Chapter Text
She woke up early, her anticipation making her stomach squirm. She glanced at her phone, ignoring the messages from her friends about hanging out together as she got out of bed robotically. It had to be today. Her plane ticket was for tomorrow, and oh kwami , she hadn’t even told her parents yet. Her breathing was shallow, and the room started to spin- she forced herself to sit as she put her head in her hands.
“... Marinette? Marinette, are you alright?” Tikki fluttered nervously around her head. “Okay, Marinette. Breath in for four, out for six. You okay? Let’s do it again. In for four… out for six…” Tikki kept doing the breathing exercise with her until she felt well enough to look up at her.
“Tikki, I’m so sorry! I just got overwhelmed- I didn’t mean to-” Tikki shook her head, her blue eyes filled with concern.
“No, Marinette, it’s not your fault…” She paused, looking at her cut, bruised, and broken chosen. “You know, you don’t have to go through with this. You could stay, you could tell Chat-”
Marinette shook her head rapidly. “Gabriel said he’d know, didn’t he? And… Tikki, you don’t understand. I can’t close my eyes without seeing those- those images. I know they were illusions, I know that, but-" She sighed heavily. "Every time I close my eyes I see fire and blood and dead bodies. Every time it's quiet I hear them screaming. I know they were fake- I saw Lila, after all- but I- I’ve got to make sure, Tik.”
Her kwami looked worried, but she nodded. It was Marinette’s choice, and she was just along for the ride.
Tikki wiped her tears away and put on her brave face for her suffering hero. “Well, then let's do something fun for today, alright? You’re not planning on taking Hawkmoth's Miraculous until night, right?”
Marinette began to nod before her phone alerted her to an akuma attack across the city. She groaned before getting to her feet.
“Let’s go, Tik. I guess I’ll get to say goodbye to Chat, right?” She gave Tikki a heartsore smile before calling out her transformation phrase.
She found herself disappointed, though, when the fight was nearly finished when she arrived. Chat was Cataclysming the butterfly as she stumbled onto a nearby roof, cursing. She opened her yoyo, messaging Hawkmoth that she had been there and that she had tried to get there on time but had failed. She prayed that Adrien wouldn't see any repercussions for her tardiness.
When she looked up, she found Chat Noir staring at her. “What? You want to fight?” She asked, slightly hopeful.
He shook his head, still staring. She frowned, before starting and realizing she didn’t have any makeup on to cover her bruises and scratches. She winced, but put on her meanest glare- she needed to fight with him, he was her best opponent…
But he just shook his head. “Guys, clear out.” He ordered, turning his back on her.
“No!” She hollered, hoping to catch his attention. “No, come back! Fight me, Chat!”
Chat didn’t turn around.
Marinette ignored the exhaustion in her limbs from the run she had taken as Ladybug as she sat down in her chair. She had taken a detour on the way back, to the Agreste Manor, to complete one of the final parts of her plan. She went to Adrien’s room(which was empty, as he was out with their friends) and she had pulled out his travel duffel, filling it with the essentials. She added clothing, obviously, along with toiletries, a charger, reading material, and his usual disguises- all the things he’d need for a small few-day excursion. As she worked feverishly, she added a few more things of her own: A pocket knife she’d had in her drawer at home. Money, all in cash. Gorilla’s phone number, on a little card that she always kept with her. A map of Paris. She knew it wasn’t enough, but there was only so much she had been able to fit in her yoyo, so, sighing, she placed it on his bed with a note from her, begging him to leave for the night and take shelter at Nino’s. She only hoped he would listen.
After making it home, she called her lucky charm quietly. Out of the sky fell a red and black spotted pen. Ladybug gave a small laugh, shaking her head, before adding it to the pile of unused lucky charms.
Detransforming and sitting in her chair, she pulled out a piece of paper and a non-magical pen. Tikki was right, of course- she had to complete one of the last preparations for tonight. She needed to write letters to everyone- her parents, Adrien, Alya, Chat - before she was able to leave tonight.
She groaned, leaning back in her chair. This was the hardest part of the entire plan, she knew. If she could write these letters, she’d get on the plane tomorrow morning and she wouldn’t look back. Challenging Hawkmoth was child’s play compared to writing letters to the people she loved the most and explaining to them that she was leaving, and she wasn’t telling them where she was going, or why.
No better way to write them than to start, she supposed.
The first letter she wrote was to Chat, from Marinette. It was brief, a short apology, and an explanation that the Mouse Miraculous was with her and safe. She’d put the letter on her balcony when she left in the morning, but she’d be keeping the mouse miraculous with her. She might need the extra protection after she left.
She started writing Alya’s next. She danced around the questions she knew Alya would ask. She couldn’t explain to her best friend why she had to leave. She wasn't able to put into words how being in Paris felt like drowning and burning at the same time- that how every time she looked at the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre or the school she could only see the countless people she'd hurt there. Marinette didn't know how to tell Alya that when she closed her eyes to escape the city, all she saw was fire and burning buildings and the horrible visions Gabriel had shown her to cow her into submission. She had no way of explaining that she knew her mind wouldn't rest until she proved to herself that the world wasn't on fire.
Even if she could find the words, she couldn't tell Alya that.
Instead, she told Alya how amazing leaving Paris would be for her clothing brand, how she’d be traveling the world, gathering inspiration from far-off lands. She told Alya that she’d read every article she wrote from wherever she was. She told her that she was sure Alya would look beautiful when she got married, if she were to do that while Marinette was gone.
In the letter, she included the sketch of the wedding dress she had done for Alya and a photo of the two of them. Sealing the letter in an envelope and writing her name in fancy script, Marinette pushed it away, pulling out the second piece of parchment.
Don’t forget me.
Nino. She reminded him of their childhood, and she urged him to propose to Alya. Marinette knew how much they loved each other. Marinette told him about how his most recent track was already downloaded onto her phone for the plane, and how she’d continue to promote his music on her website for as long as he was still making it. She wanted to say so much more, but there was limited time, so again, she sealed it with one of their photos together, from when they were toddlers. She taped it to the top of the sweatshirt she’d made him and pushed it aside as well.
Don’t forget me.
Marinette tamped down the pain in her chest as she stared at Adrien’s name on the paper. Ignoring the lump in her throat, she began to write. She encouraged him to quit modeling, and to go after the girl he was in love with( I’ll be cheering you on from afar!) , and to follow his passions in Physics, no matter what his father said. She wrote of their time watching Avatar together, and their disguises, and their endless games in the mansion. She promised him that she was there for him, no matter where she went, and that he was not alone, and that she was so, so , sorry , but she had to leave. She couldn’t stay here, and she loved him with everything in her, and she hoped he’d be okay.
There was more she wanted to say, but she couldn’t.
Don’t forget me, don’t forget me-
She pulled out a final piece of parchment as she swallowed. Chat. Chat, whom she had to explain her betrayal to. He’d only ever know half of her- the broken half, the half that just wasn’t good enough , and he’d read this letter and never see her again.
The thought left a strange hollowness in her.
Still, she wrote the letter. She wrote it and sealed it, putting it on her desk next to all the other letters.
Don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget-
Marinette splashed water on her face before she went downstairs, giving her parents hugs before snagging a few pastries. She hurried back upstairs, carefully gathering everything she would need for the night. Some yarn and knitting needles, Chat's letter, the three lucky charms, and the pastries were all carefully arranged in a picnic basket she had grabbed.
Finally, she leapt into the night.
Ladybug sat quietly on the Eiffel tower as the night ticked on. She watched the city as her legs swung against the beams of the tower. If she was being honest, she was a little disappointed.
She wasn't sure what she had been expecting- maybe she had hoped that Chat would come to find her up here and stop her from doing what she was about to do. Maybe she was expecting Hawkmoth to have found her out, and for there to be some epic battle in which all of the bridges she broke were mended.
They were all silly fantasies.
Instead, Ladybug sat alone as the moon rose and sank, with only the sound of knitting needles keeping her company. She was going to make Chat a black and green beanie with little cat ears on it. It didn’t make up for anything, she knew that, but hopefully the gift would make him smile.
She really liked his smile.
The setting was surprisingly peaceful, though. She missed Chat Noir, of course, and if she could spend this night with him… well, she wasn’t sure what she’d do, but she longed for those few nights they spent together, laughing and talking up here.
The loneliness of it all reminded her of what was coming, but not in an oppressive way- she felt a strange calm as she knit his hat, as she spent her final night in Paris waiting for a date that would never arrive.
A date. Was that really how she thought of it? She sighed, shaking her head. It didn’t matter, anyways.
She shivered, placing her knitting needles to the side. It was getting chilly. She didn’t want to leave, though, so she picked up her needles again and examined her work. There were only a few rows left until she had to go steal Hawkmoth’s Miraculous. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to continue, but Adrien flashed through her mind. She picked up her knitting needles again.
This would be the last thing Chat ever saw of her. He’d never know what happened to Ladybug.
Three rows left.
Will he still hate me? Will he even read the letter? Will he think about those nights at all, will he wonder about me? I’m a bad person, aren’t I? I need him- I need him to tell me I’m not-
Two rows left.
Kwami, he was kind to me. He was kind when no one else was, and I’m abandoning him too, aren’t I? Will he even remember me when I get back? I’m so sorry, Chat, I-
One row left.
Please, Chat, don’t forget me! Don’t forget me, don’t forget us, don’t forget-
Done.
Ladybug stood, slapping her face gently to rid herself of the thoughts. She lightly set the beanie down on the basket of pastries, right above the letter, before adjusting her three Lucky Charms. For a second, she just looked at the display, before shaking her head and jumping off the Eiffel Tower, catching herself at the last moment with her yoyo.
She crouched on the building opposite the Agreste Manor, rubbing her hands together to keep out the chill. She knew, logically, that she was the one best equipped to steal the Miraculous- she knew how the alarm systems were triggered, the blindspots of the cameras, the best entry and exit points, and practically everything else there was to know about the house. She knew where Gabriel slept, where the Peacock Miraculous was, and the secrets of Emilie’s painting if Gabriel were to use them to hide. Most importantly, she knew how to disable any and all security systems- she had been biometrically entered in them since she was thirteen.
It had to be her.
Still, she was terrified of facing Gabriel. She knew that after tonight, she’d have no allies. Gabriel would do anything in his power to destroy her, and she wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to make it out of the Manor without breaking down. It had taken her four years to break out of his illusions and manipulations. What else did he have in store for her if she were to betray him?
For a second, she thought back to the red-and-black box in her duffel bag, holding Mullo’s necklace. She knew it would be easier that way- if she used the necklace, she’d be in and out with no problem, and Hawkmoth might never even learn of her involvement. She couldn’t do that, though- it was a cop-out, a betrayal, a cheat’s way. It was too painful for her to use the powers Chat gifted her to defeat her enemy. No, she had to do this as Ladybug.
She could practically hear Tikki chiding her for her stubbornness through the earrings. Why don't you ever make it easy for yourself, Marinette?
Marinette would never admit it, but she was starting to agree with Tikki. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to do this- her hands were trembling so hard that she wasn't sure if she'd be able to work her yoyo properly.
Still, she had no choice. She had wrongs to right, and this- this was the starting point.
She readied her yoyo, aiming for the open window in Adrien’s room. With a skillful toss and graceful landing, she was in, sneaking along the blindspots within Adrien’s otherwise empty room. She let out a breath of relief when she realized that Adrien took her advice- that, or Hawkmoth already had him, but- no. She wasn’t thinking about that right now.
She snuck silently through the room. It was child’s play, really- she had been going through this obstacle course for years, practically training for this moment. She made it to the door and was faced with a decision- did she go for Hawkmoth first or grab the Peacock Miraculous before snatching the brooch?
She went for the Peacock Miraculous, deciding that if she failed to get the brooch, she’d at least have something to show for her trip.
She slunk through the darkened halls, finding Gabriel’s study and quickly dismantling the security systems before walking over to the portrait of Emilie, opening it up to reveal the safe. She detransformed, hurriedly feeding Tikki a cookie and instructing her to break the lock. The safe popped open and, transforming, Ladybug grabbed the grimoire and the Peacock Miraculous, stuffing the latter in the pocket dimension in her yoyo. She tucked the book under her arm before creeping up the stairs towards Gabriel’s bedroom- even with the security systems disabled and the cameras down, she couldn’t be too careful. She pushed open Gabriel’s door, letting it swing open soundlessly, before creeping inside. She let out a breath; Gabriel was asleep in his bed, and the brooch was resting on his bedside table. Her luck was holding out. She crept forward, clasping her fingers around the cold metal of the Miraculous.
A hand shot out, grasping her wrist. She let out a startled gasp, stumbling back, but Gabriel’s grip stayed firm as she attempted to yank her wrist away.
“So you’re a liar, now, Marinette?” Her eyes widened in fear as Gabriel slid out of bed. Even in his dark lavender silk pajamas, he looked threatening and dignified. His hold on her wrist didn’t loosen as he considered her.
“You know, Marinette,” He said, stepping forward as she stumbled back, “When I first saw your kwami, all those years ago, my original plan was to steal the Miraculous in your sleep like you’re doing now. Slip you some melatonin, maybe, then take the earrings from you in the dead of night. We’re not so different, you and I.”
She shook her head frantically. No, she and Gabriel were not the same- they couldn’t be, Marinette was different, she had to be, she was…
“Oh? You disagree? What, are you a hero now, or something? Have you run off to join the Miraculous team? They won’t take you, Marinette. You’re their enemy- always have been, always will be.”
She squeezed her eyes shut- she knew that, at least, was true. Chat Noir would never have her back, not after what she’d done, not after everything she’d done to hurt him-
“Well then go on, Mlle. Hero. You’re brave, aren’t you? Then fight me, like a real hero would. Go on now; hand me back my Miraculous and we can have a real fight. Defend your honor, hero. ”
She felt the brooch biting into the skin of her palm and she winced. She knew Hawkmoth was baiting her, she knew it, but she couldn’t stand thinking that she and Hawkmoth were the same, it hurt too much, it-
“Or are you afraid? Marinette, I thought I taught you better. Heroes don’t show fear, remember? Heroes don’t cry, heroes don’t-”
“No,” She whispered, clutching the brooch tighter.
“What? No? I thought I taught you to be a better hero than this, Marinette-”
She yanked her arm away, stumbling back a bit with the momentum. “I said no.” She glared at him, opening her yoyo and depositing the brooch within it. “We’re not the same, Hawkmoth, and I don’t- I don’t need to prove that to you. I’m not a hero- I’m afraid, and I’m a thief. I don’t have honor to defend. You- you took that away from me.”
She backed away further from Gabriel’s increasingly furious gaze. “I’m not a hero, but the difference between you and me is- it’s that I’ll never call myself a hero when I know I’m not one.” She stood taller, and with a throw of her yoyo, she knocked the man out cold. She wanted to feel horrified, sickened, anything- but she didn’t have time for that as she dragged the villain to his bed, taking his tablet and locking the door to his room. She wanted him to at least have some trouble escaping when he woke up, though she suspected that would be a while from now.
Taking the Grimoire, his tablet, and her yoyo, Ladybug left the mansion, her heart light. She’d done it. It was over, and she was free- free from the tyranny of her ex-boss, free from his stupid rules, free from the sickness that had been dissolving her from the inside out since she’d learned. She let out a laugh, and then a gleeful whoop. Free. How about that, huh?
The sun was rising over Paris, and Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut. Free may have been an overstatement, she realized as the horrors she’d watched in Gabriel’s liar danced in her mind. The orange rays of the sun set off explosions in her mind, and she knew she was still trapped- that’s why she needed to take the first flight away from Paris. She let out a pained sigh.
She wouldn’t be safe from the hallucinations for a long time, she knew that. She didn’t know how to be rid of them, truthfully, but she knew they wouldn’t go away in Paris. She loved her home, but as she touched down gently on the Eiffel Tower, the yawning city physically hurt her. By her lycee, she could close her eyes and see the broken buildings from Stoneheart, from Gamer, from Befana. She could look to the Seine and see Frozer, or Siren, or Captain Hardrock. She could close her eyes and picture the faces of so many victims, so many people who had lost their freedom of choice because of her ignorance and cowardice. She could see the people who remembered themselves drowning, or vanishing, or watching their loved ones suffer while they could do nothing.
No, no matter what Chat had once said, she couldn’t stay in Paris any longer. Paris was her home, but she had broken it, and she knew the city didn’t want her anymore.
She was content with the idea of leaving, really.
Shielding her eyes from the sunrise, she turned towards her display. The picnic basket with the hat, the pastries, the letter, and the lucky charms was untouched. She considered leaving both the peacock and the brooch miraculous there for Chat Noir to find, but no- that was too dangerous. She wouldn’t risk it.
Instead, she grabbed her three Lucky Charms and tossed them in the air, softly calling out “Miraculous ladybug!”. She knew Chat had been injured in the fights- the ladybugs should go to him, too, and hopefully, he’d come to her.
Until then, she waited. The sunrise was still painful, maybe even more than it was a few minutes ago- as the sun rose higher, Ladybug could’ve sworn she saw the dewy streets alight, burning with fire, fire, fire- .
To distract herself, she pulled out her yoyo, pulling up the song Chat Noir had played for her. It took a second, but soon she was moving to the beat, carefully placing her feet in the way that Chat had taught her. It was awkward, dancing without a partner, waltzing without Chat- but here she was, doing it.
The music played, and she danced.
Adrien was awake at Nino’s house. When he had gotten home that day, and seen the bag and the note, something had come over him- he couldn’t understand it, but he knew he had to trust Ladybug, so he left his house and stayed at Nino’s. But he couldn’t sleep, and now he was wondering if he’d made a terrible decision.
As he stared at the ceiling, he suddenly felt a familiar warmth tend to his injuries. Looking down, he gasped, watching the swarm of pink ladybugs heal him. They quickly finished and flew out the window.
Adrien hurried to follow them. He pressed his face to the glass, watching as the swarm of ladybugs grew and spun, healing the city and repairing the broken streets and buildings. It was beautiful, and majestic, and utterly breathtaking, as the ladybugs finished and spun and exploded into a burst of pink light.
Adrien stared. What was happening? Why had Ladybug used her cure, when she was still with Hawkmoth?
He looked back at Nino, who had welcomed him into his home with open arms. Adrien sighed. Sorry, bro.
He snuck out the front door and around the apartment, transforming behind a dumpster. He used his staff to get himself to the top of a building, and then he began running- running and leaping and jumping to get to his destination. He wasn’t even entirely sure where that was until he looked up to see the Eiffel Tower looming above him.
Of course. He squinted, looking for a splotch of red on the bronzed tower. He could see her, moving, but- what was that? He strained his cat ears, and, closing his eyes, he listened, making out the soft sounds of a song playing. Odd.
Chat Noir wanted to proceed cautiously, he did, but some part of him couldn’t- he was drawn toward Ladybug like a magnet, like a wave to a beach. He couldn’t truly believe this was a trap, not if he closed his eyes and listened.
It was their song that she was playing.
He took off running, using his staff to propel him higher and higher, lifting himself to her height before gently landing on the beam of the Eiffel Tower. Ladybug looked up, startled, before a sad smile graced her face. Her cheeks were tear-stained, but she was smiling, even as tears dripped from her cheeks to her chin to the beams of the Eiffel Tower. She was crying .
“Thank you, Chat Noir,” She whispered, backing away, “Thank you.” And then she was gone.