Chapter Text
They signed the adoption papers before the year was over. Lex could not stop smiling. She stared over and over at the big words she knew by heart now until Dad put away the papers for safekeeping. Every so often, he promised to let her have a look at them. Lex and Hannah Houston, daughters of Tom Houston and Becky Barnes. Mom had told them the two of them would be getting married soon and that she too would become Becky Houston, one big family under the same name. He had saved all three of them from their bad and miserable homes. It only made sense.
Lex turned seven in the spring and Dad let her have a party at the park where he grilled hamburgers and blew balloons he shaped into all sorts of animals. Mom had planned games with a competition Lex won and got a paper crown and every kid in her class she had invited said that they were looking forward to her eighth birthday, so much fun they’d had. They played soccer and ate candy and when everyone had gone home, Mom and Dad and Hannah and Grandpa and Grandma stayed with her in the park for a late night picnic under the stars huddled under warm blankets. Grandpa told her about the constellations, Mom told her about the astronauts, Dad told her about God, Grandma about heaven. Hannah told her she loved her without saying a word. The next morning, she woke up in her bed without remembering how she had gotten there and she felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Seven year old was ever so much better than six.
"Lexi," Dad told her one evening. It was after soccer practice and she was all roughed up, but he had insisted on speaking to her before she took a shower. Her legs were all green and brown from the grass. "Come here for a second, alright? Hannah too."
Hannah was playing with her cubes, sorting them by shapes and sizes and colors, and did not like to be disturbed. She fussed a little when Dad picked her up under his arm but Mom offered her an embrace on the couch and she sat on her lap obediently and sucked the tip of her pigtail into her mouth. Ever since her hair had gotten long enough, she had started to do that. It only sometimes made hugs a little bit gross because her pigtails were always covered with spit, but then Lex was covered with dirt and grass, so she could not speak.
"There’s something important coming up," Mom said gently.
Lex no longer feared anything to do with Pamela. She was safe here at home and the adoption papers said she could stay here as long as she needed. Maybe forever. Mom and Dad looked at each other.
"We’re moving in a few weeks," he started, weighing his words. He was playing with the ring on his finger, as he always did when he was nervous. It was plain and gold and he had told Lex that it was a symbol of his love for Mom. Like a friendship bracelet but for married people. "We’re getting a bigger house."
Hannah did not seem like she understood what he was saying. There was no way to tell when she did, not always.
"Can we get a kitten?" Lex asked. "If it’s big enough for us and a cat. I can feed it, I don’t mind."
Mom smiled at her indulgently and patted her hand.
"Why not?" She said. "But that’s not why we’re moving, we… erm, we need a new place with more rooms."
Lex frowned. She stared at Hannah, wondering if they thought Lex had made her uncomfortable and it was better for them to have their separate rooms. Had she done anything to offend her? She loved Hannah more than anything in the world, as much as Mom and Dad. She did not mind sharing with her at all, even if Hannah did mix their toys together a lot and made a mess, and she never picked up after herself.
"There’s gonna be a new baby," Dad said hurriedly, sensing her confusion.
"Did you find another one?"
Mom and Dad glanced at each other and hid their smiles. He shook his head.
"No, no, I mean… Becky’s pregnant. Do you know what that means?"
Lex looked down at Mom’s belly, though she could not see anything different right now. She was wearing a sweater, anyways, but if Lex thought back on it, she remembered what Pamela had looked like before Hannah came home. How big her belly had gotten until Hannah had popped out of it. How she would ask Lex to bring her everything, to massage her shoulders and back, how she would always be in the outhouse out in the trailer park.
"Yeah," she muttered. "She has a baby inside."
Gently, Mom seized Lex’s wrist to place her hand flat against her tummy. It was very warm and soft. Lex tried to focus really hard to feel the baby but she could not seem to find it. It was too small yet.
"How did it get in there anyways?" She asked.
Mom and Dad’s faces fell and his mouth opened and closed without a word. He scratched his head. Mom looked like she was about to say something but he cut her first.
"You’ll get to pick your own room!" He said with a broad grin that looked a little fake. "And there’s a backyard. I was thinking about building a tree house. Are you gonna help me do that?"
On Take Your Daughter to Work Day, Dad had given her a tour of the workshop and then taken her with him to a client’s house to show her the ropes of what he did every day. She had learned so much in just one work day she had begged him to let her come again and every so often, he was teaching her a bit of woodworking. He liked it so much Mom said he was thinking about becoming a teacher, maybe in high school, though he did not know yet. They had all the time in the world to figure it out.
"You bet," she replied. "And I can put a bookshelf in it and no boys are allowed." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Except you."
The new house was lovely and clean and everything she had hoped for. Dad built a strong picket fence all around it and repainted the outside. There were four bedrooms, which meant she got her own space, but even more exciting, she got to help Dad build Hannah a toddler bed and her own little table and chair and a new box for all her toys. They did get a kitten and when she was petting him, Lex was as delicate as she could be just like Mom had showed her. She said it was good preparation for the baby. At night, Mike Pawzowski climbed up her bunk bed and slept next to her feet, when he didn’t try to hunt them. Dad placed a soccer goal outside and the two of them would practice at home or just kick around for fun. She was getting so good, the best of the team.
Mom’s belly was growing bigger every day and although she pretended otherwise, she began to be more tired and less capable of the same everyday tasks as before the pregnancy. Dad was at her constant beck and call, although she called on him very little. Lex thought he had the right idea and began offering her help for any and everything, bringing her drinks or snacks or pillows or rubbing her feet or her shoulders when they watched TV on the weekend. Mom smiled softly and thanked her and asked her to come cuddle for a bit so she could spend time with the baby. Soon, they would have to be good friends.
Hannah turned two and spoke more words than ever. She loved to learn and Lex would read her stories or sometimes make them up to make her laugh. They played a lot now that Hannah knew how to play − though not very well and she had to be taught a lot. Lex did not mind. She liked teaching her. It had been over a year since Dad had found them. This time, they baked the birthday cake together, even Hannah, and it was so delicious Lex ate three slices of it before she was too full for more.
The baby was born right after summer and Lex got to visit Mom at the hospital with Hannah after a night at Grandma and Grandpa’s. They all circled around this new little life, who was another girl they named Miriam after Dad’s late grandma. Lex told herself she was so late she never even came to visit the hospital at all, though maybe they had just missed each other by a moment. The baby had hair as red as Mom’s and a lot of it. Perhaps she would be as hairy as Dad when she grew up. She was tiny and so very cute Lex wanted to hold her all the time and kiss her little cheeks and her little nose. She would have to protect her, she realized like she had realized the moment she had met Hannah. That wasn’t a problem. She was the best goalie on the soccer team, she knew what it was like to defend. And if she didn’t, then Dad would show her.
She turned eight and surpassed the reading level for her grade. The teachers said they had never seen someone change back around so much and that she was a little miracle. Lex knew that was false. Her parents were the miracle. She had only gotten to meet them.
When she turned three, Hannah went to preschool and Grandma and Grandpa made her day so very special the last time she would be at their place for daycare that Lex wondered how Hannah would ever choose to go to preschool instead. With Mom and Dad working on different days, she had been going to their place less than before anyways, but still they rubbed tears from their eyes as they doted on her one last time. Now, she would only come here on Sundays like Lex. She was a big girl. There was still the baby, though. Little Miriam was as wobbly and fragile as any baby. She needed her grandparents − and her parents, and her sisters. She filled Lex with a new sense of purpose.
Time was passing, each day blending into the next and teaching new things. Lex was doing so much better at school now that she could focus on it instead of on saving her sister. This weight had been lifted off her shoulders and Mom and Dad helped her shoulder it − and with them at home, it wasn’t heavy at all. She was grateful for them, though she teased them a lot, too. At school, the teachers said it was a shame about her attitude when she was doing so well otherwise, but Lex did not think it was wrong to talk back, even if the person you were talking to was an adult. That was how conversations went, but sometimes teachers did not want to have conversations. They wanted to give out orders. Lex was not a dog to be told off.
After she turned nine, her parents sat the three of them on the couch and told them about another baby coming in a few months. Lex was so well used to this by now she explained it to Hannah, who got it very quick, and to Miriam, who struggled a little more. She was − for now − still a bit of a baby herself after all. At night, when the little ones had gone to bed, Lex could stay up later because she was older. Usually she would play some more, or watch TV if Dad allowed it, or read a little, but this time Mom sat down with her and explained to her how it was that babies were made. With horror, Lex made connections between some memories from the trailer and Pamela getting pregnant, but she only nodded and said she understood. Mom let her ask all the questions she wanted, which she had plenty of, and after she had answered them all, she tucked her into bed with a kiss. It was like a secret they had together − together with every grown-up in the world. Lex felt very old, much older than nine and a half. She was happy to be a big sister.
The new baby was born a few months after she turned ten. She was a pink little ball of fuzz with thin dark hair and blue eyes that stared intently at everything. They called her Matilda and when Lex held her in her arms, she made in her heart the same promise she had made twice before to protect her from all harm forever and ever. She was so small and vulnerable and innocent and when her little hand wrapped around her thumb, she fell utterly in love with her. To celebrate the new birth, Dad had decided to plant a whole new bed of flowers around the entire front yard, all sorts of colors, and Grandma was staying home with Mom and the babies so he could make a quick errand to the mall to grab supplies. Lex had offered to come with and Hannah did everything Lex did, so the three of them climbed in the Mustang and drove to Lakeside Mall.
They were looking around the garden center when Lex noticed Hannah’s hand had slipped from hers. She was four and a half and as willful as anything. Sometimes, Lex thought it was so much easier to take care of a baby, but then they could have conversations now that Hannah was a little kid and it felt like having a best friend right at home. They would tell each other secrets and stories and Hannah had the most vivid imagination of them all. Growing up with her was amazing, even if there were new challenges. But back before she could walk, Hannah would certainly have never run away.
First she scouted the shop for her sister but found only other dads and families and the occasional single people. It was a nice day of early summer and people wanted pretty things for their backyards and front yards, but the crowd made it harder for Lex to spot the small shape of Hannah. She had to have left the shop and would likely be walking around the mall, searching for adventure or mischief. She did not always know the difference.
"Hannah!" Lex cried in relief when she found her.
Hannah was sitting on a bench, her head between her pulled up knees she was hugging close, and she was bouncing on her heels a little. Mom said it was better to let her do these things even if people thought it was weird. Lex did not think it was weird anyways. It was just what Hannah did. She sat next to her and gently touched her shoulders.
"Hey, Banana," she said gently. "You gave me a fright. I thought I was gonna shit my pants when I realized I’d lost you."
Hannah’s little face peeked from the side and Lex could see she was pouting before she hid it again between her knees.
"Too many people," she whined. "Can’t breathe."
Lex patted her back and traced gentle circles through the fabric just like Dad always did to soothe them, just like Hannah loved. Very slowly, she began to unfold and blinked a few times before dropping her legs in front of her and snuggling against Lex. Her short arms wrapped around her waist and Lex caught her under her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. She had done her pigtails all on her own this morning, with mixed results. Dad would want to do them again for her, but Hannah liked doing things her own way. To Lex, they looked very fine, crooked or not.
A sense of recognition fell upon her long before she realized it. It was in her bones, in her body before climbing all the way to her mind, her eyes. She blinked. It was this bench. Why had they sat on this bench? She passed her fingers across the metal surface and smiled sadly. She understood now. You could be happy with sadness. She was happy to be here with Hannah in this mall today. She was sad they had had to take the hard road towards it at the start of their lives.
"LEXI!" Dad cried from behind. "HANNAH!"
He dropped on the bench next to them, huffing and puffing. In his arms, a large store bag filled with seeds and seedlings to plant out, and two large packs of fertilizer. He put them down on the floor and trapped both girls in a tight embrace.
"My god, I was so worried."
He covered their hair with kisses until Hannah protested and pushed back on his chest with giggles to stop him. Only then, he leaned back against the bench and sighed out in relief. The three of them stared around at the mall. Slowly, Hannah pulled onto Dad’s hand to hold it together with Lex’s.
"You guys hungry?" He asked. "Ice cream or something? Oh, I think there’s a Cheesecake Factory further down, actually."
Lex shook her head. It was odd to be sitting here in the present, but for her mind to be caught several years ago, trapped back in time. She could break free, though. She had before. Dad glanced at her and she saw in his eyes the same realization dawn on him as it had on her just a moment ago. Hannah was dangling her legs in front of her, rocking back and forth a little, as blissfully unaware now as she had been then. Lex still remembered how quickly her sister had warmed up to Dad. It was as though the three of them had been meant to know each other all along. He reached out to touch Lex’s face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. He smiled a little sadly.
"What is it you wanted to do that day again? With your little backpack."
Lex poked his side, feeling a jab underlying the remark, and he chuckled.
"I was gonna go to California," she said, "And become a cowboy."
She no longer wanted to be a cowboy when she grew up. She wanted to be a carpenter. Dad wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned to kiss her head, then Hannah’s.
"Twenty bucks I can carry that bag to the car all on my own," she said, flexing her arms to impress them both.
Dad laughed. Standing up, he picked up the store bag, leaving Lex free range over the packs of fertilizers. He hesitated a moment.
"Fifty if you carry both," he said.
"Deal!"
She tried to pick up both at the same time, but fell back on her butt when she tried to stand again. Laughing, Dad switched their loads around and gave her the store bag, carrying the fertilizer all on his own. She was strong and getting stronger, but he was the strongest. Hannah skipped around happily, relieved to be leaving the mall which had overall too many people for her taste. They stacked the bags at the back and strapped Hannah on her booster seat. It was Lex’s old one. It had flames on it.
"You guys…" Dad tried to say but he was awkward and nothing came out but a big loving smile.
Lex snorted and clicked her seatbelt on. She was sitting shotgun. The car was littered with toys at the back from driving Hannah and Miriam around so much, but it was very clean. Dad took good care of everything that was his.
"We love you too, Dad," she said, rolling her eyes.
"More than anything in the world," he promised. He smiled to Hannah, then to Lex. "Forever and ever."
Lex poked him so that he would start the car. She was looking forward to seeing the baby again. They would have to give her a corner of the tree house some day, but that could wait. Everything nice and fine came just in its own time.
"Let’s just go home," she said.
"I have to pee," Hannah said.
Dad turned on the ignitor and drove them back as fast as he safely could. All afternoon, the three of them planted flowers to cover up all sides of the front yard and Lex knew that every year, they would bloom again and remind them of what a blessing the new baby was to be. It was as though the entire house was bursting with joy. It was good to be home.