjan’s smile this time was genuine and dazzling.
“Well Eddie told me about you helping him build his kid a skateboard. That’s pretty cool.”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for that kid,” Buck beamed. “Christopher is amazing.”
“Seems there’s not much you wouldn’t do for Eddie either,” Marjan said shrewdly, and Buck flushed and missed a step.
“Does everyone know?”
“Everyone with eyes...”
Buck sighed.
“And I thought I was being subtle...”
“Sorry to burst that bubble, but no,” Marjan laughed. “As soon as we saw how many photos of you were in Eddie’s Insta feed, Paul knew something was up. And he’s right, isn’t he?”
Buck nodded once, short and sharp, and said nothing.
“Hey, your secret’s safe with me. But maybe you should, you know, tell him? Rather than pine over him from a distance? I mean you only live once.”
*
Text conversation between Chimney Han and Evan Buckley (using Henrietta Wilson’s phone)
Henrietta Wilson: CHIM!
Judd said I couldn’t hold my whiskey but I proved him wrong
Though I am seeing two Eddies right now
Not that’s that’s a bad thing...
They have a dog here. It’s called Buttercup. We need a dog.
Chimney Han: …
Whoever this is, return Hen’s phone to her before she kicks your ass or I call the police
Hen Wilson: Whoa, whoa, Chim, it’s me!
Chimney Han: Me doesn’t narrow it down...
Hen Wilson: It’s Buck!
Chimney Han: Buck? What are you doing with Hen’s phone?
Hen Wilson: She went to the bathroom
Chimney Han: And left her phone with you?
Hen Wilson: I resent that tone. I am very trustworthy thank you. I keep lots of secrets
Chimney Han: What secrets are you keeping Buck?
Hen Wilson: I have secrets! Big secrets! You wouldn’t understand...no one understands...
But TK said something earlier and now I think I might be in love with Eddie…
Chimney Han: Who’s TK?
Wait, that wasn’t the important part of that sentence. Ignore that! I have a better question for you!
Hen Wilson: Oops, I just sent you something by accident
Chimney Han: If it’s a selfie, you’d better be wearing clothes...
Hen Wilson: Chim, I did something that ranks pretty high on our Buckley Scale of Brave But Dumb...
It involves a helicopter, a mineshaft and two crates of TNT...
Not sure I’m gonna get out of this one this time...and maybe I don’t deserve to…
If I don’t come home, please promise me you’ll look after Karen and Denny and Nia
I’m sorry. I gave it everything I had, but the fire outran us
Thank you for being the best friend I’ve ever had. I love you
You’re gonna be such a great dad.
Chimney Han: ...Is this some kind of prank Buck?
Hen Wilson: What’s the Buckley Scale of Brave But Dumb?
Chimney Han: Never mind
Buck, what you said earlier...
Hen Wilson: Oh shit, she’s coming back
Chimney Han: Buck! Come back here!
Hen Wilson: Hey Chim, sorry, Buck’s had one too many whiskeys trying to keep up with Judd and Eddie. You should see him dance though 🕺 He’s definitely done this before! Though I thought those legs of his were going to take someone out during Copperhead Road...
What did he say?
Chimney Han: Scroll up
Hen Wilson: 😳 Oh
I never meant to send that...was a worst case scenario kind of message
Chimney Han: The fact you wrote it means you must have been pretty sure it was worst case scenario
Hen Wilson: I was trapped in a mineshaft with an unconscious helicopter pilot and a fire captain who was legit seeing dead people 🧟♂️
Don’t let it go to your head, I was high on smoke inhalation and lack of oxygen, I’m allowed a moment…
What other chaos did Buck unleash while he had my phone then?
Chimney Han: Scroll further up
Hen Wilson: 😲🤯😲🤯😲🤯
WTF did I miss when I was stuck in that mineshaft?!
Chimney Han: Who’s TK?
Hen Wilson: Fire captain’s son. He and Buck bonded over captain-dad issues and shared brain cells. They were gonna steal a fire truck and charge off to rescue us before Eddie and the others busted them. Then they all stole the fire truck and came to get us
Chimney Han: Classic Buck
At least he’s not stealing the truck to have sex in it anymore
Hen Wilson: Haven’t we gone off topic here?
Chimney Han: I keep doing that! 🤦♂️
So you read that the same way I did, right?
We have proof right here ☝️☝☝ of what we’ve suspected for two years!
Hen Wilson: Yeah, but you haven’t seen him tonight
It took A LOT of beer and whiskey and tequila for him to admit that to you
And that was only by text
I’m not sure he’d be ready to admit that to anyone out loud, let alone act on it, if he were sober
Chimney Han: It might not just be the alcohol...
Hen Wilson: ??
Chimney Han: Don’t tell anyone, I probably shouldn’t be saying anything...
Hen Wilson: Well then maybe you shouldn’t –
Chimney Han: Buck’s in therapy
Hen Wilson: What for?
Chimney Han: 🤷♂️ It’s private therapy. He paid for it himself, the Dept don’t know.
The therapist was his Covid crush
Hen Wilson: HA! I TOLD YOU she wasn’t his girlfriend!
Sorry, bigger picture
I think that’s brave of him. It takes a lot in this job to admit you need help. We’re meant to be the fixers, not the ones who need fixing. I’m proud of him
D’you think anyone else knows?
Chimney Han: Only me and Maddie
Hen Wilson: I’d better go. I just heard Mateo challenge Buck to a tequila shots challenge, and if he takes him up on it I’m gonna have to fireman’s lift him into an Uber. He’s like 80% leg, I’ll fall over trying to carry him and we’ll both end up in the emergency room...
We’ll catch up when I get back. Tell 🥭 Aunt Hen says hi!
Chimney Han: You know, I’m glad they stole that truck, and if I’d been there I’d have done it myself. I need my best friend back here with me in LA
You know I love you too Hen
Hen Wilson: Shut up Chim
...You’re gonna be an awesome dad
*
Buck was back in the booth and nursing what he’d promised himself would be his final drink of the night when Eddie nudged his shoulder.
“So are you gonna show me some of this fancy footwork, or are you saving it all for Hen and Marjan?”
Buck hesitated, giving himself a few precious seconds to turn the words over in head before he answered. Because it sounded a lot like...
“Eddie Diaz, are you asking me to dance with you?” Buck laughed, alcohol giving him the courage to respond in a flirty tone that he would never have used at home.
Rather than answer him, Eddie held his gaze and Buck shivered, despite the heat in the bar. Because Eddie was a confident guy normally, but being back in his home state seemed to have given him an extra shot of swagger that melted Buck’s insides.
“You coming?” he asked finally, rising to his feet. And Buck nodded dumbly and followed him without another word.
When they were finally out of earshot, Paul leaned over towards Hen.
“I’m not imagining that level of tension, am I? Are they a thing?”
Hen smirked.
“Oh they’re a thing. They just don’t know they’re a thing yet.”
“Well I’m telling you, I am exhausted from just one day running around after them,” TK said, leaning against their table. “How do you ever get anything else done?”
“We have to leave them to figure it out themselves, or we’d never save anyone’s life ever again.”
*
When they hit the floor, Buck allowed himself a moment to orient himself within the music and the stomping of their fellow dancers. With a grin, he started snapping his fingers to the beat, nodding his head in time. And, as the verse started again, he and Eddie moved as one and joined the flow of dancers.
Despite showing off with Hen and Marjan earlier, Buck hadn’t actually line danced in a good few years, so he was glad the moves were still imprinted somewhere in the back of his mind. With every bar of music the rhythm drew him back to the steps, and he spun and kicked and stomped his way across the room in perfect time with the rest of them.
Their boots thudded against the boards, and with whiskey, beer and tequila flowing through his veins, Buck let loose. As they clapped and spun, Buck caught sight of Eddie, and felt a shot of satisfaction at the impressed expression he saw there. Eddie’s eyebrows arched as their eyes met, but he said nothing, just watched Buck with that intense gaze that felt as intimate as a touch. Emboldened by alcohol, Buck held his gaze, and then deliberately let his drop, to Eddie’s lips and then sinking further, past his jaw line to his chest and hips. When he looked back up at Eddie his eyes had darkened, tracing their own line down Buck’s body. Suddenly very aware of the flush on his face and the hammering of his heart, Buck twisted his hips away from Eddie and stomped on the boards, thankfully still in time.
Watching them from the booth, Marjan shook her head.
“I don’t know how I ever thought he was flirting with me. That’s practically indecent.”
“How are they not dating again?” Paul asked Hen, who shook her head.
“I’ve never seen them like this. I mean, you usually can’t get a pencil in between them anyway, they have no sense of personal space with each other, but this is something else.”
Out on the dance floor. Buck was wondering much the same thing. Maybe it was the delirium of practically no sleep and too much smoke inhalation, but the air felt charged with possibilities. Something about the night – the clothes, the alcohol, the strangers, the dancing – had loosened them up and shaken free the feelings Buck both fought so hard to conceal. And maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been the only one hiding his true feelings all this time.
*
The song shifted, a little slower but with much more complicated footwork. Eddie had to stop himself from gawping at the easy way Buck adapted, the way his body naturally found the right moves, copied the other dancers effortlessly. For someone who was such a disaster on ice, this was a revelation. Eddie leaned a little towards Buck as they danced, hands drifting automatically towards his belt buckle. He saw Buck’s eyes dart down to his waist and felt his throat dry up.
“So American Kids has complicated footwork for a beginner,” Eddie said, forcing a light, casual tone. “You’re no beginner at this, Buck.”
“No, I’m not,” Buck replied simply, returning his eyes to Eddie’s face briefly before he turned away and stomped forwards in time with the other dancers in their line. Eddie raised an eyebrow.
“What, that’s it? No story?”
Buck shrugged, but didn’t elaborate, still following the steps of the dance, mostly accurately, though he did step on Eddie’s toe as they sidestepped. Eddie frowned, torn between amusement and concern at the amount Buck kept hidden from them.
“You know I think you’re all out of surprises, and then you pull something like this out of the air.”
“Hey, you’re not the only one who’s got moves,” Buck teased.
“You had moves before I knew you could dance,” Eddie replied, and Buck’s eyes widened. However, his brain hadn’t sent the message to his body to stop dancing, and Eddie had to jump to the side as Buck swept his foot around.
“Those legs of yours are lethal.”
“So are those chiselled soldier-cowboy looks,” Buck said, then started as he realised he’d said the words out loud. He tried to cover it with a slide step, but tipsiness finally prevailed and he overbalanced, stumbling into Eddie, who flung out his arms to save him face-planting the floor and found himself bent halfway over, holding Buck up in his arms.
“Talk about falling for a guy,” Buck muttered, and Eddie's stomach swooped. Realising what he’d said, Buck flushed bright red and stood up fast, nodded uneasily to Eddie and made a hasty exit out the front doors.
*
It was still humid in Texas, even at night, but at least the air was a little cooler and fresher than the rank humidity that hung over them all day. Buck sank down onto a low wall out the front of the parking lot and took a deep breath of night air, fanning his face with his hat. This bar was just outside Austin, far enough that the stars were visible in the inky sky. For a city full of stars, LA was a little short of the ones that shone the brightest.
“What are you doing out here by yourself?”
Buck’s stomach flipped as Eddie crossed the parking lot to join him. Silhouetted in the half-light from the bar, he couldn’t look more like a cowboy, in his dark clothing and tanned skin, boots ringing out against the ground.
“Just needed a bit of air,” Buck said, putting his hat back on to hide the feelings he knew were written too clearly across his face. “Shouldn’t you be in there, hanging out with Firefox?”
“I could be,” Eddie said, sitting down on the low wall beside him. “I chose to come and look for you. Is that OK?”
Buck nodded.
“Besides, you looked pretty cosy with TK earlier.”
Hope spiked in Buck’s heart at the edge of jealousy he heard in Eddie’s voice.
“Nah, he’s not my type. Though that didn’t stop him from thinking I was hitting on him the past few days.”
“Bit of an assumption on his part.”
He definitely heard it that time. Jealousy hardened the words as they fell from Eddie’s lips, and Buck had to bite back a smile.
“Oh yeah,” he said instead. “He thought me inviting him to hang out if he ever finds himself in LA was a come-on, so he made sure to tell me that he already has a serious boyfriend.”
He darted a sideways glance at Eddie, secretly enjoying the effect his words were having. Whatever strange magic Texas had cast over them, he was going to enjoy it for as long as possible. Because the fragile dreams he’d nurtured in secret all this time, that he’d never really fully admitted to himself before today, actually seemed within reach tonight, under the stars and the heady influence of alcohol, subject to the eyes and thoughts of outsiders.
“And how did TK know that you didn’t already have someone at home?” Eddie asked. Once again, his words danced at the edge of suggestion, hinting at something more that Buck wasn’t brave enough to explore.
“I guess I just look lonely,” he said, the corners of his mouth turning down as Maddie’s words echoed in his head.
“Not to me. Who’s telling you that?”
Buck shrugged.
“Doesn’t matter. I’m working through some stuff anyway.” He bit his lip and stared as the ground, twisting his fingers together in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. He hadn’t planned to tell anyone else about the details of his therapy sessions, but now the words just slipped out.
“I’m seeing a therapist. Not one from the Department. It’s not for work. It’s for me. To help me figure stuff out.”
He glanced at Eddie, biting his lip, and Eddie sighed and looked away as realisation dawned.
“And I told you I hate therapy.” He looked back at Buck. “Buck, I meant for me. I don’t have a problem with anyone else going to therapy. You’re so much more open with your emotions than I am. Therapy will be good for you.”
“Actually, my emotions are something I’m working on with Dr Copeland.” It felt good to say her name out loud, not to hide her existence behind the mask of a fictional girlfriend. “Because she’s helped me realise that I have a habit of hiding my true feelings.”
Eddie smiled, bemused.
“But you’re one of the most open people I know.”
Buck shrugged an acknowledgement.
“For some stuff, yeah. But not everything. There’s some stuff that no one gets to see...not even you.”
Eddie tilted his head to one side, curious.
“Your parents,” he said quietly.
Buck’s head shot up, and he looked at Eddie sharply.
“What about them?”
Even the tone of his voice had changed, and Eddie could see a sudden tension that wasn’t there before coiling through his body.
“You never talk about them. Neither does Maddie. They’ve never been to visit you here in LA, despite the fact that you’ve been in and out of hospital three times in the past year.”
Buck looked down at the ground.
“Lots of people have a weird relationship with their parents,” he said. “Just part of being a dysfunctional modern family.”
“Yeah, but to you and Maddie it’s like they don’t exist. My parents aren’t perfect, but they’re here. Yours are completely absent from your life.”
“Well, why would they break the habit of a lifetime?” Buck asked darkly. He glowered at the ground, and Eddie’s eyes widened in surprise at how down just talking about his parents made Buck. And although he desperately wanted to know what had happened to make him this way – and found himself hating Buck’s parents by proxy – he regretted bringing them up at all. He didn’t want them to be the reason for Buck not enjoying himself tonight, and for him to be the reason Buck spent the end of the night dwelling on the past rather than enjoying the present.
Inside the bar, the music shifted again to something slower, and Eddie felt a rush of adrenaline, the sudden urge to do something reckless and utterly selfish. He rose to his feet and held out his hand, grateful that it was steady, without a hint of shake.
“So you proved you can line dance. Can you slow dance?”
Buck stared down at Eddie’s outstretched hand, then slowly looked up at him, as if he was checking Eddie was serious. To prove it, Eddie took half a step closer, his hand still extended.
It was such a simple action, but it came loaded with such heavy meaning. Taking Eddie’s outstretched hand meant openly accepting something that he had been hiding from himself and everyone else for so long. It was stepping past one point of no return, and rushing head-on for the next. And once they crossed that line, there would be no coming back.
Buck swallowed, and stretched his hand up to meet Eddie’s. As their palms met, Eddie tugged on his arm and yanked Buck up to standing. Buck stumbled and Eddie put his other hand out to steady him. And he didn’t let go. One hand settled on Buck’s shoulder, and the other on his hip. Hesitantly, Buck mirrored him, burning with heat where they touched. They were silent, watching each other rather than say a word, and their feet moved without conscious direction, turning them slowly across the parking lot.
“The hat suits you,” Buck said finally, allowing himself a moment to look his best friend up and down appreciatively again. “Why have I never seen you wearing one of these before?”
“Not much call for them in LA,” Eddie said slowly, his eyes never leaving Buck’s.
“Missed opportunity. You should start a trend.”
“Well as you keep telling me, Henleys and plaid aren’t about to set the fashion world on fire. I don’t think cowboy hats are about to do it either.” He laughed. “I’m just too uncool for LA.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re the third coolest person in LA after me and Chris.”
Eddie shoved him gently for that one, shaking his head and smiling.
“And right back at you – this cowboy getup suits you pretty well too.”
And there it was. The moment, the tipping point. They’d been building up to it without even realising, and now Buck could feel the tension crackle between them like an electric current.
“I think there’s some other feelings I hide from others,” Buck said finally, his voice low. “At least, I thought they were hidden, though not according to everyone else.”
Eddie waited silently, eyes fixed on Buck’s. The only sound was the scuff of their boots against the tarmac, the faint music drifting out from the bar into the humid night.
“What feelings are those?” Eddie asked quietly, when the silence had stretched on too long for him to bear any longer.
Buck bit his lip and Eddie’s eyes unconsciously followed the motion.
“I think you know,” Buck told him.
Surprise flashed in Eddie’s eyes. Hope and uncertainty broke through his natural reservations, and Buck’s heart soared, even as a little voice in the back of his head told him to apply the brakes, that they weren’t ready for this yet.
Eddie brought them to a standstill, chest to chest, but he didn’t let go of Buck’s hands.
“I’m afraid you’re gonna have to spell it out for me,” he whispered. Buck took a deep breath and leaned into the shot of courage the alcohol charging through his system had given him.
“TK was way off about me flirting with him...but he wasn’t so way off about the rest.”
He had Eddie’s undivided attention, those brown eyes burning into him, and Buck swallowed before he continued, throat drying up. They were standing so close he could feel the warmth of Eddie’s breath against his cheek.
“Him, Hen, Paul, everyone here has been trying to tell me the same thing. And I refused to see it for so long. I thought it was just that I’d never known what it was like to really have a best friend, and that I was confusing being friends with something else. But I’m not.”
Hidden beneath the canopy formed by the brim of their hats was like being in their own little world. High off the smell and feel and warmth of Eddie, against him and around him and filling every one of his senses, the words Buck had avoided even thinking, let alone saying, for so long, flowed out of him.
“I’m crazy about you, Eddie. The way I feel about you scares me sometimes, because it’s so beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. I can’t let myself look at it directly, you know? Like the sun. Because if I stop and really look at it, I think it might burn me up. So I tried to hide it, but every day I spend with you it gets that little bit harder. And then seeing you tonight, looking like that, it’s been all I can do not to...”
Eddie shook his head and surged forward, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to Buck’s. And it was the warmth of a fire in winter, and the heat of a wildfire blazing out of control, and the red-hot sparks of fireworks exploding across the sky on the 4th of July. As Eddie brought a hand up to cup the side of Buck’s face, Buck wrapped an arm around Eddie’s waist, pressing his body flush to his. Their lips moved against each other in urgent confirmation of every moment dismissed or explained away the past two years. Every barrier they’d constructed fell away, surrendering control to an outpouring of long pent-up desire. When they broke apart briefly for air, Buck’s blue eyes were blazing and Eddie’s were darker than Buck had ever seen.
“You’re not the only one,” Eddie murmured. “I’m crazy about you too, Buck.”
Their lips collided again, and Buck curved his hand around the back of Eddie’s head, nails raking through the short, soft hair at the nape of his neck. Eddie coaxed Buck’s mouth open, and Buck could taste the fire and smoke of the whiskey on Eddie’s tongue. With a soft moan he grabbed the lapels of Eddie’s shirt and pulled him closer. They backed up against the wall of the bar, and Eddie knocked Buck’s legs apart with his knee, pressing his leg in tight against Buck’s thigh. His hand gripped Buck’s belt and Buck rolled their hips together, making Eddie gasp.
Eddie trailed his mouth along Buck’s jaw and down, dropping his head to suck and bite at the sensitive hollow of skin at the base of Buck’s neck. Buck moaned and tilted his head back, fingers digging into Eddie’s shoulders and glazed eyes staring up at the stars.
But it turned out that not even the stars were worth not being able to have his lips on Eddie’s again, so Buck lifted Eddie’s chin and kissed a line along his jaw back to his mouth. It was messy and desperate and hungry and perfect, and despite the little voice in his head telling him this was all too fast, he had never been happier –
The door to the bar banged as it closed, and Buck and Eddie broke apart, breathing hard. Lips and neck tingling, head spinning, Buck vaguely registered Owen Strand crossing the car park in the direction of a car that had pulled up, waiting for him. He caught sight of them and lifted his hat in a wave, clocking that this wasn’t the moment for a long goodbye.
“Goodnight fellas,” Owen called.
“Goodnight, Cap.”
Buck wasn’t sure which one of them said it, or whether they both said it in sync. He was staring at Eddie, taking in his flushed face and swollen lips, his rumpled shirt and dark eyes. Watching his chest heaving with ragged breaths. As Owen climbed into the car and it pulled away, he took the magic of the night with them. It was enough to sober Buck up and send his brain spiralling.
Kissing Eddie had stopped his world dead. All coherent thoughts were gone from his mind, and all Buck wanted, with every fibre of his being, was to step forward and kiss him again. But he had to find the words somehow, because he was still too messy and broken for someone like Eddie to take a chance on him. Because this was the most important relationship he’d ever had, and if they took things too quick, jumped into something without being sure, then they would ruin everything.
He had to say something, before Eddie turned those soft, vulnerable eyes on him. Before he kissed him again and every rational thought completely deserted him.
“I’m not ready for this...with you.”
Eddie jolted back as if Buck’s words were a physical blow. He backed up a couple of steps, and Buck felt the loss of his body heat instantly, missed his closeness as if they’d been apart for days not seconds.
“Buck, I...” Eddie blew out a breath and tilted his head to the sky. Panic rose in Buck’s chest as he saw Eddie’s agonised expression, the way his eyes suddenly sparkled with the threat of tears. And still, the alcohol was slowing his brain and his words, and he couldn’t fit them together in the right order.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen...I shouldn’t have had so much to drink," Buck tried again, hearing a drunken slur to his voice that hadn't been there before. "I let my guard down, and that was a dumb move, because you deserve more...”
Why couldn’t he find the right words? He wanted to tell him that this, us, and whatever potential it might hold, was way too important to throw away over a drunken fumble in a parking lot. That Eddie meant more to him than anyone else he’d ever met, and that he wanted to be sure that he was a whole and functioning human before he embarked on something as risky as a relationship with the best friend he’d ever had? That he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else ever again, and that he just needed a little time to be the man that he wanted to be, that Eddie deserved?
Why had every faculty deserted him right now, when he needed it most?
“I’m sorry, Buck,” Eddie said finally, quietly, his voice cracking with pain. “I should never have done that.”
With one final, agonised look at Buck, Eddie spun on his heel and strode back into the bar.
Buck had watched a lot of the people he loved walk away. He had thought he was getting used to it, becoming numb to the pain. But now, watching Eddie walk away and knowing it was because of something he’d said – or not said – a fresh bolt of pain lanced his chest and nearly brought him to his knees. Apparently, everyone else had just been preparing him for this. Because this pain was worse. Worse than when Maddie left him at home with his cold, unfeeling parents. Worse than when Abby left him and never came home. Worse than when Ali decided that the life of a firefighter’s girlfriend was too great a burden to bear. Worse than the way he felt when he filed that stupid lawsuit, and his team looked at him as if he were a stranger.
He’d always thought that love was meant to heal you, not break you. But right now, standing alone in the parking lot, Buck had never felt more broken.
*
Text conversation between Chimney Han and Henrietta Wilson
Hen Wilson: Chim, something’s happened
Chimney Han: I know...
I let you go off by yourself for a week and you nearly died…
THREE TIMES!
Hen Wilson: Not that
Chimney Han: Admittedly you did it in style. Helicopter crash, wildfire, blowing up a mineshaft...
Hen Wilson: Not what I’m talking about, Chim...
Chimney Han: But Karen and I have decided that you’re not allowed to leave LA ever again without one of us coming with you…
Hen Wilson: CHIM!
Chimney Han: What?
Hen Wilson: I’m not talking about me. Something happened with Buck and Eddie
Chimney Han: 😲🤯😲🤯😲🤯
Like what? How do you know?
Hen Wilson: So their dancing at the bar last night was nothing short of foreplay. Then they both disappeared for a bit, came back separately looking upset, and they’ve being really weird with each other ever since. They’ve spent all morning jumping or blushing whenever the other one appears, avoiding eye contact, sitting as far apart as they possibly can
Chimney Han: 😧 Ooh, that doesn’t sound good...
Do you think they had sex in the bathrooms?
Hen Wilson: Too Buck 1.0.
And not Eddie’s style
I know something happened at that bar last night. I’m just not sure it’s good… 😔
Chimney Han: 😧
*
A hangover mixed with anxiety and regret was the worst cocktail Buck had ever tasted.
He’d finally crept back into the bar about ten minutes after Eddie had walked off, and Hen took one look at him and decided they needed to call it a night. After a tense cab ride back to the fire house, Buck alternated between throwing up in the bathroom and tossing and turning in his bunk, wondering just how badly he’d managed to screw up his entire friendship with Eddie in one night.
The lack of sleep showed on both their faces the next morning, and Hen took one look at them and announced that she would take the first drive. Buck sat up front with her and slept in the passenger seat, suddenly weary to the bone. When they reached Junction, Buck volunteered to swap with Hen, and she took his place in the passenger seat, with a few worried glances back and forth between Buck and Eddie. Buck pretended not to notice and kept his eyes fixed on the road, mainlining water and coffee and planning damage control.
“I’ll drive the rest of the way to El Paso, Buck,” Eddie said when they reached Ford Stockton. It was the first thing he’d said to him since they climbed into the truck that morning. Swallowing nervously, Buck jumped down from the driver’s seat and ran through what he wanted to say.
As Eddie rounded the side of the truck and Hen sloped off to the gas station toilets, Buck held out the keys and launched into it before he could panic and forget the speech he’d prepared.
“Eddie, about last night, I –”
“There’s nothing to say,” Eddie shut him down, his expression closed.
“But I didn’t explain properly –”
“Look, let’s just draw a line under it,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “No one else knows what happened, let’s just keep it that way. I don’t to ruin things between us, and I’m sure you don’t either.”
“Well no...”
“Well there you go,” Eddie took the keys from Buck and sighed. “What happens in Texas, stays in Texas.”
*
Eddie managed to hold his expression until Buck had rounded the truck away for him, headed for the gas station with a face that said he was barely holding it together. Once he was out of sight, Eddie slumped against the side of the truck.
He hadn’t wanted to say that to Buck. But something about what they did last night had clearly freaked Buck out, and this way he gave him an easy out. Eddie could have kicked himself. He’d let his guard down, being back in Texas and letting loose for the first time in what felt like years. He’d put his heart first, and look where following it had led him.
Maybe Buck wasn’t as ready as he thought he was to confront his feelings, and worse than trying to erase what happened last night would be striking out on another failed relationship. Eddie had been burned once before, he wasn’t about to let it happen again with the most important person in his life. He didn’t think he could come back from that. And it would break Christopher’s heart if they broke up and then Buck disappeared from his life.
No. Far better in the long run to keep each other at arm’s length, for the sake of their friendship, than throw caution to the winds and risk it all.
He’d still had to force the words out though. Every single one stuck in the back of his throat, and seeing Buck’s face, desperate to get his point across, crumple as Eddie shut him down, had nearly been his undoing. But he’d stuck to his guns, convinced that it would all be worth it in the long run. Wouldn’t it...?