Chapter Text
Satine devoted herself to her work, even more than she already had. She worked sixteen hour days and sometimes more. She barely ate or slept. When she did sleep, she would have nightmares where her baby was taken away again. She would have nightmares when her baby needed and wanted her but Satine couldn’t do anything. In some of them her daughter grew older and was groomed and manipulated by war mongers. Her daughter learned to hate her.
Some of them felt so real. It was almost as if the dreams were destined to come true. That nothing could be done to stop them.
Satine tried to push them all away by working even more. If she couldn’t be there for her daughter, maybe she could at least not fail Mandalore. She needed to do something right. And if she had to give up her baby and also Obi-Wan for Mandalore, she had to make sure that she didn’t fail it as well.
It was the very least that she could do.
Satine hadn’t visited her mother since then. She just couldn’t bear to do it. Her mother before had said she would be there for her when she recovering from having the baby, but Satine refused to let her near her after. Satine suffered in pain on her own, pushing herself through it.
She probably deserved to be in pain after what she had done. And when the pain faded, she felt even worse about everything that had happened. The pain reminded her that her baby existed. But her body slowly recovered. She hadn’t gotten stretch marks when pregnant so she didn’t have those to remind her.
Her body almost felt exactly how it had before. It was as if there hadn’t been a little person growing inside her. It was as if it had been a dream.
Satine avoided her mother. She did for months but finally she couldn’t anymore. It was her mother’s birthday and she felt that maybe she should see her, despite that she had taken away Bo. But it wasn’t going to be easy.
Still on the morning of her birthday, Satine left the palace and went to Mother’s home in Sundari. They had one in Kalevala too but when Satine got more involved in politics, they had bought the Sundari place.
Satine knew being around her mother would be hard, but what she didn’t expect was to see Bo on the floor in the living room, crawling around even though she wasn’t quite seven months old yet. Her baby looked different but the same. She was so much bigger now and like Satine expected her eyes were now green. Mother had put her hair in two little pigtails which were cute.
Bo looked at Satine when she saw her and rocked back and forth as if she was about to start crawling again. Satine couldn’t breathe. All she could do was stare at Bo.
Mother came over to Satine and kissed her cheeks. “Ad’ika, I’m glad that you’re finally here.”
Satine didn’t move.
“I’ve missed you but I read everything about—“
“What is Bo-Katan doing here?” Satine asked. She could have just been visiting but there were baby things all over the room.
Bo stopped rocking back and forth and then crawled over. Satine’s heart beat fast, thinking that she was going to her.
But then she went over to Mother instead. Mother picked her up and kissed her.
“I know you gave up Bo to your cousins, but I just couldn’t go without little Bo.” Mother kissed Bo’s cheeks over and over again and Bo giggled. “And they wanted a boy baby so now I’m going to be raising Bo instead.”
“What?” Satine asked. How could this even be happening? She had given Bo to her cousin who was like a sister to her. She wasn’t able to have her own kids or haven’t had luck yet.
But now…
“It’s better for her to be here because then she can be your heir. Besides she looks like your father. People will believe she’s his,” Mother said as Bo started to try and escape. She placed her back on the floor.
“Father is dead!”
Mother shrugged as if that was a small detail. “I’ll say Bo is a little older than she is or that before he died we froze—“
“Never mind,” Satine said, not wanting to know this. “But how could you—“
“I did this for you, Satine. She can’t be your daughter but now she can be your sister and your heir. Well, until you get married and have legitimate children.”
This… this just couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t be happening. Bo let out a giggle and grabbed a toy which she hit against the floor over and over again. She then bit the toy. Teething. Maybe she was teething.
“I—“
“Now you’ll be able to spend more time with her.” Mother reached out to touch Satine’s shoulder but she pulled away. Satine didn’t want this woman to touch her even if she was her mother. “It’s really better this way.”
She didn’t know even how her mother had gotten custody of Bo from Satine’s cousin but… well, her mother had ways of getting my what she wanted. She always had.
“I’m surprised you would even want Bo,” Satine asked. “After all, she’s half Jedi.”
Satine would never care if her baby was part Jedi or not. She actually liked that Bo was part Obi-Wan because he was such a good man. And she wanted Bo to be a good person too.
Mother shrugged. “Yes, but I had her M count analyzed.”
“What? M count?” Satine had never heard of such a thing.
“Midi-chlorians,” Mother said as if she was speaking about the weather. “The higher they are the more Force sensitive someone generally is.”
Satine wouldn’t care if her baby was Force sensitive or not. She just wanted her child and to watch her grow up strong and healthy and to help her child become a good, strong woman.
“I would have been fine with her no matter—“
“Yes, I know that you claimed that, Satine,” Mother said with a sigh. “But you’re the leader of Mandalore. You’re the first ever peaceful ruler.”
“I realize what my role is, Mother,” Satine said, not looking away from her.
“Sometimes I’m not sure you understand what that means, Satine,” Mother said. Bo was babbling to herself in the background. Despite everything, she sounded happy. At least there was that. Satine didn’t know what she would do if her baby hadn’t been happy. If she had been miserable.
“I—“
“You believe that you can rule Mandalore and bring forth the change that we need but you also think you can do… selfish and scandalous behaviors—“
“Raising my baby wouldn’t be scandalous!”
“You’re not married,” Mother said. “And people might figure out that you… and the Jedi…” Mother shook her head slowly. “It wouldn’t be good for Mandalore or for Bo-Katan.” She paused. “And don’t say you’ll tell your… Jedi fling—“
“Obi-Wan and I were more than a fling.” Satine had loved him. She still loved him.
“We already discussed this, Satine,” Mother said with a sigh. “The Jedi took advantage of you. He probably got a thrill from it given you’re Mandalorian. The Jedi and the Mandalorians are historically enemies.”
“It wasn’t like that, Mother,” Satine said even though she knew that it wouldn’t make a difference. Her mother wouldn’t listen.
“Well then you shouldn’t want his life to be ruined,” Mother said.
Satine glared at her but she had thought about that. Obi-Wan was a great Jedi. He would do great things as one.
And it would be selfish if she let him leave because of her.
“You realize that now,” Mother said, and it wasn’t a question. “You should think about Mandalore too. About how if something like this comes… it could hurt all that we’ve worked for.”
“We’ve worked for?” Satine asked. “Don’t you mean what I’ve worked for?”
Yes, her mother had been there for her in a way, but sometimes she couldn’t help but get a crawling suspicion that her mother just wanted to be able to boast about how she was the mother of the ruler of Mandalore.
“Yes, what you’ve worked for, but think about Mandalore, ad’ika,” Mother said as she went over and picked up Bo again. Bo continued to chew on her toy. “You know how much war can hurt everyone, including little ones like Bo-Katan here.”
Bo just continued to chew on her toy happily.
“If you… do what you’re considering… it could hurt Mandalore…”
Satine bit her lip. She really didn’t want to consider such a thing. It was be so easy to demand to have her little girl. Her mother had power, but Satine was the ruler of Mandalore. She could get her daughter back if she really wanted.
And yet…
Satine reached out and touched Bo’s red hair. She didn’t want her little girl to go through the horrible things that war caused. Having her father gone fighting had been hard enough for Satine. She had always been worried what might be happening to him. But she knew that it could be so much worse. Some children were hurt, abused, or murdered by soldiers. Some children lost the only homes they had ever known. They were ripped away from them and sometimes forced to become people who they wouldn’t be otherwise.
Maybe… maybe Satine was protecting Bo by letting her stay with her mother. Her mother might be right. That if Satine announced that Bo was her daughter, that people might try and assassinate her precious little girl, especially if they knew who her father was.
“I love Bo-Katan more than anyone,” Satine said. Yes, Satine had imagined having children one day, but she never knew how strong the love a mother would have for her child would be. Nothing could break it. And Satine wanted her daughter to have the best possible life.
Even if it hurt Satine.
“Yes, of course you do,” Mother said. “And so you need to be willing to make sacrifices for the good of this little one.”
Satine sniffled and looked at Bo.
“And she’s still going to be in your life,” Mother said. “She’s always going to be in your life, Satine. And she’ll love you.”
Satine let out a sob. She just couldn’t help it. Bo was there, staring at her, but the love that had been there when she was born wasn’t gone. It would never end.
“I… I want to hold my baby,” Satine said as Bo chewed on a toy. “I… You don’t know how much I love her.”
Mother paused. “I know you love her more than anything, Satine, and I know that you’re willing to do this because of how much you care for little Bo.”
“Yes,” Satine said, chewing on her lip. “She’s everything.” Satine but harder on her lip. “Please, I want to hold her.”
She didn’t just want to hold Bo… she needed to hold her. For a moment, Satine wished for those times when Bo had been safe inside of her. When she knew that no one could take her. Very few people knew Bo had existed then and it had been better that way. She was safe from the horrors of the Galaxy.
And now she was in the world and anything could happen.
Her mother paused but then passed Bo-Katan to her. She was heavier than she had been before and Bo could lift her head up among other things.
Satine’s little baby was growing so fast. She could crawl now.
“I missed you, ad’ika,” Satine said. She kissed her daughter’s forehead and she thought that Bo would be happy. She thought that Bo would feel the same way as her. That she would just normal that they were meant to be together.
But instead Bo’s green eyes grew huge and she fussed, trying to escape. She let out soft whimpers.
“Bo-Katan,” Satine tried to say, hoping that her daughter would stop.
“She’s not good around strangers,” Mother said, and Satine knew that she said that to hurt her.
And it worked.
“And she’s an active baby. She doesn’t like to stay still for long. You should see her in her bouncy chairs,” Mother said. Before Satine could do anything, she took Bo away and put her on the floor.
Satine frowned. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. At all.
But it also didn’t change the love that she felt for Bo. Nothing ever would.