Chapter Text
The hallways of the bunker were used to sleepless figures haunting them at night, but this time it was too much even by their standards. It seemed like two different versions of Sam Winchester were the only ones who could find sleep that night, because as soon as The Other Dean’s door closed after him, Castiel’s opened once again.
He rushed down the hallway, trying to outrun his own doubts, his common sense even. Dean’s door was just around the corner, close enough for the angel to hear him when he gets particularly bad nightmares, but far enough for Cas to stop himself before reaching it.
That night he didn’t.
That night Cas only stopped once he was standing right before Dean’s door, with his fist raised and his heart jumping out of his chest. But before he could knock, the door opened itself and Cas saw his friend with eyes as crazy as his, startled by Cas’s presence.
“Hey!” Dean exclaimed. Cas quickly lowered his hand, searching his mind for a reason why he was on Dean’s doorstep at 3 am.
“Hello, Dean,” was all he said. They looked at each other silently for a few moments
“I need to talk to you,” both of them said at the same time. Cas opened his mouth to say something else, but ended up just nodding. Dean took a step back, inviting Cas in.
Dean’s room was a mess, the exact opposite of Cas’s, it exploded with things the Winchester found useful or meaningful. His bed was rumpled, which didn’t indicate peaceful sleep for Dean at all.
“Is everything alright?” Cas asked, not sure what exactly he was asking from Dean.
“Yeah, just...couldn’t sleep,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. He then tried to fix the bed and awkwardly invited Cas to sit down.
“What were you thinking about?” Cas asked now that they were both seated.
Dean sighed.
“Honestly...a lot of things. I can’t stop thinking about what that Dean told me,” Cas nodded.
“I talked to him too,”
“You did?”
“He came into my room,” Cas said
“Oh,” Dean frowned.
“You didn’t tell me he was married to his Castiel,” Dean closed his eyes for a second.
“Yeah,” he said, “Felt like it was his story to tell,” Cas nodded, accepting Dean’s excuse.
“Does it bother you?”
Cas didn’t really want to know the answer to this question. To be honest, now that he was there, sitting next to Dean, all he wanted was to go back to his room and act like everything was fine. That’s what they do, right? All these midnight talks about their feelings, that’s not like them. Cas didn’t know what to expect from Dean.
“No,” Dean said, and it certainly was unexpected, “Why would it bother me?” he asked, but added before Cas could say anything, “They’re not us. And he’s not me, no matter how he looks,”
Cas nodded. Now he wanted to leave even more.
“What did you want to talk about, Dean?”
Dean looked conflicted. And hurt. Cas knew that he could easily wrap this conversation up and put Dean out of his misery, but something stopped him.
“You said that...you said that now that we’re not fighting, I won’t have any regrets if something happens to you,” Dean started, “That’s not true. Like, at all,”
Cas sighed.
“I didn’t mean-,”
“I know, I know,” Dean rubbed his face, “I just want you to know that I didn’t apologize to “clear my conscience” or something. I really do hate fighting with you, though we do it all the fucking time and I just don’t understand…,” Dean’s eyes got redder with every second, “I don’t know where this anger comes from and why I can’t stop, but Cas...fuck,”
Dean closed his eyes, trying to stop tears from spilling. It scared Cas, deeply. He put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.
“Dean, it’s okay,” he said, “I’m sorry I said that, I know you didn’t mean it like that,”
“You’re not the one who should be apologizing, man,” Dean said through his teeth.
“Let’s just put it behind us,” Cas offered, but Dean shook his head.
“No, no,” he wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, “There’s something else,” he said
“Alright,” Cas took his hand away, “What is it?”
“Wait a second,” Dean got up and went to the other side of the room, where his closet was. Cas saw him opening one of the drawers, but didn’t see what he took.
“That Dean,” he started, “He kept talking about how he regrets wasting so much time in his life. 5 years, he said,” Cas shot a look at him.
He can’t mean...no.
“And you know, with Chuck, we’re just his favorite story and he can end it any day,” Dean said, sitting back down next to Cas, “But...you said that we were real. You told me that, remember?” Cas nodded, “I think you’re right. Shit, I really think you’re right,” Dean released a weak chuckle and reached for Cas’s hand.
“If we lose, I really don’t want to die knowing I wasted more than a fucking decade with you,” he said.
“Dean, what are you talking about?” Cas asked. His hand laid gently in Dean’s.
“I wanna give you something,” Dean said, “You don’t have to wear it, or even keep it. It can mean whatever you want it to mean, but I want you to have it,”
“You’re scaring me, Dean,” Cas said as Dean opened his hand and put something in it. The object was simultaneously cold and warm. It was small and round, but Dean closed Cas’s hand before the angel could look at it, could make sure that it was what he thought it was.
“It’s alright, Cas,” Dean said and he looked more peaceful than Cas had seen him in a while. He let go of Cas’s hands.
Cas stared into Dean’s eyes, too scared to break eye contact or to open his fist. But Dean smiled and nodded, so Cas did.
“Dean,”
The ring was simple. Just a silver band, a bit broader than most rings, one that Cas hasn’t seen in years. He didn’t even know that Dean kept it.
“It’s your mother’s,” Cas said. His head started spinning a little, “I can’t...I can’t accept it,”
“Well, it’s yours,” Dean said simply.
“No, you...you should give it to someone else...someone,” Cas stuttered, trying to put the ring back into Dean’s hand, but he wouldn’t take it, “Dean, I can’t,”
“Yes, you can, Cas, it’s just a ring,” he said, but both of them knew it wasn’t just a ring, “There isn’t someone else. Okay?”
Dean looked into Cas’s eyes, as if trying to say something else, something that his mouth wouldn’t let him actually speak out. But Cas didn’t hear it. Refused to.
He shook his head.
“You don’t mean it, no,” Cas said, trying to organize his thoughts that kept running across his mind, screaming at him, “No, I…”
“Cas,” Dean said, firmly, “Come on,”
All Cas could do was shake his head and squeeze the ring in his hand. And then he felt Dean’s hand on his cheek.
“You know what this means,” he whispered. Cas shook his head more, “You do,”
“No,” he closed his eyes. Dean’s face was close, so close that Cas could feel his breath on his skin. Their foreheads touched. Cas kept his eyes closed, trying to convince himself that this was really happening.
“I love you,” Dean said. His free hand squeezed Cas’s, as if trying to be even more reassuring, “I love you,” he said again.
Cas didn’t trust his voice to speak now. He just nodded and squeezed Dean’s hand in return. He hoped that Dean got it.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it,” Dean said, “I’m sorry I wasted 12 years,” he said
“Not wasted,” Cas replied, his voice rough and shaky. His bravery started slowly coming back to him. Cas still wasn’t completely sure why he came to Dean’s room in the first place, but never in his wildest dreams did he hope the night would end like this.
“No?”
“No,” Cas moved a tiny bit farther away, to be able to look into Dean’s face, “Not a single moment with you was wasted for me,” he said. Dean smiled and leaned forward to finally, finally, kiss Cas.
It was as wonderful as neither of them dared to dream. Cas felt like the planet stopped spinning, like all of their problems suddenly disappeared, just utter, utter peace.
“I love you,” he said as soon as he could breathe again, “So much,”
Dean smiled and his eyes shined brighter than stars, than the sun, than anything in this world. With his eyes closed, he kissed Cas’s cheek, his forehead, his lips again and again.
“Hold on,” he said, opening Cas’s hand and taking the ring from him, “May I?”
Cas nodded, not even sure what Dean was asking for, but whatever it was, the answer was yes.
With shaky fingers Dean took Cas’s left hand in his, planting a quick kiss on it. The ring almost fell out of his hands, but Dean got a hold of himself and put it on Cas’s fingers with a light happy smile on his lips.
“There,” he whispered.
The morning came quickly, as pleasant as the night was, and now two pairs of Winchester brothers and one angel with a shiny band around his finger and even a shiner smile stood in front of the Bunker’s exit.
“So, Brazil, huh?” Dean asked with a smile.
“Always wanted to go,” The Other Sam said. His brother nodded. He, of course, noticed the shift in Dean and Cas’s relationship right away and already congratulated them, not shying away from titling himself as “ The best matchmaker in the whole multiverse”.
“Well, have fun, you two,” Sam said with a smile, “I’m gonna go check Jack,” he patted his double on the shoulder and left
“We should probably get going too,” The Other Dean said. He looked out of the open door, into a whole new world he got to explore. Dean watched as his anxious expression turned into a small smile and a wave of affection for the weird guy hit him.
“Hold on, man,” Dean said, “Just...thank you,” he said, giving him the warmest smile he had.
“Sure,” The Other Dean chuckled, “Be happy, you two,” he said to Dean and Cas. Dean nodded and put his arm around Cas’s shoulders.
“We’ll try,”